Baby Snatcher and the Princess
by PanicButton
Summary: ReidCentric. Someone is abducting babies then returning them. Maybe slash. Maybe whump. Maybe a bad summary.
1. Chapter 1

Baby Snatcher and the Princess

**a/n: this is a continuation of The Bonding, but can be read as a stand alone. **

_Where did you come from, baby dear?  
Out of the Everywhere and into here.  
~George MacDonald, At the Back of the North Wind_

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They stood in the dirty hovel and looked down at the infant lying in the filth encrusted cot. The room had bare wooden walls and a hart earthen floor. Along one wall was a long bench covered in bottles of various chemicals and test tube racks. A large microscope sat amongst the chaos of laboratory equipment. In one corner was a pile of boxes of baby diapers and formula milk. Another table had a box of baby bottles. A small fireplace was on the wall opposite the lab table and next to the baby's cot was a much used dirty bed for one. The blankets were kicked down onto the floor and sat in a dirty heap in the dirt. The windows were boarded over and the room was much too hot and stuffy on this hot summer day.

'So it's her?' A child of about ten with long ratty blond hair asked.

The man glanced at her and indicated the microscope. 'Look for yourself.' He turned from the cot and went towards the only door in the room.

'I did. It looks like blobs, and why did the water turn blue this time. It didn't change with the others.'

He didn't answer, but pulled open the door and walked out into the sunshine outside.

-o-o-o-

They sat around the table looking at the files JJ had placed in front of them.

'So all of the babies were taken then left outside a local hospital? Do we know how long it was between the abduction and the time they were returned?' Hotch wiped at his brow with the back of his hand.

'It varies. We don't have positive times on when the children were taken. In two cases they weren't missed until the morning. In one it was only about half an hour. In that case the child was left at the hospital two hours later.' JJ told them as she fiddled with the folder on the table in front of her.

'And they all have plasters on their feet and a lock of hair removed. Anything else? Any signs of abuse?' Morgan was looking down the list of names he had in front of him.

JJ shook her head. 'No signs of abuse. In fact they had all had diapers changed and were fed.'

Reid spoke now. 'Each child was taken in the middle of the night and no signs of forced entry. Alarms were set in some cases but the UnSub managed to bypass them and a couple where it seems the UnSub gained entry through an open window. He or she knew what he was looking for. Nothing else taken and nothing to suggest any other rooms were entered.'

'No finger prints. It looks like he wore gloves. He's taking a blood sample and hair and then returning the child to somewhere where she will be found quickly. He's looking for a particular baby.'

JJ's phone let her know there was a call. She talked quickly to the person on the other end and then closed her phone again.

'Another one. Taken last night whilst the family celebrated. She's not turned up yet.'

'So maybe he found what he was looking for.' Hotch stood. 'This is local. Reid get working on a geographical profile. Morgan and Prentiss I want you to go out to this new scene and talk to the parents. Rossi, I'd like to talk to the local PD. Can you go to the hospital the last infant was left at and talk to them about the foot injury.'

Garcia stood. 'I'm going to see if there are any other cases like this out of state.' And she was gone from the room. The sudden flurry of movement got them all standing and ready to get working on this new case. Reid was the only one who stayed where he was staring down at the list of names he also had in front of him. As Hotch left the room his eyes lifted from the folder and watched his boss leave. He then looked back at the list and picked up a pen.

'JJ.' She was just about to leave. 'What is the name of child taken last night?' He looked up at her but wasn't really looking, his mind was elsewhere.

'Rosemary Franks.' She answered him, and he looked back down at his list and added another name.

-o-o-o-

I don't know why that name made my blood run cold, but it did. Something about all the names. Six of them now. Each with the same initials and that in its self caused alarm bells to ring, but this last name, this was something different and it was making my hands shake. I wanted to call after Hotch and tell him to be careful. I wanted to warn JJ of something, but I didn't know what it was. I needed to tell Emily to beware who she talks to, but none of this made any sense at all. There was just some horrible foreboding.

I spent the rest of my time staring at a map and sticking pins in various places. The crime scene and then the hospital the child was found at. Right now it just looked like a random mess of coloured pins all over the map and when Garcia came in with four new names from just over the state line I just felt like throwing the whole thing down and walking out. There seemed to be no correlation between where the child was taken to where she was left. Some were close to home, but others were a long distance. I couldn't see what I should be seeing. There was no central point; just a haphazard mess on the map. I wrote down all the names of the children and the hospitals and tried to see if there was a connection in the names, but still I couldn't see anything. It was all so random. Maybe the parents were connected to the various hospitals? I looked at the time lapses between when the child went missing and the time she was found, but there were too many grey areas. Still it made no sense. Time to top up on coffee and stand away from the map and think. Just think of the names and stop looking at the map.

-o-o-o-

The crime scene girls and boys had been all over the place. The guests were sitting in stunned silence in the room they had been partying in. Just the parents sitting sobbing quietly in the corner. I left Emily to talk to the parents and I went and had a look around. A CSI showed me the place of entry into the building and so I started there. Scuff marks on the window sill clearly showed that someone had stood, crouched there to gain entry. They'd daubed the area with print dust but had told me that they couldn't find anything but a few smears. It looked like the UnSub was wearing gloves. I stood at the window and looked across the large garden. Right now with the sun shining there was no shadow, but at night this would have been an easy area to cross, if you knew what you were doing, and after this many snatches and not getting seen I knew he knew exactly what he was doing. I walked slowly from the window and across the grass. If I had been the UnSub I would have kept close to the scattering of rose bushes and other spiky plants along the way. Even at night he wouldn't have been bold enough just to walk in a direct line. Following this suspected route took me to a small row of trees and then the fence bordering the gardens. The broken panel was easy to spot and so I slipped through to the other side and out onto a quiet side street. Had a car been parked up here for any amount of time there was a risk it would have been seen. Even though this area was so deserted it would have been a risk the UnSub wouldn't have been willing to take. Knowing that one direction lead to the main high way and the other onto an area with more closely placed houses had I been a kidnapper I would have gone towards the highway, but not in a car parked right here.

'Hi.' A voice snapped me away from my thinking and I looked over to see a local cop standing watching me.

'You know this area?' I asked while rubbing the back of my neck which was getting sweating in this heat.

'Pretty well, what do you need to know?' The young blond cop walked towards me. I now had the garden fence behind me and scrubland in front.

'If I wanted to park a vehicle up close to here and not be seen, where would I go?' I watched the cop look up and down the road and then set his sights further down towards the high way.

'There's a small pull up area just down there. At night I doubt a car would be seen. There's no lighting.'

So I asked the cop to show me where and we walked down the road for a short distance. Still the garden fence to my right and the scrubland had turned more into light woods now. He stopped and indicated a cleared bit of land. Not very big, but still big enough for something to have parked there. I looked at the ground for a while.

'Stay here. Don't go on that bit of land. I need to get the CSU over here.' He nodded and settled back to lean on a tree and I jogged back the way we had come from and back through the fence. This time I didn't go back to the window, I went around the front to find some guys to go check out that small area for signs that something had been parked there.

-o-o-o-

Talking to distressed parents in situations like this is about the worst thing I can think of. I can't promise we will find their daughter, because that would be a lie. I can only tell them that we are looking for her and that all the other children taken have been returned safe and well. Very small comfort as it is now afternoon and the baby hasn't shown up anywhere that we know of. I asked about the party. What they had been celebrating and it was a birthday. Nothing out of the ordinary. There had been a lot of drink flowing and because the place is fairly secluded there had been a lot of music. I asked if they had a baby monitor and of course they did…and of course no one heard anything. They were too busy having fun. I asked if there was anyone who held a grudge. Did they have enemies? Had they seen anyone watching? Had they had workmen in the house? The answer was "no" to everything. The only thing they could tell me which might have a significance was that they had adopted the baby from a private agency when she was a couple of weeks old and that they didn't know the identity of the birth parents. The father got up and got a letter from a drawer. It had the agency address on the top and contact numbers. I asked if I could keep the letter which was just a general introduction to the agency letter and I bagged it as possible evidence.

I asked about the security and the open window and they told me that the baby's window was always kept secure and the one in the spare room had been opened to let in some summer air as a guest was going to be staying there that night. There really was nothing else I could ask or tell them. I rested a hand on the mothers arm and told her that we will do our best to bring her daughter home and to call me if she or her husband remembered anything else and gave them my contact card. Then I went to see what Morgan was doing and had he found anything.

-o-o-o-

Rossi talked to the doctors involved at the last hospital. All they could tell him was that there was a small pinprick in the child's heel and it had been covered with an antiseptic covering. Blood tests from the baby girl had all come back clear. She'd not been drugged as far as they could tell. Her diaper had been changed and she was clean. The only thing he could tell Rossi which he didn't already know was about the strange smell. She smelt heavily of incense or something similar. The lock of hair which had been taken wasn't close to the scalp. She was found in the blankets she had been taken in and had been found on the bench directly outside the hospital door. The local Police Department had the security tapes.

-o-o-o-

Hotch's visit to talk to the police was even less eventful. They could tell him nothing he didn't already know.

He walked outside into the now afternoon sun and called Garcia, she had nothing to add either. This seemed to be a case full of questions and dead ends. He needed to get back to the BAU and coordinate from there. The separate abductions had taken place too far apart in distance for them to be at all the places at the same time. The fact that this last infant hadn't shown up yet was the main cause for concern though. A call from Emily though put a slightly new light on the matter.

He cut the connection with Emily and called Garcia. 'I need you to find out if any of the other abducted infants had been adopted, and if so which agency they used.' He then gave her the number and address Prentiss had just given him and asked her to find out as much as she could about the Adoption Agency the last family had used and if there was a connection between it and the other children.

Again he cut the call and stood for a while thinking about Jack and how he would be feeling now if something happened to him. Quickly he walked back to his SUV and made his way back to the office.

-o-o-o-

I stood and watched the crime scene guys looking at the ground.

'It's not going to be easy to find anything here. The ground is too dry.' A short dumpy woman said to the air.

'Well that's why you are here. If it was going to be easy I'd do it myself. I just need to know if there was a vehicle parked up here last night or any night.' She gave me a withering look and started a careful search starting at the place where parking up area met road.

'Could be.' She muttered.

I walked quickly over to her and looked at what she was looking at. 'Could be what?'

And she looked up and frowned and shook her head. 'I'm not sure, but this looks like motor cycle tracks. Very faint and I'm not going to be able to lift it for you, but I'd say that's what was here.' She stood up and stepped back and said something to a colleague who then crouched down and joined her looking at the earth. I'm not going to pretend I could tell what they were looking at. Just some marks in the dry ground, but they were nodding and pointing and nodding again. Finally they stood again.

'Motorcycle and side car.' She said to me. Sorry really not possible to give you and make or colour.

I stood and looked at the woman for a while and then back at the ground. 'Show me.' I told her.

She pursed her lips and sighed and then crouched down again. 'Here then. You won't see it from way up there.'

Not sure why she had such an attitude with me but I let it go for now. Some things were more important than bad social skills. I moved closer and crouched down. She showed me grooves in the earth and matching ones nearby.

'I don't know how familiar you are with this sort of thing Agent Morgan, but I am almost certain that they are made by bike and side car. The slight difference in weight and the alignment of this.' She points to something which could have been anything. 'And this.' Points to something else. 'Couldn't have been made by a small car.' She looked at me and sighed. 'I'll get photos for you and mark it all out properly so you can see what I'm talking about.' She stood and someone else moved in and started snapping away. 'We'll get them sorted and sent over to you ASAP.'

-o-o-o-

Evening at last. Incidences with babies are going to be harder for me now. I know that, but I have to leave home at home and keep work in my head. Will is away for a few days and this is probably the first time that I've been nervous about being here with Henry on my own. I considered asking someone to stay over with me, but then wondered what I was so worried about. There was something though. I put it down to my protective mothering instincts and made sure all the alarms were set and all the windows and doors were closed and locked. I turned on the baby monitor and checked it was working down in the lounge and now that he was sleeping soundly I permitted myself to sit back and listen to some relaxing music for a while and then picked up my romance novel I was reading and settled back with a glass of wine. It was good in a way that we were going to try to keep the case local. I really wouldn't have been happy leaving Henry in the care of someone else right now.

It's a good story. All about love and loss. Something I could really get my head into. The time must have gone really quickly and maybe the wine had gone to my head slightly even though I'd only had two glasses, but the sudden sound on the monitor had me sitting bolt upright from my laid back lounging position immediately. Maybe I was hearing things. Maybe I had drifted off the sleep and dreamed it, but I was still on my feet now and looking at the closed door. I don't know what I'm waiting for. Then there it is again. Almost like someone whispering. In my baby's room! I grab my phone and speed dial and pull the door open. A quick glance shows me that the alarm is still on.

'Hotch.' I whisper. 'I think there is an intruder in the house.' And I snap the phone shut as I hear a door open upstairs.

I can't think! I don't know what to do. Someone has been in the baby's room. Maybe it's just Will. Did he come home and not tell me? And I'm running. I'm running to the stairs and I'm taking them two at a time. Not my baby. Please god not my baby. I am nearly at the top and onto the landing when I hear a voice in the darkness.

'Out of my way bitch.' A kick in my face and I am falling backwards silently as my head hits the wall at the bottom and I lie there trying to get back up again. 'A child needs a mother to care for it.' I hear the voice hissing in my ear and I feel a hand on my shoulder and one on my head...

-o-o-o-

I know Hotch is back in his office. I saw him walk across the bull pen. I slam the marker pen down on the desk and make my way over to his door. I have to warn him of something. I don't bother knocking, I just walk in and close the door behind me and stand against it. He's just sitting there looking at me.

'I, I..'

'Do you have anything?' He asks me. And I don't. I have nothing.

'Hotch.' Is all I can think of to say.

'You've been working on it all day Reid. You must have something.' He is standing up now and removing his jacket and I stand shaking my head slowly.

'There is nothing. I was wondering if there is a connection between the parents and the hospitals but there doesn't seem to be and...' He is just standing there looking at me. 'And there is something wrong.' I take a step away from the door. 'I don't know what it is but…' And I stop talking.

I really don't want to talk about the case. I have nothing to tell him. I have nothing to add to anything except that it's baffled me. I want to tell him to be careful. I want to tell him to contact Emily. He just stands looking at me loosening his tie and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest and my hands are going to my tie also and he is still just standing there looking at me.

'It's still too hot.' Hotch tells me and pulls off his tie and places it on his desk. 'What can I do for you Reid?'

Oh god. I have to get out of here. Now! I turn and move quickly back to the door. 'Just, just be careful.' I mutter as Hotch's phone rings.

'JJ?...JJ!?'

And he moves quickly towards me. 'With me Reid.' And he grabs my arm and squeezes gently as he rushes past me. For a few seconds I am just standing there wondering what that gesture meant and then I am running after him.

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**a/n: was that really crap and confusing? Let me know plz!!! Pb xox**

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	2. Chapter 2 Blonds

Blonds

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She's a good girl really. A bit mouthy sometimes but I guess that's the way I made her. I asked her to look after the baby for me for a short while and I know she will. She wouldn't fucking dare do anything to harm that child. So there she is now standing in the open door way with her hands on her hips and not looking like she's in too good of a mood. I pull the bike up and just stay where I am looking at her.

'So where have you been all this time?' She bellows across the clearing to me.

Let me give you a description of this little angel. She looks to be about ten years old. Her eyes are blue and her skin is pale. She has a cute little nose and a full mouth packed with tiny very sharp pointed teeth. Her hair is half way down her back and was originally a beautiful blond. If blond can ever really be beautiful. It's dirty now and hanging in a straggly slightly wavy mess. She has on a dark green party dress made of silk. It's ripped and grubby but it was once OK; for a girly party dress. It has short sleeves and one of them is becoming detached from the rest of it. Knee high socks; one in red and one in black and a pair of heavy duty boots. She's OK. But I can see she's pissed off right now.

'Get her and get in the car.' I call over to her. 'We need to hurry.'

I look down at the wriggling thing in the side car and sigh. I really didn't have to do what I just did, but all things considered it all worked out pretty darn good. I know they will be looking for me. I know how they work. I know how this incident is going to throw them and that's all the better for me in the end. Though I think they will now be looking for me just a tiny bit harder than they already were which in my genius opinion wasn't very fucking hard at all.

She's walking over now with the baby girl, but that damned frown hasn't left her face yet.

'What's going on?' She stands and looks into the side car. 'And what the fuck is that doing there? I thought we had what we were looking for.'

'Just get in and don't sit on him.'

But she's still just standing there frowning. 'Him? It's a him? What you want a him for?'

'It's complicated and I don't have to explain what I do to you. Get in. We need to get moving.'

She climbs carefully in still holding the baby and sits her self down. 'We will need to food and stuff.'

I just ignore her. I know we have to get over the border pretty damned quickly now. Or at least find someone to hand these kids over to. I go for the latter option here. I don't know how much they have managed to guess; sorry _profile_ about me, and I really do think they are going to be way off, but I'm not prepared to take chances. I turn the bike around and head back down the dirt track.

-o-o-o-

Hotch hammered on the door and rang on JJ's bell for a while and I ran round the back to see if I could get her attention some how. It all seemed to be securely locked up. If there had been an intruder it seemed strange that he or she had reset the alarms and locked the doors again. Likewise if there hadn't, and if there was no problem, then why isn't she opening to door to us. I don't like this. It's all so wrong and again those alarm bells are ringing loudly in my head. I should have warned her!

Hotch has joined me at the back door near to the kitchen and he doesn't look happy. 'We need to get into the house.' He is telling me. 'She's still not answering her cell or home phone.'

I bite on my bottom lip and move to a window in the kitchen. 'I'll break the glass.' I tell him. Breaking into JJ's home feels wrong, but my desperate need to know that she is alright is making my heart pound and the sweat I already had on my brow increases. Hotch is at the window before me though and with his elbow and a few good smacks manages to break the glass. It has probably set off a silent alarm somewhere at some security place but that's not something to worry about now. Hotch picks up a large stone from JJ's ornamental border and smashes away the rest of the glass so that we can get in.

It's too late. I know we are too late. I can feel it somewhere inside and the dread of what we are going to find inside this pretty little house is unbearable. I watch Hotch bounce up and climb through the window and turn and look at me. He puts a hand out and a questioning look on his face, but I slowly shake my head. 'I'm – I'm OK.' I tell him and so he nods and jumps down the other side into the darkness. It's an easy climb through the window and we are now standing in the silence of the kitchen with our guns and flashlights in our hands. A quick scan of the kitchen doesn't show anything out of the ordinary and so I follow Hotch as he moves on through the door and into the hallway.

I know before I see her. I can see by the way Hotch suddenly stops. I can see by the way he lowers his gun to his side and looks down at something. I can tell by the way his flashlight is shaking that I was right. We are too late. I move in and stand next to Hotch and look slowly down at where his light is shining.

'JJ.' Is all I manage to say. There's not point in saying anything else. She is lying there at the bottom of the stairs with a small dribble of blood coming from her nose and her head bent at an impossible angle. Her baby doll night dress is caught up behind her displaying her underwear and the little bit of baby fat she is still carrying. It's not necessary. I know that, but I still move in and check her pulse. I turn my head and look at Hotch.

'Don't touch anything.' He snaps at me; making it feel like that this is all my fault and in a way it is. I stand up and look up the stairs.

'Henry.' I say into the darkness and I am running up the stairs before Hotch can slow me down. He is talking to someone. I can hear his monotone voice talking on the phone but I don't wait to hear what he is saying. I know which room was the baby's room. His name is written on the door in fancy wooden cut-out letters in pale blue. Using my elbow I push down the door handle and let myself into the room. There is a night light on a shelf. There is a baby monitor next to his cot. An empty cot. For a few seconds I just stand there and try to take it in. Someone broke into JJ's house and took her son. Then killed her? Someone able to bypass the alarm system. Someone who took the baby blankets. Why take him? If this was the same person; has he moved onto boys now? And why do that to JJ. If this is the same UnSub then he or she is devolving. The MO has altered.

A hand rests on my shoulder. 'We need to leave.' Hotch says to me. 'Now.'

I turn and look at Hotch and bite my bottom lip. 'I need to talk to you about something.' I tell him and let him lead me from the room and back out to the hallway. He's not covered JJ or moved her into a more dignified position. He needs the CSU to get here and see this as it is. They see different things to us. They are trained to see things in a scientific manner and not this over emotional one I can feel welling up inside me.

He grabs my arm and pulls me back in the direction of the kitchen and again I can feel his hand squeeze my arm tightly and then loosen. I can smell his sweat. I can smell the horror seeping out of his pores.

As we arrive at the front of the building Morgan and Prentiss arrive in separate vehicles almost at the same time. They look angry more than upset and I walk over to Prentiss and shrug and shake my head. What's to say? They know the worst has happened. Really there is nothing to add to it.

The crime scene people now arrive in a rush and pile out of their vehicles and move over to talk to Hotch who is pointing them in the direction of the window we broke and now he is walking back towards us.

'We have enough for a profile.' He tells us. I'm calling a press conference.

So we stand and talk about who we are looking for.

'Someone aged between twenty five and forty. Fit, probably been in prison. He can pick locks. He has a partner. A female. The babies were well cared for. He has a motorcycle and side car.'

Morgan joins in. 'White. All the children have been Caucasian. Probably lost a baby recently; most likely a girl. One of them has medical experience and access to a lab. They took blood and hair samples.'

Now Emily. 'They live somewhere secluded. They wouldn't have wanted anyone to see they were bringing the children home.'

I just stand and listen.

Hotch talks again. 'They have also all been children of dark haired parents, so the UnSubs probably do too. Of course this excludes JJ from this, but we don't know yet if this is connected.'

'Of course it's connected!' I am beginning to pace now. 'The alarms were set. Nothing was taken but the child and the blankets. It's connected.'

Hotch looks at me as I pace back and forth. 'But JJ is blond and in the other cases they were dark haired and taken at a time when the parents wouldn't have noticed. This person is not stupid. He or she, but I think the person carrying out the abductions is a man, must have known the baby monitor was there. He chose to be heard.'

-o-o-o-

Amber alert.

They have a sodding amber alert for my treasure there in the side car. They'll be getting a profile. They will know about the bike I'm sure of it and pretty soon they will be adding that whore's kid to the list of missing brats. My decision to change mode of transport is not taken lightly. I don't want to bring attention to myself. I don't want them to start looking in the right direction. I'm sure I messed with their freaking geographical crap enough to confuse the little genius, but it's not just him I have to work against here. I decide that walking the rest of the way is the best option. We can go through the woods to where we need to get to and it'll only take – fuck – it'll take a couple of days. I can't do that with no tits for the little one's to suck off.

OK I made a mistake. I should have gotten rid of the first kid first, but it was such a good opportunity that I couldn't miss it and now we are going to be noticeable having two babies than we would have with just the one. I could just dump the boy. I don't need him. No one will miss him. Not now. Then again I took the risk to get him. I took the risk of being shot really if you think about it, he is mine by right. I won him and so I will keep him until I am ready to hand him over to the others. We keep to back streets as much as we can and she keeps her head down like a good little princess and makes all the right noises at the babies who are now bloody awake and screaming their fucking lungs out. I want to stop. I want to pull over and tell them to shut the freaking hell up, but I don't think my kind words are going to help the situation at all and so I keep going. Onwards forever fucking onwards it would seem…though in reality it won't take too long, all the time I am here on the streets with my little cargo I am at risk of getting caught. No matter because really in the grand scheme of things I didn't have to go far; but even just down the road is a helluva long way when the FBI are likely to be looking for you.

Screw it. I can't risk it. I pull over at a picnic area and looked over at the face staring up at me.

'What you stopped for.' And she is looking spiteful and still pissed off.

'Get out. We're going to walk from here.' I get off the bike and move around to the other side. 'Now – get out.'

That spiteful face full of teeth just sits there and looks at me. 'How much further is it then? Cos these kids need feeding and changing and if we don't it soon they are going to explode with shit and I don't want to be the one holding them when they do.'

So I calculate and realise that half an hour on the bike might be OK, but only might. An hour hike through the woods though uncomfortable and not the best way to spend that hour would in all likelihood be the better option. So I tell her. 'Not far. Get out. I don't want to get caught with the bike. I'll take the girl. You grab the boy. Quickly; I don't like being in the open here.'

She slides her body out of the side car and bends back in and pulls out a buddle of screaming blankets and turns and hands it to me. 'Good luck.' She spits at me and then takes the girl who is screaming just as loudly. I give the bike a final glance trying figure out in my head if this is the best thing to do and then walk off towards the woods which will allow us a short cut to where I am going.

They carry on screaming. They wriggle and squirm and the noise is bloody intolerable but this is what we need to do. What I need to do.

How can a child scream so loud for so long?

How can a child stink quite this much?

How much fucking further do we have to go? It feels like we have been walking forever when I finally see something red between the trees. A caravan. I brightly painted one at that. I know whose it is. I know these people well so when they don't react when I break through the trees. I grab the baby off my little Princess and move over to the tall bloke standing looking at me.

'You have her then.' It's not a question.

'I said I would and I do.' I pass the stinking thing over. 'And I have this too. A boy but of good stock, he will be good for the gene pool.' And I hand the boy to a woman in long skirts standing next to him. 'They are without a doubt being looked for.' I tell him and he nods and passes the baby girl over to someone else and commands that they sort them quickly and get ready to move.

'I am surprised that you managed this. I thought you'd kill her long before you got her to us.'

I smirk at him. 'I eat a lot of things friend, but not things that smell of shit. Goodbye, I'm sure you'll see me around. I will be checking up on her on occasion.' And as I turn to leave I grab the hand of my princess and the guy I gave the baby to mutters.

'I don't doubt it.'

-o-o-o-

With the press conference over and with the profile released we were able to step back and take a deep breath. It was then that I turned to face JJ's house sitting there so innocently.

'I should have warned her.'

I thought I was thinking but I must have said that aloud as Morgan immediately was on my case over it. 'Warned her? You knew something was wrong?

I turned to Morgan and bit on my bottom lip, not quite knowing how to explain it. 'I just felt something was wrong. There is something wrong about this whole case, but I don't know what it is.' I start to turn away from him having done all the explaining I was willing to do but he grabbed my shoulder.

'Reid. What's going on? What do you know?'

There is something wrong about that hand on my shoulder. Something which tells me it shouldn't be there. I move back out of the way and shake my head. 'I don't know anything.' I say, but I can hear that my voice is shaking slightly because maybe, just maybe I _do _know something. I just can't work out what it is.

'You said you should have warned her. What do you mean by that?' I don't like the expression on his face. I don't like this airless morning. I don't like the way I suddenly can't breathe. I think that I stumble back again as Morgan reaches out to grab me and hands rest on my shoulders and I need to get away. I need to get as far away from this place and these people as I can get before it's too late. The hands tighten on my shoulders and I can smell it is Hotch holding me and still I can't breathe and now I am shaking. Hotch is grabbing me now as the world starts to spin and I slide slowly to the ground. Faintly I can hear medics being called for, but I don't need them. I just need to get away from these people. Away from Morgan and now as darkness slips over my vision I know I have to escape to save Hotch and Prentiss.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3 Running

Running

* * *

As the morning started I left the comfort of my home and headed for an address I had been given for the adoption agency the missing child had been adopted from. The theory, well my theory anyway, being that the child had been taken by her natural parents. I need to talk to the people there and get as much information as I could. The agency called "New Family Adoptions" had an address on the tenth floor of The Cedars; a tall but unimpressive building. The main lobby displayed a list of different organisations on the separate floors but the tenth didn't seem to be the one with the agency on it. I decided to go there anyway and see what I could find out.

I stand in the elevator and think about what had recently transpired and wondered how each of the team member were going to react to the death of one of our own. The crime guys were unsure about the cause of death. By the sounds of it she had been pushed down the stairs and broken her neck, but there were doubts and doubts are things which get into your head and niggles away distracting you from what you should be thinking about. The elevator pings and the doors slide open and I step out into a very small reception area. Again there is a list on the wall indicating the different companies operating here but I couldn't see one for the agency. The girl sitting behind the reception desk looking very bored was watching me though.

'Can I help you sir?' She has the same bored sounding voice which matches the look on her face. I walk over to her pulling my FED ID from my pocket and showing it to her. I see her eyebrows raise and a very slight look of panic cross her face.

'I am looking for New Family Adoptions.' I tell her and I hear her sigh and reach for a scrap of paper.

'They up and left. She tells me. All that work setting things in motion and then they just left.' She slides the bit of paper over the counter to me. 'I wrote down the date they left and I asked them for forwarding information I could pass on and to be honest they were quite rude to me.'

The paper I could see had a date written on it from a month or so back. 'Can you show me where they had their offices please?' I didn't like that the place had closed down. I didn't like the feeling I was getting about all of this. She shrugs at me.

'I could show you, but it wont help you none. Another company moved in not long after and they left nothing behind anyway. I looked. Sometimes when these big companies pack up they leave stuff. You know? Computers and printers and stuff and so I went to look but the whole place had been stripped clean.'

'Can you tell me the names of the people who ran the place? Give me a description of them?'

'I never got their names; actually I never even saw them. They were here before my shift started and still in their offices at the time I left. Nothing unusual there. A lot of those types virtually live in their offices.'

I ran my hand over my beard and then looked at the bit of paper again. 'Did they get many visitors?'

'I'm not on duty twenty four seven but I can tell you that all the time I was here only one couple visited and I don't know their names either. They did visit more than once though.'

I took down the description of the couple who had visited but I was pretty sure it would fit the description of the couple whose child was missing. The fact that the agency only dealt with this one couple was a bit perplexing though. I took my information back to the BAU rather than deliver the news via a cell phone. I wanted to see what sort of state the team where in this morning.

-o-o-o-

I don't need to be in a hospital. I keep telling them this. I am fine. It was just a lack of air and the situation all got too much for me. I'll be fine. It's not me I am worried about. There was nothing for the other team members to do right now other than return to the BAU. I am here with Morgan though who said he'd wait here. And he is. He is watching everything I do. Every movement I make.

'I will be fine.' I tell him once more and he lifts and eye brow to let me know he's not convinced.

'I want to know what's going on. If you're feeling fine, then you can answer me.' He doesn't look happy so I close my eyes and lie back down on the bed they have given me. I am still in my day clothes though and I feel I am wasting space and money by being here at all.

'I don't know what you are talking about.' I say quietly. I really don't want to even begin to try to explain how I am really feeling.

He stands up from the blue hard plastic chair he had been sitting on and walks over to me. 'You knew JJ was in danger.' My eyes snap open and I look into his deep dark eyes. It makes me shudder just looking at him. I'm not going to be able to talk to him about anything. 'Not as such. Just a feeling.'

'That's not what you implied earlier Reid. You knew something was going to happen to JJ. Did you warn her?'

I'm feeling much too hot. I need to get out of this place and away from Derek. I have to get away from everyone. I need to find out what is going on and why I am thinking these things and I know I have to keep away from Hotch to keep him safe.

'It was just a feeling. Nothing really. Look I can't think straight, would you go get me a coffee.'

'I'll get you a coffee if you'll talk to me properly about this afterwards.'

And I nod and I say. 'Thank you.' And I even try to smile at him, but he is standing too close and crowding me and I need him to leave now. He turns and sighs and moves out of the small room I am waiting in. I count to ten; only to ten, then I am off the bed and moving to the door. I can see him down the corridor slipping money into a vending machine and quickly I turn and go the other way. I can see a sign saying "Stairs." And so this is where I head for. I need to be fast. If he sees me he will catch up quickly but I don't want to run and draw attention to myself. I slip through the door before I hear his voice calling me, and so I assume for now that he's not missed me yet.

Now I run. Now I run faster than I've ever run before. At times it feels like I am going to fall and I have to slow myself down and regain my balance, but I am down five flights of stairs and out into the fresh air and I still can't hear Derek calling me. I have money on me and so I go quickly to the taxi rank near the front of the hospital and slide into the back; giving directions to where I feel I need to be and that place is nowhere near where my team members will be. I can't help them. The best thing I can do now is to get as far away from them as possible on the money I have on me.

'Wait…pull over.' I suddenly tell the driver. 'I need to get more money from the cash machine. Wait for me. I hand him some money to cover the fare so far and quickly get out and go to the ATM. I don't have to queue so it only takes me a couple of minutes at the most and thankfully the driver waits. He would. I've just got more money and some of that money will end up in his pocket. I thank him for waiting and slide low in the rear seat. Not that anyone can see in. I just feel safer somehow. I've still not warned Emily. I need to do that before it's too late for her too, but I can't do it now and maybe if I take myself out of the picture then she will be safe anyway. All I can do right now is sit here and close my eyes and hope I'm not too late for everyone. I just wish I knew what was going on.

-o-o-o-

Without the burden of the kids it was quicker to get back to the bike. I told my princess to wait for me back in the trees. I didn't want to walk out and find the bike surrounded by cops, but it was clear for now. I didn't call her to me though; I returned to the place I'd left her and she was standing looking up into the trees at something. When she heard me coming though her attention was straight back on me. As it should be. I walked up to her and took her hands in mine and looked down at her.

'I need to give you some instructions and I expect you to listen and do what I tell you.'

I feel her hands tighten in mine and she says 'OK' and gives me a glorious smile.

'We need to go back home and get rid of all the evidence. I mean everything. No, I mean almost everything. All the things pertaining to the babies needs to go; not just the bottles and diapers but the blood slides and hair samples and the cot. All that stuff has to go. To be put on the fire and destroyed.' She is nodding at me. The lab stuff I need. I don't want to get rid of all that stuff, just the bits which can connect me back to the kids.'

'OK' she says still smiling at me.

'Tell me what I just told you. I need to know you were listening.'

'Get rid off all and anything that can connect us to the babies, including the bottles, diapers and blood and hair samples. Oh and the cot.'

I nod at her. 'Good girl. The thing is we might and only might, get pulled over. If I see a cop car I am going to slow down and you are going to get out and leg it. You are going to run and you are going to use the tunnels and tricks to get back faster then you knew possible and you are going to burn all that stuff.'

'OK, but I don't like using the tunnels.'

I squeeze her hands tight. 'You know what will happen if they find that place?'

'You'll be in deep shit and thus so will I.'

I smirk at her and let go of her hands. 'Just don't forget that princess. If I'm in trouble so are you. Come…let's get moving.'

-o-o-o-

He's gone.

I stand there like fool and look at his bed for a while and then I check the bathroom, but I know he's not going to be there.

'Damn you Reid.'

I mutter to myself and put the coffee on the little table next the bed he had my lying on and walk from his room. There is only one way he could have gone to avoid me and get out and that's down the stairs and so that's the way I go too. I run…and I run fast and I'm out at the side entrance in no time at all, but I know already that he will be gone. He is hiding something from us. He knows something and keeping it from us all. I don't know if he actually thinks he knows who has been doing this or if the whole series of events have made him delusional, but either way I need to find him. We need to find him. I pull out my cell and make a call to Hotch and then make my way back to base.

-o-o-o-

I've asked the cab driver to take me out of the city. I need to be away from here. Away from the people I have come to know of as my family, yet I still have to warn Prentiss. Quickly before I can change my mind I make a call. She picks up almost immediately.

'Emily.' I think I am whispering.

'Reid? Where are you? What's going on?'

'It's OK. I'm OK. I just need to warn you. Emily, be careful who you talk to.' And I cut the call quickly and then pull the back off the phone and slide out the battery and sim card. Opening the cab window I throw the battery out, but the sim I bend one way then the other until it snaps between my fingers. It follows the battery out of the window a few minutes later. The actual phone though I put back in my pocket for now.

As soon as we are on the outskirts of the city I tell the cab driver to pull over and let me out. It's not that I can't afford to pay to go further but I need to walk. I feel I just need to be walking or maybe running…I'm not sure but I know I have to get out of the cab. It's restricting me in some way. Stopping me from being where I need to be. Wherever that might be. I put the money in the cabbies hand and mutter a thank you and so now I am walking. I cut through a small pathway between the small row of single story dwellings and out to the farmland beyond. I don't know where I am going yet; not really, but I know that this is a good start.

How long do I walk for? I don't know, but I will admit to feeling exhausted. I think maybe the stress rather than the walk has caused this though. My head feels fit to explode and my mind is thinking about things I don't think it has thought about before. Blood. I see blood. I see pain and destruction and I know it's entirely my fault. JJ is dead because I didn't do what I should have done and got out of there as soon as I knew, but what is this thing I know? I've not worked that much out yet. I _do _know that the geographic profile was some sort of a joke. A test maybe to see if I could figure it out; a battle between two brains and the UnSub won. Just for now…I'm not going to allow him to get by me again.

A small shed like building is nestled at the side of this field I am now in and it looks so inviting and comforting that I start to make my way over to it. Just to sit down in the shade and away from this relentless heat would feel good, and there is the added bonus that I won't be spotted all the time I am here. I can't have the find me and haul me back and ask questions because I haven't found out the answers yet. I pull open the door and see that the place, which seems to be about ten foot square is empty apart from a few empty bags which maybe once held someone's lunch and a pile of stones set out in a very messing fashion at the edge. I stand and look at them for a short while and there is something wrong with them. Something I should be picking up on, but my brain is just refusing to let me think. I have to sleep. I have to lie down on the rough earthen floor and just sleep forever it seems. I pull the door shut and all around the edges of the door and in parts of the walls there is light seeping through. This is good. I need light. I always need light. I know you see.

I know there are monsters in the dark.

-o-o-o-

A huddle of distressed people sit around the table. 'This is too close for us to deal with. Strauss has pulled us off the case.' I reach to fiddle with my tie but I've still not put it back on again after that incident with Reid in my office. The room is in silence apart from the odd sniffle and the occasional escape of a sob. I'm not going to let this end here though. We may not be on the case officially but I damned well going to keep looking.

Morgan walks into the room and looks at the same puffy eyed faces I've been staring at. 'I've given Garcia Reid's laptop. She's going through it now.' He say's as he takes a seat.

'I really don't think Reid is connected to this. Something is going on with him, sure, but I don't think he's holding out on us.' Rossi sounds sure. I'm not so sure. I know Reid better than most of the people in the room and I know he was about to tell me something when JJ called. We have stood in front of the maps on the walls with the pins and we have stared at the list of names and places he'd written up, but there just seems to be nothing there.

'The UnSub is messing with us. He placed those babies at those locations to keep us thinking.' Rossi is saying now. 'But look at it. I really couldn't be more random. That's part of it. He did that knowing we would do a geographic profile. He knew Reid would be getting wound up by not being able to work it out, but there's nothing _too _work out. The adoption agency was a front. Maybe child trafficking. Maybe the other children didn't fit the criteria.'

'So we are just going to hand this over to someone else?' Prentiss was standing now and I indicate with my hand for her to sit again.

'Let's see if Garcia comes up anything.' And everyone is just sitting looking at their hands or staring off into space.

-o-o-o-

I know why Reid called me. I know what he is warning me about. What I don't know is how the hell he knew or how I am going to tell Hotch. It's only a suspicion you see. I can't prove it. I need to work this out for myself and really I could do with Garcia's help here. Damn, I could do with everyone's help here, but I can't tell them. Not yet. Not until I am sure. There is no need for anyone to know until I know for myself. Which I do already, but I need proof. I need to get away from here and make phone calls I really never wanted to ever make.

-o-o-o-

Sooner or later I knew it would happen, but I think I have everything in place now. I can see in my mirror that a cop car is following me.

'Get ready my princess.' I call to her and I see her look up at me and nod. I speed up just a little. There is a bend just up ahead and that will get me out of sight of the cops for long enough to stop and let her out. It is getting closer and now there are lights flashing and the blast of sirens but I have just rounded the corner.

'Out out out!' I shout as I pull over and she is up and gone and running and not looking back. Me though? Well no point in keep running from them and so I sit and take a deep breath and I get ready to talk my way out of a big bit of shit.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4 Cops

Cops 

* * *

It's only one car. Shouldn't be too much of a problem so I get off the bike and stand there and wait for them. The cop car pulls up behind me and one of the offices on board gets out and walks towards me.

'Good morning officer.' I say. Though I'm not thinking that; I'm thinking. _'Piss off you bastard.' _But I'm going to be cool here. I glance over to where my princess ran and she is long gone now. 'How can I help you?' I say, still trying to be that good guy I've read about in books.

'Can I see your licence and registration please?' The cop asks me.

Well that would be so simple wouldn't it if I had such things, which I don't. I try to smile at him. I think it came out more of a grimace though. 'Sorry officer but I don't have them on me.' I am looking at the other cop who is calling in my registration to somewhere. He moves over towards my bike and I'm not bloody happy about this. I don't want him poking around my bike. I don't know what he might find. I turn so I can watch him but I don't move closer. I seem to have entered my fight or flight stage and really I'd rather leg it than get in a fight with these guys. I know that those cop cars have cameras on and in and around them. I can't afford to do anything I might regret. Not yet anyway. He opens my panniers and starts to lift things and have a good old nose at the contents and yes, I can be really moronic sometimes, but the need to get princess away from here consumed me and the crap I have in my panniers had gone from my mind completely. I watch as he lifts up bits of paper and looks at them and then looks at me. I watch him take a small cellophane bag of white powder from their and hold it up and look at me.

'What's this?' He asks me and I don't answer. I don't think opening my mouth to his questions is going to help me there. I see a small but definite hand gesture being made to the other cop who slides out of the car with his pistol out and pointing towards me.

'I think there has been a misunderstanding officer.' I say. Crap…I meant to keep my mouth shut, but in my usual fashion I just can't help myself. The cop with the gun is shouting at me to put my hands behind my head. I have options. We always have options in life. We can take the easy route or the hard one. I usually take the hard one, but today I am tired. Today I have completed what I have to do and so anything else I can sort out later. I will be able to talk my way out of this or I can kill them both, but I'm in a good mood for some unknown reason. I don't feel like ripping their balls off and having them for supper and so I do as they ask. I am innocent after all. I've not broken the law. They don't have anything to keep me for but the longer they do then the longer princess has to sort out the house. Well not the house, but the place we live.

I lace my fingers behind my head and stand like the good innocent free from guilt bloke I am and then allow them to cuff me. Fools. Everyone in the world but me is an idiot. I thought you should know that.

'Get in the back of the car.' And the bastard pushes me. I don't like being pushed. I don't like being touched by this sort of person, but I have to remember that I've not broken the law as such. I was not committing an offence and so they can take me to the damned cop station and question me on whatever they bloody well want. I slide without protest into the back of the car and look up at the cop as he double cuffs me to a bar in the back of the car.

'Going a bit overboard for a speeding ticket aren't you?' I say to him. 'And you can't leave my bike out here in the middle of nowhere. I don't want it nicked.'

He doesn't answer me, but his response is to slam the car door. Bastard. I could still get away if I wanted to. I need to see first where all this is leading. They've also not read me my rights yet. I just hope that they continue to forget that little gem. I'm beginning to wonder what the hell is going on. They don't much look like happy bunnies. I think I need to enlighten them and show them just how big their mistake has been.

-o-o-o-

I've not been sleeping for long; I can tell that by the light still around the door, but it's enough for now. I have to keep moving. I have to find it. I don't know what "it" is yet, but I'm sure I'll know as I get closer. I also know that I have to keep as far away from the others as possible. Right away. I've failed once. I'm not going to let it happen again.

The quickest and easiest way to avoid being found and I'm sure they are looking for me, is to hitch a lift out on the main roads. I just have to make sure that I don't accept an offer from someone looking for me. I leave the relative safety of this little place and set back off over the fields. I can hear the rush of traffic a long way off in the distance and this is where I am heading for. My feet hurt. My shoes which are usually so comfortable I hardly notice I am wearing them have started to rub. I pull them off and leave them in the field. I did consider briefly taking them with me, but if they hurt then what's the point? I don't feel somehow that I'll be needing them again.

I'm reaching the road sooner than I thought I would. A thin barrier of trees has managed to muffle the sounds of the trucks and other vehicles somewhat. So here I am standing here wondering if I am going to get a lift from a serial killer looking out for guys with twigs stuck in their hair and no shoes, or from some spoon salesman who just fancies a bit of company on his long drive in whatever direction he is travelling today. I stand for a while looking hopeful, well trying to look hopeful before sticking out my thumb and making it more obvious that I'm after a lift and I start walking too in the direction the traffic is going and so I don't see the van approaching. I only know it's seen me when it pulls over slightly in front and a window is opened.

'Where you going?' A guy of about forty with slightly greying hair calls out.

'Anywhere.' I call back and jog over to the van. It's a grubby black van. A bit battered and a good few years old. I stand by the open window and smile at the driver.

'Get in the other side.' He tells me and the person who was already sitting there climbs over the back and hunkers down behind the passenger seat. I don't get a very good look at him, but he seems younger than the driver. His hair is dark and tied back, but that's about all I do notice as I close the van door and pull the belt on and clip it into place.

I'm not the most conversational of people but that doesn't seem to be a problem. Neither person talks to me. I smile nervously at the driver as he pulls back out into the traffic but he doesn't smile back. He keeps his eyes on the road, which is where they should be, but I get the immediate feeling that I have just done the most stupid thing in my life. We drive in silence for a few miles. I feel I should say something but I don't want the nervousness of this situation to show. I look around the interior of this vehicle. It's tatty but clean. There is no music player and nothing where it shouldn't be which just seems to increase the feeling that I should ask to get out now please…and thank you for the lift and it is when I am thinking this that it suddenly pulls off from the main road to a much smaller side lane leading into forest.

'Um, I think…' but I don't get any further. A fist suddenly catches the side of my head and I was right…I think that as my head smacks on the side window and the van slows down. As I try to get the restraint off me so I can escape something wraps its self around my neck from behind. I have to get out. I pull on the door handle but nothing happens. I put my hands up to pull the thing away from my neck, but it's too tight to get my fingers around. I try to scream. I bring my feet up and I kick at the window but I know I'm trapped and I know they are going to do what they want and I only have my own stupidity to blame.

Faintly I can hear voices, but I am in too much of a panic and fight to work out what they are saying or even if they are talking to me. I attempt to pull on the door handle again but my strength is slowly leaving me as things gradually darken and I stop kicking and sit there being garrotted by the guy with the pony tail.

-o-o-o-

OK.

I've been sitting here a few minutes in the back of this car and I've decided I don't much want to go to the sodding cop shop. Easy when you are who I am to get out of cuffs. This is something which they will learn eventually, well if they ever pick me up again they will anyway. So I'm out of the cuffs and sitting looking at them rummage through my panniers and that really is a shame. A serious shame cos I don't want them to look at that stuff. I don't want them knowing who I am or having that evidence. One of them is walking back to the car and he's got a serious face on. He's pissed with me for something and he's coming to the side door and he's pulling it open and my teeth are embedded in his neck and the arterial gush is going straight down my throat. I might have made a contented sigh sound at that point, I'm not sure, but I bounce out of the car and drop him to the floor and the other dumb fuck's not noticed yet. He will do. He'll notice before I get there, but I have a cunning plan now forming in my head. It's not going to save the poor guy's life, but it will mean at least I won't make such a mess with him.

'Hey!' Right he's noticed but I'm easy pouncing range now and so that's what I do. I have to get close enough to put one hand on his shoulder and one on his head and his neck makes a good old snapping sound and he falls to the floor too.

Two dead cops…one covered in blood…I drag him to the side of the road and kick him into a ditch. The other I quickly strip and replace my clothes with his. Damn I look good as a cop! I take his credentials and think…I have to move quickly now. I've had the luck of the devil that no one has come along to spoil my fun.

Panniers. I have to empty them first and so I run back to the car and move it closer to the bike…open a back door and just chuck all my shit on the back seat.

I'm sort of sad at the loss of the bike but they were looking for it. They found it. They found more than they bargained for I think.

I have to deal with the tracking system they have on the car. I know that they will know where this thing is at all times and so I run my hands over the electronic gadgets and smile to myself. Try tracking me now you pigs and they will and they will fail. I have to get home now and I'm just about to start the engine and get rolling when two more cop cars show up.

'Ah fuck.' The best of plans mess up me suppose. My options are to drive off…or to run. I look over at the cars pulling up and I slide back out of the car and I walk casual like over towards the side of the road.

And I run like the hounds of hell are snapping at my arse. This is bad though. All the bloody stuff I moved from the bike is now in the back of the car. I can hear voices shouting at me to stop. I hear gun fire but they're not getting me yet. Not today. I have to get back to my princess. I'm now strongly regretting my decision to change my clothes. I can't disappear as easily in this shit. I know they are pursuing me. I can hear them running behind me. I can hear their voices telling me to stop and it's not until something hard hits me in the back that I start to slow. I think maybe one of the bastards shot me, but I'm still going, I'm just not maybe going as fast. The voices are getting closer and now something hits my leg and I'm stumbling and falling forwards grabbing at tree branches to try to prevent myself from hitting the ground, but I'm not too successful.

-o-o-o-

I'm back in my office and Garcia is standing in front of my with Reid's laptop in her hand.

'There is nothing on this.' She places it down in front of me. 'Just notes he has been making for a paper he is working on and a couple letters he's written to his mother. Nothing to say where he would go though. Unless he's gone to see his mother.'

I sigh and say thank you and she turns to leave. I watch her go and I would like to say something comforting to her but I can't think of anything and so I watch the door close and sit and stare down at Reid's laptop sitting on my desk and I remain like this for half an hour. I try to think where Reid would go. I think about the things he said. I don't want to believe that he has some or any kind of involvement in what happened, but if I was on the outside looking in then I might be thinking differently. I've always thought of myself as a protector and I keep letting my team down. Very badly. Maybe it was all too much for him to cope with? I don't want to have these thoughts. I don't want doubt in my mind over Reid or his sanity, but it's very hard not to. When my desk phone rings I physically jump and then fumble for the receiver.

'Hotchner.' I say. I sound tired.

It's an old friend of mine. A detective from the local PD. He has something I might be interested in. Very interested. I slam the phone down and stand. I pull my jacket off the back of the chair and shrug into it. I make sure I have all I need and then I leave. I make a quick call into Rossi's office to tell him I have to leave for a while. I tell him to let me know if anything comes up…any leads; anything at all, and he gives me a sad nod and gets back to what he was doing. I know he can see the pain and stress on my face. He knows me too well.

I am at the precinct in hardly any time at all. I must have travelled at light speed to get there so fast. I meet detective Bate outside and I can see he looks far from happy. He walks over to me.

'Show me him.' I say. I just want to see this man even if I can't get to talk to him. I need to be there. I realise it's not official. I know I'll get Strauss on my back for this, but right now there are things more important then being told what I already know by that woman. I need now to know what I don't know yet. Bate just nods at me and walks back towards the precinct doors and I follow quickly. I'm lead though the main room inside and then out the side to where the interview rooms are and then he stops and turns to me again.

'We have him. He will do life. We do have all the evidence we need.' He looks confident.

'And the children he took?' Just keeping this man locked up for life isn't going to return the missing babies. He doesn't respond to that though he just turns and takes me to the window looking into the room. The guy is sitting there in sweat bottoms and a Tshirt. There are manacles on his ankles and on his wrists and those are attached to a ring on the edge of the table. I can't see his face but I can see the mess of dark hair he has. I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe someone bigger. Someone more threatening looking, but he just looks from here like any guy on the street.

There is something though. Something I can't put my finger on. There is something wrong about him. 'I need to talk to him.' I tell Bate who raises an eyebrow at me.

'We don't even have a name yet.' He tells me. 'He's not talking. He's refused medical attention though he was shot twice and he doesn't want a lawyer. If you want to talk to him you're welcome. Maybe a different face will get him to say something. Not that it matters; as I said we have all the evidence we need that he killed two of our finest cops and he had floor plans you know? He's never going to be a free man again.'

I nod at Bate and with another cop to stand guard at the door I am allowed to go in and talk to this guy. I walk in quickly and sit down on the opposite side of the table and I put my hands palm down in front of me. He glances up at me and then looks back down at his hands.

'So they called in the FEDs at last. They took their time.'

He has a British accent. I wasn't expecting that and I don't know how he knew I was a FED either. I wonder how much this man knows about us. I wonder if he knows Reid. If Reid knows him.

'Do you have a name?' I ask. Easy questions to start with. It sometimes will put them off guard.

'Of course I have a sodding name. That doesn't mean I want to share it with you though.' He looks back up at me. 'You know if anything happens to me you will never find those babies and the longer you keep me here the longer they are alone. If you want those kids to die alone in the dark of dehydration then this is the smart way of going about it.'

He doesn't take his eyes off me. 'I would like to know your name. I'm Agent Hotchner.' His eyes are drifting now from my face to my hands and back again. I know he had a partner. I know someone is caring for the children. Those threats mean nothing.

'I don't share information with you just because you want to share with me and I bet those poor kids need diapers changed by now.'

I nod at him. 'I'm sure your partner is caring for the children. I'm not worried about that. You cared for the ones you returned, so tell me, why did you return them?'

'I think I just said that I didn't much feel like sharing information with you Agent Hotchner.'

I pull out my wallet and take from it a small snap shot of the team at a gathering at some point. I lay it on the table and slide it across to him. 'Do you know any of the people in this picture?' He looks at it and I can see a puzzled look cross his face and he looks back up at me again.

'Well that's a stupid question. Of course I know some of those people; well at least I know two of them.' He looks back down at the picture and frowns again.

'Which two?' I can see there is something bothering this person about that picture.

'Agent Hotchner and that whore JJ.' He says and looks back up at me once more. 'Who were you expecting me to say?'

I lean forward slightly and place my finger just above the image of Reid. 'You know him.' I tell him. I know he does.

He leans forward and looks closer at the picture and shakes his head. 'Nu hu, I don't know him. He looks cute though. Maybe I could get to? Is he here?' He turns and looks up at the window, but it just mirrors back his reflection. 'No, he's not here is he? Has something happened to him? If it has, I'm not involved. Not yet anyway. Oh and to return to a former point I made, I don't have a partner. Surprisingly enough Agent Hotchner I am capable of caring for children. How about you? Do you know how to look after children? Of course you don't. Silly of me to ask. Your son if long gone isn't he? Your loving wife took him away from you. Now before you interrupt me, and I have a feeling you might want to, I should remind you that those children are alone and by keeping me here you are effectively killing them. You lose your own son and then you kill JJ's brat. Not too much of a loss on that one as it was so low in the gene pool, but the other, that little baby girl, now that will be a sad loss. You might want to talk to – err, no never mind. You just might want to let me go though so I can get those kids sorted.

He knows me. He knows about Jack and Haley. What else does he know? And is he after my child too? All the time he is here Jack is safe and I don't intend letting this monster leave. 'You know me pretty well.' I tell him.

'I'm a quick study. Doesn't take me long to get to know someone real well. It's seems to take you a tad longer though Agent Aaron Hotchner. I need smokes and coffee. You want me to talk? You want those kids back? Well you are going to have to do something for me first.'

'You are in no position to make demands. I need your name. I need to know what you've done to those children.' I was going to say more but he cuts me off.

'I _am _in the position to do what I fucking well want. You just don't understand the full picture here yet. Let me tell you something Agent Aaron Hotchner that the longer you sit there looking smug and like you know fucking everything the more I am leaching off you and the more I know. Agent Derek Morgan for example. Agent David Rossi. I now know their names and you? You know nothing more than when you walked through that door thinking you could ask me my name and get it. It doesn't work like that sir. You want something from me, then we might be able to trade information but I'm not going to sit here all fucking day waiting for you to tell me something I might want to know. I have no interest in your other agents. I don't want to know about them, but that one, that pretty boy, now he does interest me. Tell me about him.'

I know that his person has a lot of information on the team and my former fear that Reid knows this man is deepening. How does he know the names of my team? The only way would be if we had all met before and I know I've never seen this person before. I would remember him. I would remember those eyes which are a bit too dark and that face which is a bit too pretty. That is not a face I would forget easily.

'So a drink and a smoke would be good. I'll consider it my first exchange if you want. I'll get what I want and you get my name. Oh then you can get Penelope to try and find me on her computers, but she'll find nothing. You won't find some bloke with a long list of crimes. You won't find someone who's escaped from a mental health facility and you won't even find my tax records. It's really such a waste of time, but I'll consent to that exchange if it will make you happy. I'm even happy for you to take my finger prints.' He stops his monologue and looks at me and smiles. 'Oh! You have nothing to compare them with do you?'

'Your name and then I'll consider getting you something to drink.'

'And smoke. It's the two things I want. You want two things and so do I. Seems fair to me.'

'Name first.'

'Trust Hotchner. You are meant to show that you trust me. That's the only way this is going to work. You trust me…you get me the drink and smoke and in return I will give you my name. That's how this little game works.'

I stand now and lean forward so that my face is about an inch from his. 'Firstly this is not a game. Secondly why would I trust, or even begin to trust someone who has killed an FBI agent and two police officers and abducted babies. What in your head makes you think that I am going to trust you?' He stares me right back in the eyes.

'Because you have no fucking choice and if you knew, if you have the first bloody idea of what I could do then you would be doing what I'm telling you to do. You sir are killing those babies. I may have taken them, but _you _are killing them. Let that be on your conscience for eternity Agent Aaron Hotchner; every time you look at Jack…you remember that you killed those babies cos you refused a guy a smoke and a cup of coffee.'

I move back away from the table and look at the guard standing at the door. 'Get him some cigarettes and a coffee.'

'Black and sweet.' The voice chained to the table says.

Sitting back down again I just sit for a short while watching him. I don't like his over confidence. I especially don't like that just by refusing to tell me where the children are he has such a hold.

'Name.' I say to him. 'The drink and smokes are on the way. Now I need your name.'

'Flanders.' He tells me. 'You get more when I've the smoke in my mouth and the….' He stops and looks back down at the picture. 'Spencer?'

I have information he wants. I can use this. 'Where are the children? We can go and get them and make sure they are alright. It will be one less thing we will charge you with.'

'What's going on?' He rattles at the chains a bit. 'Tell me what is going on with Spencer?'

He doesn't know. This is good in a way, but I had been hoping he would know where he was or at least where he was going. My thoughts are interrupted when the cop returns with a pack of cigarettes and a coffee. He puts them on the table and hands me a small disposable lighter. It is while this is happening that he does it. I don't know how he manages it that's not important right now but I see suddenly that his hands are free. I watch as he grabs the police officer around the neck and pull him back over the table. I move to get my gun, but he has the man as a shield and that vile scrunching snapping noise lets me know that this monster has snapped the man's neck.

…and he is on me. Like some creature from a horror movie he is screaming and foaming at the mouth and clawing at my face. I can't get my gun in position as he grabs my wrist and twists. A fist hits my jaw and I am trying to defend my self and get away from this man and wondering why no one else has run in to drag him off me. He is much stronger than he looks. I can feel as he twists my wrist that my fingers are going numb and the gun is dropping from my hand. My fist to his face doesn't seem to have much effect other than to make him fight harder. We are both moving backwards and my back slams against the wall. A knee meets my groin and as I bend over to release some of the pain a knee catches me in the face. All my effort is now going into trying to breathe and trying to defend and all of his effort seems to be going into trying to kill me. Faintly I can hear hammering on the door. I can hear shouts and I can feel the chains he once had restraining him winding around my throat and all the time he is shouting at me.

'What the fuck has happened to Spencer?!'

I hear gun shots.

I see darkness creeping over my vision and small stars appear as I slide to my knees. There is more screaming and shouting and pain. There is definite pain as I feel feet kicking at my head and side and then there is a sweet nothing.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5 Emily

Emily

* * *

Once he had stopped wriggling the young guy behind the seat Reid was now sitting unconscious in let go of the length of rope he had used to subdue the captive. He then moved so that he was crouched down behind the driver seat and cranked the chair back into a reclining position.

'I can't believe this was so easy.' He muttered to the driver who was still sitting there silently just looking at what the younger man was doing. 'Pass me the flex-cuffs.'

'I'll do it. Keep your head down.' He snapped and pulled out the cuffs and secured Reid's wrists together; making sure that he passed the plastic under the seat harness too. They didn't want this thing to suddenly wake up and attack. Not yet anyway. The younger of the two hunkered back down behind the seat and now pulled out a long hunting knife. He kissed the blade and sat with it across his lap. Just in case.

Driving on now deeper down the forest road they headed towards the drop off point.

-o-o-o-

I felt the electricity passing through me but that's not going to stop me. Not now. Not yet. They are going to have to try a bit harder than that. I keep kicking the bastard lying bleeding there on the floor. I don't have my boots on, but I can assure you that I don't need boots to cause considerable damage when I kick. I can feel my toenails slicing flesh. I can smell the blood and I know that he's stopped resisting me. I won. It was so easy too. Again electricity passing through me and it tingles and that's all. They need to do something more than that or I'm going to end up killing this shit, and I don't want to do that. Not yet. I want to know more about this Spencer person and why he was thinking I had something to do with…I don't know what. I can hear shouting. Much shouting but no one has come and dragged me off him. I bend down and reach for his gun he carries on his ankle like some freaking secret agent from a crap B movie. And then I turn and look at what exactly is going on around me. I don't have to worry that this Hotchner bloke is going to get up; not for a while, but waving his gun in their direction I see that they have guns waving in mine too.

'You gonna shoot me now or later. Make up your minds, but remember you'll not find those kids if you kill me. That would be an awful….'

Well they don't shoot me and I don't shoot them. I don't use guns. I don't need to, but there are about fifty men now leaping on me and pulling me to the floor. Maybe not fifty but more than enough to stop me from saying what I was going to say. I guess they're not interested in what I have to say right now. I thought for a split second that I was going to bite into some of these blokes but then decided that if they aren't going to kill me then I have information they still want and even smacking that creep Hotchner hasn't got me a bullet in my brain. All very good; I sort of like the way this is turning out. The drag me so I'm on my front and I kindly allow them to cuff my hand behind my back. Not that _that _is going to make an iota of difference. There is one hell of a lot of shouting going on and it's hard to make out exactly what they are all bellowing, but I hear the word "medic" being shouted and so I assume they are going to put dressings on the wounds I gave the Agent. I'm surprised really. They don't kick me. They don't even threaten to slap me around but they do pull me to my feet by my hair using the words.

'Get up you motherfucker.'

Which is completely untrue; I may have done a lot of things but not that.

-o-o-o-

I can feel hands on me and as I open my eyes I see that the room is full of police and this Flanders person is cuffed again. They are checking my wounds but I don't need that. I need to talk more to this man who as I am pushing myself back to kneeling position I can see is walking away with the officers quietly. I want to tell them to keep him alive. Don't shoot him. As much as I would like to see the man punished for what he has done, we do need him alive and able to talk to us. To me. I've not finished with him yet, but my throat is swollen and my body is in pain. I can feel blood running down my face and carefully I put my hands to my nose to feel if it is broken. It's bleeding and bruised but not too badly damaged. I think most of the damage done to me is in small cuts and scratches. He wasn't trying to kill me. I know that much. He was showing me that he could if he wanted to. A show of power. A pretty damned good show too. I am being fussed over and I don't want it. I want to carry on talking to this man, but I realise that now isn't the time. I have to get cleaned up first. I have to show him that what he did means nothing to me. That his little show was all that it was. Small and insignificant and it's not going to stop me or make me feel vulnerable when I talk to him again; which I am sure is what he was attempting to do and yes he was successful, partly, but I'm not going to let him see that. For now I have to hope that we were right in assuming he had a partner and that the children are being cared for. I don't want to imagine what would happen if it was just him looking after those babies and I find it hard to believe that someone that violent would have the ability to look after a child for any length of time and not cause them harm when they cried for food or comfort. The short while I had with him just showed me an over confidant sociopath, but I need more time. I need to be in on this case properly.

'Can you stand?' A medic is asking me and I nod slowly…very slowly as my neck shoots pain down my back and up into my skull.

'I'll be OK.' I tell the woman who is looking at me with a worried expression, but in truth I think I am going to be sick. 'I'm just…..' And I bend over forward and empty my stomach contents onto the floor.

-o-o-o-

We got a call to go down to the precinct. Rossi and Morgan and I drove in stunned silence. I thought we were off the case so why the boss was talking to the UnSub, who we have been informed is called Flanders, I don't know. Strauss is going to be none too pleased with this turn of events, but it does seem that he is who we had been looking for. The message Reid called to say keeps going through my mind. He told me to beware….to be careful who I talk to and this combined with this apparent reaction of Flanders over Reid has got me wondering if this is the person he wanted me to avoid. Unfortunately it's just got me wanting to talk to him all the more. I have to see who this person is I'm meant to be avoiding. I need to know why I am meant to avoid him; if this is indeed the person Reid warned me about. I need to know what he has to do with all of this and how and why he would know such a person, but I don't know if I will get the chance. I have a feeling that Morgan and Rossi are going to be doing a lot of talking here.

'I would like to talk to this Flanders.' I blurt out. I didn't mean to. I don't know why I said that, but I've said it now and Rossi is looking at me and nodding and so that's done now. I'm sorry Reid, really I am, but I can't avoid everyone just in case it's the person you don't want me to talk to. I am still hoping that this has nothing to do with Spencer. I can't imagine him having knowledge on a case and not saying anything. That is just not Reid at all, but then again nor is running off and disappearing without letting anyone know where he is.

-o-o-o-

They put me in a cage and kept my cuffs on my wrists which I've left for now. I don't want to remove them and get bloody plastic crap put on me. I can't get out of those. My cage has three walls and a thing which is probably a bed and there is a place to piss. The forth wall is bars and looks out onto a wall a good few feet away. I lie down on my side and it's not really too comfortable, but I'm not going to show them that I'm pissed off with the treatment they are giving me. They'll realise eventually that they need to talk to me properly and not like I've committed some sodding crime which really I don't think I have. After all…those kids, they're not going to want them dead. They aren't going to want me dead either, cos they sure as hell aren't going to be able to find my partner. The idiots.

I hear a door open and I hear hushed voices getting closer, but I don't move. I don't want them to think I've been waiting for them. I need to be the one in control and be the one pulling the strings here. I have something they want. Well actually I don't, but they don't know that. Granted I might be in a bit of trouble for killing some cops, but they're not important here. I'll be able to talk my way out of that easily enough. The rage I was feeling earlier has gone for now. Funny thing that rage; it comes up and fills my head when I don't expect it. Like someone lights a fire in there and there's nothing I can to do put it out. Maybe now is the time to show them that I'm the one in control here.

There are two of them this time and they don't stand too close to the bars. Some old bloke and a woman with long dark hair. They just stand there looking at me for a while. I know the one with the beard is that Rossi bloke I picked up on earlier I don't yet know who the woman is and so it is her I concentrate on. Rossi won't be a problem I don't think. I don't like uncertainties like this. I like to know who it is I am talking to. I know they are FEDS. She is the one I am going to talk to. I roll over now and sit but I keep my eyes locked on her. She is special. I know she is. I can smell it coming off her and this is sort of confusing me.

'You just going to stand there admiring me, or are you going to say something?' And I stand and move over to the bars still looking at the woman. 'Where is Agent Hotchner? I was having a good chat with him until the communication break down.'

'Where are the babies?'

It's Rossi who speaks to me and so I ignore him. I'm not interested in what he has to say. I need to get into this woman's head and find out more about her and why she feels different to me and so I ask her. 'Have we met before? You seem familiar.'

'We need to know where the children are.' Rossi again and if he keeps talking I'm going to get pissed off and so I turn my face to look at him.

'Agent Rossi, I'm not going to talk to you. I want to talk to her, so you might as well piss off. All the time you are standing there I'm going to tell you nothing. As I said to Hotchner, I will exchange information, but I'm not going to stand here cuffed in a cage and give you what you want. If you want those babies to die then just carry on standing there and keep me here and you'll be the one responsible. As is Hotchner. You go away. I'll talk to…Prentiss.' The name just comes to me and it feels good. I have pulled something from her. It's going to be easy from her on in. I move my eyes back to this Prentiss person and the name means something to me. 'I definitely know you. I've met you before.' And she shakes her head.

'I would remember if we had.'

'I expect you would.' And I smirk at her. 'But not for the reasons you would imagine, so Emily, you want to talk to me? You want to know where those brats are? You tell him to get lost.' She looks at him and he steps back a bit and nods and then walks away. Now I move right up close to the bars. I want to smell this Emily Prentiss. I want to get to know what she's like.

'We know you have a partner Flanders. We know that the children are going to be looked after so you can drop the threats now. We do still need to know where they are though.'

'That my sweet is where you are wrong. I don't have a partner. I took the kids on my own, and I did what I needed to do to them and I cared for them and fed them and changed diapers for them. I'm not totally heartless you know. Whatever you might think. I am quite able to change a shitty nappy.'

'The children need to be returned to their families Flanders.'

'They weren't with their families to start with. Well that tart JJ might have been the mother but she's sort of dead I think and so I might as well keep that boy of hers. I wouldn't have chosen him you know. If things had gone normally then I would have returned him. Well actually I was only looking for the one girl. I was going to stop there, but I just couldn't resist that one. It was too good a temptation. I don't need him and I don't really care if he dies, but I do need to get back for the little girl. She is special you know.' And I stop and I am grinning at her. 'I know why I know you Emily Prentiss.' And I make a sound which might have been a laugh and I step back from the bars again. 'They don't know do they?' And I walk in a little circle. 'Oh this really is too good.'

'I don't know what you mean by that. I think you have me confused with someone else.'

'NO! no, no…Oh Emily…you do know me. Oh the gods of Pluto have been good to me today! Listen to me sweetheart. I'll not tell anyone your dirty, dirty little secret but you're going to have to help me out here. You see I have to get back to the babes. I don't want that little girl being on her own any longer.'

'It's not going to happen. You tell us where they are and we will talk further.'

'No…no that's not going to work because I know something now and I am going to use that against you dear Emily Prentiss. So in order to keep my mouth shut you are going to tell me what happened to Spencer.'

* * *


	6. Chapter 6 Children

Children

**a/n: sorry this has been a long time coming. Life sort of got in the way for a while. Pb xox**

* * *

I can feel them pulling me from the van but my senses are all over the place and I don't even seem to be able to struggle a little bit. I know that someone has hold of my feet and someone else has me under the arms and that I am being carried face down. Opening my eyes slightly all I can see is a pair of booted feet and hard packed earth. I'm outside though, I can tell that and I can hear a lot of noise. People…a lot of people chattering and I'm wondering why no one is stopping them or asking questions. The voices I can hear are in whispers and it sounds like there are male and female; maybe even children. I would turn my head to look but I don't want them to know that I'm starting to wake up. Now I seem to be being carried up some steps and into somewhere. I don't think it's a building as such; more like a big vehicle of some kind. I can see a dirty cheap carpeted floor and they are turning me.

I get thrown roughly onto a bed. My hands are cuffed in front of me and they are now rolling me onto my back. I get my first look at these people who are looking at me with what appears to be curiosity.

'You're sure it's him?' A woman speaks and I try to locate her in the small crowd of dark haired grubby looking people surrounding me. A younger guy walks forward. He looks to be in his teens and he stands there and smiles at me for a short while and then says.

'Of course it's him.'

I want to say something to them but I lick my lips and just look at the boy. He seems sort of familiar but he might have been the other person in the van. I didn't get a very good look at him. I raise my hands up and touch my neck where the rope had been and then look back up at the crowd and away from the boy who I don't really feel like communicating with right now.

'Who are you? What do you want with me?' I ask. My voice sounds dry and harsh, but I manage to talk without a stutter which is a good start. They look like travellers of some kind and my guess that I am now in a motor home of some sort really confirms it in my mind.

'It doesn't matter who we are.' It's the boy who answers. 'And really we are just keeping you safe for a while. Out of the way. Don't worry. We're not going to hurt you.' He is still smiling as he moves my hands down from my neck again. 'I had to do that to you or you would have made a fuss. It was easier this way. I hope you understand.'

I just nod at him. He seems to be the spokesman for this little lot and so from now on I decide to direct my questions at him. 'Out of the way of what?' I ask him.

'Oh, don't worry your pretty little face about such things. Just know that you'll be safe here. I'm not so sure about your other friends. Not much we could do to help them really.'

Now I want to sit up and talk to him and as the crowd slowly disperses I try to push myself up to sit. The boy though places a small white hand on my chest and looks at me from about an inch away. 'Don't cause trouble. You're not here because we necessarily want you to be here and it would only take one small misunderstanding for that rowdy crowd to come in here and skin you. You have to trust me on this.'

As he talks a tall thin and very dirty looking guy walks over with leg irons and another set of restraints. He makes a grunting sound which the boy seems to understand and he takes the things from him. 'Now I know that the first chance you get you're going to try to get away, and I know that you don't think that this is for your own good, but it is. It's as much to stop you running off as to stop someone running off with you. I'm sure you'll understand. Maybe not now, but later.'

I want to ask for a drink of water, but I'm still trying to take in what this youth is telling me. It all seems to have something to do with whatever it was I was feeling earlier…yesterday? I'm not sure how much time has passed. I don't want to be held down to this bed and now that they know I'm awake I don't intend making it an easy task for them. I lash out as best I can when cuffed and I kick out and try to get off the bed, but when my resistance is noted I have people holding me down and telling me to stop behaving like an idiot. It only seems to take them a few seconds to have me in irons and my hands pulled above my head and attached to something above my head.

'You – you can't keep me here.' I tell them, but obviously they can. They are. 'Tell me what you want.' I attempt to pull them into a conversation, but they're not listening to me now. They turn their backs and one of them brings over a beaker of something with a straw in it.

'I expect you're thirsty.' It's a female. As dirty and worn down looking as the others I've seen so far and now that I see what they are offering me water to drink out of I'm not so sure I'm thirsty anymore, but the straw is slipped between my lips and so I sip carefully. Once I am sure it is just water then I drink more. It feels wonderful against my throat and when the drink is taken from me she gives me a strange half smile. 'Water is good for the skin you know.' I nod at her not quite sure why she just told me that. 'You've got nice skin you know. You should take good care of it.' I just nod at her again and she does that odd half smile again. 'We're moving soon. I've gotta go.' And she runs an overly long fingernail down my cheek. 'Should tell you though that if you start to scream and make a fuss we will stop you. So for your own comfort, just let things happen OK?'

I watch her walk away and out of a door in the side of the vehicle I am being held in and the door slams shut. There's not much light in here but enough to make out a low row of bench seats against on wall and what looks like a pull out bed or something. It would seem that these people live here…and as I'm thinking this I hear the engine start up and the van I'm in starts to move off. I know that we are not travelling along a road. There is no point in calling out for help yet. I will conserve the strength I have for a better time. I need people other than these to know I am here, and I'm not sure how I'm going to do that yet.

-o-o-o-

I stand and stare at this monster called Flanders and my stomach hitches and for a second I think I'm going to be sick, but there is no way this man would know. I've not met him before. I don't think I've met him before. I push my hair behind my ears and look at him carefully. 'Whatever it is you think you know, I can assure you that you are wrong. I've never met you before.' And the man is grinning at me and again I think I'm going to throw up. He still has his hands secured behind his back which is comforting as he moves right up close to the bars and leans his face against the cool metal.

'All those night's you spend wondering. All that time you took hiding it from your work mates. Was it really worth it? Why didn't you just tell them? That extended holiday you took; all that effort and for what? It won't matter when I tell them now will it?'

I step back as far as I can from him. 'I don't know what you're talking about.' I have to get out of here. I have to stop this now and I really have to find out how he could possibly know anything about me.

'You really think that will cancel out what happened? Denials, Emily, don't change what happened. All those nights you spent alone wondering what happened. I can tell you if you really want to know. Do you want to know Agent Emily Prentiss? Do you want to know why and how?'

I wrap my arms tightly around me and just look at him. He's twisting things. Not saying anything which maybe a good profiler wouldn't say. He's profiled me and in turn making some damned good guesses. I refuse to believe him. I won't stand here and listen to this. I have to pull him back from this and talk about what I need to talk about. 'You have to tell us what you have done with the children.' I mutter.

'Well as you've decided to lie to me Emily I'm going to have to tell you that I don't have the children.'

He licks his lips and smiles a sort of half smile. I turn slightly as I hear a door opening and closing. I don't want him talking like this in front of anyone. I don't want them to know. I watch as a slightly battered looking Hotch walks towards me. He can see that something isn't right. That man can see everything. I don't have to say anything to him. Hotch just knows that something has happened. Morgan is walking slightly behind him.

'Go get a coffee.' He says quietly to me, giving me the chance to escape. 'And talk to Rossi.' He then adds. But I won't be talking to Rossi. At least not about this. I nod at him and walk back the way I came originally knowing now that this is definitely the person that Reid didn't want me to talk to. Does this mean that Reid knows everything too? How can I tell Rossi my suspicions without telling him everything?

-o-o-o-

They think they can keep me here. The idiots, standing there looking all like they think they have control, but Hotchner and Morgan have no fucking idea. They don't even know what to ask me. I can feel it coming off them in waves of confusion. It's good. I like this…I have them cornered more than they have me. I'll exchange the information they want; eventually, but they really are going to have to give me something very nice in exchange. I move back slightly from the bars and just stand and look at them. Waiting for them to do something. I lick at my lips and give them my best smirk.

'What do you want now Hotchner?' I ask. I am going to do this whole "polite" thing to him.

'You know what I want. You need to tell us where you have the infants, and you need to explain what you did with the blood and hair samples you took from the others.' He takes a step towards me. He's looking a bit out of sorts. I certainly managed to ruffle the feathers of this bloke.

'You need to give me something in exchange. I thought you knew that. I'm not telling you a damned thing until you tell me something, because I do know that you don't want those kids dead. Damnit, I didn't go to all that trouble just to leave them to die someplace, so really I'm as keen as you to have that information, but it's not going to happen. For two reasons it's not going to happen. I'm not going to talk to you with that here.' I nod towards Morgan. 'Get me Rossi. I'll talk with him around. And I'm not going to tell you fuck all until you tell me more about Spencer.' Now this is something I am very curious about. The name is very firmly there in my head, but I don't know why it's there. Gotta be more than I saw his pretty face before I know that much. There is something deeper, and those bastards back at Head Quarters have ripped it from me. I'll get it back, but it's going to be a hard slog.

'I'm not leaving.' That annoying voice of the bald bloke.

'Then you're wasting your time, cos I'm not telling you sweet F.A. all the time he is here. Get rid of him and get Rossi here and I'll talk.'

Agent Morgan walks closer still to the bars and that Hotchner is just watching. 'You have a problem with me?'

So I step in real, real close so I can smell the filth on him and I hiss back. 'Yes I have a fucking problem with you.' The truth is that I can't read him too well for some reason. Oh and his skin colour. I'm not racist but that colour – for reasons I'm not going to go into now gives me bad feelings. I want Rossi here. The open book. The one I can read so damned well I don't even have to think about it. Hotchner, he is guarded, he has defences up but I can get past them easily enough. Prentiss, she's interesting. She has everything locked away up there in that handsome head of hers, and she's easy to get to, but it takes a bit of searching through those walls of hers to find the right thing.

'Well it's me you're going to have to talk to.' That voice again and I want to reach through the bars and snap that ugly neck of his. My thumbs drift over the cuffs holding my hands back, but I stop myself. That would be a bad idea. I step sideways and look at Hotchner.

'Tell me about Spencer and I'll tell you about the tests I did on those kids.'

He shakes his head though, but it doesn't really matter because there right in the front of his mind is Spencer. I can see the flashes of images coming to my head as fast as they arrive in Hotchner's.

'Someone you like to watch. Someone you desire. He flirts with you? Wonderful. What else is there? Why are you so worried about him?' I can see Morgan is looking at Hotchner and I can see the colour drain from the senior profiler's face. 'He's done a runner! He's pissed off and you don't know where he is?' I need to dig a bit now. He is trying to shield himself from me. 'I can go on like this all damned day, but until you open your mouth and tell me what this has to do with Spencer then I'll keep my information to myself. 'He warned Prentiss of me? Of me? Why would he have done that?'

I don't like this. I am getting more questions for myself the more I read. I need to get answers not fucking questions.

'He is one of our Agents.' Hotchner tells me. Well I already bloody well knew that, but that's OK…a bit of information. 'We want to know what you have to do with him.' He asks me again. Always with the freaking questions.

'Right; now let's get this straight Agent Aaron Hotchner; what exactly is it you want from me? You ask me about the kids and you ask me about Spencer. Which direction do you want to go in? I'd very strongly suggest that you ask me about the kids, cos you know it's been a while now. Lots of things could have happened in the time I left them and now. Don't you think?' I try to block out the stench seeping from Morgan and concentrate on Hotchner. He's the one I need right now. He has a connection with this Spencer.

'Enough of your games Flanders. Tell me about the tests you did on the other infants. The ones you returned.'

I smile at him. Sort of. Very nearly it's a smile. I'll tell him about it if he really wants. 'It was just a test. I needed to make sure I had the right one. Yes I knew the others weren't her, but I needed that base line to work from. You can understand that cant you. Simple blood tests is all it was and the hair, I had to get a base line for that too. I never had any intention of keeping those poor brats. It was that final one I was after. I just had to be one hundred percent sure it was her. And it was. Obviously or I would have returned her too.'

'Tell me about the tests.' Hotchner is taking this in. Soaking up the information nicely.

'I said, simple blood tests, well simple for me. I have very small confidence that you would understand it though, so really there is no point in going into the details of it all. What you need to know though is that strictly speaking it wasn't an abduction as such as she is my daughter, so it was more of a reclamation of her than a kidnapping and thus I'm not going to tell you where she is, not just so you can take her back again. I'm sure if you really want to you can test me for my DNA and test something which belonged to the kid and see for yourself. She is my spawn and so I think I'll be keeping her thanks. The problem is that if she dies because of you then this little chapter of you life is going to have a very sad and bloody ending.' I pause to see if he has anything to say, but he just nods at Morgan who nods back and walks away. Good, that got rid of him. There are something's which I would like to keep between this boss and myself. For now at least. He is looking back at me again but not saying anything. 'An exchange.' I tell him. 'Your turn.'

'The boy you took.' He starts, but I don't let him finish.

'I took him out of pure spite to be honest. I didn't like that whore. I didn't like her one tiny little bit, so I have to admit that I did that just to piss her off.'

'You killed one of my Agents.' And I think he is going to say more again but I don't want him talking now. I want to say things because by saying what I'm saying all the crap I want to know is pouring into the front of his mind.

'Spencer was going to warn her? How sweet of him. You really need to tell me who this "Spencer" is though because that is something I'm not really understanding here. You like to watch him in the showers? HA! You want to fuck him? I'm not sure of that point yet, but he has a pretty little face from what I can tell, and a killer body. Is he a fag? Not that it matters.'

'Shut up and you listen to me for a change.' He says, and Oh dear he really doesn't look very happy. 'You've told me why you took the infants and now I need to know where they are and I need to know how you know Spencer. Your little games aren't working on me Flanders.'

'Of course they are working! I'm right inside your head Hotchner, right inside there with the filth and the guilt over the divorce and the want to see your little boy, but you know what? If something happens to my Rosa because you keep me from her then you can me very sure that something will happen to Jack. It's an exchange remember?'

-o-o-o-

I can feel finally that the vehicle is on a proper road again. I can hear traffic moving past me on the other lane of this road. I just have no idea where we are, but maybe soon I will have the chance to let someone other than the people here know I am being held captive.

There is no way to tell how long I have been here. I'm really unsure about it. For a little while I tried working it out in my head but with no light and certainly no clock there is not really an accurate way of telling how long it's been. I would judge it's been a few hours though, and we were travelling quite slowly at first, but it feels now as though we are moving faster. It really isn't easy to tell. It might just be that we are on a smoother surface and I try not to let this confuse me.

A sudden slowing though, I can feel that. It rattles things in unknown cupboards and causes me to rock slightly on the dirty bed I am lying on. This place is filthy. I have been spending quite some time attempting to get my hands or feet free, but have only succeeded in tearing at my skin and causing my ankles and writs to bleed slightly. I know deep down that I can't get out of them by pulling and twisting, but I did it anyway.

We've stopped, but I can still hear traffic rushing past us. Now I think might be a good time to call for help. I am sure we are still on the road, maybe the traffic is holding us up. I don't really have many options open to me right now, and I'm not just going to lie here and let them take me to wherever it is they want. I start screaming. I used the little bit of length in the chains holding me to kick against the side of the van.

'Hey! Help!'

Not very inventive of me, but really I'm not feeling much up to thinking of new ways to call for help.

'Someone help me!' and I kick some more. I get a result, but not really the one I was looking for. The door opens and five people enter. They don't say anything, but as soon as the door is open my calls for help get louder. The door is slammed shut and they walk over to me. One of the five is the youth.

'You stupid or something?' He snaps at me when he reaches the side of the bed I am lying on. 'You have any idea what will happen if your cries for help reach his ears? You really want him to know where you are?'

I was going to answer. I was going to ask questions, but that fist, small that it may be is hard as it makes contact with my mouth. If feel my lip split and my teeth dig into the inside of my bottom lip. I let out a sound of pain, but it's not as loud as the calls for help I'd been making. I spit out some blood which dribbles down my chin and then onto my neck.

'I was going to trust you. I thought you were going to behave, but you are just as I suspected. A little fucking queer fucker who thinks he knows it all.'

Wriggling as much as I can I try to stop them from doing what they are, but the chain has been shortened and as I open my mouth to lick my dry and yet blood smeared mouth the youth stuffs something into my mouth. Again I try to stop him. I know what is going to happen. I know they are going to shut me up…stop me from calling attention to myself and I can't have this happen. He climbs on me and straddles my across my hips and this time his fist makes contact with my chin. My teeth would have cut the inside of my mouth further had there not been a rag stuffed in there already. I try to spit the thing out and twist my body to get him off me, but the others are assisting. They hold me still and the boy talks to me.

'You have a choice. I'll gag you or I'll drug you. You are making the decision easy for me. I didn't want to have to do this cos it means now that someone is going to have to stay in here with you and I really don't know who I can trust enough to do that and I sure as hell don't want to spend time in here with you, and as you seem to not like the feeling of being gagged; you are going to have to be knocked out.' He looks over his shoulder and gives someone the nod. I want to shout out at him and tell him to gag me. I really don't want to be drugged.

The fear inside me which had been there creeping around at the edges of my mind is suddenly unleashed, but I can't spit out the thing in my mouth quickly enough as I feel something digging into my skin and a sudden warmth hitting my blood stream. I shake my head and plead with this child to stop this, but I can already feel that the fight has left me and all I have remaining is pure unadulterated fear. As my eyes close and my body relaxes I feel fingers pulling the rag from my mouth, but now…

…now I think

I might just…sleep.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7 I am Sam

I am Sam

* * *

'He doesn't have the infants.' I can tell what remains of the team this. I am sure of it.

Morgan looks over at me. 'Hotch? You can't honestly say you believe what he is saying.'

I shake my head at him. 'I believe his twisted reasons for taking that last girl and his reasons for what happened to JJ. That little girl means a lot to him. She is somewhere safe, but not in his care. If they were alone somewhere he would have told us by now. If that girl means to him what he says she does, if he went to all that trouble to make sure he had the correct child then there he is not going to have left her alone somewhere. We don't have to worry about that. Obviously we still need to find both children, but as for their personal safety? They are somewhere being cared for. We need to be cautious. We need to stay on our guard. I don't want anyone talking to him unless there is someone with them. He has a way of pulling information or supposed information from us. Profiling us quicker than we can him. Do not underestimate him. Remember that the majority of the things he is saying are lies. Don't be put off by what he is saying. Let him, let him think he is getting to us. The longer he we talk to him the more he says the more we get.'

But I know that it's too late really. He's already got to some of us. I don't know how he knows so much, but he didn't know about Jack because he is a stunningly good profiler. There is something more. I can see by the look on Emily's face that he said something to her. He knows something he shouldn't know and something she's not prepared to share with us. I know that Morgan is on guard with him because of the attitude the guy gave him. Normally it wouldn't bother him. I know that, but it has and I don't like it. I look over at Dave who is sitting with a frown on his face. He can see these things too. He knows, but he doesn't know what it is. We have to get Flanders moved. We cannot possibly keep him here. We need to move him to somewhere more secure for questioning. Then we can lock him up and throw away the key.

'Reid told him things.' Morgan is pacing the room now. 'I know he did. Then ran off like a scared kid when it came back and smacked him in the damned face. Where the hell is he? Why is he not here? What's this Flanders connection with him?'

I can see the anger in his face. I can see the deep rage he is feeling for Reid and it's not right. It's not Morgan.

'We don't know that Reid even knows him. Flanders genuinely seems as confused about Reid as we are.' I try to calm him and make him see beyond what the guy in the cell has been saying.

'He knows things he couldn't possibly know.' Emily blurts out. I look at her and she averts her eyes from me. 'Not even Reid would have been able to tell him what he said to me. Personal things, things I haven't shared because they've not mattered. Reid couldn't have told him. Spencer didn't know.'

I keep my eyes on Emily. Something is very wrong. 'You have something you need to tell us?' I ask her.

She shakes her head at me…at the room. 'It's nothing important. Just personal.'

Prentiss is lying. I can see the sweat on her brow and the way she's not looking at me when she talks. I need to talk to Flanders again, but firstly we need to arrange to get him moved. I am very sure that the children are safe. I am just hoping that it's not a false sense of security I am feeling about this.

-o-o-o-

He doesn't know. Obviously he doesn't know. He's a fucking moron. I need to get out of here. I have to get back to my princess and sort this shit out. I cannot afford to hang around here much longer. _Get me moved Agent Aaron Hotchner_ was all it took. Just put that there in his little brain and he'll not even realise I've done it. Didn't even have to say the words…just a little thought. He will move me and he will arrange for me to be taken somewhere bigger and more secure, but it won't help. They won't get what they want. Not from me.

That is why when a short while later they arrive to put shackles on my ankles I don't resist too much. Of course I do a bit, but my hands are still behind my back remember and I've not chosen yet to get out of them and this is why. I'll let you see why. I'll let you see how bloody stupid these people are. The best brains in the country? No wonder it's a fucked up world we live in. My contribution excluded. HA! I'll take the responsibility of my actions myself, in my head…not to them. You'll see. These fine minds arrange for me to be placed in the back of a big black and very secure van. I did wonder for a moment if I should give Hotchner the idea to come be part of the escort, but I decided not to. It would mean having to kill him and I'd much rather put him through misery than kill him right off. So much more fun to be had if you drag things out a bit don't you think?

I attempt to discourage them from needing the armed escort vehicles too but too many brains are all demanding the same thing and I need to concentrate on the task at hand. I'll deal with them later. If all goes according to my little plan and I'm sure it will. I am going to have company for this little adventure; for a little while. Two big guys with guns join me in the back of the van. Stupid really stupid…I know they have orders not to kill me and they should have noticed that the other bullets they gave me earlier, whenever that was, have had little or no lasting effect. So they really are going to have to try to take my brains out to slow me down for any length of time. The bench I sit on is metal but that's fine. That's not a problem. They secure my hands; which are _still _behind my back to a ring behind me and my feet to a bar on the floor. A lot of fuss for someone who hasn't really done much. OK I killed some cops and a FED and took some kids, but if you look at it from my point of view it was all very necessary. My main concern now is to get back to my princess. I can't leave her for too long alone. She is high maintenance so I do have to get back to her. Then I will sort out the rest of this mess in my own sweet time.

These guards don't talk to me. They sit a distance away from me too. Not that I can reach them or do much secured the way I am…for now. One of them places himself near to the rear exit of this van and one to the other side of me. I have been placed around about the centre on the left as you look in from the back. I've decided to avoid conflict and I keep my head down and my mouth shut for this portion of the trip. The doors are closed and the engine is running and I place my thumbs over those cuffs on my wrists. Soon…it will be time soon. I just have to wait for the exact right moment.

-o-o-o-

An introduction to me:

I am not all I seem to be. I might look like I'm just some scrawny dirty kid, but I'm more than that. They do as I tell them. They know better than not to, cos I know how to keep the unwanted Flanders away from here and I know how to keep him away from our guest. There's a whole damned pack of us; men, women and children and we travel in our motor homes and vans and live off the land and generally keep out of the cities and towns. We don't leave a mess behind. We always clear up after ourselves. We are poachers and hunters and we are really rather special, but that's not about me as such is it. More about me:

I'm average height for a sixteen year old, if there is an average. I don't like being told what to do, not by anyone and I have a temper which sometimes is a tiny bit over the top in comparison to the thing which made me mad. I've lived with this lot for as long as I can remember but I didn't start off here. None of us did. We all come from somewhere else and ended up here. I came straight from a place right next door to Hades and I've been sent here to clear up a mess and that's what I'm going to do.

You know how they say that if you turn back time the universe will explode? Well that's not exactly how it works. What happens though is everything gets completely fucked up. Well it does usually anyway and this is what's happened here. Some people will walk through the change and not notice it, but others will react occasionally to it and that's what's happened to Spencer and we strongly suspect that's what's happened to Flanders. I'm calling him that because that's what those Feds are calling him, but I'm Flanders too, cos we are kinda related, but I'll expand on that later.

The problem with Spencer is that he has one of those special little brains that holds information forever. Wiping that out isn't an easy task. It was going well until Flanders cropped up again after many years of everything going swimmingly well; but things jogged Spencer's memory and he started to remember things which had been almost wiped away. He's going to be helluva confused about it all though. I'm going to try to stop that happening. We will drug him and keep his mind dull. Well as dull as we can keep it anyway. Something that sharp needs constant attention. The other Flanders had a job to do. He completed his job and then messed up. That's about it really. He always messes up. He won't follow the rules. He won't keep to the matter at hand. He has to control and try to twist things for his own sick pleasure. I know, cos I'm much the same; maybe a genetic fault? I dunno…anyway…I'm here now, and my new orders are to keep Flanders and Spencer apart, cos if they meet up then well, that might be when the universe explodes and we really don't want that to happen. Fixing an exploded universe takes a lot of man power to get right again.

And so that's who I am. Sam.

We dragged him out of the van once we'd parked up for the night somewhere nice and safe. We like to find somewhere where we're not going to be noticed too much by anyone passing through. Forests are out favourite places to stop in. If we can get all the vans and stuff down the poxy little lanes we have to find to get to the right place. The lead driver knows all the best places though and cos we never leave a big mess behind us very few return visits have been blocked by the fucking forest rangers and stuff. Sometimes they'll see us and ask us to move on and we never do in the end. We have lots of ways to persuade these people to let us stay.

Anyway, we dragged him out of the van just as he was recovering from the stuff we pumped into him to keep him quiet and he wriggled a bit which is why we had to kick him around. Not too hard you understand cos the object of this isn't to kill him, it's just to keep him safe. So breaking his limbs isn't necessary right now. It might be later. All we did was kick him in the head and ribs until he stopped struggling with us and listened. Well not listen exactly cos I think I got over zealous with my boots and his head and he didn't seem like he was in the position to listen to too much of what I had to say. We chained him up again though. A metal collar around his neck is chained to a handy nearby tree and he's going nowhere.

I'm sitting here next to him now with a bottle of water for him and some scraps of meat of some description in a small metal dish, but he's just curled up into a little ball and is refusing to talk to me.

'Come on Spencer, you have to eat something.'

But he's ignoring me. I leave the things there for him and walk away wondering if we hurt him a bit hard considering we only just got him here.

-o-o-o-

I have no idea what is going on. My head is full of grey fog and my body is full of pain. I remember them pulling me from the van and I remember I struggled with them and then I remember the agony of the attack. I can feel blood encrusted on my face and I carefully put my hands there to see what damage has been done. My nose feels OK. I don't think it's broken, but my mouth and jaw don't feel right. I can taste the tangy blood in my mouth and as I draw in deep breaths my chest complains. I'm curled up on the floor in the forest and there is something around my neck. Carefully I let my fingers investigate this. A collar which is locked at the back is all I can tell right now. I let out a sigh and just keep still. If I keep quiet and motionless maybe they will leave me alone. I know that the boy is there. I opened one of my eyes just a crack to see who it was talking to me, though I already suspected it was him. I can't hear the words properly. My brain is confused and not permitting me the pleasure of understanding the words. I do try to listen to him. I have to try to understand what exactly is going on. I can smell food and my stomach growls at me in response but I won't eat it. I don't think I can even if I wanted to. It feels as though my jaw is broken. Chewing anything is out of the question right now. I hear him get up and leave and I open my eyes a bit further. One of them seems to be glued shut. Maybe with blood, I'm really not sure. There is water too I can see, and though my body is screaming at me for this liquid my mind is telling me not to touch it. I don't know how long they will leave me here for. I don't know if when they move on again they will take me with them. I don't even know if they intend keeping me alive. I suspect they do, or there wouldn't be food and water.

I lick my lips and can feel the scabs forming there and slowly reach out for the water. I do need to survive this. I do need to be able to communicate with them and so I need to drink. The food can wait. I'm not able to eat it yet. I twist the cap off the water and then put the bottle opening to my mouth. The first few mouthfuls taste wonderful, but now I'm feeling oddly dizzy and I can feel my mind closing down again. I sigh and drop the bottle into the leaves I am lying on and close my eyes again wondering if I am dying or if I will wake up in the morning and suddenly I don't really care.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8 Family, Friends and Loved Ones

Family, Friends and Loved Ones

**a/n: sorry this took so long.**

* * *

We arrived at the scene in the late afternoon.

A massive multi vehicle RTA, and as unit chief I have to appear in control and try not to show the horror I am feeling. The emergency services were still unsure exactly how many vehicles were involved. Many of the cars had been pulverised. There was nothing left of them but a smear of blood and metal. Some were burning. A few just sat with the fronts of backs caved in. The lights flashing, the people screaming and crying. The sound of broken people; minds and bodies and there in the middle of it all was the transport van Flanders had been travelling in, smashed and on its side with other cars embedded into it's top and bottom. The rear door swinging open. We had been assured that there had only been two people in the back of that van. Only two. Two escort guards and empty chains and cuffs. I have to know how this happened. What happened? The smell…in this job the smell of death is something you get used to, but this is different.

Morgan is wandering around offering help where he can. Prentiss is crouching down next to a small silver car talking calmly to someone trapped inside of it. Dave is standing next to me just looking. Looking and taking it all in.

I turn to him, and it feels as though I am moving in slow motion. 'I need to call Haley.' I tell him and he just looks at me and nods. 'And we need trackers in here. I want that man found. He can't have got far. No one got out of this mess uninjured.' Dave nods again.

'They are on their way.' He tells me in a quiet voice. Almost too quiet to hear, or maybe my mind is too far away now to be able to hear him properly. I step away. I walk for a short while until I reach the huddle of SUV's and then I pull out my cell.

'Haley.' I say when she answers the phone.

'_You're going to tell me you can't make it aren't you?'_

She's snappy and I can't blame her. 'I'm sorry. Tell Jack I'm sorry.'

'_He will understand. He used to his father not turning up.'_

I try to ignore her spite but I know that she's right. 'I need you to do something Haley.'

'_I'm not your messenger Aaron.'_

I take a deep breath. 'Something has happened. I'm not going to explain it to you, I can't.'

'_The job. Always the job. I know. Even Jack knows.'_

I am holding the cell phone too tightly in my hands. 'I'm going to forward you some money Haley. I want you to take it and get a flight somewhere and get yourself and Jack away. I don't want to know where you're going. Just get on a plane and go. Don't contact me.' Can she hear the fear in my voice? Maybe.

'_What the hell are you talking about? I can't just up and leave!'_

She's angry and she has every right to be. 'Please, just pack some things quickly and go to the airport. Don't talk to anyone. Just leave.'

'_Jack has a cold. He's not up to a holiday.'_

'Please Haley. For Jack.'

I can hear her heavy breathing on the other end of the line. _'Has someone threatened Jack?' _She finally says and I don't want to tell her that my job, the thing I chose over her, has put our child's life at risk. _'Aaron!' _She's shouting down the phone at me and I wish I could tell her. I wish I could go there and protect her but I can't; I need her to be as far away from me as she can get.

'I can't explain now, just please go. I'll forward the money as soon as I've finished this call.'

'_My sister…..'_

'I'll talk to her.'

'_I have a job Aaron! I can't ….'_

'Haley…now…please.' I can hear her breathing again. Now though it's taken on a slightly uneven panicked tone.

'_OK, OK…how long do I have to stay away for? How will I know it's safe if I can't contact you?_

I am walking in small tight circles. All this time debating with Haley is time he can get to them. 'Call me in a month. Use a disposable cell. I don't want you being traced. Do you understand me Haley?'

'_I understand. I will want the money though Aaron. If your job is causing me to have to go into hiding damnit I want you to have to pay for every cent.'_

'Thank you. I'll forward you regular funds. Remember, please, don't talk to anyone. Drive to the airport, don't get a cab. Promise me Haley.'

I hear her sigh and in the back ground I can hear Jack's voice. _'I promise, but only because I can hear by your tone that we are in some sort of danger. I'll pack some things and we'll go. You though remember to tell my sister.'_

I tell her 'Thank you.' And I close the line only to open it again to make a call to transfer funds for her and Jack. I just hope she does what I ask. I just hope that she understands how quickly this has to be done. I just hope that he doesn't get there first.

-o-o-o-

I'll have you know that I'm not taking responsibility for that huge mess back of the freeway. Maybe I did sort of encourage the driver of the transport vehicle to do something he wouldn't have normally done, but he had a weak mind and it was only a couple of thoughts I put in his head. I'll also tell you now, for the record that I didn't kill the guards. Fortunately I had the sense not to release myself from the cuffs and restraints before the accident. It was an accident you know; I really didn't foresee the beautiful consequences of it. Carnage! A real shame that I didn't have time to stick around and watch, but they were mostly beyond any assistance I could have given them, and the whole point of it was to get away, not to hang around and try not to smile at the wreckage. I held on tight. When I felt the van swerving side to side, I held on real tight there in the back of that van. I spared a couple of glances at the guards rocking side to side and managed not to grin too much. I felt something hit us, and then something else plough into the side. I reckon that we were on our side as we broke through the central barrier and into the way of the traffic coming in the other direstion. Eyes tightly closed and a big grin on my face as I felt other things making contact with us. I had to wait for a short while. I had to wait for the screeching of metal to stop and the sounds of screaming people to start before I opened my eyes again and had a good look around me. Both guards lying still. I could have checked up on them to see if they were dead, but I could tell already. No point in that really. Now was the time to pull my hands from the cuffs and wriggle my shoulders to get some life back into them where they'd been pulled back in the effort of holding tight. I moved my hands over my legs and ankles and pulled my feet free. Job done…now to get out of this damned thing and get away. The doors really aren't a problem. I run my hands over the places that the locks are concealed and hear the quiet clicking and snapping of them popping unlocked. I am crouching right now, cos as said this transport vehicle is on its side and it's not the easiest of things to open the doors when in such a position but hey, I manage and slide out of the door into the daylight.

Oh man. What a fucking mess! This, this here is why you should not speed, boys and girls. This is why careful safe driving is the answer. Not that is would have helped much if a tanker suddenly slew into your side. I run my fingers through my hair and just stand for a small while listening to the sounds. The popping of the flames taking hold and the shouts of distress are music to my ears, but not a tune I am going to stand and dance to. I have to leave. I'd say 'Sorry!' but you know, that's not a word I ever use, because in the end I'm not in the slightest bit sorry.

I have to climb over some crushed and squashed things which used to be cars and then across the road trying to avoid the shards of metal and broken glass, and then I am feeling the soft grass between my toes and I take one last look back at the pretty picture I have sort of created and I am away. Running like the fucking hounds of hell are snapping at my pretty little arse. I wonder if I'll get blamed for this and if the number of deaths here are going to be added to my little list I've been compiling but I'll think more on that matter later. Right now my princess will be needing me and that is where I am going to go.

-o-o-o-

As I lie here tied to a tree by my neck I have a dream.

I am in a big old clapboard house sitting right on the edge of a cliff. I'm looking down at a long white deserted beach and at waves lethargically sweeping along its edges. If I look out at the horizon all I see is the gentle curve of the edge of the world where sea meets sky. Now I am walking down some steps outside. I can feel the heat of the sun on my face and the feel of the wood under my feet. Slowly I turn around and look behind me; back up at the house. It's a monstrously huge thing which looks like it's been sliding down the side of the cliff for an eternity. It's painted pale pink, but I wonder how bright the paint had been when it was first applied. Like the house the paint which is peeling and battered looks like it's been there forever. I turn back again and continue my walk down to the beach.

The sand is cool beneath my feet and I wonder briefly how that can be when the sun is shining so brightly and is so hot. There is a sweaty patch on my back now and my white shirt is sticking to my skin. There is a need to walk. A strange need to get away from the house, but I'm not sure what that reason is. I think about looking back at it again but I don't. I look along the beach and far off into the distance I can see something. From here I can't make out what it is and so I start to walk. I have no way of telling how far away this thing I can see is but I walk towards it anyway squinting my eyes against the glare bouncing off this sand which is a bit too white.

When the feel of the sand beneath my feet changes to a smooth rubbery feeling I stop and turn and look behind me. At first I just look back at the old house I'd walked from. It seems like it's miles away now; hanging dangerously over the edge of the cliff. I then look at the sand. I see my footsteps in it clearly. One long row of single steps which are suddenly joined by another running parallel but a meter or so apart. I follow the line of foot prints wondering where the second lot suddenly came from. Gradually they get closer until they are almost touching. For a while they stay like that and then they join and become one and this is how it is until they stop where the sand suddenly meets this new surface. I turn again and look to where I had to walking to. The beach seems to have gone now. The sea has pushed back almost out of sight and all I can see is this black dull flooring and still something in the distance. I can almost make it out now though. It seems to be a person crouching and looking down at the floor. Walking forwards towards this person gets me closer much quicker than when I'd been walking on sand.

It's a guy. His dark hair dropping down covering his face, his fingers drawing invisible patterns on the floor, it's still hard to make him out though because he is dressed all in black. Again I stop but I don't turn this time, I just stand and look at him. When his head turns and I can see him looking back at me my heart starts to pound in my chest. A very pale face and the deepest dark eyes I've ever seen. Something maybe familiar about him and I try to control my dream and let me think, but it won't let me. I stand still and watch as he stands and puts a hand out to me. I take few steps forward and put my hand in his. It feels rough on my smooth skin. The grip tightens and I can see he is saying something to me but I can't hear the words. I want to say something back. I want to ask who he is, but I don't seem to be able to. He pulls me closer to him and then he takes a small step forward and lets go of my hand and moves it to the small of my back pulling me in those final couple of inches until our bodies are pressed together. His other hand he places on the side of my head. Again I want to say something to this person and again my dream won't permit it. He licks his lips slowly as he stares at me in the eyes and presses his hip tightly against me. This is something I know. This is more than just a dream, I can smell him and feel him and I know all of this. I should know who he is!

Now his mouth is touching my neck. I can feel his lips moving over my hot sweaty skin and up towards my ear, and now I can hear his voice.

'I don't want you. I don't need you. Go back to Agent Aaron Hotchner. Get away from the place you are in. Get away from Sam and find Hotchner.' It feels like electricity has passed between the two of us. I move my hands and place them low down on his hips. 'Get your slutty hands off me and go and find Hotchner. Leave me alone. I don't want you.' His voice is a low hiss.

He takes his hands away from me and takes a step back and then turns with so he has his back to me. I move my hand slowly up and touch his bare arm. He is quick. I didn't have time to react. I didn't have time to move. The back of his hand cracks across my mouth before I even realise he has turned to face me again.

'I told you not to touch me. I told you to go and find Hotchner. Pull the collar off when it's dark and get away from that place.'

I can feel blood on my lips as I now turn away from him and look back the way I had come. I glance up at the pink house and slowly I begin my walk back again.

* * *


	9. Chapter 9 The Night

The Night

* * *

Cameras along the stretch of road the accident occurred had managed to pick up on most of what happened and Garcia was able to tell us that it was the transport vehicle which seemed to be the start of it all. The question now was "why?" had it suddenly gone out of control the way it did. The CSU was all over that van like a pack of dogs, but there was not much they could tell us in the end. One of the guards inside the van had, so it appeared to have hit his head on the edge of the seating. The other had a broken neck. I had to ask; I had to know, if there were teeth marks…claw marks…anything to show that they had been attacked, but as far as they could tell me now there was nothing to add to the injuries of the two men. They were able to tell me that the cuffs had blood on them and if Flanders had escaped his bond prior to the accident and then attacked the guards there would likely been blood transference. We would have to wait on that though. The bodies were on their way now to be checked for anything which shouldn't be on them. They also told us that the cuffs were unlocked and the rear door had not been forced. Again they would have to come back to us once more tests and fingerprinting had been done. The driver they could tell us had bled out at the scene. That was all they could tell us for now. We were going to have to wait and that was one thing I didn't want to have to do. At least Haley was going to be gone. I hoped. I wanted to call her again and make sure but then again I didn't want to contact her and give Flanders some way to find her. I don't know how the man is doing what he is or knows what he does, but I'm not about to risk that contact just yet. Soon the rangers and dogs will be here. Where are they? Where the hell are they? I need to track this man and find him. I run the back of my hand across my forehead to remove the moisture building up there. I have to stay in control here. I have to lead my team, but I'm feeling lost. I don't know where Reid is and now I've lost Flanders too. I have to find those children. I can't leave them to the care of that animal.

A hand on my shoulder and a gentle squeeze lets me know that Rossi is here with me. I'm sure he can see the stress building up inside of me even though I'm maintaining my outward stoic appearance as best I can, Dave knows better.

'We will find him.' He tells me and I turn and look at him and nod slowly. I hope to god he is right.

-o-o-o-

I can run pretty damned fast and for fairly long distances. Though I should tell you that in case you didn't know already, but I'm still a long way off when I sense something is not quite right. That odd tingling down my spine makes me stop my mad rush and stand for a while wondering what it is that's not quite right. There is a smell in the air. Probably not a smell you'd normally be able to pick up at this distance, but it's there very faint mixing with the smell of the evening air. Smoke. Not smoke from a cigarette I don't mean. What I mean is something big somewhere in the direction I am heading is burning. I close my eyes for a short time and just take in the smells along with that odd feeling I have which is making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. My princess; it has something to do with her. I push my hair back behind my ears and look back the way I came and this time I am listening for something. I know they will come after me. They will try to track me and though I can partially hide my scent and mask my way those freaking dogs will eventually get the trail. It will however hold them up for a while and right now I can hear nothing. I can sense nothing from the direction I came, but maybe that's because I am now aware that I have to get to my princess damned fast and that is clouding my judgement a bit. No time to worry about the dogs and crap now though, I have to keep going. This however is going to make it easier for them to follow me. They will soon guess that I'm going in the exact direction of a bloody fire, and the dogs will be able to smell that even if their handlers and the bloody BAU crew can't smell fuck all but their own body odour.

I take a deep breath and then start my run again. I estimate that it's going to take me about another hour to get to where I need to be, maybe not quite that long, and so I'm off again and all I can think of is 'What the fuck has my princess done?'.

I'm trying to stick to animal trails and tracks for obvious reasons…I can move faster and I don't have to think as much about where I'm going and with the smell of smoke getting gradually stronger my brain if totally focused on that and not at all on where I am putting my feet; which was a very bad mistake and I don't actually realise that something has gone wrong until I fall on my face. I feel my head hit something hard and as I lie there trying to work out in my fuddled mind what the hell just happened I feel a familiar tingle. Well it's familiar to me anyway. Not a tingling of the body, but of the mind. Something just happened somewhere in my head and lying here unable to move just for a short while I get strange flashes of images rushing through along with that tingling which as I said I recognise but right now don't really want to be experiencing. The images mean nothing to me. I don't know where the hell they've just come from, but I let them happen. I don't really have a choice there. I see that Reid person. I see myself hit him across the face and I see him walking away. Then I get sucked into some sort of dark place for a little while. Fuck I hope it's only a little while cos you know I'm meant to be running and not relaxing here on the forest floor having a little nap. Now that my eyes are open again and things seem to be shifting back to normality I raise my hand to where I smacked it not so long ago. I must've caught my head on a freaking rock or something cos there's a lot of blood coming from a wound just above my left eye. I touch it with much caution because my normality seems to be a bit on the fucked up side right this second and it actually bloody hurts. I take my hand away and look at the sticky mess on my fingers and quickly lick it off. It's only now that I begin to feel what has really happened to me here. Sod the cut on my head…that'll heal OK…I'm not overly bothered about that; now it's the searing fucking pain in my leg I am beginning to notice.

Not just a little pain. Not the type you'd get if you tripped over a log or a shoelace; no, this is the sort of pain you get when you have trodden in, at a run, a fucking trap of some kind. I need to turn over and sit, but something is holding my right leg firmly in place and so my only other option is to try to kneel and I do this to the sounds of me shouting 'Fuck, fuck, fuck.' Mainly because that was the only word which I'm able to think of when trying to work out what the hell it is that just tried to take my leg off. I need a smoke, but I don't have any on me. I need more than a bloody smoke, but anything else would not be a good idea right now, and though I know I am one monstrous fuck up and this latest incident proves that rather beautifully, I still have enough common sense left to know that snorting my stuff now would be a bad idea. Right…I'm on my knees and the forest is swirling around alarmingly and wont keep the fuck still, so I'm gonna have to wait until that at least stops and I can get my head straight enough to try to figure out what to do next. The smoke; I can smell it still and the smoke in the air is getting thicker. That would be great huh? If I'm stuck here between dogs and a forest fire with my leg stuck in something I've still not been able to actually see. Carefully now that the swimming in my head has died back I move my hands off the ground where I had them supporting me and move them back along my leg to try to work out what's causing this pain. Pain being a very small word for such a fucking big thing. My fingers touch metal, which doesn't surprise me. I already know that this is some kind of animal trap; I just need to work out what kind it is, then pull the thing open and carry on my merry way.

'What the fuck kind of animal were you hoping to catch with this fucker?'

I say that out loud just in case the arse who put it here is standing watching me, but I don't get an answer and I'm kinda glad about that. I'm not in the mood really right now to communicate with some bastard woodsman who thinks putting a, a, hell I don't even know what this thing is! It's not to catch a freaking rabbit though, I know that much. The spikes of the trap which has snapped shut around mid shin level have done swift work of making their way through my flesh and muscle and crap and seem to be lodged into my bone. My problem now is how to get it off my damned leg. I don't think it's broken; not yet anyway, but there's a lot of blood here pooling under my leg and those dogs are going to be able to smell that from miles off. Normally I would have just snapped the mother back open again and walked off, but something happened when I hit my head and the "snapping open" thing isn't going to happen. I'm wasting time. I need to stop fucking thinking and just do, but I don't know if you've ever been in a situation like this, but just doing, isn't going to happen either. I look around for something to use as a lever.

-o-o-o-

When I wake up I am still confused and thinking about the dream. I'm covered in a film of sweat and it feels as though flies are buzzing in my brain. For a while it still feels as though I have the sand of the beach beneath my feet and when I lick my lips I discover that my bottom lip has been bleeding. I put this down to the lack of water rather than the smack I got in the mouth which strangely I can still feel. I keep my eyes closed for a while and just listen to what is going on around me and try to get my mind back here and away from the man on the beach. There is a slight breeze; I can feel it playing over my damp skin. I can hear a baby crying and the leaves rustling in the trees and undergrowth. I can smell the rich scent of the earth I am lying on and over that the smoke of a camp fire and the remains of cooking. A rich herbal smell mixed with the tang of meat cooked on an open fire. There is also a very faint trace of oranges and the simple smell of the forest. Slowly I open my eyes and now I see that it is well into the evening. I can hear no talking or movement, except for the muffles hushing sounds of a mother and a child now being fed or comforted. It's hard to see much. The moon isn't giving off enough light to see well by and the fire had died down to a soft glow in the distance. I roll over carefully onto my back and stare at the sky for a short while and again there is that buzzing in my head, almost as though something is trying to tell me something but is not quite tuned in properly. I think of my dream again and try to work out the hidden meanings behind it, but in reality I know it meant nothing. It was just some twisted story in my head putting all my thoughts and pains into a comfortable easy to understand form.

I have to get back to Hotch; know I have to do this, and by holding my hands up in front of my eyes I can just see my fingers. I can still feel him there and I have a strange aching in my groin as I think more about it. I place my fingers on the collar around my neck and trace it back to the lock on the back. It's only a small sound. A really small click, but I know that the lock has come undone. Slowly I pull at it and it releases easily and I am now lying here holding the object of my captivity in front of me. It doesn't make any sense. None of this does. I'm sure that there is something dreadfully wrong with me. I place the collar on the ground next to me and rub at my temples for a while. What the hell is going on?

Now I move quickly. This might be my only chance and I have no idea what these people have planned for me and so I am on my feet and standing at the base of the tree trying to work out my best way out of here. Which direction to go in? Come on…you told me how to get out of this, now help me again! But all I can get now is the message "RUN" and so I pick a compass point which I hope takes me closer to Hotch and I move; slowly at first as I don't want these people to hear me stampeding through the forest and come looking for me. I pick my way with great caution because I am barefoot and can't really see where I'm going, but as soon as I am out of visual range I am running.

It's no great secret that I have an unearthly fear of the dark. I think everyone who knows me at all can tell you that, but the fear that Sam and his tribe or whatever they call themselves will come after me far exceeds that fear of the monsters in the dark. Right now the monsters in their camper vans are all that's on my mind, that and getting away from them as quickly and safely as is possible.

I am making a dreadful noise as I run. I'm not the most athletic of people and I'm sure that Morgan would have made a faster and better job of it than I am, but I keep going. My breaths coming in short sharp panicked pants and my run is more of a clumsy fumble than a swift pelt. I've already said that there isn't much moonlight and now I am under the cover of these trees it is a deep pitch darkness. I am stumbling and falling and the branches are slapping spitefully across my face, but I'm not going to stop. I don't even know if I am going in one big circle and if eventually I will find myself right back where I came from. What I do know is that I am leaving a lovely trail for them to follow me by, if that's their intention and I'm going to assume that it is. I think I'm on some kind of track now. There is less hitting at me as I run and the ground is far less littered with things for me to fall over. There is blood trickling down my face…I thought at first it was just sweat but I can taste it on my fingers where I have wiped it away with my hands. My feet have thorns embedded in them and feel bruised, but I don't have the luxury of stopping and sorting them out now. I have to keep going.

Something twists its way around my ankle and again I am kneeling taking long deep breaths now trying to stop my head from spinning and attempting to get more oxygen to my brain. I've ripped my clothing and I'm dripping spots of blood onto the floor and as I unwrap the bramble from my leg and ankle I begin to wonder what on earth I'm doing. What I have been doing. What got me into the predicament in the first place and my thoughts drift back to my dream and the beach and HIM and how much in my dream I wanted him; needed him. How desperate I was for his touch and it makes me angrily wipe tears from my eyes through the frustration of this whole situation. I know I should have trusted Hotch. I know I should have talked to them about this, but how can I explain a feeling. A hunch. He wouldn't have listened to me. He wouldn't have understood and it would have all happened anyway. JJ would still be dead and the children would still be missing and eventually I would still be here kneeling in a forest in the middle of the night wondering what the hell happened. Sometimes things are meant to happen. Sometimes there is no stopping events once they start, but could I have prevented them? Did my initial idea of running from it actually help anyone?

A nagging in my head is making me stand up again. To start running and get some help, but at the same time I know I am lost, and not just in the forest. In my mind too.

-o-o-o-

It is well into the night now but I'm still here at the office. Actually Garcia is here with me and I'm sitting with her in her bunker just looking at her and she is giving me a questioning look in return.

'You know you can tell me anything.' She says to me. 'Emily, whatever it is, if you think I can help please tell me.' And she places her hand on my knee to let me know she is sincere with her words, but now I am here I don't know what to say. I don't know how to start this conversation. I've kept it such a deep hidden secret and that was all it was meant ever to be and I really don't know how I'm going to tell her, but right now I have no one else to spill this out to and she might be able to help me. At least ease my mind on my suspicions. Oh it's more than a suspicion; I know. I know what the eventual answer will be I just need it there printed out or on the computer screen.

'Penelope.' I start and that is where I finish. I've never had to consider how to explain this to someone. I need more time, but that's not something any of us have now.

'I'll get us a coffee.' She says and moves her hand getting ready to stand. She knows I need time to think this over, but I don't want her to leave. Being here with someone is the only thing preventing me from screaming.

'No, please. I need to tell you something.' Our chairs are swivelled to face each other and the normal happy look on Garcia's face isn't there. It hasn't been there since all this business kicked off.

'I know you do. I just don't want to pressure you into saying something you're not ready for.' She picks up one of her cuddly toys and starts fiddling with it.

'I'll never be ready.' I tell her softly looking at the toy in her hands.

She looks down at the pink fluffy thing and places it back on her desk and leans forward and takes my hands in hers. 'Then just come out and tell me. If you'll never be ready then now is as good a time as any.'

'I need you, I need you to promise that this is between the two of us.' I pause. 'At least for now.'

And she nods and squeezes my hands and puts on a nearly smile in an attempt to put me at ease. 'Last year, when I was away.' I say and she is staring right into my eyes and I want to lower them and keep her from seeing my soul but I can't. 'Last year. I was raped.' There said it. It's out…over and done with. Except I know it's not.

Her hands leave mine and she is standing now. 'My god Emily! You never reported this?!' She is pacing the small room now in her bare feet. Her shoes are kicked over to the side of the room.

'It's not that simple. There's more,' Now I am looking down at my hands which are resting on my knees. 'so much more and I need your help.'

Penelope comes back to her chair and sits down again. 'Keep going Emily. I'm listening.' She looks shocked, she looks upset, but I know she will try to help.

So I tell her in one big rambling monologue which she doesn't disturb. She just sits and she listens as I tell her how I stand night after night looking out of my window. How sometimes I know someone has been in my apartment because I can smell it. I can smell cigarette smoke. I tell her how sometimes when I wake up I can feel that someone has been in the bed next to me. I can still feel his hands on me. I can feel his warmth in the bed next to me. I can smell him in my bed.

I tell that it must be a dream. I must have been imagining it all and she places her hands over mine and squeezes gently again. Letting me know she is there and listening to me, but not wanting to interrupt with words she cannot find.

Then I tell her about the things I found in the bathroom. 'He raped me with a damned turkey baster!' And this I shout and I am now the one standing and pacing and her chair is moving around and she turns to watch me with her mouth slightly open in shock.

'I thought you meant you, that it, that……' and her words fade away.

'No, no….that's the reason I left. Not straight away. A few months after. I still didn't want to believe it had happened…that I'd let it happen, but I did Pen. I kept it inside me. All of it. The secret, the filth, the sordid details and the baby and I left. I did what people used to do and went and had the baby in secret somewhere.'

'My god….' Her voice is soft now and she watches me take my seat again.

'The baby, the one taken by Flanders.'

I don't have to say more. She is already moved back to her computers and brought them to life. 'I'll find out for you. You need to give me details though Emily. I need to know locations of birth and adoption and everything.'

'I know that is my baby Garcia. I just need you to confirm it for me and it's not going to change this case at all, but he knew. Flanders knew everything. He told me! He stood there in his damned cell and told me! And I knew there was something wrong about him. No, not wrong, something familiar. It was his smell. I recognised his smell.' And I take a deep breath and pull some paperwork out of my bag. 'Here's the information you'll need. I think I'll go and get that coffee now.' But Garcia is lost in her world of computers now glancing from the paper to her screen and so I get up and start to leave. 'Please Penelope, please keep this between us for now.'

He chair suddenly spins so she is facing me. 'Of course, of course…don't worry, if there is anything to find out, I'll get it for you. Go get that coffee.' And she's spun back to face the computers.

* * *


	10. Chapter 10 Mackie

Mackie

* * *

Let me explain something to you while you wait. I'm not all I appear to be. I heal fast, I don't catch diseases, and I'm a fucking idiot. Any IQ test will try to tell you that I'm a genius, but a genius would be sitting in the dark nursing a ripped up leg with dogs running at him in one direction and a fire blazing in the other. A genius wouldn't have gotten himself in this situation, so I'm going to have to inform you that for now I am a fuck up…once again. I make a habit of it. I over estimate my own abilities and under estimate every one else. There is more to me…more than being a tosser who gets it wrong time after time. I don't learn by my mistakes. I go on doing the same stupid things over and over…this I am going to blame on my up brining; of which there was none. I didn't have a childhood I can blame….I didn't have abusive parents I can blame, all I can do is point my finger into the dark and blame _them _the ones who want me to mess up. The ones sitting back laughing at me. The ones really in control of this shit.

I can tell you that I was right in thinking that my leg wasn't broken, but that doesn't stop it hurting like, well like I just trod in some fucking hunter's trap. I've licked at it. I've wrapped leaves and shit around it and I've ripped off some of my oh so lovely Tshirt and bound it, but it's still bleeding like shit and blood is the one thing those bastard dogs are going to pick up on easiest and of course my running days are over for a while. The only good thing about this is that I can't actually hear the dogs yet, so I've reset the trap and maybe that will slow someone up for a short while if they are as brainless as I am and don't see where they are walking. The smell of the fire is stronger now, but that might be cos the wind has changed and is pulling the smoke over quicker. I don't really know. Having your leg nearly chopped off sort of makes your thinking process go awry, but I do have a horrible feeling that towards the smoke is the direction I need to keep going. I've not tried to stand yet and I'm a tad confused as to why this is hurting like a motherfucker, when it shouldn't. I can get my brains shot out and it doesn't do more than tingle slightly so this situation is new to me.

I do know that I can't sit here like the poor wounded soldier I am, I do have to get my arse into gear and find my princess and, and, well there are other things on my mind too, but that's going to have to wait, mainly cos there's no sheep or boys here to satisfy that sudden need. This brings me back to thinking of this Reid bloke again and I'm thinking of him as I stand carefully leaning on a big old tree to give some support. The head wound has stopped bleeding, but it has made a lovely mess. Not too much I can do about that now. So thinking of Reid and what I'd really like to do to him I stagger forward and then downward and onto my face. OK….the leg isn't going to want to work for me so I'm going to lie here in the dirt and bleed and well…think of this Reid person for a while. We all have needs you know. Mine are just unfortunately getting in the way of the great escape and I can hear a thousand angels and demons laughing at me and pointing fingers back at me and telling me that this is why I mess up so often and they are right. I have to keep my mind on what I'm meant to be doing. Get it off this mysterious person who I know, yes I damned well know I've fucked but I just don't remember bloody well doing it!

So I'm back on my feet again and looking out at the darkness and wondering what else I'm going to plant my feet in before I reach my destination, and I just know it wont be anything sweet. Not for me, if I find something, it'll be shit.

'I did what you wanted!' I shout at them as I get up. 'I did it even though I didn't want to and I gave you a bloody bonus! Give me a break for fuck's sake.' I'm pissed off with them today. Very pissed off, but maybe this pain in my leg is a small price to pay when you consider the amount of lives I just eliminated so I could get here in the first place.

I walk slowly and carefully now. Once I get there I know everything will be alright. I have stuff in my lab to fix this pain. I'll take something, smoke something, inject something into my blood to remove the pain and this is the thought which keeps me going.

I don't know how long I've been stumbling along now; I have no idea, but I can see a glow in the distance now. I'm nearly there. It doesn't seem to be getting closer to me though, so the thought that it might have been a forest fire was incorrect. It's something else and it's right were I need to be. When I finally burst out into the clearing I stand and just look. My home. My lab. Everything I own is a burning lump at the edge of the forest and dancing in front of it is my princess covered in soot.

'What the fuck happened?!' I stumble forward looking at her. 'I told you to burn the fucking evidence not the whole bloody building!'

She turns to look at me. 'I could ask you the same damned question Floyd, where the hell have you been what happened to your face, what's that on your leg?'

'My house princess! What the hell did you do?'

And she is skipping happily towards me. 'I got bored waiting. It's OK I saved all your stuff.'

'I've got the feds chasing me you stupid little shit!'

She looks offended and bites on her bottom lip. 'And I knew this how? Did you write me a letter? Did you think to send an email? A message in a bottle? Carrier pigeon? No! For all I knew you weren't coming back…at least I thought to send you smoke signals.' And she is turning from me and dancing back towards the fire. 'Anyway,' she calls out. 'It was a bloody oversized shed. Not a house.'

You know I've lived here for a long long time. It used to be the gardeners cottage – OK over sized shed - on the grounds of a fine old house which its self was lost to a fire many moons ago and this loss has come as a bit of a blow to me. It was my base. The place I felt comfortable in and now it's gone. I should kill her. I should pick her up and throw her in the bloody remains and be done with it. One less thing to worry about, but I can't do that. She's all I have now even though she said she's saved my things…my things mean nothing if not housed where they ought to be.

'You are a complete…'

She turns to me and cuts me off. 'Whatever I am Floyd, I'm only how you made me. Are we leaving then? You said you had people after you.' She prods a small box with her toe. 'Here's your stuff.'

I walk forward and look into the box and see some twists of cellophane which I take and put in my…I was going to put them in my jeans pocket but I have on these stupid sweat pants. 'You thought to save me a change of clothes I trust?' And the bitch laughs at me and points to a pile of clothing sitting under a tree. 'Chuck the rest of this shit on the fire. I'm getting changed and then we're going. I hope you didn't wreck the pick up too.'

I just wish she didn't laugh and smile at me the way she does. It really makes me want to rip her head off and eat her brains sometimes.

-o-o-o-

We are making good time, but he had a good head start on us. The dogs have his trail and we have flak jackets and flashlights. We will find him. We have to find him. Dave stayed back at the scene of the accident, but Morgan has joined us. I am blaming my lack of breath here on the beating I took from Flanders, but I'm refusing to let it show. I know I'm sweating too much and I'm not going to accept it is panic, it's this flak jacket. I'm not going to show weakness in front of my men or these rangers as the dogs guide us faster and faster towards our prey. Keeping Jack's safety in my mind is keeping me going. Keeping my mind on task and off the pain in my neck and back.

The sudden barking of the dogs alert us all that they've found something. I can't believe that they have located Flanders. I don't want to think it was that easy, not after the carnage he left behind. What they have found is a trap. We stand and look at it and at the blood on the ground and the fierce metal trap sitting there in a small pool of blood. It glistens and shines in the light of the flashlights and the dogs are moving on again.

'This is Flanders blood?' I am talking to myself but Derek answers me.

'If it is, if he trod in that evil sonofabitch, then he's not got far.' Morgan shines his light towards where the dogs are now making a new fuss over something.

'He was able to reset it.' Again I'm not talking to anyone in particular. 'If it was him, he reset the trap.' I know that if I'd been caught in that I'd still be there. What sort of a man can take the damage that would have done and been able to get out and do that?

'We don't know it was him. It might be from an animal.' Derek responds to me, but I can hear the doubt in his voice. He is thinking what I am saying.

One of the rangers walks over with a sturdy branch in his hand. 'It's what he used to pry it open with I'd think' He hands it to me and I can see the marks where someone, Flanders, has used it to force the trap open again. I can see the specks of blood on it. We should bag it. We should get it checked but now walking over to where the dogs are now barking and pulling on leashes I can see that we'd have to take back have the forest if every piece of ground with Flanders' blood on it was to be taken back.

'Damn.' Morgan is standing looking at the scene. There is too much blood. Too much blood for him not to still be here. It's on the ground in sticky puddles…It's on the side of the trees…it's splashed across leaves. 'Man, he can't be far. Not with that amount of blood loss.' Morgan mutters and swings his light around looking for what should be a body.

But we don't have time to look now. The dogs have picked up again on a trail. 'He kept going.' A statement. This was no ordinary guy we were tracking through the night to find. This was something else altogether. We do take samples. We do have to be sure that this is the blood of who we are assuming and not of someone else or an animal, but the dogs are off again. A ranger disarms the trap and then pulls it apart and leaves it somewhere we can collect on the way back. Somewhere it can't hurt someone. I know he reset it in hopes that it would slow us down, and in a way it has. And in another way it has shown us a better picture of the sort of person we are pursuing. We keep going with pockets stuffed with small evidence bags full of leaves and stones. I would have liked to stay longer. Morgan would have liked to have stayed longer to work out exactly what happened here, but we don't have time now. The sun is coming up and we are no closer to where we were when we arrived at the scene of the accident.

It's probably an hour or so before we break out of the forest and stand at the edge of a clearing. We'd been able to smell smoke for a while now and now we can clearly see why. A building had not so long ago stood over to one side of this place. Now it was a pile of smouldering ruins. All that seemed to remain was a rough stone built chimney. Side arms still at the ready, but now with the flashlights off we stepped out into the morning light and surveyed the scene. It is a crime scene. I can see that clearly enough. My heart is thumping hard in my chest at the thought of what got burnt and what was trying to be hidden here. We walk carefully around the edges of the clearing taking as much in as we could, but I didn't like what I was seeing at all. Morgan's hand is on my arm.

'There were kids here.' His voice sounds worried.

There is a swing made from an old tyre hanging from a tree. There is a blanket laid out on the ground with a couple of old cups sitting on it. Up in the tree is a platform with a ladder and a rope hanging down and under another tree are the bloodied remains of the clothing Flanders had on.

'I'll call the CSU…we need them here now. I need to know what was in that building.' And I look back and just see a pile of burnt nothing. I'm tried and exhausted and now the dreadful thought that he did have the children here alone or at least with just another child is drifting through my head. What if they were in that building? Would he have done that? Would he have gone to all the trouble of getting back here just to kill them or let them die like that? I didn't think so. I really don't think he'd do that. But then again…I didn't think he'd do a lot of things he has. Morgan points out fresh tyre tracks across the grass and now I know we've lost him again.

'He'll turn up again. He will let us know where he is. He needs us to know he's won this stage. Flanders is not the sort of person to just leave it now…he needs to gloat. He needs to see our reactions.'

I hope.

-o-o-o-

There is light just showing through the trees now and I hurtle towards it like it's my salvation and when the tree line suddenly ends and I'm sliding down into a ditch I wonder for a few seconds what is going on. I keep deadly still. I lie there and stare at the blue sky and suddenly I start to laugh. I don't know why. Maybe just the sudden release of everything going on inside my head. It was laugh or cry or scream and right now I'm laughing. I did it. I got away. I escaped.

For now.

I rub at my eyes and lick my sore lips and slowly sit up. The ditch is at the edge of a small road. No…a track more than a road, but it's a proper road. There is tarmac and drainage ditches and that's good enough for me. Where there is a road is a way out. I have no idea which way to go now but by the looks of things this will go either to a larger road or to a farm. The remains of tracks on the road look like they have been made by muddy farm vehicles but there is no way of telling which way is which…in the end does it really matter? Either to another road or to a phone, either will do and so I pick "right" and start walking again. I should run. I should remember that they might be following me…but I'm at the point now that I am so close to getting away, but I'm also too sore and battered and tired to do more than keep stumbling along and hope the route I've taken is the shorter one.

-o-o-o-

The kids weren't out looking for trouble. Sometimes trouble finds you all by it self and this is what happened this morning. A small collection of trailer homes sat at the side of the road at the point where forest had turned into shrub land. A large metal fence secured the area and kept unwanted visitors out. Not that anyone would normally wander in, but it did happen occasionally. They were the homes of local farm workers and their families. Too far out to get them to regular school everyday they had the delight of being home schooled and when the mothers were busy with caring for the little kids or out getting groceries, or working for extra money then the schooling was a tad neglected. Today there was a small group of boys kicking and throwing around a ball on the rough dirt patch just inside the gates. Their ages ranged from the eldest who was sixteen and the youngest who was seven. The five boys wearing just short pants and sneakers were bored and so when the eldest saw a lone figure walking, or rather stumbling along the road they all stopped to watch the ball long forgotten.

He looked like many of the people who sometimes travelled along here, a vagrant and a drunk; maybe a druggy. The stood in a line next to their fence and watched silently as he fell down and then crawled his way back to standing again to resume his journey.

'Don't talk to him. I'll be right back.' The older boy said. He pushed dirty blond hair back behind his ears and grabbed the smaller of the boys by the hand. 'Get inside.' He said in a firm voice as he half dragged the smaller child towards one of the trailers.

'Why? What you gonna do?' He whined back.

'I'm not gonna do nothing. Now get!' And with a firm shove the boy was through a door way with the older following him.

The other boys just stood and watched as the figure got closer. They knew that when strangers came by and their parents weren't around that they weren't to talk to them. They had been told maybe a million times not to hurl stones or abuse at people, but kids left alone when bored sometimes do things their parents don't like. Well these kids do anyway. Each now had a stone clasped firmly in his hand and a malicious look on his face and the three remaining boys jostled for a better position to be the first to throw their stone at the hobo walking along their road.

It was only a couple of minutes before the older boy was back at the fence with them. In his hand a large rifle. 'Put the stones down.' He snapped at the younger boys. 'We don't want trouble.' But his words didn't sound much like he meant them. Just words he had to say because he was the oldest and that's what he should be saying.

They could see that the man had seen them and they made excited little bounces and jumps as he got closer to them, but still they didn't change their position. They didn't go down to the gate to meet him; they just stood and watched as once again he fell hard to the ground. Mackie, the oldest boy was really hoping that this guy would walk on by and ignore them. He was really hoping that he would read the notice on the gate "Trespassers Will Be Shot." It said in big red letters on a white board. Of course it was just a threat to keep the low lifes out of their safe place. No one had actually ever been shot. Not yet anyway. Mackie held the gun tightly in sweaty hands as he watched as the man got to his feet again and walked in a not very straight line towards their gate.

'He's gonna come in!' One of the others gasped. No one ever came in. It just never happened, not when they were alone. 'Mackie stop him! He's gonna come in!' And the boy's hand gripped his stone tighter and his face went red as adrenaline flooded his system.

Mackie could feel that same flood over taking his body too as he stepped slightly away from the boys and called out to the stranger. 'Hey – you can't come in here. Fuck off!' And he pulled the gun up with shaking hands to point it at the stranger.

He thought the guy was going to say something back. He pushed the gate open and walked in and stood looking at the small group of boys. He raised a hand as if in a welcome and then started to walk towards them. It was too much. The excitement had over taken Mackie's brain…and now the egging on of one of the other boys was filling his head.

'Shoot him Mackie! He's come to kill us all…shoot the bastard!'

Mackie aimed for the guy's head. He knew he could kill him if he shot true, but the red splodge appeared on the man's chest not the middle of his forehead. The gun slammed back into the teenagers shoulder and with a yelp he let go of it and watched the hobo fall onto his knees and then face first into the dirt of this safe enclosure.

* * *


	11. Chapter 11 A Message

A Message

**a/n: this fic would move a lot quicker if ppl would do what I want and stop wandering off and getting into trouble! Damn them! Sorry about that. Pb xox**

* * *

Two whole days had passed since they had found the burning structure and what they now considered to be Flanders home. They had come back with DNA results confirming that it was his blood on the clothing, but to Hotch that really wasn't a surprise. They had finger printed the things found on the rug on the grass and confirmed that the sooty marks were more than likely made by a child, but that was all there was. The rubble had been searched but there was nothing left to find. No sign that the young babies had been there, but equally no evidence that they'd not been there at some point. A complete dead end again, but Hotch was still of the impression that Flanders would show up again. He was sure of it. What he was less sure of was what the hell Reid was playing at.

He paced his office trying to feel anger at the younger man for just disappearing the way he had, but all he could feel was a deep dark worry; almost bordering on panic. It was with great relief when it reached that time of the day when he could finally get up and leave. The bullpen was in silence as he walked his way through, not even glancing over at Reid's desk. He couldn't do that. He didn't want to face the fact that one of his agents had just run away like a scared school child. He wouldn't accept that.

-o-o-o-

There's been a light rain at some point during the day giving that wonderful heady smell the rain brings with it, but it's giving me no pleasure. The escape from the office has led me here. Home…and again I'm going to feel that emptiness I always feel here now. It's not my home anymore…just somewhere I store my clothes and sleep in. I pull my keys from my pocket and unlock my front door. A quick flick of some buttons just inside the door deactivates the alarm I have set and then I close the door and lock and bolt it. It's only now that I realise that something is wrong. Something is very wrong. I can smell coffee and cooking, and at first I wonder if Haley has decided to come to see me, but then I smell cigarette smoke, and I know that whoever has been in my home is not the mother of my son.

I pull out my side arm and take a deep breath and I just listen, but there seems to be nothing to hear. Slowly and with my gun at the ready I walk in the darkness of the hallway towards the door leading to my lounge. There is no light showing below the door and so I pull down the handle and push open the door.

Immediately I know there is someone here. The smoke is thick and the smells stronger…and someone has lit candles and placed them on the small table to the side of the couch. I take another step in, glancing around the room and that's when I see him. He is sitting on my couch with a glass of something in his hand and he is smiling at me.

'Hello Agent Hotchner. Nice to see you again.'

His voice sounds light and untroubled by me finding him here. 'What the hell are you doing here? How did you get in?' I ask stepping a bit closer to him so that I can get off a better shot.

'I came to talk to you, and as I knew you'd be a while I cooked us something to munch on whilst we have our little chit chat. Take a seat and put that damned gun away.'

He cooked for me? I spare a look at the coffee table where there is a large pot of something sitting and a couple of bowls to eat out of. I keep the gun firmly aimed at him. I pull my cell phone quickly from my pocket and attempt to look like I have everything under control. 'We would be better off talking somewhere else.' I tell him and damnit he's standing up and shaking his head.

'We tried that and it didn't work. Put that away.' He motions towards my gun. 'And the cell phone won't work in here. I fixed things a little bit to give us some privacy. We really do need to talk.' He is suddenly standing right in front of me and his hand is wrapping around the barrel of the gun.

'If you were going to shoot me, you would have done so already. So just put it away and listen to what I have to say to you.'

I pull the gun out of his grasp, but he lets me. I know that. I know that he would have just ripped it from my hand if he wanted to. The confidence in this person is something you rarely see. He is very sure I won't shoot him…as sure as I am.

'What do you want?' I snap at him and take a step to the side. I don't like the close proximity he seems to favour.

'Sit and eat and have a coffee and relax.' Flanders steps back to the couch and sits again where he was previously. 'Really I'm not going to hurt you Hotchner if you listen to me. I don't want to have to carve my message into your chest with the kitchen knife. Just sit, relax and listen.'

Still keeping my eyes firmly on him I move to the large arm chair and sit. I'm not going to relax. I'm not going to eat whatever this is he has made but I will listen to him. I watch as he dishes out a couple of ladles of food into a bowl and he slides it across the table towards me. He follows that up with a fork. I sit and look at it, but I don't touch. He then makes a bowl of this food for himself and sits back with the drink on the side table with the candles and the bowl in his hand.

'Eat or we don't talk, and as that is why I came all this way and went to all this trouble then I'll get a bit pissed off and you've seen me less than happy before, don't make me go to that place in my head again Hotchner. I'm trying here. I'm really trying to do what is best.'

I pick the bowl up and look at it. 'What is this?' I ask, now slightly curious.

'Chilli, but I didn't make it too spicy. I didn't think you looked the type to handle my real hot stuff. It's good though. I sorta specialise in it. Eat.'

I watch as he puts a mouthful of the stuff between his own lips and chew lightly on the mixture. 'I don't think I want this thank you. Just tell me why you are here.'

He shakes his head. 'Doesn't work like that Hotchner. You're not the one in control here. I am. You do what I fucking tell you…excuse my language…you do as I tell you or we get nowhere, and that isn't where I want to get to tonight. I can be quite persuasive.' And he takes another mouthful. 'Are you waiting to see if I have poisoned the stuff? You want to swap bowls?'

I have a murderer in my home. Someone we have been searching for and I am talking to him about a bowl of chilli? I take a small amount on my fork and eat and to my surprise discover that it really is very nice. I look over to him and he is looking back at me. 'OK…talk.' I tell him.

'It's like this Hotchner. I know you are very close to him. I know there is a special bonding between the two of you, and I really don't expect that to stop.'

I'm not sure who he is talking about but I just nod and let him continue.

'I need you to tell me where he is.' And his dark eyes are staring at me as he takes another mouthful…and for some reason I seem to be mirroring his actions and eating his food offering.

I shake my head at him. 'I can't tell you that.' I need to bluff him until I know what he is talking about.

'Then we have a problem Agent Aaron Hotchner. I know you have him somewhere. I know you have him hidden from me…I need to know where. I can't protect him if he's in hiding.'

He is talking about my Jack. He wants Jack? Again I shake my head.

'I could take him you know. I could take him as mine. It would be really easy for me to do, but I'm not going to do that. I don't want to have to do that, but I am going to tell you that I have a horrible feeling that either you have him hidden from me in some way, or he's in danger.'

'He is perfectly safe. I don't need you to worry about him. Is that all you needed to know?'

'You really don't know where he is do you?'

I watch a deep frown cross his brow and the bowl of food is placed on the coffee table. 'No. I sent him away. With his mother. To keep them away from you. She is perfectly able to look after him. We don't need your concern.' I place my bowl on the table too and watch him carefully…I watch the expression on his face turn from one of confusion to one of humour and I'm really not feeling in much of a humorous mood. 'What's so funny?'

'You think I'm talking about Jack don't you? You think I'm here to find out where you sent your son. Now that would be really pointless seeing as you have no idea where he is. Why would I bother coming here when you don't have information I want?'

I sit shaking my head trying to keep eye contact with this man. 'Then I really don't know what you're talking about.'

'He's in Australia; staying with friends of his mother's. Natalie Miles. You should remember her as you were all friends at some point.' He grins at me. 'You really didn't know did you? It's just too easy to be able to trace people these days, obviously if you know what you're doing. Which it seems I do. I am confused though. Where the hell is Reid?'

There is a problem now. I can't tell him to leave because I really don't think he will just get up and go with out some persuasion and I don't want to get into that again. I can't pull my gun and stop him that way because he is perfectly correct; I can't kill him. He still hasn't given up the information on the children. 'I can't give you the information you require Flanders and even if I could give you that information I wouldn't be in the position of actually giving it to you. I am sorry you've wasted your time coming here.'

He picks up his drink and takes a long deep swig of my most expensive whiskey. 'Then it appears we are going to have to work together because I need that boy safe. Man…boy…Reid. I can maybe help you find him Hotchner but you're going to have to let me go without so much as a whisper from you.'

The man is insane. That really goes without saying. It's been obvious from the get go that this person is not in possession of a full set of marbles. He is just proving my point now. 'There is no way I could ever work along side you just so you can get your hands on one of my agents. Have you actually listened to what you're saying? Have you worked out what you are going to do next? How you are going to leave my home and not have me follow you with every man available.'

'Well I still have the location of those children you are looking for. I think we might be able to make some sort of deal here.'

I stand and walk over towards him. 'You have no idea where the children are have you?' I stand there looking down at him. Keeping my superior position and keeping my eyes locked on his.

'Of course I do. That little girl is very precious to me, I'm not going to take her and then not know what happens to her am I? The boy I'm less sure about, but I suspect they've kept the two to them together. Now tell me where Reid is, because you're beginning to piss me off a bit now and you know how my temper gets so frayed when it begins to live in my head.'

I don't know how he manages it so fast…but he is pushing me back over the small coffee table…sending the bowls and the large pot of food flying along with me. His hands are around my neck as he pushes me back him self climbing over the table without losing a step. I'm flailing backwards trying to stay on my feet and attempting in vain to keep my eyes on Flanders' face. His whole expression has changed from that one of someone in control to one I have seen before; back in the interview room and I know straight away that things are going to go very bad from here. I try to get a hold of my sidearm, but he is too close to me. Somehow his hands seem to be all over me….around my neck and pulling at my side arm at the same time.

'I don't like guns.' He is hissing in my face. 'Fight like a man Hotchner. Show me what you've got.' And one hand is squeezing at my neck and the other as I said seems to be everywhere else. Touching and feeling me. I pull at the hand around my neck and crack him across the jaw with my other, but it doesn't really seem to have much effect. My back has been pushed against the wall and his face is pushed hard against the side of mine and he is talking into my ear with hot fast breaths.

'I could kill you where you stand Agent Aaron Hotchner. I could snap your neck right now as you stand there wondering what the hell it is I'm after but I'm not going to do that.' He pauses. 'Stop wriggling and fucking well listen to me.' I feel the hand loosen around my neck and his other hand is now on my chest pushing me back. Not that I can go any further back. 'I want to make a deal with you Mr FBI and that's not going to work very well if I've been put in this shitty mood, so you need to relax and sit back down on your cute arse and listen. Do you understand me?'

I want to look at him and try to read the expression on his face but he still has his face pressed hard against mine…and I can still feel hot breaths whispering across my ear. I need to keep this man calm. I need to get him off me and get him to move back. I know if he wanted to he could and would kill me and for some reason he hasn't. There is something he needs from me and that something seems to be one of my Agents. One I have no idea as to his location. 'I understand. Step back and you tell me exactly what it is you want.' Again the hand loosens and now finally moves away from me and he takes a step back.

'You're lucky.' He says and then he licks his lips. 'You're lucky that I need you or you'd be one dead bloke by now.'

I just nod at him and then indicate the couch. 'Sit and talk.' I tell him and then glance around the room in search of where the hell he threw my weapon. I still have the gun strapped to my ankle but I have a funny feeling he knows about that and doesn't really care. I stay with my back against the wall and watch as he turns his back on me and walks back to the couch. He picks up his drink again and sits back down.

'An exchange of information?' He asks me, but I don't know what I can tell him. Actually I have no intention of telling him anything, but I nod again and take a step away from the wall and he starts talking again.

'I need to know where Reid is. I have to see him. I need to smell him.'

'Smell him?'

He gives me a smirk. 'Smells are much better at jogging memories than just photographs. I need to hear his voice. What does he sound like?'

I walk slowly back to my chair but I don't sit just yet. 'I'm not following this. You know Reid. I know you do, so why are you asking me what he sounds like?'

Now a small shake of the head. 'It's complicated.' He drinks more of my whiskey.

'I'm OK with complicated. Go ahead. Explain.'

'It's so complicated that I don't really know the answers. I just know I've seen him before and I know he is in some sort of danger.'

'And you know this how?' I sit.

'Up here.' And a finger touches his forehead. 'I see him. I know I've fucked him. I know I should know him, but the memories are gone.'

I rub at my eyes with my fingertips. 'I think you've got the wrong person.' I tell him. 'and you've not explained how you know he's in danger.'

'Where does he live? I need to smell his clothes so I can get a lock on his location. I don't have anything to follow. Just grainy images and feelings. I'll help you find him Hotchner; hopefully before he's dead, but you have to help me out a bit and in exchange I will err…give my word that I'll leave him alone. Obviously I've forgotten him for a good reason, but there is this nasty niggling feeling crawling around in my head that I should be keeping an eye on him. That you should be protecting him and I have a equally nasty feeling that I don't want you going near him, but I'm going to have to keep that back until I can assess this situation better.'

The man is insane. There is no doubt in my mind that he is completely delusional and psychotic, but I have to keep him talking and try to keep him relaxed and open. There is always the slim chance that he'll give me information he didn't intend to.

'I see. So you think you can find him if you know what he smells like?' I run my fingers through my hair pushing back a wayward lock which keeps slipping down onto my forehead.

'Something like that.' And he frowns.

'So Flanders, tell me more about you. Where are you from? Maybe we can work out how you know Reid.'

'Again it's complicated Hotchner. I'm not sure.'

'Not sure?' Again that darn bit of hair gets pushed back by my fingers.

'Where I'm from. I have conflicting memories. Someone had fucked with my mind at some point. Not a clue when, but way back and things are a bit fuzzy around the edges you know. However, where I am from is not where I know Reid from.'

'You've been in hospital?' I think probably the way he is he cant have got to the age he is and not have been in prison or and institution of some kind.

'Probably, but that's not the problem. Talk to me about him. Help me out here and help Reid out at the same time. I want to talk about Reid not me.'

I just sit and look at him for a while unsure where this is all going to go and uncertain how I am going to get this man back into some secure unit where I'm sure he's escaped from. I'm puzzled that Garcia couldn't find any record of this man. His finger prints were not recorded anywhere. We couldn't match him with anyone, so who the hell is he really.

'Maybe we can start with your name?'

He looks over at me. 'You know my name. I don't want to talk about me. I want to find this Reid person. I need to know why I know him and why I am feeling this urge to fuck his brains out. Then there is the question of why I am asking you in particular for assistance here. What is your role in this game Aaron?'

'It's not a game Flanders. You said you think Reid is injured. Why do you think this?'

'In trouble of some kind. I helped him out once and he ran straight into more shit. I can feel it here.' A finger is placed on his chest. 'I can feel something is wrong but I cant get a lock on him.' He's looking confused again.

'Let me makes some phone calls. Get you someone else to talk to. Someone who will understand your problem better.' I think having a word with SWAT right now is what he needs to do.

'Fine, you don't want to help or you cannot help. That's fine. I can see you don't know where he is. I can feel your confusion. I was really hoping you could help.'

'We were exchanging information before. Maybe we can go back to doing that?' He has put his drink down and his hands are balled into tight fists. I really need to keep this man calm. 'Perhaps we will both get what we need.'

'You don't have the information I need. So there is nothing to exchange.' He stands up. 'I'm going. I'll find him myself, but the consequences of this will be on your shoulders Agent Aaron Hotchner.'

I remain sitting and look at him closely. He's as confused about all of this as I am. 'I can help you find him. Use BAU resources to assist.'

'You would have found him already if you could do that. I'm not stupid Hotchner. I know you have no idea where he is.' And he is pacing the room.

'If you know I have no idea, then why did you come here in the first place?' His hands are in fists again, but he's just standing staring at something behind me.

'I needed to be sure, oh and I needed to give you a message.'

Now I stand. 'A message?'

'I need to show you what will happen to you if you let anything happen to Reid. Anything more. Something's already happened. When you find him…when he returns…if he does…you need to protect him.'

I move slightly to the side so that I don't have the chair directly behind me. 'Protect him from what?'

'Well that's the thing. Me.'

I didn't even see a twitch on his face. No change in expression. Nothing to alert me that he was going to launch himself on me. It happened so fast that although I was expecting it to happen he was on me before I could even blink.

-o-o-o-

I had to do it. I had to show him. Maybe I went a bit far, but hey, he pissed me off talking in fucking circles and not actually giving me the information I wanted. The fact he didn't have it in the first place is irrelevant. I saw the look of surprise on his face. And I could smell the fear coming off of him in big sickly waves. My fist caught him on the jaw and sent him back a step and now then he was more prepared for me. The next hit he attempted to block but I move pretty fast and just to confuse the poor bastard I lead with my left when I fight. Or my right. Or both at the same time. When you spend your life doing this on a daily basis you get pretty damned good at it. Hotchner didn't really stand much of a chance. I'm sure he understands my reason for doing this. I had to show him. I had to let him know what would happen if he didn't do what I wanted. The punch to the kidneys had him reeling back and trying to fend me off, but I knew I'd hurt him. He bent forward slightly to take the pain and that's when I caught him with an uppercut. He went down surprisingly easily. His head smacked back on the floor and seemed almost to be in slow motion as it rebounded and hit the floor again.

'This is what I'm going to do to you if you don't look after Reid.' I hiss at him as my foot makes contact with his groin. 'This is what I am going to do to Reid if you don't look after him.' He has moved onto his side and it looks like he's going to try to make a grab for his ankle holster crap, so I stamp down on his head and he makes and nice 'umph' sound as I do it.

'After all of this you think I'm going to let you shoot me? You stupid or something?' I'm shouting now. 'I'm just delivering my fucking message. Let me do it!' And he's still trying to make for that freaking gun, so I stamp on his hands to stop him. And it does…for now at least. I don't like the noises he is making at me. I'm not sure if he's trying to say something and right now I'm not in the mood for more of his words. He's interrupting my message delivery so I kick. I kick him in the face and watch his head snap back and I kick him in the chest as he scrabbles with his hands and tries to grab hold of me to make me stop, but it's not going to work. I just rip my way through his weekend grasp and carry on kicking him in random yet painful places. I need him to remember this. I need him to stay awake and with it. No point in all of this if he doesn't remember.

I don't know how the hell this person is going to protect Reid from me. I don't even know why I am giving him this lesson. Maybe I should get my arse out of here and locate him myself and smack him into next week. Or fuck him…whatever it is I feel like doing to him when I find him, but for now Hotchner has stopped flailing around and has stopped those pathetic noises and so I stand back and just look. There's a lot of blood. Not sure where it's all coming from but as he's not moving now I feel OK to crouch down next to him and have a closer look at my handy work. Whist there I slip that second gun away from him and slide it across the room.

'Can you hear me Agent Aaron Hotchner?' He doesn't respond so I put a hand on his shoulder and push him onto his back. 'Can you hear me now?' He still says nothing. I look down at his blood covered face and slowly slide my fingers over the mess. It looks like most of it has come from a cut above his brow and his nose; maybe his mouth too. I slip my fingers into my mouth and suck off the mess. 'Get up.' I snap at him. 'Get your arse up off the floor and be a damned man for fucks sake.' And this time he looks at me so I know he can hear me. 'You're a mess. Go clean yourself up.' And I stand and offer him a helping hand to get up. A helping hand which he refuses to take. 'Fine, have it your way. I'm going. Just don't forget.' I watch him lick his split and bleeding lips but still he's not moving. 'You have any questions before I leave?' But he either doesn't feel like talking to me or can't. Either way I don't really care now. I've got to go and talk to someone else. I have to find Reid. I need to….I have to…I have to go and sort things before I forget even more. 'Bet you wish you'd shot me now huh?' I say as I bend down and wipe my tongue over his lips. I bet you wish you'd never met me. I'm sure we'll be able to become friends though. In time. Once you understand the rules.' I move away from him. 'For your information Aaron, I'll never tell you where that baby is. I'll die before you get that information out of me.' And I have a feeling that he'd die before giving me the location of Reid.

I leave the way I got in. You don't need to know the details of that.

* * *


	12. Chapter 12 Remembering

Remembering

* * *

It had been raining. Droplets of water were running down the outside of the window making the view distort and the colours shoot off like rainbows. I pressed my forehead against the cool glass and took a deep breath.

There is a smell about him. A distinctive smell which I cant get out of my head and right now I cant get out of my nose either. I feel his hand on my shoulder. A firm hand; and he turns me around to face him.

'Talk to me sweetheart. Don't shut me out like this.'

'I'm not your sweetheart Flanders.' I snap back at him.

He smiles at me and takes a step back. 'Bad time of the month is it Emily?' What in hells name was going through my head when I let him in? Why? I cant work it out. But he is here. I am here and it seems he wants something from me.

'What do you want?' I'm less snappy this time.

The smile has gone off his face now and he replaces it with a small smirk. 'Information.' A short reply.

'I cant possibly think what information I could have which I would or could give you.'

He walks away from me and sits down on my couch. 'Come and join me. We need to talk.'

But I press my back against the cool glass and shake my head. 'I can hear you from here.'

'Very well Emily. I need you to take me to Reid's apartment.'

My laugh comes out something like a snort and I turn my back to him and to look out of the window again. I can see his reflection in the glass and that is where my eyes are drawn to. 'Why ask me? You seem to be the person with all the smart answers. Surely you can work out where he lives if you could figure out my location.'

I see he has changed position slightly so he can watch me. 'Cant do that. Doesn't work like that. I don't know what he smells like.'

I turn again to look at him. 'What he smells like?'

I watch him lick his lips. 'Smells, tastes, sounds…I need to know them to pick up on where he is. I've only seen his face in photographs.'

'I don't understand. Why do you have this need to see him? What's going on Flanders? What is your game?' I walk over to him and stand looking down at his face.

'Not a game. Just show me where he lives. Then I think I'll be able to find him. It's ultimately in your best interest to do what I want and you know that.' He suddenly stands and is so close that our noses touch.

'Do you always talk in riddles? Get to the point. Why have you come here? Why now? I don't think this has anything to do with Reid.'

'I'm not talking in riddles Em, I'm just trying to explain.'

I take a step back so I don't have to smell his fetid breath.

'You are making a very poor job of it Flanders. Try harder. Maybe think before you talk.' I'm so damned angry with this man I want to slap him, but I stay calm. Showing my anger now will just provoke him.

'Sit down with me then…I'll start where I can and finish where I think is the right place. OK with you?'

I walk over to a chair and sit. 'Go for it.' I say as he sits himself down again.

'OK…I had no idea who Reid was, not until I was shown the picture of him. I had no idea. Never seen him before. But something happened, you know like old awakened memories slowly seeping their way through again? You know what I mean by that?'

I nod but keep quiet.

'Well the more I thought about it and the more I heard about him, which isn't much, the more those memories came back, but they're still not all there. It's like a chunk has gone missing. I remember you now. I know who you are, but only because we had a thing going once…sort of, and I remembered your smell and that's what got me thinking that I've got to know what Reid smells like.'

'He was running away from you.'

'I know. I realise that now, but he's gone and got himself into trouble and I don't like that. Something is pulling me to that Reid person and I have to see him to find out what it is or I can't move on.'

I sigh. 'How is this connected to the kidnappings?'

He looks confused for a minute. 'It's not. There is no connection between him and the babies. That connection is with you which is why I came here and it wasn't really a kidnapping, more of a relocation. She is with family. She's fine. You don't need to worry about her.'

I bite on my bottom lip in an attempt not to scream at him. 'Then tell me why he ran. How did he know there was danger? Why did he tell me not to talk to strangers? Why does he blame JJ's death on himself?'

'Because they didn't do a very good job.' He pauses. 'They seem to have done a good job on me but not complete obviously, they've mucked up with Reid.'

'Riddles again? Who are they?'

He stands up. 'We are wasting time. Just give me his address and I'll be gone.'

I stand too. 'I can't give you his address! I don't know why I'm even talking to you.'

'Because I am your child's father and you owe it to me. Come on Emily. You wait for me by that window every night. Don't tell me you didn't want this.'

-o-o-o-

I leave her. She didn't verbally give me an address but she didn't have to. I swiped it right out of her brain. I didn't smack her around. I just left her standing in her lounge looking out of the window breathing in my scent and wondering why she couldn't scream at me. She didn't seem to mind that I ran my finger down her back as I said goodbye and she didn't recoil from my mouth on the side of her neck. She just stood and looked out of the window with a very far away look on her face. Compartmentalizing everything I expect. Attempting to put everything in its right place. She'll be standing there a while I think.

-o-o-o-

The small out building was a playground for the older kids and a few of the sensible younger ones who Mackie allowed to join in. They kept their secrets in this place. The adults never came here. There was nothing much in here. It was just a place they called their own. Mackie's own. On the dirt floor was a cage with a mouse in it. A small grey mouse. There is a collection of jars full of some kind of yellowish liquid with dead insects floating in it and there is Spencer lying on his back with a group of children standing around him and one sitting straddled across his hips. Mackie has in his hand a large pair of tweezers and on his face a look of delight.

'Just keep still.' He mutters as he bends forwards and prods the bullet hole with his finger.

'Please….please don't.' Reid's voice is barely more than a whisper.

'Told you not to talk or I'd shoot you again didn't I?' the tweezers start probing around the edge of the wound. 'I don't think this'll work in any case. I need something different.'

Mackie pulls back from Reid's chest but just sits there on him looking into his eyes. 'I bet you wish you'd not trespassed now don't you?' He sniggered.

'I, I, please……'

If Reid was going to say anything else it was stopped by the fist in his mouth. 'I told you not to talk.' He snapped at him.

-o-o-o-

I'm standing outside the address I ripped from Emily and something feels strangely familiar about the place. More of a Déjà vu than a real memory, but there is definitely something there. I just stand and look at the place for a while and wonder why these memories have been taken from me. What the hell happened that they wanted to remove this and take it from me? There are buttons on a security panel to press, but I don't bother. I just run my hand over the panel and the door buzz's open for me. I give it small nod of thanks and walk into the lobby. It's not a very big area. A set of stairs to my left and an elevator directly in front of me. I decide on the stairs. For some reason the stairs just feel right. No idea why. Just one of those odd nagging feelings you get sometimes. I take them two at a time until I get to floor five and then glance along the corridor I have come out at.

'I know this place. Why the hell do I know it?' I mutter to myself.

I have a small regret, but only very small, that I kicked Hotchner quite as hard as I did. My leg is beginning to hurt again. Maybe taking the stairs wasn't such a good idea after all. Yup, it's the stairs which made my leg hurt again, not the kicking I gave that bastard.

Standing outside his door now and again I know it. I know I've been here before, but the memories are not coming back as I would have liked them to. They are still much too fuzzy and I still don't know who Reid is, apart from he's a FED. Now this has got me thinking, as I run my fingers over the locks and listen to the clicks of the door locks doing what I ask. Why did I get involved with a FED? Why risk that? I push the door open and stand and peer into the darkness. I can see on the wall the flashing of an alarm, so I go there first and turn it off and then I flick on the light switch and kick the door closed behind me.

A corridor again. The end of which opens into a room. Three doors off to my left. The first one is open, and looking in I can see it's the kitchen.

'Bathroom then bedroom.' I say under my breath and then look down at the floor. 'I know this floor.' So I kneel and run my fingers over the hardwood parquet flooring. 'I know this floor well.' I lift my fingers to my face and inhale the scent of the floor. 'Hhmm, we have been quite intimate at some point haven't we?' I tell the floor. I stand now and go to the door I know goes to the bathroom. Pushing it open I see the toilet directly ahead of me. Wash basin to the right with a laundry hamper next to it. Shower cubical over in the corner and behind the door, partially obscured is the tub. I frown at it. Sparkling white; a very clean bathroom. I walk in and run my fingers over the surfaces. 'I know this room too. I've definitely scrubbed this place clean in the past.' I turn and leave. I want to see the bedroom. I want to see his clothing. I need to see his personal things to try to pull all of this crap together.

The bedroom is very plain too. A bed against the wall, a small bedside cupboard, a closet and a large old chest of drawers. I walk in and look around, but my eyes keep being drawn back to the drawer in the cupboard beside the bed, and so that is why I am now pulling the drawer open to see why it wanted me to look.

'HA!' It's not what I expected. Sex toys. Nothing amazing, but not what I thought would be there. I was expecting girly magazines or maybe gay porn, but this is even better. I pick one of the objects up and smile at it. I put it to my face and smell it. I run my tongue over it and taste it. It's never been used. I can only smell the new rubbery smell of something fresh out of its wrapper.

I sit on the edge of the bed and bounce for a little while. This too is familiar. I recognise the feel of this bed under by arse. I've been here before and I didn't need those toys to amuse him with, I can tell you that much. With a smirk I get up again. I want to check out the clothing, but firstly I'm going to peek into the lounge at the end.

A not very large room covered in book shelves. Books everywhere. A big very old over stuffed leather chair and a couch. A desk against the wall…big heavy dark blue drapes cover the window. I decide to go get something to smell and feel then come back here and sit in the old chair and think about it all. The best place to try is the dirty laundry. I will get the best feel for this person from there.

So here I am sitting on the big chair with a crumpled white shirt in my hands. I don't know what this is going to do. I have no idea if it will work at all and so I lean back and with a sigh I put the item to my face and inhale. It's gradual at first. Nothing major at all. Just flashes of images, but the more I sit there taking in his scent the more I see.

There is a lot of blood. I can see it on floors and walls and on this Reid person. Spencer. I can see him cowering in a corner. I can see his scared eyes. I can see me…I can see me dragging him from the corner and dragging him to that plain boring bedroom and I can see what I did to him. Firstly the images arrive with no feeling. It's like watching a movie, some old French thing I don't really want to watch. Then I get a memory upgrade and the emotions start filling me. I can feel that the thing I am holding to my face is getting damp and I can taste blood in the back of my throat. I feel such an over powering urge to screw this person…this Spencer…Spence; I call him Spence, that it feels like my head is going to explode. I can feel something mistrust and disempowerment, I can feel everything I ever felt for this person in one big hit and though I can feel I am sliding off this big chair and onto the floor there's not much I can do about it. I feel my eyes roll back and a strange greyness flooding my vision…and it's dark.

-o-o-o-

Aaron crawled across the floor and tried to see through the pain and look for a telephone. He had to call someone, but for some reason didn't want this official. Something was warning him to keep this to himself, but that wasn't possible. He pulled at the cord of the phone which sat on the hall table and grabbed at the phone as it fell from its place. He pressed a few buttons then held the phone to his ear. It was ringing and finally someone answered.

'Dave, it's Aaron…Something's happened. Can you come over now?' He listened to the response. 'Can you let yourself in?' Listening again. 'I'll explain when you get here.'

-o-o-o-

Emily stood with her forehead pressed against the glass of the window and gradually steamed up her vision with her breath on the glass and the tears in her eyes.

-o-o-o-

Reid curled up on his side. His hands secured behind his back. He wanted to hug himself. Wrap his arms around him and die at least with some comfort.

His feet were chained to a post, and no amount of pulling had managed to loosen the bonds he was in or pull a limb free. He listened to insect buzzing at to the mouse calling out from its cage. He could here things scuttling around in the dark, and somewhere he could hear the voices of children and adults talking and playing, and the smell of something cooking on a barbeque. He would have licked his dry chapped lips and then called for help, but the dirty rag stuffed in his mouth and the thing tied tightly around his mouth stopped him.

-o-o-o-

I let my self in as Hotch had directed me to. The place was in darkness but I could still see Aaron lying on the hallway floor and I could still see the scant light there was reflecting off the blood on his face. I closed the door again quickly and ran to him…switching on a light as I go.

Kneeling next to him I can hear his ragged breaths. 'What the hell happened?' I place a gentle hand on his shoulder. 'Aaron?'

He blinks and moans and waves a hand at me as though asking me to assist. 'Flanders.' Is the word that comes out of this mouth.

'Flanders was here? He did this?'

Another groan and he is grabbing my hand. 'We have to stop him Dave.' Another groan and he attempts to move as though to get up.

'You need a medic…let me call someone.' I pull my cell phone from my pocket.

Again a hand grabs for me. 'No, no, I will be fine. Just help me up. It's worse than it looks.'

I can see swollen fingers where it looks like they have been stamped on. Hell I can see boot imprints on the side of his face. I grab his arm and gently assist his attempt to get to his hands and knees and then carefully and slowly Hotch stands. He keeps an arm around my shoulder and I walk him slowly to the downstairs washroom where I ask him to sit and then grab towels which I dampen under warm water and then crouch down in front of him gently dabbing at the injuries which have been made to his face. 'I really need to get someone here Aaron. You'll need stitches in a couple of places.'

But he shakes his head. 'Really I'll be OK.' His voice sounds low and unsure.

'Why did you let Flanders in?' I don't understand why he would have done that. Why not call for back up? Why not shoot the bastard? But I await Aaron. He will explain when he is ready.

'He was here waiting for me. Cooked dinner.' And he spits out some blood onto the towel.

'Flanders cooked you dinner?' I'm confused. 'Then did this to you?'

'He wanted to know about Reid. He wanted his address. This was just a warning Dave.'

I start wiping more of the blood away from his face and out of his dark hair. 'Warning against what?'

'Reid…if, if anything happens to Reid. He is going to kill him Dave and then come back for me. He seemed to think Reid needs protecting from himself.'

I'm even more confused now and take Hotch's ramblings and attempt to put them into some sort of order in my head. 'Did you give him Reid's address Hotch?'

He looks at me directly in the eye. 'Of course not!'

A small relief really.

-o-o-o-

It's like a nightmare mixed with the most glorious dream you could imagine.

I can feel his skin under my hands. I can smell his sweat. I can feel the way he is pushing back wanting more. Needing it harder.

And I can smell blood. I can smell fear. I can smell rage. I can also feel his mouth on me now…and I can feel his hair twisting around my fingers.

Then a voice. My own voice telling me that I don't want this. I gave this up. I can't have it back again. It's over.

I didn't want him.

But maybe…just maybe…I've changed my mind.

-o-o-o-

The lounge is a mess. There is food slowly seeping into the rug under the small table and splattered what looks to be everywhere. With Rossi's help I walk slowly and painfully to the couch.

'I would like to take you to get those cuts looked at Aaron.' He is nagging at me. I don't want to go anywhere right now. I want to be here to think about what happened.

'Maybe later.' I tell him to stop the continual pleading with me to go somewhere else.

'Tell me exactly what happened.' He is now demanding, but it's all becoming surreal. I don't know how he got in here. I don't know why I couldn't defend myself better.

'We have to keep him away from Reid.' Is my reply as I sit and then lie on the couch.

Dave sits on the chair I had been sitting on earlier carefully avoiding the food. 'That would be easier if we knew where he was.' He is looking around the room. 'Who lit candles?' He now asks me.

'I suppose he did.' And then I tell him all that happened since I walked in my door what seems days ago now. 'I want that food tested. I need to know if it is drugged. I need to know what was in it.'

Dave has evidence bags out before I can blink and is lifting samples. 'I'll get this to the lab.' He mutters to himself. 'But Aaron, we need to get you to a safe house. I don't like that he can just walk in here and………'

I cut him off. 'A safe house won't be any use now Dave. We have to find Reid.'

'I'm sure Reid had good reasons to run like he did Aaron. He obviously knows this Flanders. I just can't figure out why Flanders is saying he doesn't know Reid.'

I shake my head and it feels like by brain exploded. My eyes water and my heart pounds at the thought of Flanders doing this to Spencer. 'I need to sleep.' I tell Rossi. 'Get that stuff to the lab.'

'It can wait until morning Aaron. I'm staying here.'

-o-o-o-

I can see Spencer clearly. I can walk around in his brain without any barriers getting in my way. I can see what happened and I can see where he is, but right now moving and letting Hotchner know is not something I'm able to do. I curl up tightly on Spencer's apartment floor and hold tightly onto the now bloody bit of clothing and just hope no one comes looking for him here just yet.

-o-o-o-

I can hear the birds singing and I am still standing at the window peering out into the hazy dawn light. I push my hair back behind my ears and have the sudden urge to smoke a cigarette…I need to go and get some later. For now I have to stand here and wait and hope that he will come back again.

-o-o-o-

It feels as though someone is crawling through my brain. I can feel him there. Long forgotten feelings of Floyd and his hate and lust and violence and dependence. I try to push him aside and tell him to go away and leave me alone. I try to tell him that I don't want this; I don't want him crawling around under my skin. I ask him to come and find me and rescue me and keep me safe, but again it feels like my cries for help are more like a memory from my childhood; a need to be rescued from the playground bullies.

* * *


	13. Chapter 13 Decisions

Decisions 

* * *

The next time I open my eyes it's morning. I can see a bit of light cutting through the gap in the drapes at Spencer's window. I need to go to him and get him away from where he is, but I can't. I don't want to get that close to him. I throw the shirt I have been holding over to the side and push myself up to sit. I need to tell Hotchner. I need him to go and be the hero here. As much as I'd like to be the one doing that I really think my previous idea of having Reid wiped from my mind was the better option. I would end up killing him…I know that much, and I know I can't let that happen to me, so my only option for now is to sit back and let Hotchner go get his prize. The prize I want.

I crawl on my hands and knees over to Spencer's desk and pull myself up so I can sit on his office style chair and then pick up his house phone. I really don't want Hotchner knowing I am here, but I'll be leaving as soon as I make this call, so it doesn't really matter. I dial his number which seems to be there in my mind waiting for me. It rings a few times and then is picked up….but not by the agent I was expecting.

'Reid?' It's Rossi.

'Flanders.' I correct him. 'I need to talk to Hotchner.' I can tell that he's put the phone on mute so I can't hear what is being said between the two men, but the next voice I hear is the person I wanted to talk to.

'Flanders?' He sounds tired.

'Sorry if I woke you Agent Aaron Hotchner, but I have Reid's location if you're interested.'

'You are at Reid's apartment?'

That's not the reply I wanted. 'I'm at Reid's apartment. I have his location, but please be quick telling me if you want it or not, I can't hang around here.'

'How do you know where he is?' A very bad attempt at stalling me.

'I'm not here to chat…yes or no, do you want his location?'

A pause. I can hear him breathing…he's thinking. 'Yes.' He finally answers.

So I follow up with an address for him. 'I think you should hurry. He's not feeling too well.'

And I know that Hotchner thinks I have something to do with this, but I'm not going to plead my innocence to him now; I don't have time for all that crap. I have to leave this place quickly. I place the phone down and then run my fingers over the old leather on the top of his ancient desk. It needs cleaning. It really could do with some careful polishing but I don't have time now. Maybe another day. If I ever come back here again, and I have a feeling I will.

Now I am moving fast. I know they have sent people over here already and my escape now is going to be tight.

-o-o-o-

Obviously the first thing I did after talking to Flanders was get some people over to Reid's place and check things out. Then I called up the rest of the team. Morgan said he'd pick us up, as Dave had arrived last night in his personal vehicle and we really want to go there with lights and noise going. It gave me time to change from the messed up clothes I was in and get back in a suit and tie. Dave made a call the Prentiss. Someone had to go and pick her up too. A great rush though he had been missing for days now and I had no idea if Flanders was being honest or not. I didn't want to go flying into a trap. We had to be cautious. Flanders cannot be trusted. My appearance was still not good. There are bruises forming nicely on the side of my face and across my ribs, but I wasn't going to be showing anyone my ribs…just take care of the face. Cold water washing off the day before was wonderful. No time to shower though. I have to get Reid.

Dave is looking at me pacing. He knows I am beginning to panic. I don't know where this is coming from. I want to just run to my car and drive out to the location we'd been given. I want to go alone. I don't want the others with me, but I know also that is insane. It's like someone is pushing me. Forcing me to hurry up.

'Calm down Aaron.' Dave puts a hand on my shoulder. 'Morgan will be with us soon.'

I try to pull myself together. I try to be that calm stoic leader that will be needed but there is this continual "hurry hurry hurry" going on in my mind and it's beginning to make my stomach churn with anxiety.

'We are losing.' I turn and blurt out to Rossi.

But he doesn't have time to respond to me, I am trying to stop myself from running as Morgan arrives with an SUV.

We drive fast. We drive like demons from hell. Morgan at the wheel. I need to tell him to slow down; that he'll cause an accident, but I don't. I need to get to this place fast. We finally leave the freeway and are hurtling down a small road which will eventually take us to the place we need to get to. I want to know where the hell Prentiss is, but I don't ask. As soon as the thought is there it's gone again over shadowed by my need to get to Reid. My agent. I would feel like this about any of them. I'm sure about it.

-o-o-o-

I've been in this dark place inside my head for a while now. Funny really because although I know I've been shot, and although I've had no food or water for…I don't know how long, I don't feel any pain. I don't feel anything actually and sounds seem to be strangely muffled and odd; so I leave and crawl back inside my head and wait. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for anymore. I did think at first that Sam would arrive. I then thought maybe that this Floyd person would come for me, but there's been no one except the children. At least in this darkness I found I don't have to worry. I suppose that gradually it will get darker and the sounds outside will become fainter and then I'll just stop existing. It doesn't bother me. It's kind of comforting to know that I won't have to explain things to Hotch or have Morgan look at me with pity or to have a get well soon card from Emily. I lie here and wonder what Rossi would think of what I did. How would he react to all of this?

I can feel hands on me, dragging me onto my back, but I know it's just the kids wanting more fun so I stay tight where I am. I don't want to see or hear them. Why can't they just leave me alone now? I can feel warm hands on my face pulling at the thing around my mouth and hands touching my hair, but I don't want this sort of comfort. I want to be left alone now.

There is water being dripped into my mouth, but I don't seem to have the strength to swallow it. Someone is touching my eyelids and I can feel breath on my face but I don't want to listen and I don't want to see so I keep myself safe in this cool darkness and just let them do what they want to me.

It feels like I am floating, maybe they are moving me. Not dragging like they have done before but lifting and carrying me, and I don't like the sensation of not being safe on the ground and I want to kick and scream at them to put me down, but I don't seem to be able to from this place I've retreated to and I don't want to come out yet. Not yet. I'm not ready for that.

-o-o-o-

We sit in the family room and wait. I hate the smell of hospitals. The children and families have been hauled down to be questioned but first I have to know if Reid will be alight. I wipe the back of my hand across my forehead and wince slightly as I catch my hand on one of the many cuts Flanders gave me.

'You should get that looked at.' Dave tells me. 'Reid will be a while yet. Just go get yourself seen to. We'll all be here when you get back.'

And I know that he is right. I'm in the hospital after all. I won't be far away. They can come and get me if something happens. I know it won't take long for a couple of dressings to be put on my wounds, but I still don't want to do before I know Reid is alright. 'Later.' Is my reply.

'Go now.' Dave puts a hand on my shoulder. 'Reid won't want to wake up to see that mess. Go get sorted.' And so I sigh and stand. He is right of course. I will eventually have to get it seen to.

'You will let me know if something happens before I get back?'

'Of course I will. Now go, quicker you go the quicker you will be back. Flash your badge and jump the queue.' And he grins at me, trying to break this sombre feeling crowding the room. I would run. I would be a lot quicker, but the pain to my ribs is keeping me in check. I don't want to appear to be in a panic, though it's quite evident that I am, and I don't know why. I don't know why I am feeling such a dread. I also want to talk to the children who had kept him in this condition. Who shot him, who had him tied up in a dirty shed, but I need to wait first. I need to know that Reid is going to be OK. Well as OK as someone who has gone through what he recently has been through anyway; and so I walk slowly and I stay calm.

-o-o-o-

I crouch in the woods with a tree to my back and wrap my arms over my head. I don't want what I am feeling. I want it gone, but I can only blame myself for this. I was stupid. I should never have gone to his apartment. I should never have tried to see what I had forgotten, because now I am flooded with these feelings I can't quite understand. I have a horrible churning in my gut and a light headedness that I don't recognise. I want to understand what went on between Spencer and me. I want to know why I forgot him, and why I need him so much.

A hand gently touches me. I lift my head slowly and look at my princess. She's not looking like a happy bunny either. 'You're a fucking idiot.' She tells me.

'I know.' I reply and put my head back down and my arms back around it to try to – I don't know…to try to make my head understand what the hell is going on.

'Then why did'ya do it?' She is pestering me. I want to be alone and she won't shut the fuck up.

'I had to know.' I mumble.

'And now you know, what are you going to do about it?'

'Well I don't rightly know princess, but if you don't leave me alone I'm going to dismantle you…so piss off.'

'Great, you fuck up and I get dismantled. How's that going to help anything?' She's still bloody talking to me.

'I have to sort things out in my head. Leave me alone.'

'Shit, that's going to take forever Floyd. You never have things sorted in your head.'

I ignore her and go back to thinking. Thinking about Spencer and thinking about Hotchner and also about Prentiss and Morgan. Though I have to admit that my thoughts about the latter aren't top of my priority right now. I do know that I have to be cautious of him. Out of all of them, he is the one I need to avoid. He is the one I have to keep Spencer away from, I'm just not totally sure why. Hotchner, well I need him to keep Spencer safe. I need him to protect him, but I am again confused slightly because it really does seem that it is me Reid needs protection from, so why do I have this need to keep him safe. Why did I go and deliver that message to Hotchner if I want Reid dead? If I want Reid for me? Prentiss isn't going to be a problem. I know I can rip right through her mind and force her to do what I want. She's vulnerable in that respect. I don't have a problem with her. I can bend her and force my will on her with no problem. Then obviously there is Rossi. I still don't know much about him. I'm going to step carefully around that one; I don't want to be over confident with him. He's a strong bastard; in the mind, not the body. I could rip him apart without even breaking a sweat, but that mind of his is virtually closed to me.

I maybe made a big mistake taking that blond whores kid. I maybe misjudged the situation there. I should have left it be. I should have ignored the yearning to wipe that slut off the face of the planet, but there's no going back now and even returning her brat won't fix things there. I fucked up.

I use the tree behind me as support as I stand. My princess is sitting in the leaves playing with a stick or bit of bone or something. She doesn't look up at me.

'I have to go.' I say into the leaves of the tree spreading above my head.

'Go? Go where?'

'I have to see if he is going to be alright.'

And she snorts a derisive laugh. 'Great. Go then, just don't expect to get very far. They'll be all over you like flies to a corpse. Why don't you just sneak into his mind and have a look? That'll tell you all you need to know.'

And she's right, but that's not going to be enough. That churning in my stomach every time I think of him needs to be settled. I need to know what it's all about. I have to know why I have thoughts of fucking his brains out, and matching thoughts of beating the shit out of him. I need to know what happened.

'He wont be able to give you any answers Floyd. You know that. He's forgotten you too.'

I put my back to the tree and slide back down to sit. She's right. The little automaton is right. 'Maybe he needs to be reminded.' I say to her.

'Yeah, and maybe you should leave well alone. That lot don't wipe things away like that for no reason. You must've had good reason to forget. Maybe it's best left like that.'

The bitch is right. I need to forget again. I need to walk away and pretend this never happened. Maybe a trip to Italy again would take my mind off of this mess, or maybe I need to hibernate for a short while. Just to get my leg fixed cos it still hurts like – well like my leg's been half ripped off. I take a quick look around. Going into hibernation will need somewhere discrete. I don't want someone walking there dog to spy me. A fallen tree and a mass of undergrowth the other side of it provide me with my hiding place. I don't bother standing again. Each time I try I can feel my wounds beginning to open and bleed again. I can feel where blood has run down my leg and into my boot. I can feel the stickiness with my toes as I wriggle them and so I crawl over to the tree and haul my arse over it into the plant life the other side.

'What are you doing?' I hear the voice of my princess.

'Come here. I need to heal.'

'You don't need me for that.' She whines back.

'No, I don't need you, but I want you…so get over here and do what I ask.'

I see a flash of colour as she jumps down to join me. I grab her arm and pull her down next to me and lying on my side I wrap my arms tightly around her. 'Go to sleep.' I mutter into her neck.

'Can I ask you something first? You like boys right? So why did you make a girl?'

'Just go to sleep princess. I need to heal.'

-o-o-o-

Of course we sent someone to check out Reid's apartment. I knew Flanders would be long gone, but I needed to know what he'd been doing there. I feel I am failing. Failing in my job as team leader. The man has gotten into my head and I can't get rid of him. All my thoughts are either directed at him or at Reid. A bloodied shirt was found. Probably one of Reid's by the look of it, but the blood wasn't his. This is a small comfort. We have Reid now. They told us that really the damage was minimal. The round small and it had been removed. They were more worried about the effects of the days he had been missing were going to have on him. He will be alright. He has to be alright. And again my mind is sliding towards thinking of Flanders again and the _request_ to keep Reid safe. I have to talk to the children and find out exactly what went on there and so with the knowledge that Reid's physical wounds were going to heal and with dressings on the injuries I allowed the nurses to fix I go to the interview room to talk to the children and their parents.

It seems incomprehensible that the parents didn't know what the children were doing, but they do continue to deny all knowledge of the incident. 'They kids always play in there. We didn't notice anything different.' We are told.

The children seem to refer to the boy known as Mackie and as he is the eldest and what seems to be the leader of this little gang we talk to him separately.

'We thought he was dead.' He tells me. 'We thought he was just a hobo. We thought he was going to hurt us. I was protecting the youngsters from him.'

'But he wasn't dead, so why did you not call for help?' I ask.

'Well there didn't seem to be a lot of point really. He was likely just a bum and he was going to die anyway, so there didn't seem to be a reason to call for help.'

'You tied him up and gagged him. You kept him hidden from your parents. Why did you do that?'

'In case he got up and started making a fuss. We were going to keep him there until he died then drag him into the woods and leave him there.'

'He is a person Mackie, not a toy to play with. That is a life you are talking about.'

'A bum…a hobo, and better off out of the way and dead if you ask me.' He seems distracted; his eyes constantly flicking around the room.

'Did you shoot him Mackie?' I need to know for sure that he's not covering for one of the other children, but in my heart I know he's not.

'Yes, I aimed for his head, but missed and plugged his chest. I would have killed him outright if I'd got my aim right, but he's was coming at us and I needed to stop him quickly. Mom and Pa said that we're not allowed to let anyone in when they're not there. What was I meant to do? I had to look after those kids you know. Anyone would have done the same.'

I slide a picture of Flanders across the table. 'Have you ever seen this man before?'

He picks it up and looks at it. 'I don't think so. Why?'

'Take a closer look. I need to know if you've seen him hanging around. Maybe on a motorcycle with a side car.'

He puts the picture down again. 'I have a pretty good memory for faces and that one is quite memorable. I've not seen him or his bike and side car before.'

I take the picture off the table and nod at him. 'Thank you.' Though I wanted Flanders to have been involved in some way, I can see by the curious look the boy is giving me, and by his body language that he hasn't seen Flanders; or at least doesn't remember seeing him.

I get up and leave the room.

* * *


	14. Chapter 14 Shadows

Shadows

* * *

I should let you know that I don't wear a watch and I don't own a cell phone. I am not the biggest fan of people being able to contact me when I'm trying to hide from them. The reason I don't wear a watch is simply because time isn't really too important to me. I do things when I want and as I want and what time of day I do those things on is really irrelevant.

This isn't usually much of a problem, but when you've been curled up hibernating for a while it's not easy to tell how long it's been for. You see it can last for hours or days or weeks, I've even been curled up in the dark for years in the past, so it's really not too easy to tell how long it's been when I come round. I don't grow facial hair when I've been doing this, so I cant even run my hand over my stubble for a quick estimate. I know it's still summer; what I don't know is if it's the _same _summer. My princess is still curled up and my arms are still around her, but she's not covered in dead leaves so I'm going to assume it's been days rather than years that I've been here. I move my arms away from her but leave her sleeping. Why is it easier to recover from having my brains blown out than it is from stepping in some damned trap? Well I think I know the answer to that and along with that I have made a decision to, well, go do something. I don't want that nagging bitch on my back though so I'm going to leave her there for now. She'll wake up on her own eventually, and if she doesn't then she'll still be here when and if I come back for her. There is a temptation to give her a small kiss on the side of her face, but not such a temptation that I bother doing it. My mind is now on something else. I am going to go get my self back as I should be, and to do that I need – err – you'll soon find out what I need.

-o-o-o-

Weeks went by, sometimes it feels like they flew by quicker than I could think and other times they dragged. We sat with Reid, taking it in turns to talk to him and try to pull him out of wherever his mind was hiding. 'He's sleeping.' We kept being told, which is fine and great but he never wakes. Not when we are with him anyway. It's as though he doesn't want to face us. Doesn't want to answer the questions we have for him. The psychological damage seemed to been much deeper than that bullet had gone.

I am with him though when after four stuttering weeks he eventually opened his eyes for me. I sat bedraggled and tired at his side on a very uncomfortable green chair as he slowly turned his head and looked at me.

'Reid.' I say it quietly. I don't want to spook him straight back to where he has been hiding.

'Hey.' He replies and then he turns his head back to stare at the ceiling.

'I'll get you some water.' I tell him. Though I know nursing staff have been wonderful I feel that it should be me caring for him.

He says 'Thank you.' After he has sipped at the water and then gives me a small smile. 'I didn't think you'd be here.'

I take his warm hand in mine and give it a gentle squeeze. 'Why wouldn't I be?' But he still doesn't look at me. 'I need to go and tell someone that you are awake.'

'No, please Hotch. Don't go.' And my hand gets squeezed back.

So I sit down and just look at him and at our hands and at his face which is now turned to look at me again.

'You're not angry with me?' He asks

'Why would I be?' But I know why. There are so many reasons why I should be angry with him, but I can't. I'm just so happy that he is talking to me and looking at me that any anger has been swept away. He shakes his head slightly at me and looks away again. Damn, why do I feel like a stupid teenager in love? Where have these feeling suddenly come from? I'm sure; no I know that before this mess with Flanders that I didn't feel like this. It was different then. Yes I wanted to watch him and yes I wanted to reach out and touch, but I didn't. I wouldn't, and I still won't. I don't know what that man has done to me but I'm not going to let his will over power what I need to do and that is to be the team leader and sort this mess out. 'I'll go and get a nurse.' I tell him quickly releasing his hand from mine. I can't afford to get this involved with him. I don't want to get this involved. I have to back off, but then again I have to keep close and protect him. I frown at these conflicting thoughts and stand. 'I'll get a nurse.' I repeat, because I really don't know what else to say to him. I see him lick his lips and close his eyes again and for a while I think he's gone again.

'I want to go home.' His voice is hardly more than a whisper. I stand and look at him and run my fingers through my hair as I find myself staring at that perfect profile.

'You need to rest and recover first.' I push my hands into my trouser pockets and just stand watching him.

'I feel fine.' He tells me.

And again I say, 'I'll get a nurse.' And quickly turn my back on him and walk away. I am nearly at the door when I sense his eyes following me so I stop and look back at him.

'I don't need a nurse Hotch. I need to go home.' Shaky hands sweep stray hair off his face and long pale fingers tuck his hair behind his ear.

I pull a hand from my pocket and rest my palm against the door. 'We need to talk first Reid.' I tell him, but I don't give him the chance to reply. I walk through the door and for the first time since I saw him looking at me I feel I can breathe again.

-o-o-o-

I know I am being looked for but this is something I have to do. I need to take back what Reid took from me. I don't know if that's my ability to heal or my sanity but he's taken something. I also don't know if I'm going to get this back by ripping him apart and eating his heart or by some other means. I'm hoping I don't have to kill him. I don't feel I really want to do that, but I've got to do something to stop what is happening to me. I don't feel fully in control of what's going on. I've not felt that since I decided to take that second child. I wondered if I could talk to someone and get that bit changed, but so much has happened since that I don't think it possible. There is also the matter that I will be admitting to _them _that as always I've messed things up. That's not going to help me much if I get picked up before I see Spencer.

Walking along the outskirts of this city isn't a problem. I'm going to be more likely to be picked up once I'm in the city proper, but I'll figure out how to combat that when it happens. I've had a close inspection of my leg and it seems to be healed up fine now, but I can see by the leaves on the trees and the available berries and plant life that I've been away for quite a few weeks. This is late summer now; not the bright burning summer when this had all started. He's had time to heal. I've had time to heal. Now it's time to start the show again.

I want to slide into his mind and see what's been going on, but I don't think it's a good idea. I'm going to have to wait and see with my eyes. I have to get rid of this churning in my stomach.

So that's exactly what I've been doing. I watch the hospital for a while; a very long while. I sit at a much used bus stop and watch. I sit on bench near the doors and I watch. I am sorely tempted to walk in the doors and go pay him a visit, but I know Hotchner is there and I don't think he'll be forgetting my face for a while. I stand in the shadows. I sit behind parked cars, but for three days I don't take my eyes off that place.

I try to decide what I'm going to do when I see him. Do I want to take him with me? Do I want to force him to come with me? I don't think I do, so why is that the feeling I have growing inside me day after day as I watch. I don't see Hotchner leave during that time. He's at least doing what I told him to do and protecting Spencer, but I don't want him comforting him. I should maybe have made that clearer to him. I don't want him touching Spencer. I don't want him to put his arms around him and pull him close. I don't want their bodies touching in such a familiar fashion. As I have been in hibernation for such a long time, I'm not going to be sleeping for a bit. This is good. This means I don't miss a thing. This is why I see the dark suited form of Hotchner exiting the building with a tall skinny bloke walking next to him. I rub at my eyes with my finger tips and keep watching. I know that other person is Spencer and I know, now I know that he is mine. I can smell him. I can feel him even though I'm not touching him. I lick my lips in anticipation, but anticipation of what I'm still not sure. I watch from the shadows as they walk past and over towards a big SUV parked in the lot. I want to call him back to me. I want to tell him he is going with the wrong person, but I don't. I stand and I watch and I prepare to follow. I see the direction the vehicle went in and I feel the urge to run after it and jump on the rear bumper and squeeze my way in somehow, but again I do nothing but stand and mark the direction they left in.

Careful I have to be so very cautious. I am so close now. So close I can literally smell him, and it makes my head spin in delight. I finally know, now that I've seen him and now that I've watched the way he walks and moves exactly, almost exactly, what I am going to do to him – with him – and it's going to be fucking good.

Although the SUV is travelling along main roads I stick to the back streets. I pick a few pockets along the way, just in case I need some cash for later. Which just so happens I did. I walk by a small back street shop and it catches my attention. I stand and look at the various items on display and then push open the door and enter. It's not a very big place but it is, even to my standards, very well stocked. I purchase a few things and the assistant gives me a knowing smile which I don't return but raise an eyebrow to and when I have my goodies in a white carrier bag and leave he says to me. 'Enjoy yourself.' And so I turn to him and now I give him the winning Flanders smile. He doesn't smile back. Maybe it wasn't a winning smile after all. Perhaps more of a warning grimace.

-o-o-o-

I would very much like time on my own, but I don't think that is going to happen. Hotch finally agreed to let me go back to my own apartment but he looks far from happy.

'We still need to talk.'

He tells me, and yes I know we have to talk, but I just need to get home and, well you know, ground myself again. I've been having crazy dreams; not exactly nightmares but I still awaken in a sweat and my breathing heavy and my heart pounding. I don't know if I am calling out or talking in my sleep and I really don't want Hotch to be the one to find out what I've been dreaming about. I need coffee…hot sweet coffee and my chair and silence. I need space to think without the smell of hospitals or the fussing of my team leader. That is if I'm still part of the team. I have a very strong feeling that is part of what Hotch needs to talk to me about, and right now I'm not in the frame of mind to hear what he has to say. I don't want to know that I've lost my job because I ran like an infant from a scary monster I imagined in the dark.

That said, I do know that there are monsters in the dark. I know that only too well. I give Hotch a sideways glance as he pulls up outside my apartment. 'Thank you.' I tell him and he turns off the engine and moves slightly so that he is facing me.

'I don't like you being there alone. Flanders knows where you live. I really don't think it's safe.'

He has a hard look on his face, one that normally accompanies a voice I will listen to, but not today. 'I will be alright. I won't be letting anyone in Hotch. I just need to shower in my own bathroom and sit alone.' I add the "alone" bit so as to make sure he knows I don't want his company.

'Let me at least come up with you. Make sure things are…..' He trails off.

I nod at him. One concession isn't going to hurt, as long as he leaves once he knows I am safely barricaded inside my own place. I nearly ask him to come up and have a coffee, but somehow the words sound pathetic, almost like asking him up for sex after a date, so I just nod again and give him a tight smile.

Once in my apartment I feel such a great sense of relief that my head feels light. I do offer him a coffee but he declines. Aaron can see I need to be alone now.

'Call me if you need anything.' He tells me and this time I manage a proper smile.

'I'll be OK. You don't need to worry. I'm not going to run off again.' Maybe that's what he needed to hear, I really don't know, but he nods and smiles and lets me have my space. I know he's standing the other side of my door and listening to me locking up securely. I stand and look at the door until I hear his footsteps leaving. I let out a big breath of relief, but I don't move just yet. I rest my forehead on the coldness of the door and wonder what the hell has been going on.

The next couple of days I spend locked in my apartment in the silence I needed so much. I drink too much coffee and have wild dreams. Not like the one where I was on a beach somewhere, these are different. They are more like memories and I awaken remembering every detail and in dire need of a soak in the tub and a stiff drink.

They have decided, or more likely Garcia and Morgan have decided that it would be good for us to all get out and "enjoy" ourselves and no amount of 'I don't really feel like socialising.' Is going to stop it happening and so I shower and shave and pull on something random from my closet and wait for Hotch to come and get me for this great gathering. Once again I'm made to feel like it's some sort of date we are going on, but I shake it from my mind and sit in silence on my chair and push my slightly damp hair behind my ears.

-o-o-o-

Same routine different location. Now I am watching Spencer's apartment. I was almost hoping that Hotchner would arrive so I could show him why he needs to keep away. At one point in the dead of night I walk up those stairs and walk to his door. I had no plan of what to do when I got there, so I just stood and rested my hands on the door and breathed in the scent of Spencer drifting around, escaping from under his not so very secure door. I know I could have just walked in. The pathetic attempt to keep me out wouldn't stop me for very long. When I finally pull away I note that I had been digging my fingernails into the hard wood. Damnit I need him so much that if I don't decide what the hell I'm going to do soon it's going to make my heart explode. I go back down to the shadows and continue my vigil but now I have that wonderful fresh smell to remember and it twists down inside me until I turn and bring up the berries and leaves I've been living on. I can't let this happen. I can't permit this one to do this to me, but I need to be in control when I see him. When I see him alone; just the two of us.

It's early evening when Hotchner arrives. I don't move even though I have the urgent need to pull his head off and stuff it up his arse, I stand still and I wait. I look at the sky and try to judge how long he's there for. Does he fuck Spencer? Will he spend the night there? I can sense from Hotchner and need to be close to Reid. I just hope it's not too close or there is going to be a blood bath. Strangely enough it's only about fifteen minutes before I see the main doors of the apartment open again and Hotchner accompanied by Spencer exit and walk towards the SUV the bastard arrived in. They're not talking. They're not touching. This is good. It's a good sign, but I'm not sure where they're going. Not a major problem, I have the two scents to pick up on, and as I watch the vehicle pull away, I also pull away from the shadows and begin my trek to locate my victim – I mean to locate Spencer. HA!

-o-o-o-

I really don't want to be in this place and judging my the stony look on Emily's face, she doesn't much want to be here either. She looks different some how but I can't put my finger on what it is. Tired maybe, but there seems to be no sparkle in her eyes. Garcia is her normal bouncy self, as is Morgan, who seems to have drunk slightly too much and is talking slightly too loudly. This place is a cross between a night club and a bar. There is a place to dance if you want, and I don't want, but there are quiet corners too. Dark places where a couple might want to just sit and be alone together in a crowd. We are sitting at a round table, funnily enough, and there are snacks on the table and empty glasses and full ones and there is a lot of chatter. I can feel that Aaron keeps looking at me. I'm not sure what he expects me to do. They all know that I don't really enjoy this sort of place, but they all seem happy to see me. So I sit and sip at a beer and pick at cashews and try my best to join in on the occasions that something is directed at me; which becomes less and less as the evening wares on. I need to get away from them for a little while. Just a bit of quiet. No eyes watching me. I stand and look over at Aaron who is again watching me a bit too closely for it to feel comfortable.

'Men's room.' I tell him and gesture over to the neon light above a doorway. 'And I don't need help.' I add quickly before someone can leap up and join me, though really they are making sure I'm not going to panic and run again. 'I won't be long.' I add. 'I…..'

'OK Reid.' Hotch says, and though he's let me go alone I know he'd rather be right there with me. It just feels so wrong. Everything feels wrong. I need to get away from all these people and try to pull myself back again, because although I keep assuring them that I'm not going to run again, that next time I will talk to them, as I should have done, I can't be certain that I am being truthful. I don't know if I get that feeling again – will I run? Will I try to protect them by leaving? I really don't know. Though I know it didn't work last time. I was stupid, but my head just feels so messed up!

I push open the door to the men's room almost expecting Morgan to be there right behind me, but he's not, and I don't look back to see if they are all watching me because I don't want to know. I want them to trust me to pee and not have to be watched over!

The room is empty apart from the urinals and the three doors for the stalls and suddenly I feel too light headed and the churning in my stomach tells me to go empty quickly. I enter the stall and close the door behind me and then kneel down. I hold back my hair with one hand and vomit into the white bowl. Cashews and beer, a lovely combination to bring back up again, but the burning it causes in the back of my throat is somehow comforting. It's a little bit of control. Something I do and I don't have to report it to anyone. My little secret; at least it was. I feel the cool hand on the back of my neck and realise that Hotch had followed me. I let out a little sigh…

'Hey babes.' A voice says to me and I feel hot breath on my ear. I know that voice and it's not Aaron's.

* * *


	15. Chapter 15 Reid and Flanders

Reid and Flanders.

**a/n SLASH !**

* * *

I don't move. I stay kneeling on the floor feeling the hand tighten on the back of my neck.

'Get up off the floor.' That voice again.

'L let go of me.' I close my eyes hoping this is one of my crazy dreams again. The hand leaves my neck and moves up onto my head. The fingers twist around my hair. I have a choice now, either have my hair ripped out or stand. I decide to slowly get to my feet.

'Good. Now turn around and look at me.'

Again he twists his fingers in my hair. I open my eyes and turn. 'Someone will come looking for me.' I let out in a sudden rush as I feel my face heating up. I lick my lips and just stand looking at his face. It's the face I've been dreaming about. It's Flanders. 'I, I…'

'You what?' He pulls me closer and his tongue runs over my slightly open mouth, which I close quickly.

'What do you want?' Stupid, very stupid question. I know what he wants by the way he is looking at me; by the way he has released my hair and his hand has moved down to the back of my neck. His other hand now on the small of my back pulling me in closer.

'What do you think I want?' He says into my ear and he pushes his hip hard against me. 'I want you.'

I briefly consider calling for help, but he pulls back slightly and is looking at me directly in my eyes. I put my hands on his chest and attempt to push him back away from me, but it's like pushing against a brick wall. He's going nowhere.

'I've been watching you.' He says, and his breath smells of peppermint. 'Have you been having nice dreams Spence?' The hand on the back of my neck moves down and around to my front. I can feel his fingers sliding down between my flesh and my jeans. 'I know you want this. Don't pretend you don't.' My hands are still on his chest and I can feel his heart pounding probably harder and faster than my own. 'So answer me – have you been having nice dreams?'

I move my hands away from his chest and grab at the hand venturing down the front of my pants. 'Don't. Please don't.'

'That didn't answer my question.' He moves his hands away from me and stands with his arms at his side and his hands fisted. 'Well?'

'Yes, yes I had dreams, but that's all it was, just dreams.' I want to step away from him but the back of my legs is already against the bowl of the toilet.

'Memories Spencer. They are memories. You want to feel that for real? You want that?'

I don't know how to answer him. I can't think straight with him looking at me like that, so I slowly shake my head. 'They will come looking for me.' I tell him again, but my voice doesn't sound as sure as it did when I said it previously.

'I know they will. Hotchner will come racing in here if you are much longer.' He pauses and puts a hand on my face. 'Don't look so worried, I'm not going to hurt you, and I'm not going to do anything to you here. I just want to know; do you want to feel those dreams and memories for real?'

'I'm, I've I…..I've got to go.' And I try to push him away again.

'They will know.' And I watch as he slides a hand into his pocket. 'They will watch you all the more carefully. You'll have no life left of your own you know.' He pulls something out of his pocket but I can't see what it is.

'They will know what?'

'That you've been in here vomiting. They will smell it on you.'

'Ah..' I wipe at my mouth with the back of my hand as he lifts his own hand up and opens his fingers for me to see what he has. 'What's that?'

'A mint. It will get rid of your vomit breath. You need to be careful Spencer. Oh so very careful. Take the mint.'

'I'll be alright. I need to go.' I try this time to sidle past him, but he side steps and blocks me.

'Take the fucking mint Spencer, I'm trying to help you out here, and now that I've met you…' A hand slides over the front of my jeans. '…and I know you want to repeat those dreams I'll be back. Now's not a good time. Watch out for me Spencer…take the sodding mint and go wash your face, you stink and look a mess.'

Now he steps out of the way and moves back into the main area of the men's room. I could stand here like an idiot or I could go wash my face and get rid of the wetness which has crept across my brow. He is still holding out the mint for me which I take without actually touching his hand, but I don't eat it. 'I can't eat this. I don't know what it is.' I inform him.

'It's a fucking mint! I told you what it is. Spencer if I wanted to hurt you, if I wanted to drug you with something I'd have done it by now. I'd have ripped you apart or stuffed that thing down your throat quicker than you can say…whatever you want to say…but it'll be damned fast I can assure you. Now eat it.'

He's right. This is the man who ripped apart those police officers in barely a moment. If he wanted me dead now he would be wiping his hands clean of the mess he made and be walking away. I slip the white candy between my lips and nod slowly at him. 'I have to err…wash.'

I can see him in the reflection of the mirror above the wash basins. He's watching everything I do. I can taste the sweet peppermint taste seeping from the small candy as I turn on the cold tap and let it run for a short while. I don't feel safe bending over to splash the water on my face, but I take a deep breath and do what he's asked me to do.

'I'll see you later then.' I hear him say, but when I look up he's gone. I turn quickly; almost too quickly and my head spins violently. The small bit of minty candy has gone now and that is the only way that I know any of this actually happened. I go back to the stall I was in earlier and flush then go back and wash my hands, this time in hot water and I wonder when "later" is going to be. Should I tell Hotch what happened? Or should I keep this to myself again. I use the hand dryer and exit the room, still not sure what I'm going to do when I get back to the table with the others. I can't believe that this murderer just walked off and let me go. I am wondering if it really happened, but again the sweet taste of mint in my mouth reminds me that it did.

I don't sit down when I get back to the table. I just stand and look at them all looking back at me.

'What's wrong?' Hotch asks me.

'You don't look to good sweety.' Garcia tells me.

'Sit down before you fall down.' I am instructed by Morgan.

'I think I need to go.' I reply to them all. 'I'm not feeling too good.' I pause as they all just sit looking at me. 'A headache' and a lie.

'I'll drive you.' Hotch is the only one who hasn't been drinking tonight. I guess the others all came by cab, or at least will be going home that way.

'No. No, I'll get a cab outside.' I start to back away from them and maybe Hotch sees something in my eyes, I'm not sure, but I see concern drift across his face and then go as quickly as it appeared.

'I'll drive you.' And he stands.

'Hotch, I really appreciate the offer but I'd rather get a cab.' I look at the faces of the others still looking at me. Only Emily has kept her eyes securely on the drink in front of her. 'I need some time alone. I'll go straight home. I know what you're all thinking.'

'I'll see you to the cab then.' And Hotch is moving towards me. I put a hand up to stop him.

'Hotch, please, I would rather get a cab.' He stops and looks at me quizzically.

'What happened Reid?'

I begin to back away. I don't want him getting too close to me. 'Nothing has happened. I just have a really had headache and….' And I turn and walk away. I don't want to stand and beg to be left alone. I don't need to tell him that I'm not going to run off again. My word should be good enough. I hear Hotch call after me.

'I'll call you tomorrow.'

And I gesture with my hand that I heard him, but I don't answer. If I don't leave now I'm going to do or say something I will regret. Then again leaving alone is going to be something I will regret too. I just don't realise that yet.

-o-o-o-

My passenger finally arrives. In actuality he was quite speedy getting his arse out of that place. Funny how sometimes plans just all slot together so well yet other plans which seem like such fine ideas at first turn to shit. This one though, yup, this one turned out well. He did exactly what I expected him to do. He slides his butt into the back of the cab I have "borrowed" and I can see Hotchner standing at the exit of the bar watching and making sure that his ward did what he said he was going to do.

'Blah blah blah blah…'

I think Spencer is talking to me but I'm not listening, and he's certainly not paying attention to who the driver of this cab is.

'Excuse me.' He talks louder this time. 'Do you get that address?'

I just nod at him and pull away and out into the night traffic, but I don't go in the direction I would have if I really had been listening to him. I have no intention of taking this little prize home; at least not yet. Luckily for a short while he remains silent. I glance at him constantly in the rear view mirror and see he has relaxed back in the seat with his eyes closed. That's good, it will take longer for him to realise that I'm going in the wrong direction.

Driving carefully is an absolute must in circumstances like this. Getting pulled over and recognised by some over zealous cop now would ruin my plan, so yes I take it carefully, and dive thoughtfully and gradually take my passenger further and further away from his required destination.

Maybe half an hour later he talks again and I glance in my mirror and see the confused look on his face. 'Where are we?' he asks me.

'Oh don't worry babes, I'll take you home afterwards.' The look of confusion turns quickly to one of panic and I watch his futile attempts at opening the cab door.

'Let me out!'

So I stop and get out and open the cab door and let him go.

Actually I don't. I'm not a fucking idiot. I keep driving for a while listening to his shouts and watching him smack his fists on the glass and pull at the handle. Finally he stops and just sits looking at the back of my head.

'You quite finished now?' I ask him. 'You know you can make quite a fuss when you want to, which beggars the questions as to why you didn't do something like that back in the men's room.'

'What do you want with me?'

'Why do you never answer my questions?' I'm still watching him.

'What? What do you mean?'

'Why did you not call for help in the men's room? Was it because you knew if you called for help someone would almost certainly have arrived to help you, whereas here there is no one.'

'No. That's not why.'

But I can see he's expression has gone back to confused again. 'Then tell me why. Why did you not call for help earlier when someone could have actually helped you? Was it because you were enjoying it? Did you like the feel of me pressed against you Spencer?' I pull over into a lay by and I turn so I can face him properly. I do however keep the glass closed between us.

'I, I don't know why.' His hands are twisting furiously in his lap and my eyes are drawn to them.

'Why so nervous Spencer, all we are going to do is relive a dream. Why is that bothering you?'

'You've forced me into this situation Flanders. I would really rather not be here.'

'Oh don't make me laugh. Please don't make me laugh. Of course you want to be here. Why else did you leave alone? I told you I would be watching you. You knew I would see you leave alone. You were begging for it!'

'No.'

'No? Then why leave alone when you knew I was there watching? Why leave so quickly? I'm sure someone would have offered you a lift. Hotchner would have taken you home Spence, so why were you alone.'

'No.' He says again.

'No what? They didn't offer you a lift?' His hands are now resting still on his knees.

'Yes I was offered a lift, but I don't want to be here with you. Either open the door and let me out, or take me…..'

I interrupt. 'Take you…yes, I'm going to take you.'

'…home.' But the word is not much more than a sigh.

I raise an eyebrow at him and give him a small smile. 'See, you're coming around to my way of thinking already. You just needed time.' I turn away from him and get out of the cab and move around to his door and pull it open. I get a strong waft of Spencer as the door opens and it makes that small smile of mine become a big lecherous grin. I grab at his hand and pull him quickly out of the cab. 'Come with me Spencer.' And my grin gets even bigger.

He nearly stumbles as I drag him forcefully from the back of the cab. One of his feet catches, and I give him a small moment to steady himself. 'You OK there babes?' I ask him…but the answer I get is a twisting of his hand trying to pull away from me. I turn to face him still holding tightly to his hand. 'You liked your dreams?' My face is so close to his that our lips are nearly touching.

'Y, yes.'

'Then what the fuck is your problem? Stop pulling away from me. Let me show you something good for once. You want nice stuff in your life don't you?'

'My problem is that you've forced me here.'

'You would have accepted a lift from me had you known who was driving?'

He shakes his head. 'No.'

'Well then tell me what choice I had. How else was I to get you out here where I want you?' And then I turn and start walking into the edge of the woodland we are parked next to. 'It's going to be fun.' Though I don't tell him who it is who is going to be having the fun.

He seems to follow willingly enough and I can smell that the wants me. I can also smell the fear, but I'm not sure if it's what is going to happen which is making him afraid or me. I cant imagine it's me…and he knows what's going to happen so that is a puzzle really. Maybe I'm just misreading the signals I'm getting from him. This is really my first contact with him. Perhaps he's afraid he will disappoint me. No real worries there.

It's not long before I'm no longer dragging him behind me like an unwilling dog, but he's walking beside me. I can see he keeps giving me side long glances and I return them with a small smirk on my face. 'See, it's not so bad being with me now is it?' He doesn't answer me, but he doesn't say deny it either. I take him deep enough into the woods so that we are well out of ear shot of any traffic on the road and then lead him off the path we've been walking and over towards a nice little place which I had picked out ready for us. A small clearing with a nice big tree at the edge of it and my white goody bag hanging from a branch. Now I let go of his hand. If he runs I'll just drag him back. If he doesn't, then … well the obvious really.

He doesn't run. He doesn't move either. He just stands looking around him.

'I'll make things easy for you babes. I'll give you choices, but only cos this is like our first time. Except it's not is it?' He shakes his head at me but still doesn't move and so I grab the bag off the tree and throw it at his feet. 'Is there anything in there which takes your fancy?' I watch him carefully. I want to see his reaction to what is in the bag, but his hair falls over his face as he bends down, so I don't get to see exactly what his face is telling me. I watch him open the bag and look inside and then stand again and just look at me. He's not retrieved anything so I take it that he's not interested in the toys I bought. I sigh and walk over to him and then behind him. I place my hands on his shoulders and gently push him forwards towards the tree. 'Don't be so damned nervous Spence. You want this. I can smell it coming off you in waves.'

When we reach the tree he moves his hands up and places them on the trunk at about shoulder height. He's a quick learner is this boy. I stand closely behind him and reach around for his belt.

'I'm, I….' He starts talking now?

'You what?' My hands make fast work of his belt.

'I don't know why I'm here; doing this….'

'Because you want to know if the dreams are just dreams or memories. They were good dreams? Good memories?'

He suddenly turns around to face me. I can see the red flush on his face and his wide eyes. 'No, not all of it was good.' He makes to grab at his belt.

I think, if you know me that I've been good so far. I've not hurt him. I've hardly forced to do anything he doesn't want. He could have gotten a lift home. He could have called for help in the men's room, but he didn't, so I'm only giving him now what he really wants, even if his mind is telling him it's not. I know him better than he knows him self. The problem now is that I don't like being pushed away. I don't handle rejection too well. I've tried this the nice way, and now I think things are going to turn nasty. I stand back a pace and watch as his shaking hands attempt to do his belt up again.

'You made a mistake Spencer.' I say, still trying to keep my voice calm. 'You just made a big mistake. I thought you wanted something nice.'

'I'm sorry, I don't know….'

'You will be sorry babes, but I think I'm going to have to show you why you shouldn't take rides from strangers.'

I give him a hard and very solid smack on the jaw, which sends him back until his rear is against that big old tree. I hear a little gasp of something; maybe pain, maybe shock…I'm not too sure. I watch his hand move away from his belt which he's not re-fastened yet and move to his face. 'Was this the part of the dream you didn't like so much babes?' I move in close and don't wait for an answer. Hands on his shoulders I spin him around to face the tree again. 'Now...are you going to fight me or let me have you?'

He kicks back at my legs, and yes he makes good contact, but it doesn't hurt and it's way too late for him to be fighting me now, and he knows it is, and this is very curious. The slut actually _wants_ me to slap him around. He wants that conflict. I'm happy to oblige him with one hand pulling down his dark jeans and the other pulling his head back ready to smack it into the tree. 'Don't be silly Spence. If you don't struggle it won't hurt as much.' Lies obviously. I love the pre-fuck struggle, but I'm equally happy to have him once he's stopped moving and breathing.

So I let his face have contact with the rough bark of the tree and I hear the groan of something which I'm thinking is pleasure as my fingers explore his lower body. I push a hand up behind his shirt and pull it upwards so I can see that lovely flesh on his back. I run fingers over it…I run my tongue across the knobbles of his spine and now I think maybe my own groans are joining in his. I make my way down, biting and nibbling at that skin…licking and kissing across his lovely arse…I give him a treat which makes him yelp out and push back against me.

And that really was all he had to do. I take him hard and rough and without any preparation. I feel the muscles in his body stiffen as he accepts what I'm offering him and so I wait just the shortest of whiles while he gets used to it…and then he's mine.

I don't make promises lightly, but occasionally they happen, and right now I can promise you that he's enjoying this as much as I am.

-o-o-o-

I feel the pain, but not for long. Now all I can feel is such pleasure that I thought it only belonged in my dreams. I had no idea….Oh god…I had no idea that it could feel this good. I push back harder against him…I can feel his hands touching me and giving me pleasure which is making my head spin. This is wrong. I know I shouldn't be here…I know I shouldn't be doing this, but when I push hard back against him, and when I feel his breath on the back of my neck and his teeth nibbling at me all doubts are just gone.

He takes me like I'm no more than an animal; just like some street whore. Like I'm just his dog, and maybe that is all I am and I love it!…oh!!…what's he doing with his hands!!!?

* * *


	16. Chapter 16 Hotchner and Flanders

Hotchner and Flanders.

* * *

I don't sleep well that night. I didn't like it that Spencer left the way he did. I'm sure something happened, but I didn't want to press the issue in front of the others and he was gone in the cab before I could talk to him outside. I did say I was going to phone him today, but it won't be yet.

I must have drifted off the sleep at some point in the early hours of the morning and when I awaken I know something isn't quite right. There is someone in the room with me. Actually sitting on the edge of my bed, and when I open my eyes cautiously to look I can see Flanders looking right back at me. He gives me a little half smile, which is more like an apologetic smirk. He's expecting me to say something, but I don't. I just watch him and wait for him to make the first move here.

'Good morning sleepy head.' He finally says to me. I don't reply, but push the bed covers off me knowing that I am safely wearing night clothes of a dark blue hue.

He gets to his feet but he doesn't take his eyes off me. 'I'm wondering if you remember the previous conversation we had.' He takes a step back from the bed, but still his eyes never leave my face. I don't give him the pleasure of looking as though I feel uncomfortable that he is here again as I slide myself carefully out of the bed wondering what it is he wants, and the way Reid was acting after his visit to the men's room flashes through my mind.

'What is it you want?' I finally ask him as he doesn't seem to want to say more to me just yet.

'I wanted to remind you of what I told you would happen if you didn't look after Spencer.'

I walk to the bedroom door and pull my housecoat off the hook and quickly shrug into it. 'He doesn't live here Flanders; I can't keep my eye on him constantly. He's an adult not a child. I'm sure he is capable of looking after himself.' Why is my stomach churning in worry?

'I touched him in the men's room. Then later on I fucked him. I don't think you're taking your duty to care for him seriously.'

Now I know he is lying to me. I know…I think I know, so I turn my back on him and leave the room and go to the kitchen to make my morning brew. I can tell he is right behind me. I can smell him. A strange smell which he seems to carry with him everywhere; a disturbing mix of musk and filth.

'I could give you an example of what I gave Reid, but I think you'd enjoy it just a bit too much, and then where is the punishment?'

I can feel his hot breath on the back of my neck, but I continue to ignore him and make a strong coffee, when what I really feel I need now is a hard shot of whiskey.

'I have an idea. Hotchner are you listening to me?'

I turn to face him, and fortunately he takes a step back. 'Yes I'm listening to you Flanders; I've just not heard anything yet worth responding to.'

'Well I have this idea which only just formed in my head, so I'm not sure how good an idea it is, but I'll give it a shot anyway. I'll give you something; something I know you would really like if you remember what I told you.'

I shake my head at him and turn away again to pour the coffee into my red mug. 'I don't make deals with people like you.' I tell him firmly, though maybe I should listen to what he has to say first.

'People like me? Oh, now that's interesting Agent Aaron Hotchner because I can assure you that you have never met anyone like me before.'

'Do you want a coffee?' I ask him. God knows why I asked him that.

'I'd love one. Thank you. Black and sweet. Do you not want to know what I can offer you?'

'I'm not interested.' I pour a second drink and add sugar to it and then turn and offer him the mug which he takes and holds between his grubby hands.

'But you don't know what I have to offer you yet.' And he blows on his drink.

'You've nothing I'm interested in Flanders, unless it's handing yourself over to the authorities for a speedy execution.'

'I have the children. Well not physically have them, but I know where they are and can return one of them to you, but you really do have to follow my rules. I'm a stickler for rules you see. I like to make them and see them kept to.' He takes a sip from the mug.

'I don't make deals when under threat Flanders.'

'Have I threatened you? Have I laid a finger on you, yet? I'm not threatening you Hotchner, I'm simply reminding you, much like I reminded Spencer yesterday, that I have control over this situation. My speedy execution is not going to get baby Henry back now is it? But agreeing to keep an eye on Spencer would. It's totally your choice though. I'm sure he's probably being looked after just fine where he is, but then again as he's not one of our own maybe they are not being quite as loving to him as they are to my daughter. So what do you think? You want to renege on the previous understanding?'

I half turn and place my mug down. 'We had no previous understanding Flanders.' I won't be pulled into his sick games. I feel him moving in close behind me. Pressing his body against mine and then he moves a hand around me and places his mug on the counter.

'We had an understanding.' He is talking directly into my ear. 'I think I'm going to have to show you what happens when you don't listen to me.'

With difficulty I turn around to face him again. I place a hand on his shoulder and push him back away from me. 'The only understanding I have is that you have once again broken into my home and threatened me.' I move to the side and away from him and out into my small hallway. 'Get out.' I don't want him to leave. I want him to stay and talk to me. I need to find out where the children are, but I don't want him to feel comfortable. I need to keep control of things. My mind goes to Spencer and I wonder what the hell he's done to him but I'm not going to show him that I'm bothered about it. Even though I am.

'You're beginning to piss me off Hotchner.'

I can hear that. I can hear by the way he is talking. I again turn to look at him. 'I'm not going to keep an eye on Reid in exchange for a child. I don't make deals like that.'

I now walk to the lounge and although last time we spent time in here together was not the greatest of events I feel sitting would be more conducive when trying to lift information from him. I seat myself on the couch and wait for him to follow and he will follow. I know that much about him. He has to brag and he has to let me see his face; a bit too up close. He certainly doesn't want me to forget him. Not that I think that is going to be possible. I am correct obviously…it's only a few seconds after I sit that he enters and walks to the unlit fireplace. I watch him standing there as though it was lit and he was warming his front on the roaring flames. His hands down at his sides he is just looking at the wall above where the fire would have been. He loves the drama. He loves the shouting and abuse, he loves to let people know exactly what he has done and what he plans to do, so I watch this little bit of play acting he is doing and wonder how I am going to get inside the mind of someone as psychotic as Flanders. Slowly he turns around and now he is watching me again. I see him swallow and lick at his lips. His hands still at his side and his head cocked slightly to his left as though listening to or for something. He is waiting.

I wish I hadn't left my coffee in the kitchen now. I would like to be holding that mug just to have something to do with my hands and to keep my self looking relaxed. He is studying me. Profiling me in his own sick and demented way. I cross my arms across my chest and watch and profile in return. I know, I am sure that this meeting is going to end badly and probably for me, but I'm not going to let him see that on my face or in my posture. I lean back on the couch and carry on watching him watching me.

'Maybe you should phone him.'

Flanders suddenly says.

I give him a very slight frown and ask. 'Who do you want me to phone?' But I know who.

'Reid, call Reid.' He takes a small step closer to me.

I shake my head. 'I'm not his nursemaid Flanders. He doesn't need me checking up on him.'

'You've met his father. I know you have.'

I nod. 'What has his father got to do with anything?'

'That is all he has. God knows I'm sure his mother gives a damn when she's able to, but hell Hotchner, that William Reid is the only father he has. I think it's time you stood up to the plate and accepted your role.'

OK…not he has confused me. Why the hell can't he keep on one subject? His mind is all over the place. 'I'm not sure I know what you mean.'

'Show him you care Hotchner. He has no one. Well he has me but I'm the one you're meant to be protecting him from and you did a shit job of it last night, so here I am letting you know. Pick up the phone and show you care.'

'He knows I care. I don't need to constantly harass him to show that. Are you going to tell me where the baby is or are have you forgotten about that part of your plan?'

Now he is pacing the room. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Exactly what was going on through his mind, then again maybe it's best I don't know that.

-o-o-o-

He is confusing me. This damned man. This Agent Aaron Hotchner. Why won't he listen to me and understand what I am trying to tell him?

'The plan.' I mutter to myself. I'm not quite sure what my plan was now. I don't even really know why I am here talking to him. My original idea had been to come here and smack him around, but he's talking to me. He's not fucking bothered that I'm here. The plan? What was the plan again? I stop my relentless pacing of this room and turn to look at him. 'You need to call him.' I tell him again. Why won't he bloody well call him? I'm not asking much am I? That's not too much to ask of this man, but he's shaking his head. I moved forward and sit myself down on the small coffee table I had laid the food on previously and sit facing him. 'You have to comfort him. Be there for him. Be available for him to come to you when he needs comfort.' I place my hands on my knees and watch Hotchner.

'The plan.' He tells me again. 'The children. Where are they?'

He ignores what I said to him. Always the children! Why? 'What is your interest in those brats? They are nothing to you. What do you want with them?'

Hotchner blinks and leans forward and stares me in the eyes. 'I need them returned, and then and only then will I even consider being there for Reid.'

I try to sense if this is a bluff or not, but the man has confused my mind. I don't know. I really don't know. Maybe I should just get it over with and do what I intended to do in the first place, but that red rage which lives in my head so often isn't there. I scratch at the back of my neck. 'You said you wouldn't make deals with me, so why the change of heart?' It's a lie, I can see it now drifting behind his eyes like some dirty secret. 'I think my idea was that you do what I ask and then and only then do I return the boy child to you. Only the boy, because the other is mine and I'm keeping her.'

He puts one of his pale hands on my knee. 'You are failing to understand the situation Flanders. You came here asking for something. I am telling you that it will only happen if you return those children.'

I place a hand over his and stare down at it. 'No.' I say to our hands. 'You will renege on the agreement. I will give you what you want and then you'll be all guns out ready to wipe me off the face of the planet. I might be a tad confused right now Aaron, but I'm a long way from stupid.' I give his hand a squeeze. I am more than a tad confused though. My mind seems to working like mud. I'm not sure if this is a side effect of taking Spencer the way I did. I should have taken something back rather than give him more of me. I'll have to fix that. I need to go and sort that out very soon. I need to get away from Hotchner though, I can see that much. The longer I am staying here for and doing nothing the more control he is gaining and the less I want to spread his blood over his walls for not following his instructions.

'I need to go.' I say and suddenly stand. Too quickly. The room spins and for a small moment there I think I've gone over the edge and I'm going to fall and never stop falling. 'This is why…this is why I forgot.'

Hotchner is standing too and I try to focus my eyes on him but the closeness is making me feel ill.

'Forgot what?' He is asking. And he is saying other stuff too, but I can't hear what it is. All I know now is that this was all a fucking mistake. Right from the get go…the whole damned thing.

I want to step back away from him, but the bloody table is behind me. His smell is making my eyes water. I can feel the pressure of a nose bleed building up in my head. A hand on his chest combined with a shove has him sitting back down on the couch. 'Get away from me.' I hiss at him, and now that relentless trickle of blood is making its way out of my nose and across my lips. I give it a quick lick and still watching Hotchner carefully through watery eyes I step to the side of him. 'Don't touch me. Don't ever fucking touch me.'

He recovers from the push I gave him pretty damned fast and he's on his feet again and once more I can feel things are going wrong. I've had this feeling before somewhere. Something else taking control. The control I need and demand; I can feel it slipping away via the blood pouring down my face.

'Let me get you something for that.' I hear him say, but it sounds like something is crawling around in my ears preventing me from hearing him properly. I wipe at the blood with the back of my hand.

I came here to remind him. To teach him a lesson and it's not happened. All that I've managed to do is show Hotchner that I bleed just like anyone else. I've shown him that he has the upper hand and I don't know how to change it back again. I watch him moving away from me. I can see through the confusion that his posture has changed. I don't like what I see. I'm going to have to stop him. 'I don't need anything.' I say just before a sneeze blasts dark red clots of blood across his rug and down my front. 'Fuck.' I mumble as I try following where it is Hotchner is going. I can't let him make a call to anyone but Spencer. I can't let him think he has won this round. I have to get out.

I need to leave.

I have to kill the bastard.

I need him to protect Spencer.

I have to rip him apart.

I have to get back my control on this situation

And I have to keep it.

Stop it from slipping from me faster than the blood is exiting my nose.

I wonder briefly why I am on my knees. I can feel I am pulling myself back to my feet again. I shake my head and try to clear my brain, but I just spray more of my own blood over Hotchner's lounge.

He is standing watching me. He is waiting for something. He knows something.

There are things I need to say to him, but my mouth won't form the words I need.

-o-o-o-

One second he is crawling across my lounge floor babbling to him self and leaving a bloody smear behind him. The next he is on me. I don't know how he moved so fast. I was sure he was going to just eventually lie down and die right there on my floor. I could see the pain and confusion on his face and all I had to do to get it there and to get him in this state was to talk to him.

Now however I am getting the table lamp wrapped around my head. I feel the ceramic base crack as it meets with my skull. I make a grab for his hands but they are slippery with his blood and he pulls away easily.

'Why wouldn't you just call him!?'

He is shouting this over and over again at me and his fist makes contact with my abdomen and ribs, his other hand is swinging the shattered lamp at my face and it is thins that I am trying to defend my self against. I'm not going to calm him down by promising a phone call. I won't give him that satisfaction, but I can feel that this attack is not as full on as the previous ones. There is something missing. Something in him lacking.

'I'm not going to call him.' I hiss back at him. 'Beat me if you have to Flanders…' God he can hit hard, but I'm not going to hit him back. 'It won't make me call Spencer.'

I feel the sharp edge of the lamp make contact with the side of my face. I can feel it digging in and tearing at my flesh as he twists it.

Then it stops as suddenly as it started. I realise I am on my knees on the floor trying to get my breath back and he is sitting on his haunches staring at me. The lamp still in his hand. He is looking at my face with interest; almost as though it's the first time he's seen blood. The lamp falls from his hand and he wipes at his own bloodied face with his hand again.

'We're at an impasse then.' And the man is smiling at me.

'You realise that anything that happens to Spencer from now on in is entirely your fault. Every bruise on his body. Every bite mark…every rip of that beautiful skin is your doing.'

I take some deep ragged breaths but stay down for now. I don't want to give him reason to fly into the attack again. 'I think – that you will – find it will – be your doing not mine.' I'm finding it hard to get my sentence out, but I manage it. I move my hand which seems to be shaking slightly and touch where my face is dripping blood from.

'I gave you the chance! You don't understand do you?! You have no fucking idea! I gave you the opportunity to save him…but you spat it back at me. So he'll come with me to my little corner of Hades, Agent Aaron Hotchner, and you will watch his destruction and know that you could have stopped it here…here today, you could have picked up the phone and stopped it.' He takes a staggering step towards me. 'And now it's too late! I could have given you Spencer and I could have given you that fucking snot nosed brat, but you'd rather keep your pride. So I'll go fuck Spencer again and I'll be thanking you for it Hotchner.'

The last thing I see for a while is his booted foot heading for my face.

* * *


	17. Chapter 17 Leaving

Leaving

**a/n A very small bit of implied slash.**

* * *

I don't remember how I got home again.

That's really not important now though. I'm curled up on my side on my bed wondering about what happened in the woods last night. Was it only last night? It feels like weeks had passed me by whilst I lie here feeling sorry for myself. No…maybe not self pity, more like a deep confusion. Everything felt so right. It felt so good. I can still feel where he has been. I can feel where he took me. I can feel where his hands drifted over my skin. I can still feel his hot breath on the back of my neck and his mouth on my flesh.

It was wrong. I know it was wrong. I shouldn't have done it, but it was so right and so wrong at the same time.

Will he come back again? Will he want me again? How can I ever live up to what he wants and expects from me. All those dreams…all those memories which felt so real and exciting; I want more of them. I want more of him.

I don't care if it was wrong. How can it have been wrong though, if it felt so right? If it felt like it was a continuance of something long gone and forgotten? I move my hand up to reach for my glass of water and see that he has left a small pile of mints for me. I take one of them between my fingers and roll onto my back and hold it up to look at it. A small reminder that it was real; not that I had doubts, but the other reminders are not something I can look at. This tiny mint is proof that he was here and that I let him be here. I slip it between my lips and taste that wonderful flavour of mint sweeping across my tongue. I need to wash. I have to get up off my bed and sort myself out.

I strip off in the bedroom and then walk slowly to the bathroom. This isn't something I would normally have done. I would have gone into the bathroom and locked the door securely behind me and then removed my clothing in the security of that small white room, but now there seems no point. I know he can come in without knocking even if I have all the doors locked behind me. It should bother me that he could just walk in, but somehow it doesn't. I don't mind. Actually I almost hope that he will suddenly turn up and see me standing there unashamed of my body for the first time ever.

Looking in the long mirror I have in the bathroom I can see a multitude of marks over my white skin. I can see finger marks and bite marks. I can see where he has clawed at me, and a little group of bruises on my hips shows me where he held me tightly to him. I smile as my fingertips linger over the various marks on my body.

'It was real.' I say to my reflection. It is an oddly satisfied look I have on my face and it reflects what I am feeling. Someone wanted me. Someone wanted me for more than my brain. Yes he hit me. I can see the marks where spiteful hands and fists made contact with me, but really I needed that too. Not just the…well not just that, but all of it. Someone to take control.

I turn on the shower water and wait as it gets to the temperature I want it. Hot. I need it hot today. Not because I feel dirty, but because I want to feel that hot water washing over the scrapes and cuts in my skin. It's a way to feel it all again. I step into the water which I know is too hot and I just stand there and let the water wash over me. My initial thoughts are to just stand there and not use soap. I don't really want to lose that scent I have on my body; the smell of him, but something inside my mind tells me to wash. I must be clean. At least on the outside. Scrub at my hair and then at my body. I let the soap get in my eyes and I scrub hard at the places I can reach where the skin is broken. I want to keep those marks. I need to see them open and bleeding. I have to see where Flanders touched me. I'm unsure how long I stand there letting my skin get slowly redder under the hot water, but eventually I am standing on the white tiles of the bathroom floor again pulling on my bathrobe. There is now a strange contentedness flowing through my body and mind. I towel dry my hair a bit and then walk, still damp, to my lounge where I pour myself a small drink and pick up the book I've been meaning to read, but it's not quite what I'm after looking at right now so I collect a handful of graphic novels from my bedroom where I pause for a short while looking at the small pile of mints. I give them a quick grin and then return to the lounge with something more fitting to how I am feeling right now and settle down to look at the pictures carefully and attempt to read slowly and sip on a drink. Maybe it's a bit early in the morning to drink, but it is only a small one and I'm not going to work and I have no reason to need to leave my apartment today so really it doesn't matter. I've not even opened the drapes yet and so I sit in the half light of the day and immerse myself in the artwork.

It would seem that the mixture of the hot water and the alcohol mixed with the images and the lethargy my body is experiencing was a mix which pulled me into a deep sleep still sitting there on the couch. When I awaken I know someone is in the apartment. I can smell someone. More, I can smell Flanders. I don't move…I hardly breathe; I stay exactly as I am not knowing why he is here again or how long he has been here watching me. Then something touches me lightly on the upper leg and though I don't want to let him know I'm awake I let out a little sound and open my eyes. There he is kneeling in front of me and I suddenly remember that I am in just my bathrobe, which appears to have been either moved open or fallen open of its own accord. I glance down at the hands resting on my legs and then look up at him. Again a small sound of surprise leaves me as I take in his general appearance. There is blood smeared up the side of his face and drying under his nose. His face looks damp with sweat and his hair is hanging dirty and wet around his face.

'Hey.' He whispers to me and then bites on his bottom lip. 'I didn't mean to wake you.' Still talking in a whisper which makes me wonder if it is just the two of us here. I reach out and touch his face.

'What happened?' Now looking down at his hands again I can make out blood there too; caked into his knuckles and behind his fingernails.

'I had a nosebleed is all.' And his voice is a bit louder and his hands are moving further up my legs and I know I should stop him, and I know I should ask more about all this blood. I know that much blood doesn't come from a nosebleed. I know, I knew…for a while I knew that, but his hands are leaching all intellect out of me and turning me into a moaning wriggling…fool.

I lean my head back against the back of the big leather chair I am sitting and squirming in and close my eyes again. Another dream and so I let it just happen. The sudden ringing of the phone would have woken me up, but I realise with a touch of confusion that I wasn't sleeping in the first place. I look down at Floyd and groan and ignore the phone.

-o-o-o-

The damage Flanders did to me was not as bad as previous encounters. When I open my eyes and roll over onto my stomach I mutter soft curses for letting him do this to me again. The message he delivered was confusing though and the more we talked it seemed the more confused he was too. It was a painful lesson for both of us I suspect and I doubt he will be returning in a hurry to discuss Reid with me again. I hope he won't, but yet next time I will be better prepared for him. I know his vulnerable spot now and I wonder if anyone has found that place in him before.

I get to my feet and quickly move to the telephone. It is now that the importance of calling Reid seems to be uppermost in my mind. I speed dial his home number and get no reply. I then call his cell phone and discover it has been turned off. I stand for a short while just looking at the receiver in my hand trying to work out what to do next. I certainly don't want to go running around to his apartment on the orders of Flanders. I'm sure he will he expecting me to do just that. I suspect that he will be watching and waiting. I place the phone back in the charger and go and check my locks and alarms. All is set so I have no idea how he got into my home again. I will have the security people come over and check it out for me. In the meantime I have to get someone to check on Reid and that someone will be Morgan. I give him a quick call now and tell him that I'm getting no reply from Reid and I tell him I need someone to go over and check that he is alright.

'Sure Hotch.'

Morgan says to me, but I can hear something in his voice. He's suspicious of something. He knows something. I place the phone back in the re-charger again and run my fingers through my hair. This is what Flanders has done. He has made me unsure of myself and I can't permit that to happen. I take a quick shower and get changed. I am just straightening my tie in the mirror when my cell phone vibrates loudly on the table. It's Dave.

-o-o-o-

When the knocking starts on my apartment door I quickly open my eyes and glance around. Floyd is curled up on the floor at my feet like an old dog and I am damp still with old sweat. I reach down and touch his shoulder. 'Wake up.' I say softly. 'There is someone at the door.'

'I can hear – I'm not sleeping.'

He turns and rolls over onto his back and smiles up at me. 'I've got to get the door.' And on wobbly feet I stand up, but Floyd doesn't move. 'You can't stay there. Go and wait in the bedroom.' So I wait and the hammering on the door increases in volume and is joined with:

'Hey Reid…you in there?'

It's Morgan. What on earth does he want?

'Please Floyd, get up. He will want to come in.'

But he just lies there and grins at me. 'You going to put more clothing on before you get that door?' And his hands are moving up my legs again as I realise I am virtually naked apart from the bathrobe which is sliding down my arms.

'One minute Morgan!' I call out and then bend down and take Floyd's hand. 'Please, the bedroom. I don't want a confrontation now – not here.' And he gets up and walks silently to the bedroom. I follow just a couple of steps behind and grab a pair of boxers from a drawer and pull them on and then wrap the bathrobe tightly around myself. 'Just stay here for a while.' And I lean forward and give him a quick kiss on the mouth then leave the room closing the door firmly behind me.

When I open the door to Morgan he raises an eyebrow at me. 'Can I come in?' He asks as I knew he would. They are checking up on me. They just won't leave me alone.

'Sure.' I reply and step back and let him in; closing the door behind him. 'Can I get you a coffee?' I should be asking what he wants but I know already.

'Hotch asked me to come over. You're not answering your phone.' I stand and watch him walk into the lounge area and I do a quick mental recall to try to work out if there is anything there which shouldn't be. The graphic novels! Oh god, I don't want him to see those and so I am fast behind him picking up things as I go and shoving the evidence of my not so pure self into places he wont see. 'You were acting kinda strange last night kiddo.' He says as he flops down onto the couch.

I just stand and look at him for a second. I don't want him here. I don't want anyone here really, but the quickest way to get rid of him is to give suitable answers.

'I was in the shower.' I tell him.

'And you're cell phone is off.'

I glance over at my messenger bag where my phone is and shrug. 'Well I'm not on duty, I've not been given the all clear to return to work, so there's not a lot of point.'

'You should keep it on at all times Reid. You know that.'

I nod at him. 'Well as I said, I'm still off work awaiting a psych evaluation, so really there is no need for you or Hotchner to contact me.'

He frowns at me now. 'What's going on? You left in a hurry yesterday, and you really didn't look well Reid…and today you are on edge. What's going on? You can tell me.'

'No, no I can't tell you, because there is nothing going on Morgan. I just need some space.'

'Flanders.' He says. Just the one word and he is awaiting a response from me of some kind.

I shrug again. 'I don't know what you want me to say.'

And he is standing. 'I know he got to you somehow. I know he said or did something to you to freak you out the way he did. You can tell me Reid.'

I shake my head and try to give him a smile, but I'm not sure that it convinces him. 'Flanders freaked me out, I will admit that, but now I just want time to be alone and to think. Please respect that Morgan.'

'If you see him you will call in and let us know. We will catch the bastard.'

'I'm sure you will, but now….'

'You want to be alone. I get it. Call if you need anything.'

And finally he is turning to leave and as he exits my apartment door I feel I can finally breathe again. I lied to him and he knows I did. He will go and report this to Hotch and I will be hauled in for more questions. I just stand in the hallway looking at the door for a few minutes. The hand gently touching my elbow makes me jump.

'Hey, he's gone. Relax.' Floyd's voice pulls me back to now.

'They will kill you. Morgan will.' I say to him.

'Na they won't do that. They need those kids back too much.'

'They will take you in and….'

'And last time I got away from them and I will again. They can't hold me Spence. You don't need to worry about that. What you need to worry about is what you are going to do next. If they question you about me what are you going to say? Are you going to lie to Hotchner and Rossi? They will see right through you, you realise that don't you? You are a terrible liar sometimes, and such a wonderful one at other times…I think though if put in a room with your boss and Rossi that you're going to crack. I really do believe that your loyalty to them is greater than any loyalty you will ever feel for me.' The hand is tightening on my arm.

'I – I don't know you as well….I hardly know you Floyd…that's really unfair.' And I try to pull my arm away.

'Ah, so you would grass me out to them? That is interesting and more than a bit erm…disloyal to someone who just gave you such pleasure and no you didn't ask me to do that, but you didn't request that I stopped either, so really what am I to think here Spence? That you used me for your filthy fag pleasure and now will turn me over to the authorities?'

'No.' I stop trying to pull away from him. 'It wasn't like that. You know it wasn't.'

'Explain to me what you are going to do then. When the come back, what are you going to do? Are you going to lie to them?'

'I can't lie to them Floyd. I am Federal Agent. This isn't how I wanted things to turn out. If you'd…if you had….' I trail off not knowing what to say.

'Then how are you going to avoid talking to them babes? If you stay here they will come for you. They will have you in that interrogation room quicker than you can blink.'

'I'll…I don't know.' His hand leaves my arm and he walks away quickly.

'Come with me. I'll protect you from them.'

'I don't need protection Floyd. I need to think.'

'Come with me babes or they will have you locked up for what you've done with me.'

I shake my head trying to make sense of what he's saying and some of it does make some kind of weird sense, but I know I can't run again. 'I can't.' I start to follow him half afraid to let him out of my sight. 'I can't run from them. I gave my word I wouldn't.'

He turns and he is smirking at me. 'Then don't run Spence. Let them know you are going away for a few weeks. They'll know no difference. Come with me.'

'Where to? Where are you planning on going?'

He walks to me and places gentle hands on my hips. 'I don't know. Let's just get out of here and be free of all this shit for a while. Maybe go to Vegas and visit your mum. Hell I don't know. Where would you like to go?' And he is pulling me closer. His smell over powering my will to resist him.

'I'll call Hotch and tell him I'm going away.'

And for that I get a small kiss on the lips. 'Yes…you go do that and make it quick Spence before they come and try to stop you.'

* * *


	18. Chapter 18 Talking

Talking

* * *

I'd just taken a call from Morgan to let me know that he'd visited Reid. He wasn't happy with what he saw.

'There was nothing out of place. It just felt wrong.'

I thank him and close my cell phone and look over at Dave. 'I need to talk to him – to Reid.'

And Dave is about to say something back to me when my cell phone vibrates again letting me know I have another call. I look at the number and then at Dave. 'It's Reid.' I say and he just nods back at me. I flip it open.

'Hotchner.' I say.

'_It's Reid. I need to take some time away. I'm going to visit mum for a few weeks. You can contact me via her.' _

It is not a request. He is telling me he is doing this. 'I would like you to keep your cell turned on Reid. I need to be able to contact you.' I don't like that he is running away again, but at least this time I know where he is running off to.

'_I will.'_ His voice tells me. _'I'm leaving soon. I'll err I'll – let you know when I get there. I'm not just going to disappear Hotch. I just need some space.'_

I want to grab him and stop him from going but he's a grown man and he's not my responsibility. 'Are you travelling alone?'

All I can hear now is breathing. He doesn't want to answer me, which really confirms that, no, he's not travelling alone. I feel a tightness in my chest at the thought that Flanders might be influencing his decisions, but again there is nothing I can do about that from the other end of the cell phone.

'Reid…Can you wait until I come to see you? Just give me half an hour.'

The breathing again and a small sigh of the word _'Yes.'_ And he cuts the connection.

-o-o-o-

'You invited him over?' Floyd's hot breath on my neck again.

'I figured we'd be gone by the time he gets here. I couldn't lie to him Floyd. I can't do that.'

He shakes his head at me and pats me gently on the side of my face. 'But you just did babes. You just lied to Hotchner. You're a fast learner boy; I think that's why I like you so much. Grab your bag and let's get the fuck out of here. Your apartment is suffocating me.'

-o-o-o-

I had suggested initially that we got a flight to Vegas, but Floyd just gave me that look of his and shook his head. 'No flights. I don't like flying.' And that was the end of it. No room to argue with him. In the end it was a series of buses and trains we travelled on. I did ask why we didn't drive, or maybe go by bike, but again I got that look from him; the one telling me to shut up and do what he wants. I suspect that he was expecting Hotch to be looking for us pretty soon. Hotch would be expecting us to travel by bike or some kind of car.

That first day we changed transport no less than twelve times, but not enough for me to get confused over our destination which certainly wasn't Vegas. He was taking slowly northwards and asking him where we were going didn't even get me that look of his.

In a way I wanted to make a fuss and make sure that people remembered us, but really if I wanted I could just walk away from him. I could get off the train or bus and just walk away and call Hotch, but I didn't. I sat with him and breathed in his hot smell and wondered where we were going.

When travelling he barely even looked at me. It was almost as though he didn't want people to realise that we were together. When we were walking towards our next means of transport though his hand was tightly locked on my arm. It was a strange silent journey and as it got dark he showed no sign that it was time to find somewhere to rest for the night and I didn't feel secure enough to relax and sleep. I wanted to know where we were going and he wasn't going to tell me. Was he afraid I'd find a way to tell Hotch about our final location? I really don't know but this oddly silent and non tactile Floyd was beginning to bother me even more that my blatant lies to Hotch.

'What's wrong?'

The sudden words snapped at me by a now irritated looking Floyd made me jump out of my thoughts and turn to look at him. 'Nothing is wrong.' I tell him.

'Not a good way to start our adventure.' He is staring right into my eyes and I want to blink or look away but I can't. 'What do you mean?'

'First you lie to Hotch and now me?'

Again I try to rip my eyes away from that deep look he is giving me. 'I just want to know where we are going.' I tell him. Which really is true; I do want to know that.

'You'll find out when we get there.' And he slowly licks his lips. 'Go to sleep. You look tired.'

Finally he looks away from me and now I am looking at the side of his face. 'I'm hungry.' I inform him.

'You are worse to travel with then a fucking kid.' His face is looking at mine again. 'Suck on a mint and sleep.' And his hand is passing me one of his mints. I look at it and shake my head.

'I don't think that is going to stay off this feeling of hunger.' I'm not hungry. I'm really not, but I need an excuse to get up off my seat on this train and go and get away from him just for a little while.

'There's nowhere to get food on this train.' He tells me.

'Then we can stop at the next station.'

'That's going to take a while. I can take your mind off the hunger situation if you want.'

'Oh? And how are you going to do that?'

He leans forward and grabs at my hands. 'Men's room.'

'That's not going to stop me feeling hungry.'

'It might. You won't know until you try it.' A smirk.

'I'm not really in the mood.'

'Well that's OK I am.'

Squeezing at my fingers.

'I'll wait.' Pulling my hands away.

'Why are you so damned miserable all the time? I give you everything I have and you still can't crack a smile for me.'

'I want to know where we are going.'

'Ah, so you're not hungry then? We are going north.'

I nod at him. 'I know, but where?'

'Let's talk about it in the men's room.' Grabbing for my hands again. 'Or suck on a mint. You have a choice. Suck on me or a mint. That's the only way you're getting something in your mouth for a while.'

I cross my arms tightly around my chest and stare at him. 'I'll sooner starve.'

'I'll remember that next time you come lusting after me.'

I shrug at him. 'Well as that's not going to happen….'

'Oh it will.'

'You're always so sure of yourself. What makes you think I'm going to suddenly lust after you?'

'I'll drug you.' And a smirk.

-o-o-o-

Well it was obvious really. I knew he would be gone by the time I arrived but I needed to go anyway. I have a passkey for the main entrance but no key for his door, so when my first few knocks produce no reply I'm pretty sure he's gone. I stand and look at his door for a while. I can see small gouges in the wood and if I didn't know that it would be impossible to do – unless you had really hard fingernails – then I'd think that they had been made by someone's own hand. I run my fingers slowly over the door and sigh. He's gone. Once more he has run. Only this time I have a sinking feeling that it wasn't entirely his own choice. I know Flanders was here. I know what pull he has on Spencer, what I don't know is why? What I don't know is how he can do these things.

I decide to knock one more time and then count to fifty and leave. I have reached thirty when I give up and walk away from his door. I need to get hold of Rossi. I would like his input here. I really don't think that talking to Morgan or Prentiss will give me much. Morgan gets into some kind of angry funk whenever Flanders is mentioned and Emily just shuts down. I get into my car again and make a call to Dave.

'I need to talk to you.' I tell him and we agree to meet up in my office. I then make a call to Prentiss. 'I need to talk to you.' I inform her and we too agree to meet and talk, but this time at her apartment. She's been pulling a lot of sicks lately and today is another of those days. We decide between the two of us to have a talk and something to eat this evening.

It's going to be a long day.

The talk with Rossi was really a waste of time. Well for me anyway. I'm sure he managed to get more information from me than I got from him. There seems to be nothing we can do but put out alerts that we are looking for these two people. Flanders and Reid.

'If he accompanied him willingly then we certainly have a big problem.'

I nod at Dave's comment. 'But I don't think he would.'

Dave fiddles with a pen on the desk but doesn't say anything.

'I really don't think he would.' I say again

Rossi looks up at me and sighs. 'Well I think he may have. There's been a lot going and we have no idea what most of them are. We still don't know why Reid ran in the first place and we have no idea why the thought there was danger. Really there is only way he could have known and that is that he's been in contact with this Flanders person for longer than he's let on.' He pauses and puts the pen down. 'He lied Aaron. He's lied and then gave us more lies. What are we meant to think?'

I run my fingers through my hair and try to think straight. I know in my heart that he wouldn't purposefully lie to any of us. Yet that's exactly what it appears he's doing. Over and over again. 'I still can't believe that he knew Flanders before we did. I saw how he reacted to the photo…how Flanders did. He didn't know Reid.'

'We have to remember that this Flanders seems to be very unbalanced. He should be locked away in a padded room somewhere. His lies wouldn't show. A man like that has untruths dripping from his tongue like honey. You know that Hotch. You are letting personal feelings towards Reid cloud your judgement. Or is it personal feelings about Flanders?'

I stand. This is going nowhere. I don't even know why I thought it would help to talk to Dave. I thought he would see things the way I do, but he doesn't. 'I'll think about what you're saying Dave, but I really think you're wrong. Reid wouldn't lie to us like that. He'd never put someone in danger the way he did unless there was a reason. I just can't figure out what that reason would be. He is far more likely to put himself in danger to protect. That is the Reid we know. He doesn't always follow the rules, but he doesn't lie to us.'

'Yes he does.' Was Dave's reply and he too stood. 'I have work to do.' He gives me a hard look. 'And we need to locate Spencer and Aaron I don't think it's going to be a pretty outcome. We need to think about that too.' He turns and leaves my office and leaves me standing thinking about why the hell Reid has done this and more so why the hell Flanders has.

The evening with Prentiss doesn't go much better. She's changed a lot over the past few weeks. She seems to be smoking and drinking which just wasn't an Emily thing to do. She's quiet and withdrawn and though we sit for nearly an hour looking at our respective dinner plates nothing gets eaten by either of us. She's not willing to start talking, and I don't know where to start. I finally push the plate away from me.

'Emily.' I say quietly. 'We really do need to talk.'

She picks up a fork and pushes cold food around her plate. 'I know. I know we do, but I don't know where to start. There's too much Hotch. I am thinking how to begin and my mind is going in circles. I keep coming back to the same point, but I don't think that's the place to start.' She puts her fork down again and looks at me properly for the first time that night.

'Try me. Just start and I'll let you know if it makes no sense and we will find a way around it.'

She rests her elbows on the table and locks eyes with me. 'Something strange happened a while ago Hotch, and I didn't tell anyone because I really didn't think anyone else needed to know. It wasn't going to effect my work too much and definitely not for long so I kept it to myself.'

I just look at her and wait for her to carry on.

'Nearly two years ago I started having feelings that someone had been in my apartment. I put it down to the new job and that it was just me adjusting to the horrors we saw. It just felt like everywhere I went I was being watched. Sometimes I could smell something odd. Cigarette smoke or just the smell of someone else in my apartment. At first I thought it was my imagination, you know, how things get on top of you sometimes and you think or see things which aren't there?'

She pauses and I nod, but I don't say anything.

'Then sometimes I'd awaken in the middle of the night from a dream and it felt as though it was all real. I could still feel hands on me……' She trails off and looks away. 'I'm sorry Aaron, but it's so personal. The only other person I've even mentioned this to is Garcia.

'Was it Flanders?' I have to know.

'Yes, but you have to know that at the time I had no idea who he was. I never even saw this person. I could feel he had been lying on the bed next to me. I could feel the warmth on the sheets, but I never saw who it was. I figured again it was my imagination. This sort of thing just doesn't happen Hotch. It's a nightmare and I dare anyone in the BAU to say that they've never had nightmares over this job. Somehow though it all came to a head when I woke up one morning and found things in the bathroom. Things which were not mine. I don't want to go into the details Hotch. I don't want to go there.'

I pull my plate back towards me and nibble at the noodles as she keeps talking.

'The outcome was that he made me pregnant. But you have to understand that I didn't have sex with him Hotch, and he didn't rape me as such. I would have had such a hard time proving anything except I was carrying a child and I had no idea what the father looked like. I went down south when I had that long break. I had the baby and handed her straight over to the nurses. Yes I said goodbye to her. And then I came home again knowing that they would find her a good family to care for her. Something I am not able to do. Something I didn't want to do.'

'And it was your child Flanders took?'

She nods at me and I can see slow tears crawling down her face. 'I thought I was doing the right thing. I took her far away and placed her for adoption. I had no intention of ever contacting her again. Then this happens. The babies go missing and then Flanders appears and it was that smell Hotch! I knew it was him. I recognised that smell.'

'You should have come forward sooner with this information Emily.'

She stands and looks down at me. 'How could I? How the hell, before all this happened could I come to you and say I got made pregnant by someone, and no I don't know what he looks like, and no he didn't rape me. Tell me how you would have reacted to my story five months ago, or at any point before Flanders?'

I nod at her. 'And you told Garcia?'

She sighs at me. 'I wanted information on the adoption. I wanted to know what happened and how she ended up living right around the corner from me, but the adoption agency no longer exists and there is nothing on record anywhere about the adoption. He fixed it somehow, I just don't know how, and I have no idea why he picked me and then took the child. I don't have any more answers and it's driving me insane Hotch! I am sitting here every day waiting for him. I know he'll be back. I know he will. I know I will wake up and smell him again and feel those arms around me in my sleep. I know. I just don't know when.'

'I see.' What the hell am I meant to say to all of this? 'You will inform me if anything happens. If he comes back, even if just in a dream.'

'I will sir.' She picks up the plates of food and walks towards the kitchen.

'You should have come to me Emily. I would have listened. We could have put monitoring equipment in your apartment. We could have watched for him.'

'No…you would have said that all people new to the job suffer difficulties and I need to talk to the shrink.'

And of course she is right, but at least now we know why he took the girl. I still don't know why he went to all the trouble of getting Prentiss to give the child up for adoption and then manipulate things so she ended up living here. I still don't know why he then just took the baby and gave her to someone else, and I won't know until I have talked to Flanders about it.

I let out an involuntary snort of laughter…Talking to Flanders won't get me any closer to the truth than talking to a dog.

* * *


	19. Chapter 19 North of Somewhere

North of Somewhere

**a/n: small amount of implied slash.**

* * *

'Floyd, may I ask you something?'

The train is rushing by the countryside now; trees either side of us and hardly anyone else in the carriage.

'Ask away. I'm not going to guarantee I'll answer it though.' I stay looking out of the window watching the trees rush by and await Spencer's question.

'Your accent.'

I blink but don't stop looking out of the window. 'Well that's easy to answer babes…as it wasn't a question. Is there anything else you want to know?'

'OK. Floyd you accent is British.'

'Your genius brain is really going for gold to day Spencer. Just ask the damned question; assuming there is a question lurking somewhere at the back of that freak brain of yours.'

'I was just wondering, why they didn't deport you when they had you. When they had the chance. How long have you been over here? It can't have been too long.'

I turn now and look at him. 'They can't deport me silly boy, there is nowhere to deport me to. This is just an accent; it's not my place of birth.' He's frowning at me. 'I wasn't born in Britain. I just have the accent. It fits. I like it. It's how I talk. Yes I lived there, but…' I shake my head at him. 'You really wouldn't understand Spence.' Now he is raising an eyebrow at me. 'Was that all?' And he is still frowning at me. 'You see Spence if you failed to grasp even that small concept with that brain of yours, I hardly think you will even begin to understand or be able to acknowledge an dot of reality. Can we just leave it as it is? You would rather I talked like an American, then I will, but it really isn't best suited to me.'

'Try me.' He says to me and he is watching me very closely. He's watching out for lies. So I surprise him and give him the truth.

'Well a long time ago. A very long time ago – Spence this is a long story – well I was in England. You are right there. I lived there for a while and was in great favour with the King and the court.'

'The king?'

'You wanted to know why I have a British accent?'

'Yes.'

'Are you willing to listen to me then?'

'Not if this is some fancy fabrication I'm not.'

'Well, just listen and decide for yourself.'

'I have already decided.' And he turns and looks out of the window with his arms tightly crossed around his chest.

'You don't want to know?' He ignores me. 'I was prepared to tell all then.' Still ignoring me. 'Told you you'd not be able to understand. Just a few sentences in and you ignore me.' I cross my legs and look out of the window too and remember my time with the king and the court and the painted boys. It would have been a good story, but maybe for another time.

'I understand.' He mutters at his reflection.

'You want me to carry on then?'

He shakes his head. 'I understand that it's a waste of time trying to get you to be honest.'

'I was being honest.' We are now talking to each other's reflections in the window.

'Fine, and no, I don't want you to carry on.'

I see he has closed his eyes now. Little shit won't even look at me let alone listen to me. I don't understand him. I do everything for him. I've risked everything for him. Can he not see that? Well obviously not cos he's closed his damned eyes. Which ultimately is fine with me. He doesn't see the fist coming for the side of his head. 'Little freak.' I mutter at him as he slumps into a "sleep". 'Perverted fucking little freak.'

Really he is fortunate that we are on the train. I'd have torn at his clothes and had him quicker than you can sigh, but not now. Not right now. I'm going to take my mind back to the court and remember the good times I had for a few years way back – or I can assist my friend here and do what which I wanted to do in the first place and take his mind of the hunger. I lean forward and touch his arm. 'You awake?' I say that really for the shear fun of knowing he's not. 'Hey Spence, let me help you there.' This is why sometimes it's nice not to have people staring at you. It goes un-noticed as I drag him from his seat and with one of his arms over my shoulder I accompany him to the small men's room.

It's going to be tight, and I'm talking about the size of the room, but I just fancy taking something which isn't going to resist. Well not resist too much anyway as it seems he's making odd noises which he tends to make just before he come round from one of his "fainting fits" or "swoons". I shove him in the room quickly and press him against the wall and slam the door behind me.

The first real words he says to me are. 'Floyd.' And 'No', and you see I'm getting to know this freak quite well and I just know that he doesn't mean "no", why else would he be wriggling and squirming and rubbing against me and pushing me. OK admittedly he could be trying to get away, but he should know better than to rub his tight little butt up against me when the animal has taken control.

-o-o-o-

I can feel his hands all over me and I can smell that vile smell of the men's washroom. My head is hurting like someone smacked me with a brick, but that really doesn't matter now because all I can think of is those hands of his. How can one set of hands be in so many places at the same time? How can that mouth be licking and nibbling and sucking at the back of my neck and my shoulders and down my arms and across my back all at the same time it seems. At first I did struggle weakly against this onslaught, but I got the strange feeling that the more I protested the more he was enjoying it, so I tried to ignore him. I tried really hard to ignore that hand touching me and that mouth making its way across the small of my back. I wanted so badly not to react to what he did next but it just wasn't possible. I gave Flanders exactly what he wanted. I groaned and moaned at all the right times, and when I tipped my head back ready for a full on shout a hand moved from my hips and wrapped it self around my mouth.

'Shut the fuck up you stupid slut.' The voice hissed in my ear, and I'm not sure if it was meant to sound threatening or if it was meant to heighten the feeling of pleasure, but it was the latter which he succeeded in doing and in my own defence I will add that though this was filthy and wrong and I didn't want it, really I'd never felt something so damned wonderful in my life.

'You have such little trust in me.' He said in hot deep breaths across the back of my neck. 'I told you it would take your mind off food.'

And he was right. Food was right then the thing furthest from my mind. He left me leaning on the wall trying to take deep breaths and slow my heart down a bit before it burst from my chest. Slowly I pull my clothing back into position and slide to the floor resting against the off white wall. Sitting in the dirt of the train's washroom and feeling as filthy as the floor, yet somehow wishing he was still here touching and tasting me. I pull my knees up close and wrap my arms around my legs and rest there with my eyes closed and I can still feel him…feel him everywhere and I realise then that I am hooked.

I'm unsure how long I sat there for just thinking about this situation. I tried to work out why I was here and why I'd not gone to Hotch. It seemed far more logical to go to Hotch and tell him what was going on, except I'm not sure exactly what it is that is going on. I just know that I'd rather be here, even if it is on the floor of the men's room than with Hotch. I know he would do his damnedest to keep me safe and away from Flanders, and I'm fully aware that the man who just as good as raped me is a murderer and took the children, so why am I here and not at the BAU telling them all I know about this person? I did tell him "no"…I know I did but I don't think in actuality that I meant it. I move my arms from around my legs and wrap them securely around my chest and gently at first; very gently, I pinch at the soft flesh just below my ribs.

-o-o-o-

I have no idea what he's doing in that tiny room alone for so long. I do keep glancing over towards the door and thinking mayhaps I should go and drag him back to his seat. I don't want him thinking too hard about things. I don't want him changing his mind and becoming awkward. I certainly don't want him contacting Agent Aaron Hotchner, but I leave him. Let him brood and feel sorry for himself in that dirty room. It will give me good reason to smack him later and tell him he stinks. If there is one thing I loath above all else then that is the smell of old dirt and sweat on someone else. On me that's a totally different thing, but I don't want my Spence stinking like a dirty whore. Even if that's ultimately what he is, and if he's not yet, I'm sure he will be before I've finished with him. This time alone knowing where he is gives me time to think about why I forgot about him in the first place. How could I not want that sweet arse of his? How could I not need that mouth? I go through a few options here and keep coming up with the same answer and that is Aaron Hotchner. I realise that he is going to be a problem. I know he's going to be looking for me, but he's going to have to get through Spence to get to me and I don't know how willing he's going to be to do that. Maybe I need to call him and remind him that I have the control here and he is just a piece of filth I can manipulate and squash easier than he could even guess at. He spends his life guessing at crap and profiling shit, but is he actually aware of how fucking angry I will get if he attempts to stop me doing what I want to do?

The other thing which keeps coming to mind is the other lot. The ones who control me as such. The ones who will certainly have something to say about this and I'm a tad surprised that it's not happened yet. I'm sure they'll have the answers I need, but I'm not so sure they're going to be willing to give them to me. You see although I love rules, I love to hand them out and seeing them obeyed, but personally I don't stick to them too well. I don't like being told what to do or where to go…yes, yes, I have a job to do, we all do – that's how we get through life and I'm willing to do the occasional task for them if it tickles my fancy at the time, and that I suspect, no I _know_ is the reason I'm stuck on this fucking pit of a planet with a whimpering little shit as my companion. I've at some point broken their precious rules. That's fine…I'll make up for that simply by making up my own and handing them out to the likes of Spencer and Hotchner. I've already broken Emily. She's no good for fuck all now. Strange that, her mind collapsed far easier than I thought it would have.

Looking up now I can see a wobbly pale Spencer walking back towards me. He doesn't look at me. He doesn't even acknowledge that I'm there, but he still sits back down on the train's bench seat so he is opposite me. I give him the smallest of smirks and pull a mint out of my pocket and hand it to him.

'Take it.' It's not a request and his fingers lightly take the drug from my hand and he slips it between his beautiful lips…lips I feel like smashing to a pulp with my fist, but that will have to wait until later. Oh wait….did I say "drug"? Surely I meant "harmless mint". I give him my best lecherous smirk and watch as his eyes roll back and he goes back to sleep again slumped on the train seat somewhere between where we embarked and our destination. Would be nice if I could sleep too, but that's not going to happen.

-o-o-o-

I'm sitting in my apartment looking over at Aaron who it seems has been pacing across my floor all evening. I've never seen him like this. Even when he is having problems with Haley I've not seen him react quite this way. Something, and I am taking a wild guess that it's Flanders has got to him to such an extent that he's unable to think of anything else. Which in a way is good. We are meant to be looking for him. Pulling him in and asking him questions. The whole business with Reid however seems to have over shadowed the reason we need Flanders. Oh I know, I don't like the thought of one of our own being adrift as he is. The boy needs help, I can see that, but we should also remember the men and women that Flanders has already ripped apart with his bare hands. We have to remember JJ and her son, and we have to remember the female child who may or may not still be out there somewhere. The location as big a mystery as to Flanders whereabouts, and of course Reid's.

'Maybe he's playing along with him.' Hotch gives me another clue as to why innocent Reid couldn't have anything to do with this.

'And maybe, just maybe Aaron, he's a willing participant. I'm not going to rule that out. I know he is like family Hotch, but even family turn bad sometimes.'

He spins on me and his face looks like I've just told him his child is dead. 'He would never do something like that.' Hotch's words sound stilted as though he's trying to convince himself.

'You don't know that Aaron. Our best chance is to carry on what we are doing. They are both remarkable looking people. Someone will spot them, even if it's a few days ago and they've moved on. Eventually someone will notice them. Sooner or later either Reid will try to get away; assuming he is with him unwillingly, or they will make a mistake. Bodies will start turning up again. We will find them and then we will find those children.'

'I just know he wouldn't Dave.' And he's pacing again.

I push a few bits of paper over onto the coffee table in front of me and pick up my mug. 'I'm going to get another coffee. Read through it Aaron. Read through it and tell me that is not a man who might one day slide off the edge.'

As I walk to the kitchen I watch as he picks up the papers and starts to read through it. Basically it's a list. A very long list of things Reid has gone through, from childhood to now. I need him to see that this person is not who Aaron thinks he is. However much he wants to believe he is still that innocent child, I have very big doubts that innocence was something Reid ever had. He was playing a game. I can see it, I could see it almost from the start. A good game he played too, I just don't understand why no one else read him the way I did.

-o-o-o-

I watch Dave leave the small but nice lounge area and go to the kitchen. I don't understand why he doesn't see this the same way I do. I don't understand why he's suggesting that Reid has something to do with any of this. I pick up the papers and start reading through them. I attempt to detach myself from the fact it is Reid I am reading about. I try to build a picture in my head of someone who has gone through so much in so few years and see it the way Dave does. A fragile person. Someone with a bad upbringing and poor social network. A loner and someone we have essentially used to save us looking up stuff on a computer or calling Garcia every two minutes asking for a statistic. I can see what Dave is trying to show me, but that bit of me which will always feel the need to protect Reid has kicked in and by the time Dave returns with two mugs of coffee I have started to blow holes in his theory.

'He passed all his psych evals.' I inform him as I place the papers back on the table and he nods at me.

'I'm aware of that. He passes them easily even when, it seems he is addicted to drugs. He hid that well Aaron. Or were you just not looking?'

I shake my head at him. 'You have to understand that Reid has always had odd quirks about him. A few more really went un-noticed, and Dave, not just by me either.' He hands me my mug.

'Because you were all too close Hotch, that's why. You didn't want to see it. It was all there. It was clear to see, but you ignored it because looking further would hurt too much. This is all very clear to me Aaron. Reid has either cracked, or he's let his façade drop. The Spencer Reid you love and know is not real.'

I watch Dave sit and I blow on my coffee and sigh. I don't know. Maybe he's correct. He's gone to visit his mother. Maybe time away will pull him back again to us. Either that or the staff will notice something is wrong. We sit in relative silence for the rest of the evening. Our chat is mainly around the weather and Dave talking about his failed marriages. I know he's trying to make me feel better, but it's not working too well tonight.

* * *


	20. Chapter 20 Camp

Camp

* * *

I'm sort of hoping that they will be expecting Spence to go to Vegas. He did after all say he was going to see him mum and that is his home town. There is absolutely no reason for them to go hauling him back. With this in mind I am content to believe that they are also looking for me in that general area. I'm not going to let Spencer go far without me. They will be expecting me. This though makes me wonder if they have already checked Vegas for a murdering cannibal and his companion cos if they have they will notice that not only am I not there, but nor is he. I glance over at him sleeping peacefully on the train. We will need to get off at some point before the last stop and as there are no more stops between here and there then I'm going to have to make one of my own. Something as simple as getting a train to "somewhere" suddenly becomes very complicated. Firstly there are security cameras on the train, as there should be. Need to keep people safe from the bad sorts out there, but then again it's going to show me clearly as I hit the emergency button. There is the other way too, but then again I don't want to call attention to our selves. I want to be just a normal traveller upon this train going to where I need to get to.

'Fuck it.' I mutter to myself and lean forward checking the time via Spencer's watch. I remove it from him and put it in my pocket. Only half an hour before we arrive. I'll have to do whatever I plan on doing now. Except I have no plan. What I need to do is draw the attention from us and place it firmly on someone else. There are a few other people in the train and I just need to gently encourage one of them that they need to stop the train now.

I pick out a blond whore sitting alone. She's got plugs in her ears listening to music and her eyes closed; nice and relaxed and it really doesn't take much to get her to sit up straight and look around. It takes even less of an encouragement to get her to stand.

_Good girl. Now stop the train._

I glance over at her and give her a small smile to ease her panic.

_Now would be a really good time sweetheart. Stop the fucking train!_

I get up and move so I am sitting next to Spence and I put an arm around his shoulder. 'We're nearly there babes.' I whisper to him as I look back over to the girl whose hand is hovering over the emergency button.

_Stop the fucking train you stupid whore!_

I see her jump slightly as my words slide across her brain drowning out the sound of whatever crap it is she was listening to, and she does it. Exactly as I asked her to. She hits the emergency button like a good girl just before her eyes roll back and she slumps to the floor. Seems prior knowledge that you are about to die is a good reason to stop the train, which is right now screeching and sliding and making god-awful noises as it comes to a stop.

There is already someone screaming. There is already someone running to help the poor girl and there is someone howling and pulling at the train doors. With Spencer under one arm I move quickly amongst the slight panic and go to help at the doors. I have a magic touch when it comes to things like this and though maybe they would have opened anyway I slide them across and hurl Reid out and into the undergrowth at the side of the tracks. Was that a crunching smacking sound his head made?

'We should stay on the train.' Someone tells me.

I turn to look at her. 'And risk catching whatever the fuck it was she had?' I enquire and watch happily as the gentleman quickly jumps back from the dead thing on the floor. I don't need to say more, but I leave him with the word _anthrax._ The word is out and it's a damned good word too. People are panicking and the panic is spreading to the other carriages. It's that simple to slip away and disappear into the trees at the side. I can hear more people jumping and yelling and howling with shock as they too leap from the train and the imagined threat lying on the floor of the carriage.

And so we are off. Off the train and off on our big adventure. I really hope Spence recovers from that nasty head injury quickly. He's making what should be fun a fucking mess. It's OK…I keep telling myself that it's OK…no one is looking for us. No one will think it odd. No one will miss us. Not yet anyway. And if they do suspect something then they can check their cameras until they die of old age and they'll still not see my involvement in that little game.

'Wake the fuck up you freak!'

I've had enough for now. Hours sitting on that bloody train and now I'd like to run. Get some fresh air. Feel the forest in my blood, but this damned bit of nothing is keeping me from doing what I need to do. I drop him to the forest floor and crouch down next to him.

'Spence.' I place a hand on his face. 'Come on babes, you have to wake up now. I'm tired of dragging you.'

I wipe the little bit of blood off his forehead where he cracked it on a rock and lick my fingers. He tastes so good. He always does. Every bit of him is a delight to lick and suck on. Every damned bit. And so for a while I just crouch there and look at him and wonder about him and I'm curious when the others will contact me, which I'm sure they will.

'We can't stay here babes.' I say into the forest. 'We have to get moving.' I give him a small shake and he opens his eyes and looks at me. 'Ah you're awake.' And I give him a small smirk. 'You fell and hit your head.' And I run my fingers gently…or not so gently depending if you are me or Spence, over the bash he gave himself, or I gave him.

'From the train?' He looks confused the poor boy.

'Yes from the train.' I say as I grab his hand. 'Stand up, we need to go.'

He pulls his hand away from mine and pushes himself up onto his elbows so he's sort of half sitting. 'Go where?' He looks around at the trees.

'Just further. We are too close here.' And I stand up to let him know that it really is time to go.

'Where are we?'

For the love of the gods of Pluto! Why does he ask such fucking stupid questions? 'That smack on the head has obviously rattled your brain more than I thought it had. This…' and I indicate the woodland. 'Is called a forest Spence.'

'I still don't understand how we got here from the train.'

He starts to stand and poor bunny is a bit wobbly. I'm sure he'll walk that off though. 'Come, let's get a move on. We need to find somewhere for the night.' I look at him swaying slightly and wonder if a quick fist to his mouth…that sweet mouth…that one which talks such crap, would knock him off his feet.

It does.

'Shit.'

He's lying in the leaves again not moving much so I move around and grab his hands and start dragging him to where I want to go. Wherever the hell that might be. I just know it's not right here. Too close to that bleeding train here. I can't afford for them to come looking for me, though I know they won't, and equally I know they won't even remember me and Spence and why bother following us even if they did? It's not like we did anything now is it?

I am careful. At least I can say that much. I am careful not to let his head hit any rocks or logs or outcroppings of unknown things. I don't want to kill the boy, I just want to keep him under my control and right now he is. I'm only dragging him like this for about ten or fifteen minutes before I hear his pathetic whimperings and feel his hands wriggling in mine. I drop them and turn to him and see he is looking up at me with a frown.

'I didn't fall that time.' He lets me know and so I nod

'No not that time babes…that time I smacked you one. Does it hurt? I sort of hope so, cos I want you to remember it.'

He nods at me and I can tell he wants to tell me to fuck off and leave him alone and no it didn't hurt, but he also knows that if he says that I'll just have to hurt him a bit harder next time.

'Take that as the first rule of being out here alone with me Spence. Do as I fucking tell you. Next time I might be trying to save your life. Can you walk now? And I mean walk properly and not with that pathetic look on your face. Can you walk and be grateful that you are here with me and I'm going to show you so good stuff?'

He nods slowly, but it's not a real not of assent. He's one unhappy Dr Reid right now.

I turn and start to walk off again and listen to him scrabbling to his feet and stumbling after me. He sounds like a herd of animals walking through this quiet place. He seems to find delight in treading on ever stick and kicking every fucking stone there is to kick. I bite on my bottom lip and though I can feel that deep red anger building up inside me I ignore it. I push it back down again. Time for that later I think. For now we have to move and get away from here and disappear into the forest. I know he's going to start moaning that he's hungry again soon or needs a piss or something. He really wasn't created to live out of doors. I'm going to have to change that. I start his education by showing him some stuff he can easily get hold of this time of the year and munch down on. The twigs and leaves didn't bring a grateful look to his face though.

'They taste better cooked.' I tell him as he stands there looking at the things in his hand.

'This is meant to be food?'

'Not meant to be babes, no, it is food. As I said, better if you cook it. We need to find water and somewhere to settle before it gets dark.'

'Somewhere like a house you mean.'

'Somewhere like a river bank.'

'I can't stay out here all night!' Still looking at the things in his hand.

'Why not? Put that stuff in a pocket and I'll show you what to do with it later.' And I smirk at him.

'I'm sure you will.' Sliding his hands into his pockets. 'And how can we cook when we have no fire and no cooking pans?'

I lick my lips and grin. 'You have a lot to learn.'

'So it would seem.'

And he starts walking again.

'Where are you going babes?' I turn in a small half circle and watch his arse for a while.

'You said we need to keep going so that's what I'm doing.'

'I also said we need water, so we have to go that way.' I nod in a different direction.

'Fine! You think you know where you're going. Lead me to the water.'

-o-o-o-

It wasn't through lack of trying that Flanders seemed to have slipped the net again. There was just no sign on him anywhere. I took it upon myself to contact the place Reid's mother lives in. I didn't want Dave to think I was getting paranoid and was checking up on Reid. I'm not. That's not what is going on here, but I have a feeling that the two of them are together, even if I want to deny that feeling. I don't want to admit that we may have lost Reid to such a person. I sit at my desk day after day looking down and across at the bullpen and I need to see Reid there at his desk with his head down writing, or a coffee mug in his hands and chatting to Morgan, but there is just his empty desk.

He's not been to see his mother yet. In actuality he's not contacted her in a while and whilst Diana doesn't notice this week that there has been no contact for a while, maybe next week she'll remember. She's not had a visitor from anyone else either. So at least I know Flanders hasn't been there. Maybe Reid has a reason why he's not visited his mother yet. Maybe he's catching up with old friends. If he has any old friends to catch up with. I sit and look at the telephone for a while trying to work out where Reid might have gone. Should I go as far as seeing if he has used his credit card? Should I get Garcia to check on his phone? I stand up and look over at what's left of the team and then walk out to find Garcia. I need to try to find Reid. If he is in Vegas then I'll be content; for now that he is visiting as he said he was.

-o-o-o-

I slam down my knitting and try to make it look like I was doing something real important when I suddenly hear Hotch's voice behind me.

'Garcia.'

Is all he says, so I swing around in my chair and look over at him. 'Sir.' Is what I say back almost certain he's going to either have a go at me for knitting whilst at work or to ask me to knit him a scarf. He doesn't look happy and I swallow nervously and try to smile at him as he walks over to me.

'I need you to do something for me.'

I nod. 'That's what I'm here for sir.' I say as I try to shift the knitting out of sight with my elbow. 'What can I do for you?'

He takes a seat next to me which for some reason makes me nervous. It's not something he would normally do. Usually he'd stand and give me his orders and tell me to let him know when I have the results, but this time it seems he wants to wait.

'I need you to check Reid's phone and credit card.'

I push my glasses back on my face properly and turn to my computers. 'Check them for activity sir?' And the lack of response tells me that's exactly what he wants. 'Is there something wrong sir?' I don't like checking up on people like this. It's feels like I'm violating him.

'Off the record Garcia. I just need to know when and where he last used his card and who his last call was made to.'

'There is something wrong isn't there.' My fingers are clattering over the keyboard putting in the information he's asked for.

'I don't know yet.'

Oh god. He thinks something has happened to Reid. 'I thought he'd gone to see him mum.' I tell him as I frown at the screen.

'Just tell me what you find please.'

He's not going to give away any clues just yet.

'Well his cell phone was used to call you sir two days ago. Nothing since and his card was last used three days ago to purchase something from "Bennies Place" which I believe is the coffee shop on the corner of his street. Again nothing since. He's not gone to Vegas has he sir?' I swivel my chair around to look at Hotch who is just sitting staring into space. 'Sir, would you like me to monitor both so I can tell you if he uses them?' He nods slowly at me but doesn't make eye contact.

'Check for a cell phone signal. Is it turned on?'

I turn back to the keyboard and check. 'No sir. The phone's turned off.'

'Then yes please Garcia, I need to know if that phone comes back on and I need to know if he uses his card.' And he starts to stand.

'Has this got anything to do with that Flanders guy?' I want to pick up something bright and pretty and twiddle it between my fingers and try not to panic just yet. He stands up and runs his fingers through his hair.

'I don't know. Let me know if anything happens. Oh, can you also check for unusual murders over the past few days.'

I nod at him and ask. 'Any particular state sir?'

'All of them. Also check please for his name on a flight or boarder crossing. Anything.' He's still standing between me and the door.

'Sir do you think Flanders has …' I don't want to finish what I'm thinking.

'No Garcia. No.'

But I don't know if that "no" means that he doesn't want me to say it or if he wants me to look for an alive Reid.

-o-o-o-

I sat on a rock on the river bank and watched Floyd. At first I was confused over what he was doing then realised that he was making a camp for the night. He pulled saplings together and bound them at head height by vines. Then he covered the outside of this small construct with large leaves and interwove smaller twigs. I didn't offer to help because he seemed lost in a little world of his own. He'd removed the shirt he'd been wearing and he rolled up the legs of his jeans and removed his boots. I watched the sweat running down his back and occasionally when he turned to make sure I'd not wandered off I could see the dirt adhering to his sweaty face. He didn't talk to me and so I didn't disturb him while he worked. There was an opening to this thing facing the river and he crawled in there and put more leaves and moss on the floor. Finally after about an hour's work he stopped and walked over the river bank and jumped in thigh deep and washed off the dirt.

'You'll get cold.' I told him, but he really wasn't listening to me and he didn't answer. It seemed to be some kind of odd ritual he was carrying out. He pulled bits of twigs from his pockets and lit them with his slim silver lighter and stood watching them smoulder for a while. I can smell it. The smell of burning. Then I hear the gentle hiss as he places the twigs in the water. I can see he is muttering something under his breath…I can't hear the words but his mouth is moving constantly. He doesn't invite me to join him so again I don't talk to him and I just move around on the rock so I can see him better. I want to ask what he is doing but he's far away now; somewhere in his head. He crouches now in the water and washes the dirt off his chest. Still he is muttering under his breath and still I can't hear the words, but I get the feeling that this is some religious thing he's doing. Not one I recognise from things I've seen or read though. Small bits of dried leaves it looks to be are pulled from his pocket now. He rubs his hands together and releases the stuff into the water and watches as it runs away with the flow of the river. Now he turns to look at me again.

'Strip off and join me.'

I frown slightly but don't move.

'Hurry now, before it gets dark.'

I still don't move. He cocks his head slightly to the side and runs his tongue slowly over his top lip. 'Now Spence.' I'd love to ignore him and just stay here safely on my rock but that empty far away look on his face has been replaced by something slightly spiteful and so I stand and slowly remove my shirt and then my boots and socks, then walk towards him. 'Remove your jeans Spence.'

'I'll just roll them up.' I tell him and bend down to do so.

'Remove your fucking jeans Spencer. Just do what I'm telling you to do OK?'

'I'm not sure I like the idea of being almost naked and standing in a river Floyd.'

'I'm not sure you understand what I just told you to do. Take your damned clothes off and join me.'

I want to argue that he still has his jeans on but I don't. I undo my belt and then the button on the waistband and slowly wriggle out of them. I fold them carefully and place them with my shirt and put my boots on the top of the small pile. I am now standing in nothing but my boxers and a not too happy look on my face.

'Good. Now join me here.'

I don't leap into the water as he did. I sit on the bank and gradually slide into the thigh deep freezing cold water. I let out an involuntary gasp as the coldness hits me but I don't complain. Slowly and carefully I make my way over to him. As I get into reach he grabs my hand and pulls me closer to him so I am standing in front of his crouching form.

'Join me.' He tells me again.

'I have.' I snap back. I don't want to sound snappy and unhappy with this but that's the way it came out.

'Get down. Join me.'

That far away look seems to have returned to his face and so slowly I lower myself until I am crouching and at eye level with him. He's still holding my hand and now he seems to almost have a smile on his face.

'What's this all about?' I ask.

'What's what all about babes?'

'What you were doing with the burning sticks.'

'Ah, well you don't really have to know.'

I nod. 'But I want to know. It looked like some type of ritual but I didn't recognise it.'

He lets go of my hand. 'I doubt you would Spence. Don't worry about it.'

'You were praying.' I inform him and he laughs at me a short sharp sound.

'No, I was just talking.'

'I couldn't hear you.' I want to move my hand and brush the lump of hair away where it was stuck to his face but I keep my hands away from him for now. At least until I know what is going on here.

'I wasn't talking to you so that's OK huh?'

I shrug at his reply. 'What were you doing then?'

'Talking to them. It's all good babes. No need to worry.'

No need to worry. I wasn't worried until he said that. 'Why would I be worried?' My voice sounds very small in this vast forest and again he shrugs.

'Just wash. I want you clean.'

'Wash?' The thought of putting this icy water all over me doesn't fill me with great happiness. 'I'm not washing in this.' I tell him.

-o-o-o-

Why the fuck do I bother? I made him somewhere to sleep. I kept him safe. I sort of fed him…I think…did I feed him? I can't remember now, anyway, I provided him with shelter and I've secured the area for him with my words and now he won't fulfil his part of it all.

The struggle was short. I expected him to make more of a fuss, but he just flailed backwards as I gave him a nice big shove in the chest and he's on his back under the water. I stand and place my foot on his chest. 'Wash.' I tell him. 'You can't come in the shelter if you stink.' His fingers are wrapped around my leg trying to push me off and his eyes are wide with shock. 'WASH!' now I am shouting as I am really unsure if he can hear me under the water there. 'Get your hands off me and wash your filthy slutty body.' Oh and now he is trying to get away and kicking out at me and trying to rip my leg off his chest. I wonder if he can breathe with my foot there.

HA! Of course he can't breathe. I move my foot and grab his hair and pull him up out of the water. 'You going to wash now?' I ask him, and he is stuttering and coughing and I damned well swear he is cursing at me too, but I'm not really listening. I leave him there and get out of the river and drag my wet jeans off and hang them over the branch of a tree. 'I'll make a fire.' But I'm not really talking to him again. I'm more or less asking for permission. I need this to be safe. I need to keep them away at least for tonight. I don't want them arriving yet. I've not educated Spencer in wilderness survival yet. I think judging by his refusal to do what I tell him to do that it's going to be a long and painful lesson for him. But when the snow comes he's going to need to know. I still have a good few months though before then.

I wonder once more if I've fed him yet. I remember giving him samples of things he could eat and I remember that look on his face. That ungrateful look. That look of a spoiled child. I'm going to have to knock that out of him.

The fire is just beginning to smoulder and catch when a dripping but clean Spencer appears before me. He doesn't talk to me and his skin looks slightly blue and he seems to have a foot sized bruise appearing on his chest. I'll have to lick and suck on that later.

'What?' I say to him.

But he still doesn't talk to me. For the love of those Plutonian gods – he's sulking, or is he just really pissed off and cold?

I smirk at him. 'Go and sit on your rock and dry off. I don't want you dripping around me.'

And he turns and walks off again.

Pathetic creature.

Completely pathetic. This is going to be fun…or he'll break real easily. I watch him from across the other side of the fire as he goes and sits on his rock. On one hand he looks wonderful and delicate and just what I need to slap around and drag back to me. He has no fight in him, but he is beautiful. What was it about him that made me want to forget? Why did I feel that lure so quickly? Why did Sam try to keep him from me? When will Hotchner realise that I have what he wants?

It's good pushing that thing around. Telling him what to do. Fucking him when I want. It's equally good having that feeling of danger and that huge flow of adrenaline that comes when I confront Hotchner. Both are good. I need both. I need Spencer to give me that feeling.

Or I need to fuck Hotchner.

* * *


	21. Chapter 21 Food

Food

* * *

I need a plan but I'm so cold that I can't think.

I have to get away from him, but I have nowhere to go. I have no idea where we are and only foggy memories of how we got here. I slide around on my rock and watch him crouched naked by the fire and wish I knew what was going on in his head. I need to contact Hotch, but we are in the middle of nowhere and I have no way of doing that, so I am going to have to be careful and try to play Floyd's little game and do as he asks and maybe he will eventually let his guard down enough for me to get away from him.

Now he is getting up and walking over to the river. I watch as he lies down on the bank and dangles his hands into the water. Another ritual? I don't know, but I watch him closely as he lies there with his butt on display and my eyes are drawn to that and away from what he is doing with his hands in the water. I want to go over to him. I want to touch that bare skin with my fingertips. I need to run my mouth over that pale form and…

His sudden movement distracts my thoughts and as he rolls over onto his back with a fish in his hands I give him a small smile. Food. He smacks the large fish onto a small rock and turns to look at me. He raises an eyebrow at me.

'I'll show you how to cook it.'

And he beckons with his head towards the small fire and so I reach out for my clothes and start to pull my jeans back on.

'What are you doing?' He is standing now watching me closely.

'Getting dressed. I'm cold.'

He shakes a head at me. 'Your clothes stink worse than you do. Leave them. You'll not be needing them if you're by the fire.'

'I don't feel comfortable like this.' I indicate my nakedness with my hands.

'I don't give a shit really Spence. You're not putting those damned clothes on again until they're washed. You'll get used to it. Now come and let me show you how to cook this fish.'

I slap my jeans back angrily on the rock. I have to play his game. I have to be careful. I know he is likely to force me if I refuse and so slowly I get up and walk over to see what he is doing. I watch him pick up a stick covered in small leaves and carefully strip it. I watch as he impales the fish on the stick and then carefully holds it over the heat of the fire, but not directly in the flames.

'The mistake a lot of people make is to cook it too fast. You need to do it slowly Spence. Take your time. Turn it before the skin blackens. You don't want it burnt on the outside and raw in the middle.'

I nod at him and watch the juices dripping from the dead fish.

'You need to use a green skewer Spence. Something with life still in it or it'll catch in the heat and you'll not have a dinner to eat.' He lifts it from the heat and passes it to me. 'I'll go get another one. Remember to keep it in the heat and away from the flames.'

I take the stick from his hands and place the fish over the heat. I can see the skin is beginning to crack and bubble. My concentration is fully on what is probably going to be the only thing I'll get to eat as I turn it occasionally making sure both sides get cooked. I try not to look at its eyes. I don't want to see them pop or go hard and black. It doesn't take him long before he returns with another poor fish and he's pulling leaves off another stick and then holding it over the flames.

'I'll show you how to catch on for yourself later. No point in knowing how to catch one if you don't know how to cook it.' He's not looking at me as he talks but looking deep into the eyes of his dinner.

The longer I crouch here holding this dead thing over the heat the more I think I'll not actually be able to eat it. It's not been gutted or cleaned in any way. It still has that head on it which I know if I look will turn it's face and look at me accusingly with dead over heated eyes. I turn it again in the heat and the smell is revolting. It's making my stomach heave and turn at the thought of putting it anywhere near my mouth. He's watching me. I can feel his eyes on me; piercing my skin and sucking at my soul. I have to get away. I have to do what he asks and at the first chance I will be gone. As long as that first chance is in the daylight.

'Why are you staring at me?' I eventually ask as I look over at him and see those dark eyes watching me.

'I'm not staring Spence, I'm reading your thoughts. Really the fish will be good. You need to try it, and as for legging it from me, well that's going to put a new outlook on how I'm going to have to treat you. I don't want to tie you up dear Dr Reid. I don't want to have to beat you into submission, but we all do things we don't want to do occasionally huh?'

I lick my lips and look back down at the fish. I would damn him to hell if I didn't think that's exactly where he'd come from in the first place. 'I don't understand.' I mutter at the dead fish.

'Don't understand what exactly?' Floyd replies.

'Why I am here. Where we are going.'

'You don't need to understand. You need to do as you're told and things will be great. Are you remembering things yet?'

I look back over at him and give a slight nod. 'I'm remembering a lot of things which I thought were dreams or nightmares.'

'Tell me your favourite memory Spence.' He turns his fish in the heat and I shake my head at him.

'I'll be keeping that to myself for now.'

'No, no you won't. I just have to claw my way into your squishy mind and pull out that one which makes you tingle the most, but it would be easier if you just told me. I can arrange a re-enactment for you. Get your body heated. Make you tremble. Make you scream.'

'No.' And I look back down at the fish and now look at its face in an attempt to push that memory back and fill it with the look of the fish.

-o-o-o-

I watch him crouched there cooking as I instructed him to but he's making me so fucking angry I don't think I'll be eating my catch. Well not the one I have cooking over the fire anyway. Why does he not appreciate what I've done for him? I took him from that boring job with those more than boring people and I'm showing him how things can be. Is that so difficult for him to comprehend? The little miserable bastard.

It's in slow motion that the thing I am cooking slowly oozes off the stick and into the flames. Then equally slowly I am standing and looking at him. He's going to make everything fuck up. He's going to ruin it. I can feel it seeping through me like a poison. A red rage that can only be gotten rid of by hurting someone real bad and as he's the only person around it's going to have to be him. He's not looking at me. He's concentrating of his damned food. Food which I'll force into every orifice of his I can; assuming he's still able to eat when I've done with him.

'Stand up.' It's an order and I expect him to obey me but he just glances over at me then looks back at the thing he's started to burn. 'I said stand up!'

'I'm cooking my dinner.'

He doesn't watch me as I walk closer to him, but I can tell by the way his muscles tighten and his hands begin to shake that he knows of my approach. 'Stand the fuck up.' I kick at his hands and send his dinner to a fiery doom and now he is standing and now he looks pissed off with me which gives me a reason to smack him into next year.

'Thank you!' He is almost spitting with anger.

'Welcome.' I snarl back at him. 'I told you do what I damned well tell you. I told you to stand.'

'I am standing.'

And I'm looking at that skinny body of his and planning where I will add some more bruises. I walk real close to him and he takes a step back and I close the space and the further back he steps the closer I get as I slowly guide him backwards until his back is against a tree. 'I told you.' I think I told him. I meant to tell him. 'That if you don't do what I tell you then I would hurt you.' But he's not even looking at me. Defiant little shit. 'I've fed you. I've got you clean. I've provided you with somewhere to sleep the night. It's not like I fucking well forced you to come with me! You had plenty of chances to get away from me.' I think I might be getting as confused about all of this as he is. 'I didn't even damned well want you here with me!' OK _that _was an outright lie. 'But you are here and I am here and you will do what I tell you to do or I will leave your entrails in the trees for the pygmies to have fun with.' Did I just say pygmies? Where the fuck did that thought come from? At least he's looking at me now. Not in a particularly friendly manner but he has made eye contact. It might be that my fingers have walked their happy way over his chest up to his neck and across his jaw. It might be that I've forced his head around so that he is facing me, or it might be the way I am pressing against him with my hip and grinding at him. Not sure of the reason and it doesn't really matter, I've got his attention. 'Are you listening to me?' But he doesn't bother answering with words he just blinks slowly as though none of this matters and doesn't involve him and it's pissing me off. It really is.

I'll pause the scene there for a while and explain something to you. Not to him…he doesn't matter. Spencer here is just a toy which I've already thrown away once and now I've got him out to play with again. You see I have an anger management problem which I've attempted in the past to deal with, but it really isn't my fault that I feel the over powering urge to do things like this. It's just what and who I am. He'll be OK, I'm really very sure of that, but if I don't do something real soon I'm going to do something bad. Something real bad, and I don't want to kill him. I don't want to do that. I just want to, no, I need to, hurt him?

Not sure if it's even that I need to hurt him you know. I don't know. I think it's more along the lines that I need to see his face looking so fucking terrified that he pisses himself. I want to see that terror on his face and I want him to know that I've caused it. I want to smell his fear.

I also want to wrap my arms around him and protect him and have him as mine.

This means that when I see "red" the way I am doing now that I have to do something and I have to do it quickly before the adrenaline takes over my brain and I do end up having him for my lunch.

So yes, as I said it's anger management, my pent up frustrations my management of him. He will learn. I will beat him and kick him and choke him…like I am now… and when I've finished doing that I'll drug him and take him and comfort him and he will forgive me because really it's his fault.

So now I go back to watching him and one of my hands seems to have clenched around his neck and the other has found its way down the front of his boxers and he is flailing weakly at me and he still has eye contact and he's enjoying it. He loves the feeling of my hands squeezing at him. He likes it a lot really he does. I can feel it. I'm still pressed against him and I can feel his body shuddering. I can feel his sweat against my skin and though I'm pissed off with him to the point where I could almost, but only almost, break his neck I won't. I will release him.

Standing back from him suddenly he drops to the forest floor taking in big noisy gulps of air. He rolls onto his side making odd noises and for the shortest of whiles I wonder what he's doing.

'It's OK.' I say to him as I roll him onto his front. 'Let me help you out.' And he pulls slightly away from me. 'Hey don't pull away babes. You know I'd never hurt you.'

-o-o-o-

'Sir.' I say into the microphone I have permanently attached to my face. 'You asked me to look out for unusual murders or well, I think I have something here. No actually I know I have something.' I'm sitting looking at the frozen image on my screen. 'Yes sir.' I say when he says he will come down to my bunker and see what I have. Quickly I take the recording back to the beginning. He needs to see all of this. I watching it in a bit of a daze as it skips backwards to the point I need and just as I reach that place Hotch walks in and takes up a place standing behind me.

'What do you have?'

He sounds, well I don't know, sounds tired and annoyed and I don't think this is going to cheer him up any.

'Well, it's not a murder but it was unusual, which is what caught my attention. A train was called to an emergency stop by a young woman who then collapsed and died.'

'Is that it?' Now he sounds even more annoyed.

'Well no. There was for some reason a panic. Well people panic when trains are stopped and someone dies. That's normal. There was a panic that she'd died of anthrax, which obviously she didn't.' I turn slightly so I can see my boss and he is definitely looking more than a bit cross. 'Sir, there was footage of the incident. I was looking at it only because apparently according to the news report two people exited the train in a hurry and couldn't be found afterwards.' Now I have his attention. 'I'll show you the footage sir. Really not much to go on and the camera angle is not a good one, but it's good enough to make out what happened.' I turn back to my keyboard and click the start marker and we sit and watch the silent bit of film. We watch as someone, a young female moves forward and presses the emergency button. We both see her hand hovering and hesitating over it and then the sudden slam as her hand makes contact with it. We can't see her face. We can't see if she is scared or if she is messing around, but we can see her fall back. We can see other people suddenly come into view and we very clearly watch Flanders pull open the doors. He has someone slumped with him and as the doors are opened and he turns and says something we can also clearly see Reid. Not his face. We can't see that. His head is down and his hair is all messy and covering his face but we both know it's him. We then watch Flanders throw Spencer from the train and then jump down to follow him. 'That's all there is sir.' I tell him and I know his hands are on the back of my chair and I know his fingers are gripping too tightly.

'Do we know what happened?'

'To the woman? Apparently it was a nasty brain haemorrhage, and though I'd like to point a finger of blame here sir, that Flanders person didn't touch her.'

'He had Reid. Where was this?'

I pull up a map on my computer and show him the little red dot I'd already put in place. 'Right here sir. Yesterday.' I show him the time and print out the location for him. 'I thought he was going to Vegas.' I mutter to myself. 'This if virtually the other side of the country sir.'

He tells me, 'Good work Garcia. Anything on his card or cell yet?' And I shake my head.

'Nothing sir. I've got both being monitored.'

'Good. Thank you.' His voice sounds a million miles away though and I can still feel the pressure of his hands on the back of the chair.

'What now? Are you going after him?'

And the hands are gone from the chair and I hear his footsteps as he walks away without answering me.

-o-o-o-

I'm his princess but he's abandoned me for that freak. I'll get him. I'll run through those secret ways and I'll damned well get him! And then I'll take that toy away from him. I don't appreciate being replaced like that. Not by _him_ not by Spencer. I'm going to ruin it all for him. I'm going to tell the Feds where he is and where he's going. I'm not going to let him do this to me.

I am his princess so why am I scrabbling through the undergrowth looking for the passages which bend and fold and slide under the ground. Why am I alone in the dark running towards him when I should be running to the Feds? My fingernails are getting torn and broken as I slip and slither through the tunnels. I am getting wet and cold and tired and pissed off but I'm making good time.

'Touch me again whoever or whatever you are and I'll eat your faces off you.'

Things keep grabbing at me in the dark. Demonic things and I can't be arsed to stop and reason with them now. I'm going. I'm going…I'm going back...Why should I give up my life for someone else? What will happen though if I tell Hotchner how to get him? How to keep him and how to kill him? What will happen to me if he dies? Will I stop existing? Where the fuck is Sam in all this mess anyway? Why did Floyd have to go messing with things? Where is the one in control of this?

Shit…I don't know where to go! Do I go to Floyd who made me or do I turn him in to Hotchner because he replaced me? I'll stand here on this little ledge covered in bones and nibble on something I snag floating by on the water and I'll think what to do. Whatever it is…whatever happens, I'm going to be on the winning side. I'll stab Floyd in the back as quickly as I will Hotchner if it means I'll be safe.

* * *


	22. Chapter 22 Princess

Princess

* * *

'I know him. I can help you.'

The voice is muffled and faint. I can hear busy traffic in the background and I'm sure it's the voice of a child.

'Who is this?' I put my phone on speaker and direct what remains of the team over to me.

'No one you know. Not really; at least not yet, but I _can_ help you if you promise me that you'll not ask questions about me personally. This has to be between you and Flanders, if you get my drift. No questions about me or I stop talking and it ends there.'

Morgan and Rossi are both pulling "what the hell?" faces and Prentiss who has managed to drag herself into work today is staring off into space. I think it's her thinking face.

'That depends on what you have to tell us.' I say and listen to her quick almost panicky breaths. 'We need to meet up.'

'Oh I'm not sure about meeting you Hotchner. I was going to tell you stuff over the phone you know? Just tell me what you need to know about him and I'll see if I can answer it.'

Rossi is moving silently away and giving Garcia a call. 'Trace the call.' He is telling her and then closing his cell phone again and re-joining us.

'You know where he is?' I ask

'I know where he is going. I know how to stop him. I know how to stop him forever. I know where the kids are he took. I know a lot. I know him.'

Emily's head moves slowly towards where the sound is coming from now. The information this child might have seems to have seeped through her thoughts and pulled her back again.

'You are with the children?' I need to know.

'No, no I'm not, but I do know where they are and I do know that you're going to need more than a few people to get them back again, but it's possible. I think.'

The child is talking in riddles, but that's fine. As long as we get a trace on her and maybe pick her up for questioning then all's good. Unless this is some game.

'How do I know you are being honest with me?'

'Does it really matter? Either you check it out or you don't. No skin of my nose in the end.'

'What can you tell me about Flanders?' Maybe she doesn't even know him.

'Oh a hell of a lot. I've known him like forever and ever. I know where he's going. I know how to stop him. I know how to get your Spencer back again and maybe even in one piece, but you gotta get Sam too and Sam is with the kids so you can do both things at the same time, but you really do have to be careful there. They're a tough crowd and Sam won't come quietly. Just warning you. Might need SWAT to go sort that business out, but what information would you rather have? Stuff on Flanders, or stuff on the kids?'

Morgan is indicating that we have a trace and the rapid movement of his eyebrows and the frantic scribbling of something on a bit of paper tells me that the location is going to be interesting.

"_Right outside. The phone in the street. We'll go get her.' _The message says.

I nod quickly to him and wave a hand at Rossi and Prentiss and then indicate that I want her brought back here. Until then I'm going to get her talking about Flanders.

'So can you tell me where they are going?'

'Somewhere north.'

'Can you give me an actual location? An address?'

'I could. But there's no point in that if you don't know how to get Spencer away from him and if you don't know how to stop him. Bullets wont slow him down you know. You need to know what to do.'

'Good, can you give me that information then?'

'There's only one way to stop him completely. One way to take him out and never have to bother with him again and it's gotta be done in the correct order and it's gotta be done properly or it wont work. You understand me?'

'I'm listening.' But I am not understanding.

The sudden yelps and the quick flow of foul language then the sound of the phone dropping lets me know that the team have found her. They will escort her to an interview room and there I will carry on this little chat with whatever and whoever it is who has contacted us.

-o-o-o-

I know something has gone wrong. I can feel it shuddering through me. Right now I'm lying down in the little camp I made and my arms are wrapped tightly around my prize. He's sleeping. I wore him out I think, but I don't sleep. I pull him close and I keep my eyes shut for a while but not for long. The night dragged. It seemed to go on forever, but Spence slept like a lamb and I took in his special smell and for the first time in a long while I feel whole. It feels like the thing I'd been missing has finally slid its way back into place. Or I slid my way back into his place. However you want to look at it. I feel complete.

Then it happens. I can feel it buzzing around in my head and making its way through my blood to my very soul. Princess.

Quickly I push Reid out of the way and roll out of the little home I made for us. I can hear his morning moans and yawns but I ignore them and make my way over to the river.

'You bitch!' I shout. 'You fucking son of a bitch whore!' But it feels like my voice is swiped away from me by the river. A hand on my shoulder makes me jump slightly and I swing around ready to kill whatever it is.

'Floyd?' A small voice from a pathetic creature who is going to get me killed. I can feel it. I know what that bitch has planned.

'Don't touch me.' I snap at him, and make my point clearer by giving him a hard shove out of the way. 'Just don't fucking touch me!' And now I'm taking my anger out on him. This is all his fault after all. 'You bastard!' And he is backing away.

'What's wrong?'

For the love of those fucking gods up there on Pluto he sounds so damned pathetic. Weak and useless and I not going to let this creature be my downfall. I'm not going to let that bitch do this to me. Not him not her…not any – bloody – one! I want to slap him around. I want to ring his neck. I want to stamp on his chest until his ribs smash. I want to kick him in the balls until they explode, but I don't. I just stand staring at him and he's staring right back.

'I didn't do anything.' He's muttering.

'You exist! You were born! You are you! What do you mean you didn't do anything? You joined the fucking BAU not me! It's all you. Everything.'

He's shaking his head at me and backing away slightly. 'All I had was dreams. It was you who wanted me to remember.'

'Don't sodding argue with me Spencer! Just don't do that OK? I'm not in the damned mood for your fucking mouth!'

I'm watching him back away towards his rock and putting hands out to grab his clothing and I don't mind today. Let him get dressed. Let him stink, I don't bloody mind now. I'm going.

'I'm going.' I said it.

'Going? I thought we were going to camp here for a while.' He's pulling his dirty stinking jeans on and covering the bruises I gave him.

'You do what you want. I'm going alone. Don't follow me. Don't for fuck's sake follow!'

I turn back to the river and scream abuse at it again. 'Don't you bloody tell them you bitch! You keep your fucking dirty mouth shut.' And I jump down into the water and I kick at the stones and I scream and shout words which are so garbled and with my anger that I'm incoherent. 'You bitch.' I end it with and then add, 'I'll rip your fucking head off.'

Maybe I could have talked to her nicely, but I'm not in a nice mood. I turn and look at my babes who is now fully dressed and standing watching me and I'm lost. I don't know what to do. Should I carry on? Should I just kill him now and be done with it? Should I talk to _them_? I just have no fucking idea! My head is spinning the forest spins in the opposite direction and the cold water comes up and slaps me in the face.

-o-o-o-

I've no idea what I did. What I did wrong. I don't even think it's me he's angry with. I'm sure I'd be feeling pain by now if I'd have done something, but it's not me he's directing his anger at. It's someone else. I watch his tantrum in the water. I try to make out what he's saying but it just seems to be a long string of obscenities. I see the confusion on his face and I really wonder if this man has slipped into some kind of psychosis. He's making no sense at all. Quickly and with no word of protest from him I pull my clothes back on. I feel more in control of things when I'm dressed, obviously less vulnerable and he's still screaming and kicking stones in the water. A bad trip? Did he take drugs? I really don't have any idea. I want to help him, but I don't know the best way to go about it. When he suddenly tips forward into the water I take a hasty step forwards. I expect him to do something. Something other than just lie there with his face in the river, but he doesn't move. Another step forward and I'm standing with my toes curling and uncurling and watching and waiting for him to move.

'Floyd!' I shout at him, but still he doesn't do more than slowly start to drift and it's now that I jump into the river with him and grab at one of his arms and attempt to pull him out again. 'Floyd what the hell?' I slip backwards and lose my grip on him and end up sitting in the river watching him slowly drift away from me. Leaping to my feet again I make another grab at him. He's doing nothing. He's not spluttering. He's not attempting to get up and so I pull at him again and start to drag him to the river bank. It's not a high bank and I expect in the winter that this river would break its banks regularly but it's still high enough to cause a problem. At least I have his face out of the water now and then grasping him around the chest with his back to me I begin to heft him out of the river. I'm making a very muddy job of the task and he keeps sliding down between my arms, and my feet keep slipping on the stones beneath my feet and I'm shouting at him to wake up and do something and to help, but he's still not reacting. It has to have been drugs causing this. I can't think of anything else it would be.

Why am I bothering to do this? Only last night I was contemplating running off at my first chance, yet now I'm struggling to save him from a watery death.

'Floyd, please wake up!' I shout into the back of his neck as I try again to get us both out of here. There water is so cold. It's like ice. I can feel my body begin to shake and tremble and I think it's because of the cold and not because I'm beginning to panic. Slowly and slipperly I manage to get at least his top half out and up onto the grassy bank and then I scrabble up next to him and take hold of his arms and haul the rest of him out. His hands are cold, but then so are mine. I turn him swiftly onto his back and kneel down next to him. I look at the eyes staring at nothing and the unmoving chest and I quickly rub my hands together to attempt to get some warmth and feeling back into them and then I cautiously feel his neck for a pulse.

Nothing.

'My hands are too cold.' I mutter to myself and lay my head on his chest to listen for the beating of that heart of his.

Nothing.

'Oh god.' I let out a sigh and then move so I am sitting astride him. 'Come on Floyd. Breathe, wake up. Don't do this to me.' And I push down on his chest knowing full well how bad the chances are of CPR working under these conditions. The statistics are flying through my head as I keep pushing down and trying to get him to wake up. I can see the skin around his lips has turned blue. I look at his hands and see the tint of blue on his fingernails. 'It's because he's cold.' I tell myself and I really want to believe that. I really have to believe that this person who seems virtually indestructible didn't just drown himself in the river whilst I stood and watched.

-o-o-o-

I can hear the noise long before I reach the interview room. A high pitched scream like a banshee. I walk quicker and join Prentiss who is looking through the window at what's going on. She turns to look at me, her eyes huge.

'What the hell is going on?' I ask as I approach.

She shakes her head and continues to look at me. 'She just started screaming and no amount of talking from Morgan or Rossi is going to calm her down.' She turns back to look through the window now that I've joined her and the scene is not what I was expecting. She's not what I was expecting. From where I am standing I can see she's backed into the corner of the room. She has a huge mass of wavy and very dirty blond hair and is wearing a very grubby and torn party dress with ripped thick tights and a pair of scruffy boots…but it's her face which draws most of the attention. Big blue eyes on what would be a pale face, but it's tear stained and as dirty as the rest of her. Her mouth, it's un-naturally big and she looks from here to have too many teeth to fit in that child's face and they seem to be pointed as though they've been filed into very sharp shark like points. She looks to be about ten years old, but the noise she's making couldn't possibly come from something so small.

'Good lord.' Is all I can think of to say. Rossi and Morgan are standing and I can see that they are both attempting to look as none threatening as they can. 'I should go in.' I say to the window and make my way to the door.

'Hotch.' Prentiss suddenly says. 'At the scene with the fire. There were signs that there had been a child there. Do you think this is her? Has Flanders done this to her?'

'I don't know. I'll try to find out.' And I enter the room.

The noise stops so suddenly that I almost want it to start again. Morgan and Rossi turn to look at me and Derek gives me a slight shrug of his shoulders. They both step back so I can see the child standing there.

'Took your damned time getting here.' Her voice is almost a snarl. 'I said I would talk on the phone. I didn't want to come here you know.'

I don't step towards her as the others move away, but I indicate the chair sitting in front of the table. 'Sit.' I tell her. 'And we can talk.' She moves quickly and throws herself into the plastic chair and puts her hands on the table palms down.

'I might not want to talk to you now you've brought me here.' She's looking up at the darkened square where Emily is watching from so I sit down the other side of the table and attempt to smile at her.

'Well it's easier to talk here.' I tell her. 'Do you want a drink or something to eat?'

'Or pack it in. I'm not some baby who needs treats to make her willing to talk. Keep your little games, I'm not in the mood to play them right now. I'll have a sandwich and a soda.'

I look over at Morgan who nods at me and leaves the room. Rossi stands by the door watching.

'Have you got a name? You know mine already.'

'Of course I've got a bloody name!' She slaps the table with her hands. 'I'm not here to talk pleasantries with you Hotchner; I'm here to tell you about Flanders.'

'How do you know him?' I sit with my hands in my lap and try not to look my normal stoic self, but I'm not sure it's going too well.

'I've like always known him. He's a bastard. A fucking bastard! And I'm going to get some damned payback for what he did to me.' Again she slaps at the table with her hands.

Now I am wondering what he did to her and my eyes are drawn to that mouth with all those teeth.

'You said you knew where he was going?'

Her eyes snap up a mine and she nods. 'Where he always goes, but you're gonna have to be quick and like get to him first cos I suspect that he knows I'm talking to you.' She looks back down at her hands. 'I very nearly didn't talk you know. I very nearly forgave him for what he did.' It's now that the food and drink arrive and Derek places them on the table in front of her. She looks at it then at Morgan. 'He doesn't like you. He says your soul stinks. He says you remind him of the others. You're going to have to be careful or he'll tear you apart.' Now she looks at Rossi. 'You though Agent Rossi, you're not a threat to him. I think you'll be safe, but Hotchner wont.' And she prods the sandwich in its wrapper with her finger and then looks up at me. 'You are different. You pose a different sort of threat, I'm not sure what he'll do to you apart from slap you around.' She pokes at the sandwich again. 'What's this shit?' But no one answers that question.

'I need you to tell me everything you know about Flanders. I need you to tell me where the children are being kept. I need to know how to get Agent Reid back safely.'

She smacks her hands down on the sandwich package. 'You don't want much do you? I said I'll tell you where the kids are. I know that much, but you gotta stop him first or he'll cause the biggest fucking fuss you'll ever see. He'll come after vengeance, which is why you have to stop him first, cos that baby girl means a lot to him and as for your agent, it's too late for him. You might get him back, but he'll never be the person you knew again. He has a habit of wrecking lives and squishing peoples minds until they're no good to man or beast and I reckon that's what he's up to now.' She rips the wrapper off the sandwich and stares at what's inside.

'Well can start then by you telling us how to stop him.' I place my hands on the table but I keep watching this strange child.

'Right, well I told you already that guns won't stop him. You have to poison him, then you have to rip out his heart and liver, and then….hang on, I don't know if I should be telling you this.'

She suddenly looks nervous.

'Remove his heart and liver?' My hands go back onto my lap as I watch her force the food in her mouth without taking a bite and swallow it in one lump. I expect her to choke and gag, but she doesn't.

'I have to go.' And she stands up. 'I made a mistake.' And now she's walking towards the door which Rossi is now standing firmly in front of with Morgan.

'Not yet.' I tell her. 'I need to know where he is and where he's going and what he's going to do with Reid. I need to know where the children are.'

She's standing looking at Rossi and Morgan and then turns to look at me. 'The kids are with Sam. Find Sam and you'll find the kids. They're being cared for. Unlike me. He just fucking abandoned me! I mean nothing to him now he has Rosa and Spencer. I'm just a toy to use and throw away.' And now she's pacing circles around the room.

I ask her to calm down and sit again. The room is slowly filling with a strong smell of something not very nice. Something old and rotting and it seems to be coming from the child. She spins around and stares at me.

'I shouldn't have come here. He would have remembered me in the end. He always does. I was far too hasty coming to talk to you. I need to go.'

'I need to know the locations.' I tell her. I remain seated hoping that she'll calm down and join me again.

'Well as I said, I've changed my mind. I told you where he was going! I told you where the kids are…and that's all you're getting. Let me go now.' She turns from me and marches to the door.

'Please sit down. I still don't know your name. I'd like to get to know you. Find out more about what's going on between Spencer and Flanders.'

Again she turns to look at me. The two agents standing at the door aren't going to let her get out of the room yet. 'What's going on between them? What the hell do you think is going on between them? Floyd is playing games and he's made a big mistake this time. Ah what am I saying?!' She comes back and sits down and unscrews the lid of her drink. 'He's a fuck up. A reject. He messes up all the time and he's just doing what he always does and is messing up again. They'll be so pissed off with him.' She takes a long drink from the bottle. 'You know what? I have a feeling they're going to deal with this mess anyway, but as for Rosa, well you're going to have to fight to get her back. She's one of them you see. Spencer isn't. You'll get him back, but as I said, he will never be the person you knew again.' Another long lazy drink. 'Sam you will have to dispose of cos he's the same as Floyd, but he's not a fuck up, but you'll not be able to just pump bullets into him and expect him to drop dead. Doesn't work quite like that.'

I nod at her and try to give her a reassuring smile. I need her to keep talking. Although she's said she doesn't want to, I feel deep down that she needs to talk to someone.

'Morgan, Rossi, can you wait outside for a little while.' Maybe she'll talk more if they're not around, though they will still be able to hear what's going on. They nod at me and leave the room closing the door securely behind them. I know they are still there listening. 'So, you know my name, what does Floyd call you?'

She glances at the door and then back to me. 'Princess.' She says and gives a horrific too big smile.

'And you say you've known him for a long time? Are you related?'

Still that macabre smile on her face. 'Na, I'm different from him. I'm just a companion.'

I don't like those words. I don't like the way she seems to be evading questions. 'Princess? That's nice.' And I try once again to smile at her. 'Is he nice to you?' I want to know if that man has been abusing this child.

'Oh yes, he's great. Gives me anything I want, well until Spencer came along anyway, then he dropped me like a hot turd.' She leans across the table and the smell is threatening to make my eyes water. 'But he never hurts me, if that's what you're asking. He's not some fucking paedophile. He has some limits.'

Well that's some sort of relief anyway. 'Where do you live?'

'Oh stop fucking with me Hotchner, you know full well where we lived. The place burnt down. Well actually I set fire to it cos I got bored and he was more than slightly pissed off with me about that and I said I wasn't going to tell you stuff about me didn't I? So stop being so fucking nosy.' She moves back and picks up her drink again.

'I just want to know that you have been cared for properly. Flanders seems to be a bit volatile.'

'Well you don't need to know do you. Now can I go? I've told you loads and freaking loads and I want to go now.'

'Tell me about Sam.'

'Oh for the love of the gods! I told you about Sam already! What more do you want to know?'

'Just tell me about him. What sort of a person is he?'

'He's a little shit like his dad, but what would you expect? He's not all he appears to be, so when you're ripping his life force out of him don't be put off that he only seems to be a teenager. That's not really what he is. He's a bastard shit just like Floyd is. You'll know him when you see him. He looks just like Floyd. Can't really mistake him, but be careful, cos as I said he doesn't fuck up like his old man does and he has far better favour with the others, plus he'll not be alone. Sam sticks with the clan, but find them, and you'll find your missing kids. Just don't expect them to just hand them over, you're gonna have to kill the lot of them. They won't go down without a fight.'

'Can you tell me why Flanders is not with them? Not with his son?'

'Yup, they kicked him out. He's trouble. He killed some of them and did bad things. Then when they got pissed off with them about it he killed some of their kids. So they kicked him out. He goes there sometimes, but it's never a nice scene. He'll not be going to them for comfort if that's what you're thinking.'

I nod at her again. 'Thank you. Thank you for coming to us. Is there anything you need?' I am meaning really a change of clothing, somewhere to live, a bath maybe, but she shakes her head.

'I've got all I need, and I think I've just probably got myself into a tiny bit of trouble, so I'd best go.' She drinks the last of her soda pop and stands up. 'Was nice meeting you Hotchner. I can see what Spencer and Floyd see in you. You're an all round nice bloke. A shame really, cos he will destroy you if he can. He really hates you. Thought I'd tell you that. He'll take from you everything you love and need. He'll rip you apart without even touching you and don't get complacent Hotchner, don't forget to watch your back cos he's kind of special, as you already know, and he's not going to stop and he won't let it drop unless you destroy him first. I'd keep a close eye on Haley and Jack too if I was you, and that brother of yours. He's not averse to killing kids; he just doesn't tend to fuck them.'

'I see. Thank you for the warning. Where are the clan?' I'm getting really tired of her veiled threats.

'How the hell should I know? They're like gypsies. They move around a lot.' Her hand is now on the door handle. 'Oh and don't even think about trying to follow me. I'll contact you if I need to. Take care Hotchner. Keep your back to the proverbial wall.' And she's opening the door. 'Have a nice day!' She calls out as she pushes past Morgan and Rossi.

* * *


	23. Chapter 23 Time To Move On

Time To Move On

* * *

I stop when I feel ribs crack under the heel of my hands. I stop and I place my ear to his chest again but still there is nothing.

I feel like screaming but I think if I start I'll never stop so I stay still and just look down at the face and the eyes staring up at nothing. There is one more thing I think I could try to get his heart beating again but if it doesn't work it would be necrophilia and I'm really not about to do down that route. Slowly I move my hands forwards and brush my fingers over his face; closing his eyes. This can't have just happened. So I move slowly off him and glance around wondering what to do next. There is a feeling deep down inside me that this is all a game; some stupid ploy of his to get me to do something, but I don't know what I need to do. Unless it's the unthinkable and as it _is_ unthinkable it's just not going to happen. Now I move behind him and put my hands under his arms and drag his soggy and muddy form towards the camp he made for us. If he suddenly awakes which I feel somehow he might, then at least he'll be under cover. He'll know I didn't just leave him to rot on the river bank. If he doesn't suddenly wake, well then I still can't just leave him.

It's a long hard haul dragging him to the camp, and once inside the small construct I sit back and put my head in my hands and pull my knees in close and try to decide what I should do now. I have no idea where we are. I can't possibly catch food like he did. I paid no attention to him when he tried to show me how to find food for myself, and though I've read books on how to survive in situations such as this actually being there is a whole different kettle of fish.

'I'm going to die.' I tell myself and immediately feel selfish and stupid. I'm sitting here with a corpse and I'm worried about myself?

Again I rest my head on his chest and again there is nothing. I run my fingers over his mouth and then realise that I am angry. I am so angry with him for doing this that I can hardly think straight. I'm convinced he took drugs of some kind. He had a bad trip followed by a quick death and now I'm left here to cope with it all and I don't think I'm doing too well. How long do I give him? How long until I have to admit that this is the end and I walk away and leave him here? Do I find a way to bury him? Do I cover him over with rocks? Do I just sit here and watch him rot away until there is nothing left of him?

I pull off my shirt and rest it over that cold dead face. I don't want to sit here looking at it. The longer I look the angrier I am getting with him for doing this to me and then the more I am getting cross with myself for feeling angry with him. I decide that I cannot sit here looking at him, and I also decide that if I'm going to have to make my own way to wherever he was taking me, or back to where we came from, then I'll need his lighter at least. Maybe something else too. I don't want to die of starvation out here surrounded by things I can eat yet don't know how to find or catch. I'd rather decide for myself if it was time for this nightmare to end. I cautiously delve into his jeans pockets and fish out the lighter and some twists of cellophane holding his much loved drug. I have no idea what it is or if this is what killed him so suddenly and easily, but I'm taking it anyway. Then I get up and sit outside. A vigil if you want. Protecting him maybe, I'm really not sure, but I know I can't just up and leave. Not yet.

-o-o-o-

As you can probably guess I'm not happy. They've hauled me back and not even given me my own body to be hauled back into. I'm sitting in an orgy of small black creatures all slithering and sliding over each other and I am one pissed of Flanders. Something makes a grab for me and though usually being grabbed by my genitals wouldn't make me too angry I'm really not in the mood for this shit right now. I slap the little long fingered hands away from me with my own stupidly long fingered black hands and tell them to kindly leave me alone; though I don't use those exact words.

I need to go find someone to talk to and ask what in the name of hades is going on and why I am here partly and somewhere else at the same time. My chest hurts like a truck has run over it and when I attempt to stand I realise that this form I've been temporarily given; and it better be temporary, hasn't been constructed for walking on hind legs. The bastards. This means I have to crawl away from this mob of creatures and as I do I find fingers being inserted into all sorts of places. It makes me stop and think for a short while. Could I get used to this? Will I like it if I give it a chance, and I let them explore for just a short while and then decide that this really isn't what I was created for. I carry on crawling away from the little hands which have obviously had a lot of experience and attempt to find someone worth talking to.

It makes a strange popping squelching sound when I leave the lit up area I was in and I feel the rubbery floor beneath my hands and not the feel of that repulsive dark flesh. When I turn around to look there is nothing there. OK so if I did want to be fondled by these creatures it's too late now. My eyesight isn't as good as maybe it could be. I'd normally be able to see somewhat better than seeing fuck all, but I'm going to have to put up with that for now and keep crawling forwards.

Another thing I've noticed about this body I'm in is that it feels old and tired and though I want to move forward quickly it's not going to let me. My arms are shaking and my elbows ache like I'm some old chap. I feel drunk and drugged and again I'll remind you that my chest hurts like I've been stomped on over of long period of time.

'Hey!' I call out, and my voice is shaky and dry as old leaves. I don't think the sound will travel very far. 'Hey what the fuck is all this shit?!' And my arms give way and I fall forward onto that painful chest of mine and I just lay there for a while and try to get back some breath which I've also realised doesn't seem to be there. I'm not breathing? This causes me to roll onto my back and place those nasty hands on a skinny chest with ribs jutting out. I'm far too thin. I like thin, but this is really going to the extreme. I'm not much more than tight black skin stretched over some worn out old skeleton and what's more my ribs seems to be broken. Again I give breathing a try and it gets me nowhere at all and I wonder what in the name of the gods I've done to deserve this treatment. I was doing what they wanted wasn't I? I got my job done didn't I? I was just having a few days off for freaks sake. When it finally reaches my brain that I'm not going to be getting up and running like a hound from hell towards those who have sorted me good and proper I roll back onto my front and lift up and crawl along again.

You see I'm going to have to be careful. My middle name is "cautious". Well no it's not but right now it should be. I have to remember that I'm now the lowest of the low. Right at the bottom of the pile and I'm going to be sodding lucky if they'll talk to me about what the hell is going on here. It's OK … I've been hauled back here many times before, but never like this. Not ever like this. I'm in deep shit now and I know it. This isn't going to work the way it has in the past. I'm not going to be able to bully myself back to the top. At least not yet. I'm going to have to grovel and whimper and moan and hope they take pity on me and don't just blast me out of existence. This could take me years. It could take me decades just to reach them and then I'm going to have to have a reasonable argument when I arrive as to what are the reasons I did what I did even though right now I don't know what those reasons are.

Obviously I've fucked up again.

-o-o-o-

I give orders that the child is followed. I need to know where she is going. There is no reason to keep her. She herself has done nothing but give us snippets of information and she says she doesn't know the actual location of Flanders or the children, but I'm sure that is where she's going to be going.

She's managed; though she's only a child; albeit a very strange one, to instil something close to fear in me. I need to know how much of what she said to me, to us, was truth and how much was just the threats of a child sent to us by Flanders. I've requested that Garcia to her thing and find out if there are any unusual happenings which can be connected in any way to a group of travellers. This includes spates of thefts, assaults and poaching. There has to be a way to trace this "clan" that she spoke of, especially if they are not a nice bunch of people. Something will show up, I'm sure of it. She's doing that. I have people attempting to follow this Princess child and I'm sitting in my office wishing I could contact Haley and hoping we find Reid soon before Flanders destroys him as the girl said he would.

-o-o-o-

I attempt to light a fire, but all I manage to do is get some sticks to smoulder and then go out. I should know how to do this. I'm sure I'm doing it correctly but it's just not going to happen. I go back into the small camp and run my fingers over Floyd's cold feet and then leave again as the anger starts to build up once more inside me. I fiddle with the twists of cellophane and I flick the lighter on and off and wish he'd had some smokes I could at least smoke one for him as a farewell gesture.

At least I've made some sort of decision on what to do, though if I'll actually carry it out I don't know. I will wait the night out. I will keep my eye on him for this coming evening and in the morning I'll cover the entrance to the camp with more branches and I'll follow the river. I'd thought of trying to make my way back the way we came from, but I'm not sure I'll manage that. I don't cherish the idea of being totally lost out here more than I am already. If I follow the river I at least will have water to drink even if I can't find food and now I realise that I'm not going to be able to light a fire catching fish is not really something I need to worry about. I'll get berries. I'll find something I don't have to cook. I should have kept the samples he gave me, but they're no longer in my pocket. At least I would have had some sort of guide on what to eat and what not to.

The time since I woke up and when I tried to get Floyd's heart to beat again has gone too fast. I don't know where all the hours went but now I'm sitting on my rock and I can sense that it's going to be getting dark soon. The forest smells different. There are different sounds and I suddenly realise that not only would the fire have been good to keep warm by or to cook my imaginary food by it would have given me a bit of light. I feel lethargic and empty as I return to the camp once more and curl up in front of the entrance wondering why I am here and how this all happened.

-o-o-o-

I made a decision. My dad messed up and I'm going to have to sort it all out before they come and shoot us full of lead. It's not like I stole the damned kids, I'm just living here. Hell for all they know I know nothing about them! The point however is that I do know about them and I'm going to have to make some sort of deal with someone somewhere. I considered talking firstly to _them_ and then decided that I'm too freaking scared they'll whump me and keep me there. I'm rather used to being here now. I don't want to get bound again. Not now I've felt freedom. This is why I go talk firstly to the guy who thinks he's in charge here. Louis is a short guy with dark hair. Well we all have dark hair, but I'm just saying he does too. He's not a nice person, so he fits in well with the clan, but I don't like him. I've never liked him. He's the sort who will stab you in the back just for the hell of it. Just so he can feel the blade piercing your flesh. I'm not like that…well not too much like that anyway. I at least would like a reason, however remote it may be, to top someone, or just cripple them. So yeah, I'm going to go talk to him, cos I know something's happened to my dad, and I know something is going on with that damned girl toy of his. She's not reliable and has zero morals, and is likely to explode at any minute.

'What do you want?'

I don't like the way he talks to me, like I'm shit. 'Well about the kids really.' I reply. I'm standing at the foot of the small run of steps that lead to the side of his campervan.

'They've got nothing to do with you.' And he turns and starts to go back in. I don't like that he's turned his back on me. I don't like being treated like this. They should have more respect for me.

'They do. They do if they're putting my comfort at risk.'

He turns back and looks down at me. He's got on baggy black trousers and a white collarless shirt and suspenders over his shoulders. There's a pair of old worn boots on his feet. Seems to be a trend amongst total bastards to wear worn looking boots. I glance down at my own then back up at him again.

'Your comfort?' He snorts a burst of laughter at me. 'You think your comfort is a concern of mine you little faggot?'

I blink and lick my lips and keep my eyes on his face. 'It should be a concern of yours. You understand the situation here Louis?'

'I understand that you're part of that shit Flanders. I understand that you're as filthy and perverted as he is. Yes I understand the situation Sam, and you might like to think you have control amongst the family and the clan, but sonny you are nothing. You are no more important than a dog, so fuck off and stop moaning at me before I decide to kick you into the next kingdom. You don't scare me little boy. You just disgust me.'

Well there's not too much I can say to defend myself here but I keep going anyway. 'Rosa is as much his off spring as I am. Let me take her and the other kid and you'll be safe and be rid of me too if I'm that repellent to you.'

'Go away you silly little turd.' And he's gone back through his door. I take a step forward.

'You don't know who you're messing with Louis!' I stand on his bottom step and he spins around to face me again.

'Let me get something straight with you Sam. You are not his off spring, you are his spawn. That I'm afraid makes you what you are, this Rosa is only part him. There is a difference and we are keeping her here for the others. You understand that don't you?'

'Yes but….' He cuts me off

'No buts Sam.'

'Then why don't you fucking kick me out too?! If I'm so bad, if I'm so reviled, why am I still here?' I take another, what seems to me, threatening step up his small stairway. This isn't going the way I thought it would.

'I tell you what Sam. You are right. Why are you still here? You are putting us all in danger. Fuck off. Get out. Leave. You're not wanted here any more than Floyd was.' And a sturdy and grubby boot makes contact with my face and sends me flying backwards with a loud …

'Arg fuck!' into the dirt.

'And if you're so bloody bothered about the kids take the scum boy child with you. Get out. Don't come back. If you do you'll be spit roasted and fed to the others.'

I know he doesn't make idle threats. I know this much at least, but I thought this way my fucking place! I thought people listened to me cos I mattered not cos I repulsed them! When I open my eyes and look up at him he's dangling a baby by his legs and offering him to me.

'You want this? Take it. Take it and get out and if you bring the FEDS anywhere even close to us then you are dinner. You get the drift Sam?' And the baby is hurled at me. None to gently I may add, and my vision is slightly blurred and my head slightly confused by what just happened, but I still manage to catch the wriggling thing.

I think I just did what my dad always does so well…and fucked up.

I can do one of the following now:

1. Take the kid and quietly leave.

2. Eat the kid and laugh at Louis for being such a shit head.

3. Leave the kid and go in a cloud of obscenities.

4. Continue to argue my case and attempt to get Rosa.

5. Sit and cry at my stupidity and hope he takes pity on me

6. Beg for forgiveness.

7. Have a tantrum.

I think it's going to be a cross between number one and seven.

* * *


	24. Chapter 24 Plan

Plan 

* * *

'Sir.'

It's Garcia. I look over at her standing in my open door way. 'Garcia.' I indicate that she should come in. She's got her laptop clutched in her hands and that gives me a small bit of hope that she's found something. She grabs a chair and pulls it around my side of the desk and gives me a nervous look.

'I want you to be able to see the screen properly.' She sits down and places the laptop in front of us both. 'Now I will admit that it's only sketchy but it's something.' I stay quiet as she flicks through some pages on the screen and then she turns to look at me. 'Very sketchy actually, but I still wanted you to see it.'

'Carry on.' I say and even saying that feels like too much effort.

'Well I looked for things like assaults and burglaries and poaching, and on some counts there is nothing, but I have seen a link between a spate of poaching and assaults. Just a few animals here and there from farm land. Some rangers reporting traps found in the forest. A few rangers even reporting being attacked by people and I tried to get a pattern of some kind and there seems to be one. If you look there are some which are obviously not connected to the case but the main concentration seems to be quite obvious. Whoever it is has been travelling from the east towards the west and then back again along the same route. I'll show you.'

She clicks on the keyboard again and brings up a map covered in dots and lines. 'Can you explain?' I wave a tired hand at her laptop and she nods at me.

'Well I coloured the assaults in red. I coloured the poachings in green and the reports of trapping in blue. Now if I click on a date say three months ago…' and she does. 'You can clearly see that all these things happened in the same place around the same time and if I just let it carry on, you know the dates going forward…' She presses a button 'You can see the dots all move in a bunch along an almost straight line. There are even some reports here…' poking the screen with the end of a pencil… 'Around the time the children went missing.' Then a day or so later it moves off again.

Now I am watching more closely at what she's found. Nothing big. No big or unusual murders, not enough to get them really noticed unless someone sits down for hours and does what Garcia just did. 'What's the yellow star?' I point at her screen.

'That's where Reid was found on the farm sir, I marked it because it is very close to a sheep being taken the a few days before.' She clicks on the star. 'And this sir is where they were camped.' The star moves to a slightly different location but still one very close to where we found Reid. 'I think I know where they are now, but really sir they are going to be easy to track now. They're heading slightly westerly again, but along the same route they took on the way over. They must know good places to stop.' She goes quiet and looks at me.

'I thought it was going to be sketchy information Garcia.' I turn to look at her. 'If they've taken the same route we should know where they are going next.'

She smiles at me and nods. 'Yes sir.' And clicks the computer again. 'I'm not a profiler though, I'm trained to gather the information and let you decide what to do with it, but I think they'll be around here by now. I'll send all the information over to you, but I thought I'd better show you how I found it first.'

'You did a good job Penelope. Thank you.'

She closes her laptop lovingly and stands and pulls the chair back to where it was. 'It still doesn't tell us where Reid is sir.'

'We have a rough area though, once again thanks to you. There are people looking into it out there. My job is to find the children.'

She gives me a sad nod and turns to leave without commenting on the fact that I'm leaving Reid to his fate with Flanders. I firstly have to get the children back. Then I will concentrate on Reid. Right now he's on leave. I can't go chasing him because he's not exactly where he said he'd be and I really don't want to be the one to catch up with Flanders. I feel too old and tired. Too stressed and I need to keep it under control and lead what is left of my team.

-o-o-o-

I know that they are following me and if they think I'm going to lead them straight to where they so desperately want me to go to then they best think again. I know secret ways. I know the passages and the short cuts. I'm not like them. I let them follow me to the mall. I let them hang around outside shops while I look around and waste their time. I let them keep me in sight as I slowly leave the main streets and head into the dark side roads.

Then of course I walk into the shadows and I'm gone.

Idiots.

But maybe not as idiotic as I was going to them in the first place.

-o-o-o-

What the hell am I going to do now? I sit on the ground holding a screaming baby waiting for them to say it was all a joke and they didn't mean it and for Louis to invite me in for cake and sandwiches, but it doesn't happen. I get a small crowd of pissed of looking clan members standing in a circle around me. Some of them holding knives and some holding stones and I know that this is my invitation to leave.

'I can't look after a damned baby!' I shout at them as I carefully stand and hold the wriggler to my chest. 'I don't have tits…how's I to feed it?'

They don't give me an answer but I can see over their heads at Louis who is standing there with a shotgun pointed at me. 'Get out before this gets messy.' He says to me. I'm not sure but I think he says it to my head if you get me. I don't think he says it so the others can hear him.

'I don't know what to do with him.' I snap back at him.

'Wait a few years. Do unto him what your father did to you.' And he's still pointing the damned gun at me. You might think that because it's a gun I really shouldn't have too much of a problem, but you see this _his _gun and he'll have it loaded with exactly what he'll need to incapacitate me. He knows I know that. He knows I won't argue with it and so I turn on my heel and I push through the crowd and walk away. I'm right though. I have no idea how to look after a baby. I've never had the pleasure of doing such in the past and I'm not going to enjoy doing it now.

Screw them. I'd damn them all the hell, but that's already been done.

So now you know why I'm walking along this forest track towards what I am hoping is a road. They baby is stinking and screaming and red in the face and I have no damned idea what to do. I think I need to change the diaper but I don't have anything to change it into. I don't have any food for it either so my best bet is to just keep hold of it until we reach a road and hope someone will come to the aid of a young teenage boy and a screaming baby, but already it's getting dark and I know I'm not going to get anywhere before the morning. I keep walking for a while and the dampness from this thing's blue outfit is seeping out and onto me, and that's just something I'm not going to tolerate. I have to do something to stop this soon or I'll end up just dumping him in the bushes and legging it in the other direction. I decide – whilst holding this thing at arms length – to leave the track and find a big old tree to sit under. I might find a stick I can throw for the kid…oh…it's not a dog. You see I could have cared for a damned dog! I need to find a way to stop this smell, then maybe I can find it something to eat. I have no idea what they eat though apart from titties and as already stated I'm not in the position to offer him that.

I might have shaken him a bit to get him to be quiet, but really it wasn't much. I know I have to be careful cos he's not one of us. These things are more delicate and I need to show a bit of caution with the handling of him.

A big tree gives me a bit of respite and I lay him down in the leaves and step back and inspect the damage to my dungarees. Well there is blood on them, but I figure that is from the nose bleed Louis gave me with his boot and there is a nasty what appears to be yellowish stain on my stomach. I really don't want to know what it is but I can take a good guess. So I stand and watch him for a little while and try to work out a plan of action. I need to get him to that Hotchner bloke and I need it to look like I rescued him and that my life has been placed in great danger as a result. That should at least get me a drink and smokes and something to eat. Now though I have to deal with this stinker.

My first problem is how to get these baby clothes off. There seems to be a lot of press studs and buttons for just one little chap and hell and hades the stink is making my eyes water. No wonder the creature is screaming his nuts off. Finally I release the final opener and I can remove the outer layer. He's a strange very pink baby without his clothes. He almost but only almost makes me want to blow raspberries on his fat stomach. There is a small risk that I'd take a bite too though and obviously that evil stench; that would put any up and coming cannibal off his lunch. I now pull on the Velcro fasteners on the front of his diaper and pull the contraption open.

I let out a yelp of disgust. I really have never in all my life seen something quite as revolting! 'What in the name of all that is evil is that?!' And I'm shouting at this baby expecting him to answer me, but he just kicks his legs and spreads the yellow slimy muck over his legs. 'NO!' I shout now and grab his feet in an attempt to stop him and discover that he's managed to get baby crap all over his feet as well and now it's on my hands. 'NO!' I holler out again and jump up from him. 'Stop kicking you're getting it all over me!' But he either doesn't understand or decides that he likes to see the guy who took him from his comfy home and his breasts get shit all over him. I crouch down and wipe my hands furiously on the ground and then look over at this baby thing again. 'How am I going to clean that off without getting it all over me?' I ask him…and still he's not going to answer. Bloody kids! What I decide to do to start with is just whip the thing which is holding most of his insides away and out from under him. I reach forward. I grab it carefully by a bit which looks to still be white and I rip it away; almost like one of those tricks done with the plates and the table cloth. I would stand in triumph but in the trick with said plates and damned table cloth it doesn't flick shit back in your face and in your eyes and in your fucking mouth! I'm covered in the stuff. I'm splattered in more baby shit than the baby is.

Have you ever been to one of those parties where they have the chocolate fountain and you dip in marshmallows and strawberries? No nor have I, but you know what I'm talking about don't you? Well that's what I feel like, only this is yellow and it's certainly not chocolate and I don't think a strawberry would taste too good if you dipped it in me right now. I wipe manically at my face with my shitty hands and rub my tongue over my arms and then quickly deciding that there are no other options available to me, I strip off my dungarees and my Tshirt and stand there in my tighty whities which aren't too white anymore and wonder what the hell I'm going to do next.

He's still crying and he's still got muck spread all over him in places I don't want to touch, but something has to be done I know that much and so with great reluctance I pick up my orange Tshirt and approach with caution. I drop it down onto him and then quickly and maybe not too gently I start to wipe the stuff off him. It takes freaking ages and I don't make a very good job of it. I need water and there's not any. I need another diaper and I don't have one so really all I've managed to do is spread it a bit further and destroy my clothing in the process. I throw my Tshirt away to join the other crap covered item and stand up and look at the job not very well done.

'I can see why they wanted rid of you.' I tell him and then pick up my dungarees and spread them out neatly and then I pick up stinker and lay him on them. 'There all clean.' Then he pisses everywhere and grins at me.

-o-o-o-

I have an urge to curl up with Floyd one last time. To feel his flesh against mine once more, but I don't. I stay where I am keeping guard in the darkness and let the sleep come and allow the nightmares to follow. When I wake up and I can see light again I can't remember what the nightmares were about anymore, just that I was running. I don't know what from now but my heart is pounding and I'm covered in sweat. I glance towards to opening of the camp and at first can't work out what's wrong. I push myself up onto my elbows and wipe across my eyes with my forearm and look carefully and again my heart is pounding to such an extent that I think it's going to pile drive it self right out of my chest.

'What the hell?'

I stand so quickly that my head spins and I have to close my eyes for a while but when I open them the result is the same.

He's gone. I bend down slightly and go into the little house thing just to check he's not hiding, but obviously he's not there. I call his name and then decide he must be at the river. He woke up and went for a wash. Damn him, like nothing happened! I call him again as I run to the river bank and look at the water and the rocks and the lack of Floyd. I turn back and look at the small camp he made and then back at the river. There lying near bush is my shirt and so I walk over towards it to see if he's playing games with me. A slight panic creeps its way through me as I stand and look at the shirt I had lain over him to keep him safe. It's ripped. It's covered in blood and I don't touch it. I feel I need to magically pull out a pair of gloves from my pocket and bag it up as evidence, but I just don't know what it's evidence of. I stand and look around and now I am thinking straighter and I can focus my eyes better I can see the drag marks quite clearly. How he was dragged over me and I didn't awaken I don't know, but I can see it. Something came in the night and took him from me. I walk slowly back to the camp this time looking more closely at my surroundings. There is blood splatter on the ground. It's dripping from the leaves on the trees. It's in a little pool on the ground just near to where I was lying all night caught up in my own nightmares. This certainly isn't the result of him waking up and walking off.

-o-o-o-

I hear my name being called in the darkness and with a sigh I lift my sticky sweaty body off the squishy floor and start a long crawl towards where the sound came from. I've never experienced this before here, but the ground seems to be going up hill. Usually it's just one big flatness leading to nowhere. Why are they making life, or death probably, so difficult for me? At first the slope is slight but it doesn't take long before I'm finding I'm going two pathetic crawls forward and one slide back again. It's not long before I'm digging in my claws to get a grip and haul myself up to the top where I find a small ledge that I can crouch down on and, well I'd take some deep breaths, but I still don't seem to be breathing.

'You called?' I say in a less than happy voice.

They start talking all at once and I can't sort out one voice from the next. It feels as though I've dropped too much acid and snorted too much cocaine and the whole world is happening at the same time and every voice in the world is being heard, but I have no ability to figure out what the hell they're saying. I am almost at the point of giving up and hurling myself back down the squishy hill when one voice suddenly demands my attention.

'Flanders.'

Is all it says, but at least I can hear it. I cock my head to the side and listen out for more words which make sense in my muddled mind. 'What?' I enquire with great politeness.

'You know why you are here.' I am told.

'Actually no, I have no fucking idea why I am here and why I've been given this demonic form. I would be forever grateful if you'd be kind enough to explain.' Yes this is me being polite.

'You broke the rules Flanders.'

'What damned rules? I didn't do anything against your wonderfulness's wishes or demands. I followed it by the damned….I followed it by the letter your worshipfulness.'

'Stop taking the piss Flanders.' That voice was so close that I can feel the heat of its breath on the side of my face. Still can't see sod all though.

'I wasn't.' I lie.

'Stop messing with us or you will stay as you are now for an eternity. You have been messing with the rules. You took back your friend.'

'No! Ah hell that wasn't my fault. You left bits there for me to remember. You fucked up there not me. I got the kid for you. I did the job I was told to do. I didn't mess up any damned thing!'

Now there is silence and they dangle something in front of me so I can see it. I study it for a short while and sigh. 'What's this in aid of?' I gesture towards the ripped up body which once belonged to me that they have kindly displayed for me.

'It's an offering.'

'Nice. Looks good. I'm sure it was in better condition last time I lived in it though. What the hell happened to it, to me? And what do you want in return?'

'We had a long and loud debate over you and the problems you cause. Some of us wanted you just eliminated with no further questions or chances, but luckily for you some of us have a soft spot for you and enjoy watching you fuck up time and time again. We all had to agree that indeed if given a task you will endeavour to complete it and you have your own way of going about things but eventually you always come through for us.'

'That's basically cos you'll kill me if I don't.'

'Well yes, there is that too, but you amuse us. Your continuing moaning and begging gives us something to chat about in moments when nothing much is going on. You are like a little pet wolverine Flanders and there are enough of us who like you and want to see you carry on fucking up to let us make you an offer.'

'You flatter me too much my lord.' The bastards. 'So what's the plan then? You're not showing my that ripped up mess for nothing.'

'The plan Flanders, after much debate is that we return you this mess. That you cease all contact with your little friend. That you get rid of you companion who you call your Princess and then you destroy what is left of the BAU.'

'Ah, can I make a slight amendment to that plan. Something which I think would work out better? I keep my little friend, I get rid of Princess and then I kill the rest of the BAU.'

'You misunderstood me.'

'Oh.' This isn't going to go my way, I can feel it.

'You won't kill any BAU members. Not anymore than you already have. You will destroy them. You will get inside their heads and you will take them down. I don't want them dead Flanders. I want them to know what is going on. I want them to see it.'

'You have a problem with them? Have they been bothersome?' You see I don't really feel like tearing them all apart slowly. It's such a bore sometimes.

'They have been systematically stopping our clients from doing their jobs. You will stop them. I don't care what order you do it in. I just want them alive and worthless. You've done a good job on your little friend. I suggest you do something akin to that to the rest of them.'

'I can't.' I look at the dripping bloodied me and then turn away, 'No deal. I'm not doing it. Screw you all.' Firstly I must explain that I'd happily do what they want, but I don't feel for some reason that I can do it to all of them. Yes I could go in and abuse Hotchner, it would be an easy job. Very easy to upset his calm outward appearance. I know how to get to him, and if they really insist on it I'd happily have his butt; however, I have no intention of getting that close to Morgan. I don't know what makes him tick, and Rossi, well I haven't had the chance to get to know him yet. He interests me and I don't want to destroy him or the chance to get to know him better; purely in an intellectual manner you understand. Prentiss is a job done. I know exactly how to get to her and the job is already half done. One more push and she's over the edge.

'Then go back down the hill Flanders and mix with the others like you. This is your final chance. You want this form back then you do as you are told.'

I'm going to have to agree with them. I'll deal with not doing what they tell me to do later…but right now I think I want my lovely old self back again. I will be contacting Spencer. I will destroy Hotchner and Prentiss. The rest I'm going to have to sort out when it comes to the time.

You see I'm not such a bad sort after all.

They flop my old lovely self down on the ledge for me and permit me to crawl back inside and pull my body back around me, and it's like trying on an old comfortable pair of pyjamas…didn't realise quite how much I'd missed it. I stand up and stretch and smile at my cunning dupe…

'And obviously if you want your special abilities back then you're going to have to work for them.' Now they fucking well tell me! 'We will provide you with money as wanted and information as needed. Now get out and remember to keep away from Dr Reid.'

-o-o-o-

Well…I decided because the brat is crying yet again that it's probably hungry. It's dark and I'm not in the best of happy moods now, but I still managed to get some roots and insects and grind them down to a nice paste and then plopped some on my finger to feed the baby with. I waited until his mouth was open in a full belted scream and stuck my finger and muck into his little red mouth.

Huzzah, almost immediate reaction and he shuts up finally. Then spits it all out and screams again.

I can see neither of us are going to sleep tonight and so I make the decision to keep walking. I leave the crap covered clothing behind and make a rather wonderful contraption with my dungarees and sling the baby on my back. At least I won't have to look at that red wet face when I'm walking. It's going to take a while and I'm fed up and I stink and I'm tired and yes I'm hungry too, but I've got to get rid of this thing first and then sort myself out. I've got good night vision. Not the best but good enough and it's a nice big moon shining down on me so the trip isn't really as awful as it could be, but it only just makes it out of the realm of nightmare into the one of "this is fucking stupid".

A couple of times I feel him slipping and I have to stop and readjust the straps and such, but really I'm quite proud of my baby caring skills. If only he would shut up. I think this is probably the only time in my life I wished I have breasts.

* * *


	25. Chapter 25 Baby

Baby

**a/n: ****I'm attempting to get everyone at around the same time line…sorry… Pb xox**

* * *

It's strange and somewhat uncomfortable being ripped from one life and have a whole new one shoved upon you with no warning. One second there I was just getting used to taking breaths again and the next I was sucked through the floor and thrown earthwards with no idea of where I would end up. This isn't the first time this has happened and really I should be getting used to the idea that they twist and change things to suit themselves with no care as to how their servants are going to cope with it. And let's face it, I'm one low down servant to that lot right now. I land with a soft plop onto a large bed which in its self is nice as I was rather expecting a hard rocky surface to meet my descent. But here I am lying on a big bed with a big canopy above my head. It's warm and I can feel a breeze across my skin and I can hear birds singing. They've decided to give me a good beginning. Oh and I know why; it's just to see how quickly I lose it all again. Knowing my track record for keeping things going along a straight line and going well then it's not going to last too long. I do wonder if this is a hotel of some sort and roll over onto my side to have a quick look around the room. Correction, enormous room. Freaking huge. It's kind of like some relic from the past. The walls are painted a deep red. There are stuffed animal heads stuck to one wall, almost like they were stampeding towards me and I sliced them to a sudden stop by putting a wall in their way. Creepy to the extreme I may add. One wall is just book shelves and of course books and another wall is taken up mainly by windows and long dark drapes. A very odd room, and I like it. I slide my legs off the bed and now look down at myself. They have clothed me rather well too. They really are expecting me to mess up something chronic. I can feel it and I wont allow that to happen. Whatever game they are playing I'm not going to join in. I'll do what they asked of me and then I'll take what they've given me and live in relative comfort. This is assuming that the rest of this place suits and is as spiffing as this room is. My lower body has on a pair of rather nice low cut jeans. They're tight and they feel like they've been tailored for me. A lovely feeling. My body is in an equally tight white sleeveless number with lots of little fiddly buttons up the front, and they've gifted me with my own boots.

Spencer would like it here.

But that's not relevant anymore. I'm going to do what they said. How damned hard can it be to stay away from one bloke? He wasn't all that special anyway.

A knock on the door and I stand and turn towards it. 'Yes?' I enquire and the door slowly opens. There's a girl standing there and she's probably about aged twenty or so and she has on a uniform in black with a white apron. Her brown hair is tightly pulled back into what I assume is a pony tail. I can only see her front for now. 'What do you want?'

She looks nervous. 'You asked me to wake you at lunch time sir.'

'Ah.'

'And to remind you that Agent Rossi is coming to visit at three this afternoon.'

'Oh.'

'And to give you any mail you may have received.'

I put out my hand for my mail.

'You didn't actually get any sir, but you know how it is, I'd not put too much in store by it. People tend to email these days.'

I drop my hand and stand staring at her. 'So I'm awake and it's lunch time.' Thank you.

'You also wanted to tell the staff where you wished to entertain Agent Rossi.'

'Excuse me?' Entertain him?

'The terrace or in the library sir.'

'Oh. The terrace I would think.'

'Sir the weather reports did say that it might rain.'

I shrug. 'Put up some damned umbrellas then. I'll meet with Rossi on the terrace.'

'Very well sir.' And she's still just standing there.

'Was there something else?' I'm getting pissed off now. This is confusing me. I want to have a look around and see what the hell is going on here and who the fuck I am.

'I was wondering sir. Do you remember the way to the terrace?'

I blink at her. 'I'll find it. Thank you. Get out.' Then curiously she leaves by walking backwards until she's through the door way and then reaches through and pulls the door closed behind her. 'Well what the fuck was that all about?'

Time to have a quick look around this room I'm in. I give the books a quick glance and see that they are all very old volumes of things I've read before. I walk to the window and have a look out. There's a balcony thing so I wander out and look down. I seem to be a good few floors up and the building is ancient and constructed from bricks. This balcony over looks a large area of grass and then woodland. I have not the slightest idea where this place is. I thought maybe I'd get some sort of clue by looking out here, but it's a total mystery. Thank you guys for giving me this interesting new world to live in and no freaking memories to go along with it!

There is a mirror on the wall so I give my face a quick inspection. I look good obviously. I'm clean shaven and my hair is perfect. Just the right length to tuck behind my ears, which is what I do.

Now to investigate the rest of this place. I go to the door the girl was at not long before and with a deep breath I pull it open. I expected to see a corridor but it's a small anti room with some huge black bloke standing there looking at me.

'Who the fuck are you?' I ask.

'I'm James sir.' He tells me.

'You have a gun.' I think I should let him know.

'Yes sir I do.'

'What are you doing standing there?' This is a fucking puzzle to me. He's not pulled his gun and he looks to have almost a smirk on his face.

'I'm always here sir.'

'What the fuck are you always there for?' I'm really hoping that I'll get some memories to go along with this game cos this is making my head spin.

'I'm your body guard.' Now that is an open grin he is giving me with big golden teeth shining happily at me.

'My body guard?' I don't like the sound of this.

'Yes sir.'

'I pay you to stand here with a gun?'

'Sir you pay me to keep you safe. You pay me well I may add.'

'Ah.' I do remember that the bastards who sent me here said I wouldn't have my super duper powers so I guess maybe I could do with a dude and a big gun to keep away the bad guys. I just don't know what line of business I'm in or why it would be necessary to have some geezer standing guard outside my room.

We stand for a while just looking at each other. I'm waiting for him to say something which will unravel this mystery and he's obviously waiting for me to say something and as neither of us are talking we just stand and look.

'I err.' Yes I'm full of intelligent words today.

'Going down for lunch sir.'

Now I smile back at him. 'Lead the way James.'

'Obviously sir.' And he turns and pulls open the door leading out of here and waits for me to catch up.

-o-o-o-

There is no point in staying here. Floyd has gone. All that's left of him is a smear of blood and a ripped shirt. Maybe if I'm lucky and keep walking along the river bank I will eventually find somewhere with a telephone and I can call someone in to investigate this. Though there doesn't seem much too see really. The drag marks suddenly stop as does the trail of blood. I spend a few hours sitting on my rock with my head in my hands before finally realising that I have to keep moving onwards. I pull on my boots and go to the edge of the river. Whatever it was that Floyd did with his burning sticks seems not to have worked.

And so I start the next part of my journey and it feels strangely quiet and I feel horribly exposed and vulnerable, which is odd as I wanted to get away from Floyd, now he's not here I need him back again. Walking alone in a forest is an eerie sensation. Things moving in the undergrowth suddenly sound too loud. The river seems to be rushing by me faster. The birds seem to be flying above me waiting for me to make a mistake, but I won't. I can deal with this. We're really not that far from the railway and thus I'm sure not too far from, well from anything! There has to be something out here other than the animals awaiting my failure. I know I have to eat and I know I'm going to have a problem finding something, but I will try. I've read the books about situations like this. It can't be that hard to find things can it? I fiddle with Floyd's lighter for a while and then put it back in my pocket. Maybe tonight I'll be able to light a fire…if I'm still out here and I think I will be.

I stop occasionally and lay down on the river bank and take some handfuls of water. I need to pick things on the way too and try to eat something but my half hearted searches don't come up with much. I'm standing here with a few things in my hand and trying to figure out if there are the same things Floyd gave me to look at before and to be honest this genius brain has no idea.

-o-o-o-

I stumble a few times over rocks and branches but it's not as bad as maybe it could have been. I've noted that if I jog along the baby on my back eventually falls asleep and that's an enormous relief. The screeching made my ears ring to the point I think I have permanent damage to my hearing. They are expecting me to mess up. They are thinking I'm my dad, but I'm not. I'm me. I am Sam. But there is still plenty of margin for the fuck ups to happen therefore I'm being mighty cautious not to step to the side and go down the route of all time genius fuck up like my dad. I'm thirsty and I'm hungry. My back aches and I can feel something slimy and wet slowly crawling its way down my back and long the back of my legs and I am guessing that baby there has emptied his bowels again. I can smell that revolting stink which I can still taste in my mouth, but I'm not going to worry about it now. Actually the worse the state I'm in when I get where I am going the better. More chance that someone will believe my story. A story which I'm going to have to get straight in my head now as I jog along, cos once I make the announcement of who this baby really is I'm going to have the FEDS over me like the pack of filthy dogs they are. I need to be able to foresee what they are going to ask me and have sensible answers for them. I go through a number of scenarios and wonder how this is going to all play out, cos I know which way I'd rather it all went.

Jog, jog, jog, smack.

Ok I wasn't looking where I was going and the branch caught me just above the eyes sending me flying and sprawled on my back. I hear a squishing sound and then the bellows of baby start up again. I don't really blame him as I am lying on top of him right now and I have a nice trickle of blood making its happy way across my face.

'Fuck it!'

I roll over and pull at the straps on my back and attempt to see if I've damaged baby in any way, but it's dark and it's screaming. I've not killed it so that's got to be good I think. I also have the feeling that the sudden impact generated a fresh lot of sewage from the brat's backside.

'I'm not going to mess up.' I say to baby as I prod it with my finger. 'I'm getting us both out of here and we're both going to be fine and I'm going to be a hero.' I prod it again. 'So shut the fuck up and stop shitting all over me. I'm at the point where I don't like you too much anymore.' I give him a comforting pat on the side of his face and pull him back onto my back and just sit for a while listening to the animals in the bushes and the night insects – well I would do that if this thing wasn't howling in my ear again. 'Just shut up!' and now I'm shouting at it. 'This is all your fucking fault! I didn't want to be out here with you. I want to be back in my van with my blankets and feel like I have some control and you messed it up, not me! This isn't my damned fault!' And I wonder how many times dad has shouted the self same words when he made fatal errors of judgement.

No time to sit around feeling sorry for myself. I move forward on my hands and knees until I'm past the bastard branch that whacked me then I wipe at the blood running down my face with my arm and stand up. Then I sit down again. The world has decided to go into a nice spin for me. Maybe I have concussion. Perhaps I need to lie down and try to sleep it off, but baby here isn't going to let me do that is he? So again I stand but this time I do it slower and I decide that I need to be sick.

Problem number two now arises. As I bend forward and throw up at the side of the path, baby tips out of the harness thing and goes flying over my head and splat into my vomit.

'Oh for the love of Hades!'

I kneel down and pick him up and just hold him to me. He stinks now of shit and piss and vomit and hiss screams have taken on a sort of stuttering gagging sobbing sound I've not heard him make before.

'Please tell me I've not damaged you too much.' I say to him and rest my head on his and slowly the sobbing dies down. Unfortunately he still stinks and so do I and I've had enough and now please someone come to rescue me from this cos I just want a mug of cocoa and a long sleep and I never want to see another baby as long as I live.

I stay where I am. My plan to keep going in the dark has been thwarted by a serious headache and the inability to move without chucking up. So I stay here with the baby who has again at last fallen asleep and I just hope to hell that I'm not too far from the road. When I see the light beginning to break through the trees I implant the baby back into my crap covered harness thing and I get to my feet. I feel sick and wobbly and my vision is blurred and I really do think I did myself a bit of damage when I hit my head, but I do need to keep going or this whole adventure would have been for nothing. I'm walking slowly now. I've given up on the thought of running my way to wherever I'm going, but because I'm walking now it does give me the chance to try to grab at passing flying insects and have something to eat. Unfortunately I miss every damned time cos my eyes won't focus properly and that might be the reason why I haven't noticed that sound in the distance before now. I can hear traffic. I can hear a road! I am nearly there! I will be saved! And this spurs me into a loping run which causes baby to wake up and start screaming again, which maybe isn't the end of the world, after all I need this to look good don't I?

When I break through the edge of the tree line I can see a busy tarmac road. There are cars screaming along in both directions and so I stumble to the side of the road and try to flag down someone to help me. And they just drive on by and don't even spare me a second glance. This pisses me off. Cant they see I'm a skinny kid with hardly any clothes on and I'm covered in blood and other bodily fluids – and semi solids – and I need help! Damn you someone stop! I think about stepping slightly into the road but I have a feeling that they still won't stop for me. Hell I don't think I'd stop for me either.

Someone must have noticed me though cos I see a cop car heading my way with a quick flash of lights and a small burst of noise and it stops next to me and the cops leap out and stand staring at me.

'Hi.' I say.

'What the hell happened to you?' One of the cops says.

'I've got something.' I tell them and begin to undo the straps.

'On your face!' They are shouting at me and this is a good sign that things are going wrong.

'I've not done anything! I'm a victim you motherfuckers!' I howl back at them still trying to haul baby out of the harness and looking at the hand guns pointed at me. 'I'm a fucking kid!' But I kneel down anyway.

'Hands behind your head.' I'm being told.

So I have to start my plan now and I squeeze out a flood of tears and sob my dirty little heart out. 'I was beaten. I've been, I've been running all night.' More sobbing as I feel them extract baby from it's harness thing. 'I, I rescued the b b b baby!' And more tears. 'I didn't do anything wrong!' and I vomit. Nice..that's got to get me some sympathy hasn't it? 'They tried to kill me, but I had to get baby away and to the FEDS.' More gagging and crying and throwing up. Maybe I shouldn't have used the bad language on them. That might have been an error cos they're taking baby and then coming back and pulling my arms down and cuffing me.

'Get up.' I'm now being told.

'I can't.' I whimper pathetically. 'You need to contact Agent Hotchner. He'll know what to do. I got the baby for him.'

They ignore me. 'On your feet!' And I'm being dragged up and pulled towards the car. 'You little bastard.' I'm told and I don't know what I did wrong!

-o-o-o-

It's early morning when the call comes through. I've only just made it onto my office when the phone rings.

'Hotchner.' I tell the receiver and then I listen. 'When did this happen?' and I listen some more. 'Is the child alright?' Again I listen. 'Yes, thank you I'll be right there.' And I slam the phone down and then pick it up again and speed dial a number. 'Dave it's Hotch. They've picked up who they believe is Henry and whoever took him.' I now listen to Dave. 'Yes, they are both at the local PD. I'll meet you there.'

I have no idea how this has happened. One minute there is no sign of him and the next his kidnapper hands him over. I need to get there quickly and sort out what the hell is going on.

By the time I get to the PD I got the call from the baby has been transferred to the local hospital and I am lead down to an interview room where I can look through the window at what they have. It's not at all what I expected.

'What happened to him?' I am looking at a young teenaged boy huddled up in the corner of the room. I can see from here that he has a wound to his head. I can see the filth covering him and I can see he has hardly any clothing on.

'We don't know sir. He won't talk to us. Said he'd only discuss the situation with you sir.' I nod and look at him for a bit longer willing him to look up at me.

'Has he given you a name? Anything?'

'Nothing Agent Hotchner. He clammed up when he was put in the back of the car and said he'll only talk to you.' I nod and then turn to look at Dave who's just joined me peering at the creature on the floor.

'I'll go in alone and talk to him.' And Dave gives me a knowing nod and moves away so he can put on ear phones and listen in.

I walk in quietly and slowly and I sit at the table and just look at him for a while and then let him know I am here. 'You said you would only talk to me.'

His head swings up and his dark eyes look at me. 'Agent Hotchner? Can I see your badge? I want to know it's not some fucking trick.' He starts what looks to be a painful crawl towards me and I pull out my credentials and show them to him. He takes them from my hand and blinks a few times. 'I can't read it.' He tells me. 'I got a crack on the head and it seems to have done my vision in. I should be in hospital you know not here. Is baby alright? Have you checked up on him? I think he was hungry but I had nothing to give him.' He kneels up and strokes his hands over his chest. 'I'm a boy.'

'The baby isn't really something you need to worry about right now. You just need to be worrying about yourself. Do you have a name? And where did you get the baby from?'

He drags himself into a chair and the waft of his body odour smacks me across the face. The child really does smell bad. Now I can see him better I can see bruises on his chest and arms…a scab of dried blood under his nose and what looks to be dried blood on his arms and chin and neck. He also has a very nasty open wound on his forehead. 'I'm Sam.' He tells me. And suddenly everything takes on a whole new perspective. I shouldn't really have had to ask who he was. I can see it. I can see those dark eyes and the shape of the mouth. I can see those cheekbones and the way he is looking at me. He's just a scaled down version of Flanders.

Then he carries on. 'You have no fucking idea what I've been through for you Hotchner! No damned idea. I've been abused beyond all belief and thrown out to fend for myself because I stuck up for that child. I didn't like what they had planned and I told them and I was beaten and tortured and abused sexually and emotionally until I broke. Yes…they broke me. Then they threw me out and hurled the baby after me. I tried I really tried to get both kids but they'd not hand over Rosa, and to be honest I was in such a poorly way when they dragged me from the camp by a rope around my neck that I don't think I could have cared for both of them. Just please tell me that he's OK. Tell me I didn't go through all this for nothing!'

I sit and look at him as the tears start to fall and I nod.

'Thank you Sam. Now the truth please.'

His head snaps up and he glowers at me. 'That was the fucking truth! You think I took that baby? You think I went through all that just to hand him back to you? You think I'm either a liar or totally insane?!' He stands and is shouting at me.

'I think you've embellished the account.' I remain seated. 'We can't help you if you don't tell us what happened.'

'That was the truth damnit! You can do a damned rape kit test thing on me if you want. You can photograph my injuries and scars and bruises! I didn't get all this just hiding in the woods with a baby! Why the fuck would I do that!'

'Sit down.'

'I went through hell for you! I nearly died! Look what they did to me! Look at me Hotchner and tell me I did this to myself to impress you. How in hells name do you think I did all this to myself? Why was I flagging down cars if I wanted to hide?' And more tears.

I've not decided yet if this child is insane or just very sick. 'Wait there.' I tell him and I get up and leave the room. I join Dave outside and give him a "well what do you think?" look.

And he tells me. 'He was lying. That much is obvious, but he needs to be in hospital. Just not the same one as the baby.' He walks to the window and looks in at the boy who is sitting on the floor again looking like he's crying. 'Someone did that to him Aaron. We need to find out exactly who it was. And as I'm going to speak to Flanders later I might just bring it up in conversation.'

'You think he's been with Flanders?' I look between Rossi and the child.

'No, but I think he knows what's been going on.'

-o-o-o-

I follow James and I was hoping that I'd recognise things but I don't.

I'll tell what this is like…You draw a brightly coloured picture and then some arse comes along with black crayon and covers it over. Then some wag arrives and scratches off bits of the black and draws a whole new picture. The trouble is that the picture is unfamiliar but the colours from the back ground are all showing through and there's enough showing so you can still see what it used to be, but only now it has this crappy other picture on top of it. Does that make any sense to you? I just need to find out what the new picture is of and try to get a copy of it without all the underlying crap.

Cos this is doing my freaking head in!

* * *


	26. Chapter 26 Spencer

Spencer

* * *

I've got twigs and some things which look like not quite ripe berries. I've dug in the ground for roots but I don't know what I'm looking for. I just know that they are there somewhere. I know I am surrounded by food but I don't know where it is. I've had enough water to drink, maybe too much water. My stomach hurts and insects are biting at my bare skin. I'm too hot and I'm sweaty. Hair keeps sticking to my face and my boots are causing my feet to get a nice crop of blisters. This makes me decide to remove the boots and walk just in my socks for a while and it's only when I do that that I realise how many stones and thorns and other bits on the ground to stick into the bottom of my feet and cause a different sort of pain.

I keep telling myself that this is stupid. I have been trained to cope with things like this, but all I can think about is that if Floyd was here he would have been providing for me and then I feel even more stupid for letting him do this to me and I feel a nasty deep down rage that I stood there and let him drown. If that's what happened.

At the point of the river I'm at now the trees reach right to the bank. I am stumbling over the big ancient roots which have twisted their way out of the ground and are turning this, what I thought would be, quick walk to safety, into an obstacle course. My feet keep slipping causing me to scrape and dig at my shins and make me grab out at things to hold onto and some of those things have long thorns waiting for me to tear at my hands with. The sun is at its highest point now and so to try to reduce the burn I am getting on my shoulders I pull back into the forest a bit deeper and sit and wait in the shade.

The stomach pains which I thought would go away if I rested seem to increase. I don't know if it's because I'm too hot or if it's because I've had too much water from a river which would not be running with natural spring water, but would also be housing the natural dirt that the animals leave behind. I decide to remove my jeans and fold them and use them to rest my head on and try to sleep for a while. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight. Not now I know that there is something out there; something which ripped Floyd apart as I dreamed my nightmares. I think tonight I will be awake waiting for the night time creatures and monsters in the shadows to come and get me too. And so with the griping pains inside me with seem to be travelling alarmingly downwards I curl up and close my eyes.

I have no idea how long I lay there for, but I didn't sleep. I just lay there and felt the insects biting at me and the sweat running down me until there was nothing else I could do but leap to my feet and find somewhere to empty my bowels. The pain brings tears to my eyes but I've leaned now that I can't risk drinking from the river. I can't afford to get sick. I have to keep as well as I can or I'll never make it out of this place. I clean myself up as best I can utilising some leaves with I know are safe to use and then pull my jeans back on and walk slowly back towards the river. I may not be able to drink it but I can wash in it. I can at least attempt to keep cool. I'm rubbing and scratching at the skin on my neck and arms and chest, but I realise now that whilst I lay there stupidly in the shadows wondering when my stomach was going to explode that I'd been giving every biting insect in the area a fresh bit of flesh to chew on, and they did a good job. I don't think there is any part of me which hasn't got a bite on it. I'm covered in little bubbles of blood and smears where I've slapped things off my skin. The natives who used to roam this area many centuries ago would have had something to combat this. They would have known what to use to stop the things biting constantly, but I personally don't know what that something is. I just know it was some kind of grease mixed with other things which they covered themselves with. I'm going to have to suffer. I'm going to have to ignore it.

Now that I know I can't drink the water safely my mind turns all the more to the need for food. I pluck fat leaves from trees and nibble on the edges of them in the hopes that it'll take away this raging thirst I now have. My mouth is dry. My stomach is empty, and my backside is sore. Along obviously with the continual itching and scratching and stumbling and getting things stuck in my feet. I judge that it's mid afternoon of my first day out here and already I'm about to give in.

Again I strip off only this time I slide down into the river and have a wash. It really feels wonderful to have that cold water rushing over my sore skin. The water here is deep enough to reach my hips and I can feel the pressure of the river behind me trying to push me over and pull me downstream to wherever this eventually leads to. I bend slightly and let the river pass over my back and I splash the cool water lovingly over my chest. I so want to reach down and gulp up a mouthful of lovely cold water but the memories of that pain it caused last time are still much too strong. There are fish here. I see them fly by me under the water and I wonder if it would be possible to do what Floyd did and catch one. Small point in that if I'm unable to light a fire though. I make sure I get my hair nice and wet and then clamber back out and side on a tree root at the edge. I'll try to light a fire. Then if I can do that I will attempt to catch a fish. Decision made I look around me for things I could use to burn. Floyd seemed to get things in no time at all, but it's taking me a while to find what I need. Small tiny bits to start it with. Something slightly bigger for when it catches, and then something big for when it's going properly. By the time I have a good sized pile of sticks the sun is beginning to go down again. With a sigh I pull the lighter out of my pocket and crouch down next to the sticks and attempt to light it.

The explosion knocks me onto my back. How a lighter can explode like that I don't know, what I do know is that my hand is burnt. I lay there in agony and put my hand up in front of my face to get a good look at it. It's not good. It is a very long way from being anywhere near to being good. I roll over onto my front and push up with my left hand and then leg it down to the river. I know I have to cool it down as quickly as I can. Get it into the water. Immerse it for a long time and try to stop the burn going too deep, but I have a nasty feeling in my stomach and in my hand and fingers that the water isn't going to help me too much. I don't slide carefully into the river this time. I am just thinking, my only thought is "get you hand in the water" and so I leap foolhardily into the water. My feet slip on the stones and I'm on my back again only this time I'm under the water. I feel my head crack on something but that is only a distant discomfort as I'm still just thinking about getting the burn in the cool water. Spluttering and coughing I get so at least my head is out of the wet and then carefully manage to kneel. This means that the water is at my upper chest level. It would be freezing cold if I thought about it, but all I can think now is "oh god my hand". It's taken over every thought as I let it rest in the water.

I just stay where I am for a long time. Too long for the comfort of my mind but I know that I have to keep the hand cool. The light is dimming fast or time is moving too quickly, I can't quite work out what it is now. I know I need to give my hand a careful look before it gets too dark and try to find something to cover it with. Yes I know I can't wrap it but I also can't leave it for the mosquitoes and other insects to feed off. And so slowly I lift my hand from the water and have a look at it. There are nasty blisters all along my fingers from my palm. That's OK, I can cope with that. What I don't like the look of is the deep red rawness of my palm. I don't like the blackened areas. I don't like the twinkle of bits of metal embedded in my hand. Very carefully I run the fingers of my left hand over the wound. I know that this is going to get seriously infected if I don't at least remove the shards of cigarette lighter sticking out of my hand. I wonder how much this is going to hurt and if I should get out of the river again first. I really don't want to pass out in the river and end up drowning like the owner of the lighter did. Slowly and carefully I stand and realise that I am feeling very light headed. Probably shock and hunger and the rumbling of my insides again and so I just stand for a short while with my eyes closed and try to think what to do. Slowly the light headedness passes and I've made no decisions at all except to know that I have to get out of the river and back on dry land before it gets completely dark. It's a hard scrabble back up the bank again. It's only a few feet high but enough for it to be a problem. I slide back into the water a few times whilst I clutch my right hand as tightly to my chest as I dare. I can feel the heat radiating off it but I cannot stay in the river any longer. I suspect that it takes me about fifteen minutes to get back onto the roots at the river bank. All I want to do now is curl up and sleep until this adventure is all over, but firstly I need to pull those bits out of my hand.

Times like this remind me that there is always a good reason to have long fingernails. The first bit is located and pulled quickly from my hand. It makes a nasty almost sucking sound as I pull it out. This bit is a couple of centimetres long. I drop it to the forest floor and look again at my hand. There is now a small trickle of blood making its way across my palm and in the gloomy light it looks almost black against the redness of my skin. I feel gently around again and find another bit of metal poking out of my hand. I grip it between my fingernails and pull.

When I open my eyes again I'm lying at a strange angle between the roots of the tree. My bad hand instinctively held against my chest. I pull it gently away from me and hear the squishing noise it makes as I leave what I assume is a bloodied hand print on my chest. I have to move. I can't stay here all night. I've hit my head once again and now my back hurts because of the way I was positioned after passing out again. I was at least right about not being in the river when I attempted to do this. I ease my way slowly across the tree roots on my backside. Although there is a large moon I don't seem to be able to see anything much and all I can feel is pain. I wriggle forwards until I find a flat surface to rest on and then just sit and take big breaths of warm night air and try to concentrate on the sound of the river and the night insects and not my heart pounding too hard in my chest. My lungs try to force to me to take short quick shallow breaths of panic, but I'm not going to let this get to me. It's only my first night for goodness sake! I've burnt my hand and I've done untold damage to my backside. I've repeatedly hit my head and nearly drowned and I've vomited everything and anything which could possibly be inside me. If this is just the first day then I dread tomorrow. At least I don't have to worry about catching fish now. I have no way to light a fire.

All I have now is the sound of the water and the buzzing of insects around my face and ears and the continual bite, bite, bite of the mosquitoes. And pain. There is a lot of pain. I curl up and hold on tight to myself and look at the red eyes looking back at me and I know it's my imagination, but I'm sure I can hear voices whispering, or is that just voices in my head?

_You're going to die._

_You've only been here one day and you're ready to give up._

_There's no way you're going to make it out of here in one piece is there genius?_

It won't be so bad tomorrow.

* * *


	27. Chapter 27 Scribble

Scribble

* * *

They give me something to wear over the top of my filth and then escort me out of the building and towards an awaiting car. I'm not happy to be in sweat pants but the Tshirt is fine. At least it's not covered in crap. Not on the outside anyway, I'm sure that the muck stuck to me is beginning to stick to the inside of these clean garments. I am asked to sit in the back of a big car and that Rossi bloke sits next to me and tells me to harness up. I want to tell him to fuck off and leave me alone and get away from me. I want to cry and kick out at him and tell him to stop touching me, but I can't cos he's not touching me he's actually sitting as far from me as he can. Hotchner drives the car and I'm told that they're going to take me to the hospital and have me checked out.

'You don't believe me do you?' I say to no one in particular.

'We need to get your wounds checked Sam.' Rossi says to me. 'That's a nasty cut you have on your head. How did that happen?'

I sit and concentrate for a short while and I'm thinking; _shake Sam…make your hands shake _and it seems to work rather well cos I put my hand to the cut on my forehead and I can see; though still blurred with concussion I think, shaking grubby fingers. I touch the cut on my head and it hurts like a bitch! I didn't realise I'd done so much damage. No wonder I can hardly see! 'They attacked me. I told you that.' Even my voice has a little shake to it. I'm doing good.

'Why did they attack you Sam? What did you do to make them do this to you?'

'Yes, yes, I can see it now. I can see how this shit works. Find some kid who's done you a fucking favour and nearly got himself killed for and you blame everything on him! Wonderful. I didn't take the kid, I just told them they should hand him back over again. Both of them and I got this in return.'

He doesn't answer me. He just gives me a look which tells me quite clearly that he thinks I'm a liar and then looks back at the rear of the seat in front of him. The bastard. If he only knew what I'd gone through! If he only knew what I'd lost in the process of rescuing that lovely pink squishy baby. If he knew he'd at least give me a smoke or a mint or some candy, he'd give me something to make me feel better! Wouldn't he?

'Is baby alright?' Not that I really do care, really I don't give a damn what happens to it now but I've got to look like I care don't I? I don't get an answer though so I start snivelling instead. One way or another I'm going to get these bastards on my side. I stare at the back of Hotchner's head and wonder why he is so important. Why dad found him so awesome, if that's what he thought of him. Whatever he could sense from that tall brooding git I cant feel. He's just pissing me off, but not as much as Rossi is. Again I'm going to take this time as I ride in the big black car to think of what I'm going to say to them when we get there. How am I going to explain my injuries? Each one has to have a separate story so slowly I go over them in my head and work out what I'm going to say. Unfortunately I don't have time though, we've pulled over into a parking lot and Rossi and Hotchner are disembarking from the vehicle.

It's a quick trot from where we've parked to the main doors but I've decided to make the most of it and cause a bit of a fuss. I start by making small moaning noises and when they go unheard I fall to my knees and hold my stomach. A hand rests on my shoulder.

'Get up.' It's Hotchner.

'I'm going to be sick.' I groan at him.

'We are nearly there. Get up.'

He's not falling for it. This bloke is going to be trouble. 'I feel so ill.' I use a girly whiney voice.

'That's why we brought you to the hospital.' That damned Hotchner again.

'I can't move!' And I make some sobbing noises to go with the pained look on my face. It doesn't really get me very though. A hand slips its way under my arms and Rossi pulls me to my feet again.

'I'm sure you can make it to the emergency room.' His voice sounds almost amused. What a bastard. He should be on my side; they _all _should be on my side but it doesn't look like they are. So I lean on Rossi and stumble my way to the entrance doors which open with a "whoosh" and we are in the cool interior of the hospital. I don't mean "cool" cos it looks nice, but they've got the air conditioning blasting. I'm half dragged to a reception desk and badges are flashed and voices are exchanged and then someone comes and gets us all. He looks like a doctor in his white coat thing, but who can tell?

'This way.' He says to Hotchner and with Rossi still holding tight we are marched out of the room and down a corridor to a small room with a examination bed thing in it and a stainless steel shelf thing on wheels covered in bits I don't know the name of. I'm told to sit on the bed and so I groan and lean harder on Rossi.

'Just get up there.' He tells me and gives me a light push towards the bed. Then they all leave. Yes they bring me all this way and then walk out and leave me here alone. I know they're talking about me. Why they can't do that to my face I don't know. I know come up with a few options.

1. Stay here and swing my legs until they get back.

2. Vomit on as much stuff as I can.

3. Climb through the window and leg it as fast as I can.

4. Cry.

5. Do nothing and say nothing.

6. Be as awkward as possible but let the doctor do his job.

I haven't decided on what to do next when they walk back in the room, so obviously some of those options are now unavailable to me and I seem to have done option number 1. Which I didn't really intend on doing.

'Right Sam.' The doctor is talking to me. 'First I'm going to have a look at that cut on your head.'

'Fine.' I sulkily tell him. 'Look all you want.'

'I'm going to clean it up and see if you need stitches there.' He's getting a collection of things from that wheely shelf thing.

'Is it going to hurt?' I mutter. Not that I care really. Playing for sympathy still. I think.

'I'll try not to hurt you. Just sit still. Do you need someone to hold your hand?' He's trying to be nice.

'No I fucking well don't!' I'm not trying to be nice though.

So he wipes away at the dried blood and has a good gander at my almost deadly injury. 'How did this happen?'

'Screw you. I'm only talking to Hotchner.'

He pulls a dissatisfied face at me and I want to frown back at him to let him know I'm no damned kid, but his hands are on my face so he won't see it anyway so I don't bother right now.

'A few stitches Sam.' He tells me.

'Whatever.' I tell him.

I can feel him prodding and pulling at it but I try to ignore it. Pain isn't a nice thing and so I try to think of something else. 'Is baby here?' But no one answers me.

The doctor talks to me again. 'All done. I'd like you to remove your top now so I can have a good look at you.'

I glance over at Hotchner who gives a quick sharp nod and so reluctantly I haul off the Tshirt and reveal my wonderful battered body. The doctor makes a 'hhmm' sound and asks me to lie down which I do. Then he's prodding at my ribs and pressing my stomach and feeling my arms and touching my sides and then he asks me to turn over which I do with a lot of moaning and sighing. Again I hear a sound, but this one is more of a gasping noise. 'Sam, can you tell me who did this to you?' He asks and I solemnly shake my head and make small whimpering sounds as his hands investigate my back. 'There's a lot of bruising and old scars Sam. How did this happen?'

I told him already but obviously he wasn't listening to me. 'I'm only going to talk to Hotchner, unless you tell me if baby is alright.'

And now Hotchner walks over and stands where I can see him. 'The baby is at a different hospital Sam. We are trying to help you, can you please answer the doctors questions.'

Well no I can't answer his questions cos I've not got my story straight in my head yet and I'm not even sure what I've already told him. How can I explain all the scars and marks? I really have no fucking idea. 'I don't know.' I mumble. 'Well some of the bruises I got when I was running through the woods. Running for my life. I'm sure they'll come after me. I know who they are. I know what's going on. They're not going to let this rest. They thought I would die out there all alone and I very nearly did!' A big sob and a little wriggle as hands wander down and across my skin.

The doctor now asks me to remove my sweat pants and with a sigh and more muttering and moaning I pull them off and drop them to the floor. Again a gasping sound. Well I'm not going to make too big a deal over this performance. I let him prod and probe to some extent and he wants to feel my groin and I tell him to get his filthy molesting hands off me. 'I've had enough of that done to me to last a life time!' I shout this at him. 'I don't want this. I want to go.' But now they are talking about Xrays and MRI scans and all sorts of shit and I just want to go! I've had enough. I don't want this anymore. I made a mistake and I feel horribly trapped.

I let them Xray me. I behave for that. I don't moan or wriggle or make too much of a fuss. They take pictures of my chest and arms and legs and stuff. I think they're looking to see if things have been broken in the past. However, I do not want to go in the MRI machine thing and nothing is going to get me to go in it.

'It won't hurt you.' I am told.

'I don't give a fuck, I'm not doing it!' I inform them.

'We really need to check that everything is alright Sam.' Hotchner tells me this and so I tell him something.

'I don't need you checking me. I told you what they did and that should be enough.' I rub my eyes attempting to get the room into focus cos it seems my panic has messed up my vision again. 'You can't make me go in there. Well you can I suppose but you can't make me keep still once I'm in the damned machine! I wont do it!' And a full tantrum ensues. I kick and punch at anyone who dares get close enough. I spit and then yes I decide to throw up too. I hammer at the door demanding to be released. 'You cant keep me here. I've done nothing wrong! Why are you treating me like this?' whimper, cry, sob.

It surprised me. I really wasn't expecting them to go as far as they did, but they called for assistance and that assistance was in the form of big guys with big needles which they used to stick in me once they had my laid out on the floor screaming abuse at them. I told there where to stick there needles, but they ignored me and stuck them in my arse. The struggle against them didn't last long. I could feel my arms and legs going floppy. I could hear my screams dying down to a funny pathetic noise from the back of my throat and then everything goes hazy and I think I fall asleep.

-o-o-o-

'I'll call children' Services.' I tell Rossi. He needs somewhere to stay for the night. I'm just not sure where that place should be. I don't think emergency accommodation is going to work here. I have a very good hunch here that at the first chance he gets he's going to be gone. What he needs is a secure place for now. He's very obviously got emotional problems and a normal placement would not be suitable. I need him cared for, but I need that care to be behind locked doors. I also need him safe from whoever he's been running from and I need to talk to him when he's awake and lucid again. I watch as they flop him down onto the MRI bench and I watch as they place straps across him and then as the machine passes over him we step out of the room.

'He needs to stay in hospital.' Rossi tells me. 'There is something very wrong with that child.'

I wonder if his problems are because of the sick way he's obviously been treated or if he was treated that way because of how he acted out. Not that I'm defending abuse on a child, and he might be a teenager but he's still a child. He is someone's son. Flanders? Is this why he too is so distorted and sick in the head? 'You have an appointment to see Flanders later.' I remind Rossi who just nods at me. He's trying to read me. Trying to get inside me and find out what I'm thinking.

'He'll be fine Aaron. He needs a bath and clean clothes and some discipline but he'll be alright.'

'I'm not so sure.' I say and we sit on the uncomfortable chairs outside the room Sam is in.

'He's not your responsibility.' Rossi is now telling me.

And I know that he's not, so why am I so worried about this? Why do I not want some stranger to come and take him and put him somewhere unsafe?

'He needs to be safe Dave. He needs to be cared for properly.' Why am I saying this! Where are these thoughts coming from?

'They will asses him and place him some where suitable. It's not your duty to care for him.'

'I didn't say it was, but …'

'No Aaron.' He looks at me in the face. 'I know what you're thinking and it must be no.'

It seems like an eternity that Sam is in the room but finally someone brings along a bed and he's limply transferred from the MRI to a bed and with a nod from the doctor we follow. He's still sound asleep and that is more unsettling than the screams and abuse we were getting from him. I want to reach out and hold onto his hand and let him know that someone is here for him, but I pull myself back. Dave is right and I'm being unreasonable. I don't even know who this child is and if what Princess told us was anything to go by I don't think anyone caring for Sam is going to be in for a smooth ride. We enter an elevator which takes us up to the children's ward and then we are escorted to a private room.

'He needs to be washed. Probably better to do that now whilst he's sleeping.' A nurse tells us and so to give him privacy we leave the room and wait outside. God help that nurse if he wakes up.

-o-o-o-

The corridor is long and dark. Along one wall is dark oak wood panelling and the other is all windows. I have a look as we walk and can see once again grass and then woodlands. The whole place smells of furniture polish and old wood. It's quite a lovely smell. I glance down at the floor and see it is wooden boards. Ancient and with gaps in places but quite well maintained. I stop following James for a while and bend down to touch the floor. I let the ages seep up through the wood and into my fingers; at least that was the plan, but all I can feel is the coolness of the wood. This somewhat irritates me. I should be able to read this floor easily, but there is nothing there. It's as though they are fresh from the tree. I realise now that I'm kneeling and running my hands slowly over the wood. I bend forward and breathe in its scent. I lick it slowly and languidly but there's nothing there. I run my fingernails over the years of polish and try to get to the wood beneath it. I dig in and start to make deep gouges in the floor.

'Sir.' James' voice is somewhere in the background.

I smell my fingers and lie down on the floor placing my ear to the wood and my palms to the places I have damaged.

'Sir.' And a hand touches me.

'Go away.' I tell James via the floor.

'Sir are you alright? Do I need to get someone?'

I push up to kneel and ignoring James I turn and place my hands on the wooden wall. Again there is nothing. No memories that this has been anywhere but living as a tree.

'Sir?' And that hand makes harder contact with me on my shoulder. 'Is there something wrong?'

I get to my feet and turn slowly to look at the man who is touching me. 'What is this place? Who the hell are you?' I push his hand off me and back away from him.

'This is your home Sir. You know who I am.'

'This isn't my fucking home! This place doesn't even exist and as for you I know only that which you've told me. Now tell me who the hell you are.'

'Maybe Sir would be happier if he returned to his room.'

And I detect in the tone of his voice that it was not a question or a request, but an order. 'No, Sir would not rather return to his fucking room, Sir wants to know what this bloody place is. Why is it empty?'

'It's not empty Sir. I'm here. You are here. There are more people around.'

'That's not what I meant you stupid bastard! And you know that's not what I meant. Whoever drew this picture fucked up. They are getting amateurs in to do the work now. What's this, some fucking school project? Well "James" it's not fooled me. Really it hasn't so you best take me to whoever mocked this shit up and let me have a word in his ear.'

'I'm not sure I understand you.'

He's backing away from me. He understands. He knows it's messed up. 'Oh you understand me James. Go find me someone who knows what's going on cos I'm not bloody well fooled by this crap.'

And as a result the lights go out and the windows dim…and I'm getting sucked through the floor and I'm falling.

-o-o-o-

There is no escape from my destiny. I am going to explode and so I make sure I get my muck on as many people as I can. No one really bothers that much about the grubby kid standing in the crowds at the railway station. A few people may have given me funny looks but I didn't bother returning them. If I'm going out with a bang then that's exactly what I will do.

I wait for the crowds to be at a good level of push and shove and squeeze and then I hold my fingers over my nose. I say 'Goodbye Floyd you bastard.' I take a deep breath…hold it…count to ten…and KABOOM …

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	28. Chapter 28 Pro Bono Publico

Pro Bono Publico

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I know I won't be able to sleep. I know that as soon as I close my eyes that the owner of the ones watching me will come and take a bite. It's sitting there waiting and listening and scenting me and its ears will be twitching and its nose pulling in the smell of my fear. I try to pull a list up of nocturnal animals in the area, but I'm not completely sure where I am; though taking in the look of the area and temperature and plant life I'd say I was somewhere in the north east, but I can't be sure. I just know for certain that as soon as I let my guard down that creature will be on me. I see it blinking at me. I see the red eyes disappear for a flash and then there they are again. Are they closer now? I didn't hear it move. I would have at least heard the rustling of the undergrowth I'm sure of it. It has to be my imagination which is something I sometimes have a problem with. I like things to be there written down. I like rules to play the game by. I don't always understand jokes or sarcasm because occasionally my imagination will just not be operational, yet today; rather tonight, it seems to be working overboard.

'Please stop.' I whisper to myself. 'Just stop.'

I don't say it load enough for the monster in the shadows to hear me though. I really don't want it to hear me. I might remind it of what it's here for. My mouth feels dry and the roof of my mouth sticky with that thing called terror. I can feel my stomach churning over as it readies my body to run. I'm not going to do that though because I _know_ that the fiend in the shadows can run faster than me. I know it will pounce on me and take a long hard bite out of the back of my neck. I know it will sink its teeth in until it grinds through my vertebrae. I know if I close my eyes or if I move or even if I swallow; not that I have anything _to _swallow, but I know it will be on me so fast that I would probably not even know it had happened.

Unless…

…Unless it likes to just damage its prey. Unless I've got it all wrong and it just wants to drag me through the woods back to its dark damp place it likes to live. Back through the dead leaves and the new summer plants, back to that place full of the bones of other lost people. Back to the stench it lives in and there it will bite bits off me and watch me with those red eyes until I bleed out. Maybe that is what it does. Perhaps my imagination has it all wrong and it's going to be a long slow death and not the quick bite to the back of my neck that I so desperately want right now.

I can feel the hairs standing up on the back of my neck. I can feel that horrible twisting feeling travelling through my body and I want to scream at it and tell it to stop tormenting me and tell it to leave me alone and find something else to play with, but I don't. I just lie there and stare at the shadows and try not to breathe too loudly, but again I try not to breathe too quietly. I don't want it to come and investigate why my breaths have stopped or why my heart is pounding too fast and I definitely don't want it to hear the noise which is collecting in the back of my head waiting to be forced out of my body in a long howl of distress.

How long do I stare into those eyes? I have no clue. As I said before time seems to be passing strangely here, but by the time a dim light appears through the trees like some old grey smog the eyes have gone and I'm able to have a quick look around at where I am lying. Nothing really to note about it other than I seem to be in an area made up mostly of pine and spruce now. I can smell the sap from the trees and I can feel the needles on the ground digging into me and I can feel a deep red raw screaming pain coming from my hand. I move so I am resting on my back and pull a face at the pain that seems to exist in almost in every part of my body and I hold up my hand to look at it.

'Well, that's a mess.'

I tell myself. Not only is the skin blistered and raw my hand is also horribly swollen and the places I pulled the metal from are lumped up and yellow and oozing something nasty. I know there are plants out here which I can use as an astringent. I could grind it down or chew it and paste it over my hand and at least keep it clean, but my brain wont let me have access to the information I need on "medicinal plants native to North East America". All it will let me have information on is statistics on the chances of survival for someone getting lost in the forest. Not great, not terrible, It's a good time of the year, but most of those statistics do include the person having some sort of wilderness survival abilities and the use of two hands and maybe limited provisions and definitely a pair of boots, which I seem to have mislaid at some point. My chances of getting out of here alive are not really that good. My chances of getting out of here in one piece with my body and sanity intact are virtually zero, but not quite and so I'm hanging onto that pathetic percentage, because someone has to be that number don't they? And I'm not a kid. Though I do feel as useless as one right now as I sit here and look bleakly at my hand and then over at the place I saw those eyes.

'I imagined it.'

I tell myself as I slowly and with a bit of a wobble get to my feet and walk over to where I thought I saw something. I can see quite clearly and this is _not _imagination, I don't think, I can see very plainly where something was sitting watching me. I can see the broken stalks of plants and the flattened area in the pine needles and I can smell an acrid eye watering smell of urine. There was something here. I was being watched. I was right not to sleep. I can sleep now. Now it's safe. Now I can close my eyes and then later when I've rested I will remember the names of the plants I need to find. I will remember what I can eat and how to find it. I will walk on a bit further and I will clean my hand and find somewhere for the night. Maybe make a small camp much life Floyd did but not as good obviously. And suddenly I know what the creature is waiting for. It won't kill me.

I let out a strange noise which at one time in my life not so long ago would have been a laugh, but now it sounds wrong and it doesn't sound like it's coming from someone who is amused.

It's waiting for me to die. Then it will come for me as it did for Floyd.

And the strange noise I was making stops and comes out in strange sobbing sounds in its place as I walk slowly with my stomach still turning and twisting but not quite going into cramps, down to the river to try to wash my hand and maybe, just maybe have a drink to get rid of the sour taste of fear in my mouth.

_It's not going to have to wait long is it?_

_You'll not last another night city boy._

_It will tear you apart and string your carcass up next to Floyd's._

_One more mistake Spencer and you're its dinner._

_Fall now and there's no one to pick you up. _

-o-o-o-

I feel that Dave is watching everything I do and I know what a good, no, brilliant profiler he is and thus I know he is reading me like I'm an open book.

'We should go and find out about the baby.' He tells me, but I'm not really listening and I don't want to hear him. It would involve leaving Sam here to the mercy of the hospital staff and I'm suddenly not prepared to do that. 'Aaron.' He says and puts a hand firmly on my arm. 'Go and check out what's going on at the other hospital.'

I shake my head, not as a response to his words but in an attempt to get this fog out of my brain, the sticky damp fog which is preventing me from thinking straight. 'You go. I'm staying here.' I finally say as the hand tightens on my arm.

'I think a break will be a good idea.' Rossi lets go of my arm but I can feel he is watching me closely. 'I have that appointment to see Flanders. I'll have to go soon and someone has to be at the other hospital.' I turn slowly to face him and try to blink the fuzziness from my vision.

'Get Prentiss or Morgan to go.'

I know I should be going. I know it's my duty to go, but the pull to stay here is far too great. I wait for Dave to argue with me but he doesn't; he just nods at me and gives me a knowing look. Sometimes, just sometimes it would be nice to be around people who didn't automatically profile every situation. It would be good to be able to relax and not worry that a facial expression or the way I stand is sending out signals which can be read as easily as if they were written down on a bit of paper. I want to remove my suit and relax in jeans with a beer and some friends I once had outside of this job, but now those friends are a long distant memory much like my marriage and I know also that Rossi is sucking up my thoughts like water on blotting paper and filing them away for later use.

'I just need to be here.' I tell him and then add, 'To make sure he doesn't abscond.' But obviously we could put a guard on his room and secure it that way, but I know I have to be here. I know that somewhere there is a link between Sam and I, and I need to sort out what that is before I can move on and remove this sluggishness from my head.

I watch Dave for a while as he walks down the corridor. I watch him press the button for the elevator and I watch as he turns back and gives me one last look of his and then he steps into the elevator car and the doors silently close and the arrow above the door is pointing downwards and I let out a long sigh of relief and turn to the door Sam is behind. I should have told him to report back to me. I should have, but I didn't. I want to be alone. I want to, no actually I need to sort out this mess alone. I need to be able to be confused and feel lost and I need to be able to worry about Spencer and not have someone knowing. The oppressive feeling which was around when Dave was here has gone and now I can concentrate my thoughts on Sam.

It's strange and I know it's not right, but even my worry over Spencer seems to suddenly be fading. My mind is full of one thing only and that's to protect the boy the other side of the door. I'm just not sure what it is I'm going to be protecting him from, or offering him, but I know I'm the only one right now who can do this. I need to wait for the results from the X-rays and the MRI's. I have to be here for him. I'm suddenly pulled out of my thoughts when I hear a loud high pitched scream coming from the other side of the door I'm waiting in front of.

-o-o-o-

Last thing I knew I had big blokes prodding me with needles and now my mind is awake again I can feel someone wiping my skin with something. Actually I can feel hands on my butt and moving between my legs. Though slightly under the influence of the medications they stuck in my arse I'm still able to move bloody fast and that is fast enough to roll over and grab my attacker by a body part, which in this case is a boob. I squeeze she screams and I like the noise so I do it with my other hand too. I vaguely see that the door has swung open and Hotchner is on his way at a quick march over towards me. I've dug my fingers in so hard and so very deep that if this bitch tries to back off she'll most likely leave her tits behind.

'Let go of me!' She's screaming at me.

'Sam let go.' Hotchner is demanding.

'She was fingering my arse!' I shout back. Though I think she was washing shit off me actually.

A pair of hands are now on my wrists and Hotchner's voice is more demanding. 'Let go.'

Ah what the hell, I might as well. She's not going to be touching me again though I don't think, and it'll be a while before the bruises I just gave her go. She'll be thinking of me every time she looks at her naked chest for a long while yet. She backs off quickly and Hotchner is muttering something to her and she's nodding and crying like a freaking baby and maybe I should feel guilty, but I don't. Screw her. Bitch. It's not my fault, I have concussion…I think I should remind Hotchner of this.

'I got confused.' I use a small voice this time. 'I think I have concussion.' And it's really hard not to smirk as she goes from the room as fast as Hotchner entered it and is nearly bowled over by what looks to be a million people all coming to see me and I bet no one thought to bring me chocolates or flowers did they? Nope, nothing for Sam. Nothing for poor down on his luck molested and abused Sam.

They have charts and bits of paper and they are standing there looking at me. I count them now and there isn't quite as many as a million of them, but actually there are six which I think is still a lot just for me. I frown at them and then frown at Hotchner who has let go of my wrists now and is standing back.

'We have your X-rays here.' One of them says.

'And?'

I see Hotchner is looking at them.

'And we would be interested if you could explain all these injuries Sam. This is a lot for an adult to have endured…but, how old are you?'

'I'm around sixteen or something. Birthdays aren't something we really bother with. Age is irrelevant really don't you think? It's more the maturity of the mind and willingness of the body than the amount of years someone has lived.' I feel like I'm on a roll so I carry on. 'You see a lot of adults who are very immature in their minds and children who have far more resolve than they will ever have. Does that make that person more responsible? I'd say not. There are also; if you don't mind me going along this track my thoughts are going, those who have children when they are mature in age but no where else. Age in a lot of cases means absolutely nothing. It just gives general guidelines to when a person will have childbearing abilities and when if a male, like me, would be physically able to provide for someone. Oh and physically able to impregnate someone. Does that answer your question?'

I can see they are all looking at each other and then back to me and then at their charts and back at me again and it's making me feel uncomfortable.

'I will mark you down as sixteen then.' The main honcho doctor person finally says and I give him a quick nod. I'll also remind you that I'm sitting here half washed and totally undressed and I can see their eyes flicker over my body and compare notes again with what they have in their folders and attached to clip boards. 'You have had multiple broken bones. You limbs have been broken at least once. Your ribs have been cracked and broken at some point in your sixteen years. You've had skull fractures. There are marks on your bones with look like the result of knife wounds and do in fact correspond with scaring you have on your chest and back and limbs. Someone did this to you Sam, and I can assure you that you're safe here. No one can hurt you now.'

'I broke my left leg falling from a tree. My right from getting hit by a vehicle and one of my arms was broken in a fight and my right arm was twisted behind my back until it snapped, but I deserved that. My skull, well I keep getting hit and being hit. You might notice that I've had a broken right cheekbone and the bone above my right eye was cracked, not sure if that shows up though. As for the stabbings, well you have to protect yourself sometimes don't you? I'm sure you've been knifed more than once. Oh, you didn't mention the damaged vertebrae or broken pelvis. It's not so much really, not more than I could cope with obviously or I wouldn't be here now would I? It's mostly all healed now, though I think the final smack I got on the head rattled my brains more than I'd like to admit.' I pause for effect. 'And if you think no one can get to me just because I'm in your hospital then you'd better think again. They won't like it that I'm talking to you. They wont like it one tiny bit and they'll come and they might kill me this time.' I turn to Hotchner who is just standing looking at me. 'And if you want Rosa you'd better tell me how baby is cos I'm not telling you a fucking thing until you do.'

He gives me a tight nod and then pulls the sheet from the bottom of the bed and pulls it up to my chest level. 'We know where Rosa is Sam. Princess told us.'

Well fuck that! That thing has been here?! 'I need them gone from the room.' I indicate the doctors and his cohorts. 'I can't talk with them around.' Though in all honesty I can and seems like I have been talking to them just fine, but this Princess stuff, now this is a concern. I need to know what she blabbed about. I wait until Hotchner has cleared the room like I knew he would and I sit on the bed with my knees pulled up tight to my chest and a worried look on my face. 'What did she tell you?' I realise that I'm whispering.

'I can tell you that she warned us about you. I can tell you that she told us where the children where and as far as we know you have confirmed that much for us. What I'd like to know though is why you had the children there and why if as Princess told us you are someone to be weary of, did they make you leave.'

I take the worried look off my face and reach out with a hand and grab Hotchner by the sleeve of his suit jacket and I pull him very close. 'Listen, she's not what you think. You can't take her word for anything. She's not even…well she's, I can't explain it really except to say that she's loyal only to Floyd.'

'She didn't seem too loyal to him when she was talking to us.' He tells me and I let out a groan.

'Then something's happened to Floyd. She'd not be disloyal unless something's happened and stopped his control of her. You need to find him really, but Hotchner I'm warning you if you do what I think you are considering doing and the thing I myself in your position would do, I'd think very carefully about it first. They wont give Rosa up. They might have no loyalty to Floyd, but they are still the same, if you get my drift and Rosa is one of theirs. Don't make the error of thinking that you can just walk in there and take her cos that's just not going to happen. And I wouldn't want to be there if you tried. You've seen what they did to me. You've seen what they do to their own, so imagine what they'd do to you Hotchner.'

'I know where Floyd is. He's not a problem.'

They know? How do they know if I don't bloody well know? 'Oh.' But that's irrelevant really. 'Look I have to know if baby is alright. If they come here to get me for talking to you I need at least to know that my betrayal was for a reason.'

'No one will get you Sam. I am here with you. You are perfectly safe.'

He doesn't understand. He's really full of himself if he thinks his little closed off mind can be any good if they come for me. 'Let me explain something to you Hotchner.' I pull him closer and I talk even quieter just to make it look better really. They will know I'm blabbing like a fucking baby. 'Your world and your life has been badly corrupted by the way you are taught to think. There are no monsters under the bed. I'm sure your mother proved that to you. There are no bad guys hiding behind the curtains and there are no strange creatures crawling around in the grass right outside your window. You though as a kid you _know _that there is and you _know _that keeping that special stone on your window sill will keep them away. You remember feeling like that don't you? Well the thing is Hotchner is that you grow up and you place a shield around yourself made up of those shiny stones and pebbles and it's made up of different things you do without even realising you're doing it. Little signs, little things you do which are a comfort to you. Only you don't know when you're all grown up that they are the remains of your memory as a child keeping the shadows and the monsters back.' I wait to see if he says something and he doesn't so I wade onwards. 'Some of us though we didn't make that shield because we were never shown how to keep them away. We never had someone to look under the bed and check the closet door. What we had was pure and irrefutable proof that those monsters exist and so as we grow up we can still see them lurking there waiting for us. They are there Hotchner! You just cant see them. They wait for you to make a mistake and then they pounce on you and deliver your nightmare.' I pause again for effect and grip hold tighter. 'You need to understand Hotchner that the clan are made up of the shadows and monsters of your very worst dream. I know you've met Floyd, he's one of them! He's just slipped out and he has the ability to mix with people. He can get past your shield without even thinking about it.' And now I smile at the FED. 'And so can I.'

I see he is looking at me. I can see an expression slide over his face but I can't figure out what it means. Almost too gently he moves his hand to where mine is clutching hold of him and he pulls my hand away.

'I need to make some phone calls Sam. I will be right outside.'

This confuses me. Maybe he's going to call and ask about baby for me. I wrap my arms tightly around my legs and rest my head on my knees. This situation seems to have gotten badly out of control. He can't know where dad is. He just can't know that! I told him all that shit and he just walks away and leaves me. Yes, he must be going to talk to the other hospital about baby. I take some deep breaths and try to relax, but my head is pounding and it feels like things are crawling over my skin and I can feel a nasty deep pressure behind my eyes which is threatening to make them pop out of my head and suddenly I feel like a little kid. And suddenly I don't feel so confident. And maybe I said too much. Too much a long time ago. I should have never got pissed off with Louis. I should never have taken baby from them. I should never have talked to Hotchner.

I'm not crying.

Only kids cry and I'm sixteen for fucks sake…

-o-o-o-

It was a close call. Too close. Whatever I was feeling for Sam before has slipped away for the time being. Now I am sure that I'd never be able to help that boy. He needs specialist attention. He needs to be locked up and have professionals care for him. This is all too much for me. I don't know, I still don't know if the treatment he received from his previous carers has caused his behaviour and I don't know if he really thinks what he is saying is the truth, but what I know is I will find the best secure unit available and have the boy assessed properly. I feel my breaths coming in shudders as I call Child Services and explain the problem.

-o-o-o-

'Agent Morgan.' I say and flip my credentials at the woman at the desk. She nods at me and I smile a very white smile back at her. 'I think I'm expected.' She nods again and asks me to follow her. I guided to a small office with a bearded doctor sitting behind a desk. Again I introduce myself and show him my ID and he looks both happy and grim at the same time. I sit on the upholstered chair my side of his desk and wait.

'We did the usual tests on the child and apart from a couple of scrapes and bumps he is perfectly healthy. He was hungry but apart from that there was no injury to speak of. No broken bones and nothing to cause alarm. As far as we can tell he's been well cared for apart for maybe the last day or so.'

I'm surprised. I thought he was going to be broken and battered and this news though good has confused the matter. Sam must have been trying to care for the kid as he'd said. He'd already informed us that he'd not been able to feed him. 'I see.' Is all I say. I'm pleased. For JJ I am pleased, but yet I'm marginally pissed off that we can't get Sam for child abuse.

-o-o-o-

It's been a long time since Flanders was first brought in. In the confusion and the bloodshed that followed paperwork was lost. I still don't know the full story of how he came to be here and I doubt it will ever come out now. All I know is that three months ago he was with one of out team members and that person hasn't been seen since. I know that I've asked about Spencer almost every time I've visited which is usually more than once a week and I've never had a response from him. I want to get inside this man's mind and discover what makes him tick, but I cant do that if he wont talk to me. I've chatted about Sam to him also and told him that he's being cared for somewhere safe. I don't tell him of the problems that have been going on. I don't tell him that we attempted to get Rosa back and failed miserably. I don't tell him those things. He doesn't need to know that. I do however need to know what he did to Spencer.

Again I am sitting in the room just looking at the blank person strapped to the bed. Occasionally he talks, but the mutterings of someone who has lost his mind. I can feel though something about Flanders; there is something still there somewhere and I'm determined to find it. To find him. I come here often and I talk to him and I wait for the muttering, but today he seems to have slipped back further into his mind. I'm sure the medication they keep him on constantly is making him worse. I've talked to the doctors about this time and time again and they seem to listen but they never do anything. They tell me that if they reduce the sedatives he goes into convulsions and rages. They tell me he can tear the restraints from his arms and legs. They tell me he is dangerous, but he doesn't look it.

'It's Rossi.' I tell him and I place a hand on his to let him know I'm here and his fingers twitch slightly and his eyes look over towards me and I see a flash of recognition. 'I thought we could talk about Spencer again today.' And I watch for a reaction. He turns his head again and looks away from me. It's enough for me to know he understands what I'm saying. 'I need to know what you did to him. I need to know where to find him.' And slowly his head turns back towards my face and a frown crosses his brow. Where is he Floyd?' But still I get no answer but he keeps his eyes firmly fixed on mine and I feel his hand move a bit more. 'I wish you'd talk to me Flanders. I need you to communicate with me. We, all of us need to understand.'

A slight but very slight smile forms on his face and he rattles his hands and feet in the restrains and his voice is so quiet that I can hardly hear him.

'Damnant quodnon intelligunt.' He almost spits the words at me and I'm grateful for a response from him and even more grateful that I'm recording our talk.

* * *

**a/n: I need to move this along and skip a few months…so I'll end this fic here and carry on a fresh. Thank you! Pb**

_damnant quodnon intelligunt__:__  
__They condemn what they do not understand_

* * *


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